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09/18/2348

I could buy a Trampoline but I don’t. 

I don’t even own a Frisbee and you can get those free.

If I looked hard enough I’m sure I could get that Trampoline free.

"One Trampoline Slightly Boinged Free To A Good Home !"

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11/33/2776

Say goodbye to wife number 11 ! She choose the “Robot Laser to the Head Shot" and I couldn’t be prouder ! She flinched and screamed a little but she held her ground and everyone told me they thought she did great. 

We should have done it outside though. BIG clean-up bill, BIG !

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A dog is a living fart excuse. So is a Grandma.

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5.33/2.2387

I could eat an ice cream sandwich anytime I want. I can afford and have space to have a box of them in my freezer right now. 13 year old me would not believe I'm not eating them for breakfast. I gotta admit I haven't had one since last summer. Growing older is a sad process. 

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8/8/2888

I hate that I actually identify with inner city youth more than guys my own age.

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Juene 17th 2222

Cats no longer walk they roll wherever they go. Every kind of cat left on Earth stopped walking with stealth and grace. The hunting skills of cats plummeted and the last remaining “Big Cats" died out. Only the house cats and Zoo cats remain. Bummer.

My cat “Freem" really loves rolling down the stairs. He seems to not care that he can’t walk anymore. I’ve never seen another living being exude such happiness. He really has been able to “Roll" with the changes Ha! Ha! LOL!

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04/11/2344

I got called a Honky today.

I really don't care what happens for the rest of the year . 

That is going to be my favorite moment.

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2/7/4852.3

I only want to wear a tie so I can loosen it dramatically. 

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Today 2022

when the chips are down and you are looking for motivation i turn to sharks and fat twins on Motorcycles. Give it a try next time you are in a bind and let me know how it helped you.

Sharks and Fat Twins on Motorcycles, what can't you do. 

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I hate being Flung ! I hate you Carousel !

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7/17/2198

I want to become a super villain. Not for world domination but to rob weird stuff like Gold Bullion, Microfiche, Giant Diamonds, Micro Chips and Bonds. I want henchmen and henchwomen. I will be such a cool super villain to work for.

I want a Ninja.

I want a beautiful but bad ass German Lady.

I would like black twins loaded with muscles and ammo belts and guns…

No, not Twins, TRIPLETS!.

Black Triplets ! Ready to go, Ready to just crush.

I need a Computer Nerd. I want a Cowboy. An American Indian and a India Indian ! So you see a lot of different kinds of people ready to just do anything to implement my evil plan.

Although, I will be taking money when I become a super villain I am going to become super wealthy through very hard work. You are going to despise me for all the super evil the "Henchteam Squad" and I are going to do to the Earth and the Moon. You are also going to be in awe of the stuff we do. I’m hoping for a love hate relationship. I'd be cool with that.

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10.23.2019

Thads Ghost Army has been tracking me in New Cleveland. I've been able to escape every time they have had me cornered. As I run briskley through their misty foggy bodies I wonder aloud, "A Ghost Army?! A Ghost Army!? Why?"

As I move through Ohio # 4 I find some great food stuffs 

1 Tube Pringles "Celery Salt and Beef" flavor

3 Cans with no labels (i love mystery) 

14 Fruit Roll-ups (unrolled)

Cinnamon Tooth Floss (used but still good condition)

Various Candy Wrappers

Before the first technicolor snowfall I must reach Thadsville. 

PS - Don't forget to save that Pringles tube. Cut it in half and you have two cool looking Arm Bracelets. Decorate with the tin foil and used gum i have in my fanny pack.

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05/09/2471 - The order came through an interior thought implanted in the belly. As they rose the thought was over powering "Kill Men" repeating and loud. Some responded immediately by grabbing whatever they could to electrocute, bludgeon, smother, stab, choke and shoot all the Men in their home. Some fought against the urge telling their Husbands, Sons, Fathers and Grandfathers to run away. The Men would run but other Women would be right there to attack. There were lots of terrible story lines playing out over those 77 earth hours. The population dropped worldwide an amazing 77 % with many countries like "Nicer" France, Small Mexico and New New Zealand losing more than 98 % of their Male population. 

