timesland

[timesland]

Victo——

There we ended up exactly where I didn’t want to be - at some weekend public picnic/town concert in Montecito.

We’d walked alll day in the hot sun- she wore this oversized flannel and nothing else- some snkeakers- socks- and I’m guessing underwear and bra-

was hot, I flipped out. Got into kinda yelling at her- I just got sick of walking- waking- walking- the sun getting more above me and me wanting to reach up and shut it off- that thought and vision in my head only made me anxious- she just kept talking in a nice voice- it was a type of birds voice really a anice song- and she had the eyes to go with it- nice eyes and a smile - but she also gave off this flip of a switch to her personality that was—-well, hmmm

We walked on and she kept saying ‘not far now’- but yeah it was. It kept being far and she kept saying how the area was cool- but it wasn’t- I kept pointing out how slow it was compared to Hollywood and how we do things in Hollywood compared to there- can’t believe she didn’t laugh at me now, looking back-

Cut to the chase, later that night we ended up at this concert in this big park in I think Montecito and there’s all these rich people and this high school band in a gazebo and they were actually good and the kids running around the park and teens hanging out were doing things like highly skilled qymnastics in the grass and fields, the adults sat and had little tables with clothes on them- dogs around- it was quintessential future fam pamphlet material- back to the future 4 scene is what came to mind- the same wholesomenes.

I’m sitting grumpy and thinking these thoughts and she gets kinda pissy by it and gets up to go dance with some other ladies and I sit there thinking about it- this- my situation- and see her and I’m watching her and after all that waking and that talking so much talking and we kinda get to know each other - and after she spent time telling me that she could really take or leave- more leave than not- ppl- that she didn’t even like them- there she is out there dancing now with then- and I see that yeah- underneath the flannel she does have underwear on but there’s also a tampon string hamging from out one side of the pantees- and I mean- you can see it- as she dances and the flannel gets a little gust and rises up and down- you can see her pantees- black and the tampin string- bright- the ladies can see it- anyone can seee it- but they’re happy- they’re laughing with her- they like- they....’

[timesland]

Fish

She walked into the surgeons office with a blue fish in her mind. She said 'make me look like a fish.' He stared at her.... 'okay' He grabbed something plastic. The door opened and the sun shined on her blue black be-speckled face. Her ultra pink transparent lips shined the sun through what looked like gills, but were really gentle folds he tucked into her neck. Her skin gave off an orange blue sheen, depending on which way she turned. She wore her dark orange light turtleneck sweater.

[timesland]

Book excerpt

Part of the way out here I took the bus. There was the smelliest nastiest guy on it- no one would even sit with him. He just started chatting and by the time we reached vegas from Colorado people weren't bothered at all by his sauce stained shirt and his hair that looked like someone had cracked an egg on it. I was like 'wow, me just because of some social discord people don't know what to make of me- this guy just as bad as any of these homeless is the hit of the bus. He had to switch buses in Nevada and the other driver didn't even wanna let him on- that's how unclean he was. I was thinking 'just let him start yapping and they'll all love him.'

[timesland]

Book excerpts

'Harold had a stick up hid ass, and it wasn't a small stick either, it was a damn 2x4. He walked around crooked foot inadvertently kicking things to the side and around him. Madge was the opposite. She had a shuffle step. I wasn't even sure if she picked up her feet at all when she walked.'

[timesland]

Book, excerpt

it's hard to tell if she gets it at all. It's like she's not even really there? Or alive inside? Just stuck on a very deep autopilot. When you do touch that inner, buried nerve of hers, she explodes from something deep within that is totally her- but either, the her that she hides from all, and is enraged that I have gotten that close- or it is a self that is realizing itself and I have brought her alive again from her stone dream and she hates the awareness, but wanted to know- just not from me?

[timesland]

Book, excerpt

My mood I see not was always of the order, I felt I guess in the deepest of myself and without realizing it that others came first in my world and I was and had been burying my frustrations about it. Others would of course take advantage as they do now if you let them, but back then I was under the impression that things like expensive blankets and cars that didn't readily need work after buying were not ever to be obtained or even for me in this lifetime. Things like that were for others- it would never be for me- and if these luxuries ever did come my way I was to pass them to to the ones that deserve them- if they left anything over- then of course it was mine. Took me a while to realize how very wrong I was.

[timesland]

...

It's like that time you turned on the stove to light a butt, naked half drunk leaning you burnt your dick stomach on the front lip of the damn thing, before wincing up to bang your head on the cabinet above-

[timesland]

Portrait, Herniated Balls

[timesland]

None

And that ‘mental stage ‘ of menopause? When they seem to emit this feeling of wetness and slow but thick jealousy among the snakes crawling thru their heads. They feel of filth and human debauchery. But somehow and for some reason we love it and wanna fuck it..

[timesland]

'Yard Sale' (Chap. 1, open)

Then there were the yard sales/ hard sales- senseless nonsense- all the night long and she just wouldn't put the fucking shit away, she brought over every type of homeless all night long- she left the stuff out all night long!!! So all these fucking drifters would wander over- and she'd ignore,...no more it's accurate it just doesn't seem to register with her how unhappy she's making me and how dangerously she's behaving...I don't like doing this shit real late at night..she should just of put her things away and we should sit here until morning because we have to...sales over- that's it.

[timesland]

Los Angeles

Hollywood hangs there like this electric watermelon with 80’s ‘lite brite’ pins stuck in it….glowing, spinning, fat, lit watermelon hanging from purple pillows. My thoughts/mind” like Jan Duffe said, now 24 yrs ago, I have finally grown to enjoy them/it….I see what she meant now. After all these years. And after all these years later I'm still battling this mental illness, Jan. I took a dark ride down the alcohol path, like you told me I shouldn't, and like I don't know what else to do at that time, but yeah like you said it would, the alcohol fucked me all up and I became so fucking, well, half addicted, or a strange dance...I blew my 20’s, and my thirties gone by. Life goes fast. I hope you're still alive, it's been a really long time.

[timesland]

Suns going down on the window today. Sheila got kicked out today. I don't know that she'll have the money to come back. But she'll be here again. I don't know if we'll see each other...but damn she leaves it like this all the time. Always leaving me worried and a little fearful, although I don't like to admit that. Did she come with the storm and knock out the lights- is she gone now and that the storm has left

[timesland]

Life

Seems I'm always watching ktla, I'm always getting up, always going to sleep, Always needing to eat,,,etc...

[timesland]

Girl with glasses and some Asians #art #artistsontumblr #penandink

[timesland]

Dogs again

My aunt had this dog that'd get car sick. She'd stop by and open the door for him and out he'd run to the lawn and start puking.

[timesland]

Dog

My father was the type who'd really feel it when a dog we had as pet would die. He's go off in the woods and drink a few beers.

[timesland]

Them

It’s like they can sense when you’re at you’re best and they don’t come around as much but when you’re not feeling all that good to yourself you’ll see a lot of them. #writing #losangeles