thresholdquestions

[thresholdquestions]

First things first, you saw a cute plant and you bought it. Now, you take it home, water it(?) and hope it doesn’t die. But of course it does. It lasts for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months, and then it bites the dust. What now?

When I moved out on my own, I was finally able to control my space in a way that I couldn’t when I lived with my family. It had always felt like I needed to contain myself to one little room so as not to disturb everyone else, and let them be comfortable. (Probably sounds familiar if you're queer.) But once I was living alone, I wanted to show my personality and the things I cared about and literally let myself grow.

Adding a living thing to a space is good for your mental health and the air quality in your house, but more than that, a green and growing thing shows that someone lives here! However, houseplants are infinitely killable. So many died by my hand before I learned what to do. So, I’m going to give you a crash course so that you can have a fetching collection of pretty babies like I do.

[thresholdquestions]

First things first, you saw a cute plant and you bought it. Now, you take it home, water it(?) and hope it doesn’t die. But of course it does. It lasts for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months, and then it bites the dust. What now?

When I moved out on my own, I was finally able to control my space in a way that I couldn’t when I lived with my family. It had always felt like I needed to contain myself to one little room so as not to disturb everyone else, and let them be comfortable. (Probably sounds familiar if you're queer.) But once I was living alone, I wanted to show my personality and the things I cared about and literally let myself grow.

Adding a living thing to a space is good for your mental health and the air quality in your house, but more than that, a green and growing thing shows that someone lives here! However, houseplants are infinitely killable. So many died by my hand before I learned what to do. So, I’m going to give you a crash course so that you can have a fetching collection of pretty babies like I do.

[thresholdquestions]

I uploaded all the poetry zines and put them into a collection; three in all. I have more to come, but for now, it's all poetry all the time. :)

[thresholdquestions]

Like Sappho, these are the fragments of poems left behind, a zine you can read on itch.io.

[thresholdquestions]

Still at it. I've joined a weekly writing club, and the accountability means I've got to bring something new each week. I've managed quite a bit. Finally brought a section last Saturday, and think I'll have another new scene this Saturday.

I am working on rebooting The Threshold, starting today, December 11, 2022. I have written 662 words of plot/world building.

[thresholdquestions]

Goncharov

I hate that you found out this way

That it couldn't have ended differently

The opening was set before you were born

There are no other moves to make

It's like this is an unskippable cutscene

You could play it out a thousand times

But the dialogue stays the same

And you have to live it through

Like a stage play

The steps well-trod

It's not your fault

That this is a tragedy

You were doomed before

the first line was even spoken

But you, ill-fated, are a beacon

To cheer the weary steps of other travelers

Who they themselves cannot be saved

The lines you've spoken over and over

Like a prayer, a balm, to soothe the fevered

Waking world to know that you fought bravely

You tried

And perhaps no other outcome was possible

But in that time, you loved and were loved

[thresholdquestions]

+342 words 12-12-22, but also an ending to the story?

I am working on rebooting The Threshold, starting today, December 11, 2022. I have written 662 words of plot/world building.

[thresholdquestions]

I am working on rebooting The Threshold, starting today, December 11, 2022. I have written 662 words of plot/world building.

[thresholdquestions]

There are no wolves in Pennsylvania

No one hiding in the woods

Paws in leaf litter

Yellow eyes watching

If you see us them keep your distance

So much bigger in your imagination

This isn't real life

There are no wolves here

Following you in the darkness

Placing their tread in your tread

Shadow in shadow

Edging closer scent building

Betraying your secrets

To he who cannot speak them

Only howl, long and sorrowful

You are not a wolf. 

This is not Pennsylvania.

What is the exact shape of your devotion?

unfortunately I’m watching supernatural and someone on screen said ‘there are No Wolves in pennsylvania’ and I was like. what a bold incorrect statement. where did they possibly get that idea from. so I googled it…google is insisting there are no wild wolves in pa?? except I’ve Seen wolves here?? there used to be a wolf that would hang out in my backyard and roam around the neighborhood?? like Everyone knew about this wolf we assumed he lived on the golf course and would come to our yards if he got spooked by golfers (very quiet block). like we all thought he just lost his pack or whatever so people just gave him a wide space and let him chill, he didn’t try to break into any houses or attack any pets but this was definitely. a wild wolf. where. where did he come from what do you MEAN there aren’t wolves in pennsylvania I’m literally spiraling right now

[thresholdquestions]

I think what I liked about new Matrix is that it is a story for Trinity.

[thresholdquestions]

I am her ghost

She the always soft

Woman of blaze

Her warm voice

Surrounds me

I blush solid, present

I ape control

But here the broken thing

Of velvet and salt

Comes out

Is fragile

Here she embraces

I trust the fire

My ferocious vision of desire

Her red kiss sacred

Devours me

She knows my secret

Is joy

[thresholdquestions]

You keep the peace because it's all you think you can keep

You know a leap when you see one but your conversational partners are deer

And bounding is like breathing

It is everything you can do not to shout and scare them away

They are trying to gore you with their antlers

Run you through on the tiny points

Big enough to hurt though

Big enough that you don't approach directly

But if you said you were scared of deer, they'd say you were crazy

They'd laugh about it

They haven't seen the scars on your back

They haven't heard the sound it makes when an antler quietly pierces your sweater

When your feet, scraping, leave the ground

Your coworkers wave their antlers around in a feint

And everybody talks behind your back about how you shuddered while everybody else laughed

And you came in here anyway

Even though your chest was tight

And you stood across from your tigers in the conference room and you smiled.