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07/27/2333.7 - I got up early to greet. I first started waving at the arrivers as the departures were departing. Everyone would smile and wave back. The waving back made me feel good. I would stand and wave for 1.63 quad units, enough for almost 78 waves back on average. Everyone that saw me would wave back. Everyone except one person. Sometimes He would be on a bike, sometimes He would be in a car other times He would be on the back of a motorcycle or a transportation pod but he would always be with a different woman. The women would smile and wave, the motorcyclists would wave even though they had their hands full with the motorcycle and Mr No Wave on the back. I would be having a great time waving at cars, even the days that I topped One Hundred Waves Back (OHWB) seeing him and his non waving back hands would ruin everything. WHY ? When I would review the footage I shot everyday I would stop it as the hand of his lady friend would go down because I knew his wasn't going up. I would never let him sour the review experience but I also knew that by not including the other waves I got after he drove by in my final numbers I was doing myself a disservice. I must keep trying, now it wasn't a matter of turning my frown upside down or even waving at others it was about getting that wave, HIS wave. I would scan for him, waiting to always try to connect with him, giving him the nicest waves possible, aching for him to return the wave. No Dice.

Until !

On the 177th unit, a nondescript time unit sponsored by Extra Yellow(tm) Bud Light Light 47936-029, on that time unit I thought, "Well, here he comes again on a cycle with a new blonde. I'll give him the standard wave and he won't wave back and I'll go home and cry and I'll get ready to try again tomorrow." As he drove by His hand loosened it's grip on the blonde. I saw the hand then raise. My thoughts raced, "Am I seeing things? Is this a prank? This isn't real. This isn't real!" With that thought trailing off in my mind reality burst through as His hand was waving back! He was looking right at me and waving and I thought I saw a smile. When I headed back home to review I almost expected to not see Him wave back at me but there it was! I immediately burned all my waving logs, erased the entire waving video history except this screen grab. I hung this picture in every room and I carry it with where ever I go. It was not a waste of time. Everyone waves back.    

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04/07/2022 - "AWWWwwww Cute !" That's what everyones reaction was when Tigg Binghamton was named King of Earth. What we didn't know is that he would become the most ruthless villain the Earth had ever seen. Over 6 Billion died at his direct request and many by his hand. He murdered his entire bloodline to insure his "purity". When he died by accident while running with scissors it began a 2 year long party that had his corpse touring around the World. People did some terrible things to that corpse but no one ever challenged others motives. When everyone had their fill of doing the things to the King we shot his remains into the Sun. It wasn't until 7 and a half years later that he finally reached the Sun and was completely absorbed that we could breathe easy.

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11/11/2023

It was in a yearbook in the basement of an abandoned house that I first saw this image. The eyes seemed to blink and move and watch me as I looked deep into the photo. I hated looking at it but I couldn't look away. I tore out the page and stuffed it in my trusted fanny pack. I tried to forget the image but every time I open the fanny pack the image would be staring and pointing at me. Sometimes it seemed like the hand that would point at me would change from right to left. I would stuff the image back deeply in my fanny pack only to have it rise to the top. The image would seem to show itself at the strangest time. I would make sure that the zipper to my fanny pack was zipped as tightly as possible, I even replaced the zipper, still the image would be poking out of my fanny pack every morning. I would also catch the image looking back at me anytime I would be doing anything in a mirror or holding something with a reflection. I wanted to destroy the image, I would throw it away only to find it again in my fanny pack. I started to bury it deep in the dirt before I would go to bed only to find plastered to my forehead when I would wake up. Finally, out of frustration I screamed at the photo,"What do you want from me!" To my amazement the picture spoke back, "Uhhh you got a little smutz on your chin there. I've been trying to tell you for weeks. Do you ever wash your face? What the heck!"

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...it's a ride at Valleyfair

06.22.2015

At Valleyfair in Minnesota

There was a ride

It was a Giant Roulette Wheel (tm)

The seats of the ride are the spots that the ball lands. You buckle in next to a friend and you start to wonder what is going to happen. The ride guy starts talking through the blown out loudspeaker about the safety rules. It doesn’t matter now there is no turning back. You are on the ride until the ride is done. The ride begins spinning backwards and you are having a good time.

Now the ride starts and the Roulette Wheel begins to gyrate. A real life Roulette Wheel does not spin like this so watch out, watch out for the gyrations

The way that it gyrates, the way that it spins.

That tickles your dink.

this is the ride that tickles your dink. not bad.