tiredaroallo

[tiredaroallo]

Oh hey we both fucking hate that cishet aro guy poll 🤝

🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝

[tiredaroallo]

Thing I noticed, a lot of aphobes (that being bigotry against ace/aro/a-spec) obfuscate their bigotry by framing it as critiques of lesbophobia. Funny how familiar this sounds. Where else have I seen that?

[tiredaroallo]

Graphic/ Original Post by @acedadadvice / acedadadvice.com

My comment (which is only my personal opinion and was typed up on the fly while eating breakfast, I didn’t put any research or deeper thought into it):

“Examine why. Like, what actually bothers you? Do you think you can’t have relationships? Wrong, read about happy a-spec relationships. Do you think you can’t have/ enjoy sex? Wrong, look up cupiosexual and sex-favorability. Do you think you can’t have a committed partnership? Wrong, QPRs, pseudo-romance, cupioromantic.

Like, I get that being aspec “others” us. But if it actively bothers you, sit down and examine why/ what aspect exactly bothers you, and then fiddle with that.

While I personally see no need to, I know you can even overcome sex-aversion. That is possible. I don’t want to, I don’t mind being sex-averse. But you COULD get more sex-favorable through e.g. therapy. It doesn’t change your orientation, it just modifies how you personally feel about engaging with sex acts.

So: don’t complain about “being aspec”, find out what bothers you and look into that.”

[tiredaroallo]

Yk just kinda throwing a take into the wind again but I think "love is love" is a good slogan for those who's love is ostracized, but the fact it became a general queer community slogan feels so alienating to me, and likely others whos queerness derives from gender or non-romantic origins in general :(

But idk it could just be me for all I know

[tiredaroallo]

Okay, because it’s something I see a lot and, as a writer myself, also fully understand:

If you, as a writer who is not AroAllo or loveless, want to write a character who is AroAllo and/or loveless, and you have questions but don’t know where to ask, are afraid or hesitant to ask publicly, and understandably don’t want to go up to random people with your questions, you can always feel free to ask me. You can send me an ask, if you want to on anon, or a private message if you don’t want to ask publicly.

Even if you don’t know how to word your question right, you can ask me. Worst I’ll do is correct your wording (and, most likely, point out the possible underlying issues that become apparent through your wording), as long as you remain overall respectful, I won’t take your questions in the worst possible way.

I want there to be more AroAllo and loveless characters in media, and I understand a lot of people have no clue where to start, or how to write some specific things, or being unsure at any point in their process. And I understand not wanting to ask random people about this stuff because not everyone is open to answer, and it can come across as quite disrespectful.

So, because of that! Here is my offer for help. I’ll do my best, I just ask that you try to be specific with your questions so I can help you as best as possible (since I do have some problems with answering vague questions due to autism, I’d still try anyway but we might end up miscommunicating in that case)! Please create more AroAllo and loveless characters! Please don’t be afraid to do so!

[tiredaroallo]

i feel like so many aroace people talk more about being ace and the aspec community generally seems to focus a lot more on asexuality. which is fine because everyone experiences things differently and its not like i want to pit aces and aros against each other or anything.

it just. makes me feel sort of strange as someone who is aroace but connects more to being aromantic. maybe it’s because i can enjoy sex but just don’t feel attraction? but idk if its even that i just feel like sex is such a non factor for me that being ace isn’t even really all that important to me??? idk how to explain it. if i say im aromantic and asexual people will always take the asexual part as the more memorable or more important label and its sort of frustrating. i feel like im aromantic first and asexual second, but it seems like most other people feel the opposite.

anon i feel the exact same way. i've always felt more aromantic than asexual, and i wanted to talk about aromanticism. it's why i created this blog to collect the aromantic posts i came across. the situation sucks but i hope you can find some joy here

[tiredaroallo]

being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn't made to feel like a literal death sentence

[tiredaroallo]

Thinking of that post about nonpartnering aromantic people and the cost of living... for me, as a full-time wheelchair user who needs care, there's a whole other layer to it.

As a wheelchair user, I can not just live in any flat. I need enough space to maneuver my chair, as well as a accessible bathroom, including a grab bar on each side of the toilet and a stepless shower that fits a shower chair. Not to mention the kitchen - if I want any independence in making food for myself, I need to be able to reach not only the fridge but also the cabinets (meaning cabinets at a pedestrian's eye level are a no-go, which consequently means I need a bigger room for the same amount of storage space). If I want to participate in any of the actual cooking, I also need a roll-under stove and sink. That all means I need a bigger flat than a non disabled person, as well as the extra requirements I just mentioned, plus a step-free entrance.