There was blood on your mouth but you smiled.

[thresholdquestions]

tumblr’s search feature is great

[thresholdquestions]

I've been tinkering with my podcast again. I think I might try to actually do an episode this week in-between trying to deep clean parts of my house that haven't had some care in too damn long. I want to get my craft room usable again and move my podcasting stuff to a different room so I don't have to disassemble it to do other stuff at my desk. Might rearrange some furniture too. I'm trying to have a local gay meetup on Friday, so I want my place to look as good as possible. :)

[thresholdquestions]

I am Nobody, who are you? 

Are you -Nobody- too?

On Thursday I taught a lesson about an Emily Dickenson poem

Then there’s a pair of us

I stared at this

The night before I had watched a film

About her and her lifelong lover

Don’t tell! they’d advertise – you know!

And I thought about the word “pair”

And I stood there in front of my students

And I told them I was Nobody

That my life was not one remarked on

That there was no audience

That it was about fame

And not needing it

But what I wanted to say was,

“There’s a pair of us!”

I wanted to say

You can tell, it’s okay

It’s dreary to be Somebody

When really you’re Nobody

I wanted to say

The first time I heard this poem

Was when a friend recited it in high school

And I remember

The way she said the word Nobody

Because she knew exactly what it meant

To disappear

To be glossed over

To be afterthought

To have titles affixed

And punctuations misplaced

Visions disturbed- 

when a vision is all you have

I used to think I understood Emily

Pacing pacing shut up in the house

When I was a shut-in after college

When everything came to a head and I failed

And that friend from high school and I

Cried in the movie theater

Because we understood what it meant to be Nobody

After trying so hard to be somebody

But really I understood Dickenson 

When I stood in the front of my classroom

And my governor was trying to pass a law that I 

couldn’t tell you her lover’s name

Without written consent from a parent

Because even a century later

There is a love that dare not speak it’s name

And I wonder why he thinks such a law is necessary

When I can’t even say her name

When I can’t name myself

When I get my hair cut again 

and suck in my breath before the first student arrives

One kid in the second row always commenting that he doesn’t like it

He liked it better long

As if his childish opinion had any bearing on my body

But he is only a parrot mimicking the world around him

He doesn’t mean to be cruel

But he is

And -I- must be very patient

And I mustn’t mention Susan

I can drill them on what to do

When the gunman comes

I can teach them how to be quiet

I can teach them how to calm themselves

-the boys will scoff

But sometimes the principal walks past 

playing angel of death and rattles the door

-They do not cry out

I am scared to mention Susan

Have already landed myself

As topic of the Sunday sermon

And even though

I know I have at least two students

That would love to know

Just one more thing about me

All that will come out is

I am Nobody

Mother, Father, everybody calls me Nobdy

And I wish I could stab out the eye

Hot and sizzling like Odysseus

-I was allowed to talk about how that eye

Popped and sizzled like 

-Hot iron plunged in water

Around the sharpened stake

I call my governor’s office

I speak to the same woman who picked up yesterday

I do not think she writes down what I have to say

-I do not sharpen a stake-

We uncovered Susan’s name in 1998

But in school I was taught that Emily was a spinster

I was told she was unlovable

That she was nervous

She was bitter

And I held her to my breast like a talisman anyway

When I heard we had known 

most of my life

That she was not

I was angry

At the violence committed against me

I have learned my history piecemeal

Because I sought it out

Because like Susan’s name

It has been erased

We leave it out of textbooks

We give time easy names

And the Somebodies write themselves into heroes

And they erase and they package and they market

And then when a Nobody dares to not be silent

They repeat the lies they told us

But I remember Hirschfield and Haye and Milk

And Lisa Ben and Sapho and Kahlo

Mattachine and Bilitis

And I remember that there’s never been just one

So I put out my secret signs

And I hope that it is enough

Because I know that if you play at being Nobody long enough

You lose your name

[thresholdquestions]

In the pandemic

My friends and I

Sat alone in our houses

And learned about ourselves

Trapped in the same four walls

We had no choice

But to teach ourselves

We peeled back the skin

And the muscle

Let the blood drain away

Clutched at white bones until

The marrow could be obtained

We were exacting

Weighed our hearts 

against a feather

We found that we were

More than we were allowed

We were bigger than chalk outlines

You had drawn around

Still living corpses

In the ever-repeating day

We found that we were

Too numb to be scared

Of who we will be

[thresholdquestions]

I am looking to get Threshold up and running again. Looking for submissions: poetry, songs, people who want to be interviewed as mythical creatures, and somebody who would want to help me edit it all down for free. If interested email: thresholdquestions@gmail.com