That already excludes most of the more affordable flats - those are often old, small, and at the second or higher floor without a lift. So, just because I'm physically disabled, I need to pay more just to life somewhere. And because I'm nonpartnering(?), I won't have a second person to share these costs with.

However, a lot of living arrangements specifically made for disabled people count on disabled people being not partnered.

An example: I'm trying to move into my first real, own flat in the near future. I recently found an apartment complex that was specifically made for physically disabled people and has always carers present that you can call on whenever you need help with something (on top of the scheduled care you can book separately). This sounds great for me because I don't really need all day one-on-one care, but too much care to just have someone come over two or three times a day. Now, it's still not clear if I'll rent a flat there for a number of different reasons, but if I'll live there, I'll have to be living alone. And not just for a short while - I would need to make some alterations to live there, so it would only be worth it if I live there long-term. Besides, moving out of that flat again into a normal flat without such an on-call carer system in place would mean I'd need more planned care again, and I'd need these additional costs to be covered first.

Similarly, people who are institutionalised or live in group homes are also expected to be single.

I think that captures the kind dichotomy of disabled people's struggles with amatonormativity pretty well. On one hand, we're under even more pressure to partner up than non disabled people. We're expected to find someone to help us cover the extra cost and provide the care we need (all while seen as undesirable in society). This creates a dependency of the disabled partner in regard to the non disabled partner, which can trap the disabled partner in the relationship.

On the other hand, if we need to rely on outside help because we aren't partnered or we need more support than our partner can provide, we are forced into a structure that doesn't have space at all. Suddenly, we're not only exempt from amatonormativity but are actively excluded from taking part in adult dating. (Not to mention that sex with a disability is still a taboo topic, but that would be too much to discuss here.) This does not only make many disabled people unhappy, it also plays a role in our infantilisation and dehumanisation.

We can't win.

[tiredaroallo]

hi! so recently i learned what alterous attraction was so here is another version of this stamp that i made before

[tiredaroallo]

aromantic horror where the first time the aro experiences romantic love its so overwhelming its basically body horror. your heart and stomach turns on you. its hurts.

[tiredaroallo]

Yk just kinda throwing a take into the wind again but I think "love is love" is a good slogan for those who's love is ostracized, but the fact it became a general queer community slogan feels so alienating to me, and likely others whos queerness derives from gender or non-romantic origins in general :(

But idk it could just be me for all I know

[tiredaroallo]

cishet aroallos i love you btw 💚💛

[tiredaroallo]

I love posting about transandrophobia because someone will be like “I actually think you’re minimizing the victims of abuse by gaslighting by implying that people do this to trans men about their own oppression. Don’t water down these terms.”

At the same time, someone else will be commenting on my other post like “ACTUALLY! This has literally never happened. You’re making it up to sound oppressed. And if it did happen, then you obviously chose to misinterpret someone’s words. And if it was what they meant, then you probably did something to trigger it. I’d love the hear the other side of this story! Stop making stuff up to victimize yourself omggg.”

[tiredaroallo]

Aroallo Man

(No Definition) A flag for men who are aroallo. Trans, cis, non-binary, etc. Doesn't matter what kind of man.

Information: For day eleven of the event linked below

Links: Chronically Queer Month Event

Tagging: @chronicallyqueercoining2

[tiredaroallo]

Yk just kinda throwing a take into the wind again but I think "love is love" is a good slogan for those who's love is ostracized, but the fact it became a general queer community slogan feels so alienating to me, and likely others whos queerness derives from gender or non-romantic origins in general :(

But idk it could just be me for all I know

[tiredaroallo]

I do feel like, as the cost of living crisis skyrockets, non-partnering aros are going to get hit harder and harder. There is no framework built into the infrastructure of our society for people who don't have a dual-income household, and it does become more difficult as you age to reliably live with friends.

There is, of course, the option to live with strangers, but that has it's own varied and dangerous downfalls. Hit just as hard, or perhaps even harder, are going to be those in abusive households who's chances of being able to afford to leave grow slimmer.

Like, this stuff IS grim, so we've gotta start making good financial decisions, and supporting each other where possible.

[tiredaroallo]

Made a thing :3

Was my first time doing anything like this, so it’s like. Not too good. But it’s fine for a first try. I like it.