tombfreak

[tombfreak]

Depression is when you’re out of gas and you can’t start the car. Mania is when you have gas and you can’t shut the car off or take your foot off the petal that says go. This is all to say that mixed episodes are when you’re out of gas but someone cut the breaks and you’re on a steep hill going so fucking fast not because you have the energy but just because that’s how gravity works

[tombfreak]

I never understood the disturbed speech symptom of psychosis until it started happening to me. it's like your brain pressed the middle button on the text prediction on the keyboard while you're talking or typing or whatever but it makes sense to you

[tombfreak]

being antisocial doesn't imply proudly lacking morals, but having morals that don't conform to social norms. a complete lack of morals has to do with intelligence much more than it has to do with aspd, as it means you're not capable of forming a thought a bit more complex than "it's alright to do whatever my impulses tell me".

stop ascribing your ineptitude to aspd to try to make it sound cool. it's just pitiful to see you're driven by instincts and feelings rather than logic.

[tombfreak]

people don’t seem to acknowledge that there’s a huge difference between being a generally bad partner and being an abusive partner.

whenever i say that mental illness isn’t the cause of abuse and then proceed to say that my mental illnesses did make me a damaging partner when it has been left untreated and unmanaged, they are different things.

you can acknowledge that severe mental illness (especially untreated) can cause you to be damaging towards yourself and others, whilst also recognising that it’s not a justification for abuse. i have been a shitty partner before and unhealthy to be with, but there’s a large jump from that to being an ‘evil’, malicious abuser like the empaths love to claim.

me saying my mental illnesses can cause me to behave in unhealthy ways that have damaged past relationships, is not me saying anyone has been abusive or that mental illness justifies/is synonymous with abuse. get a grip.

(before anyone gives me shit, this isn’t me saying everyone who is severely mentally unwell is inherently going to be terrible towards their partner(s) so don’t even bother breathing down my neck about that)

[tombfreak]

Yk I've been thinking a lot recently about how the aspd community (and most people period tbh) seems to nourish this idea that everyone with aspd (traits) is like, this dark, uncaring, dismissive, always overt type of person who kicks puppies for fun and drop people whenever. And while this may be true for a lot of people with aspd, I think it's important to mention people with aspd who don't work like that.

There are people with aspd who do care what other people think, who do feel the whole range of human emotion, who aren't impulsive, who mask constantly or compulsively, who have conflicting trauma responses or disorders that 'don't usually go together', like aspd and dpd, there are people with aspd who are more inhibited with their symptoms (covert types, like myself), because that's how they learned to survive in their environment, who want community, who aren't constantly egotistical, who care about people, who's aspd is mild, etc.

I meet 4 of 7 criteria, not everyone notices it, despite that I still meet the criteria. I'd say the main problem I face is feeling weak and compensating with that, along with a misanthropic viewpoint and a sense of humour that comes across as rude/mean, because I'm passive aggressive, because my humour is how i cut people down, because then i can fall back on it being a joke. This fucks with my chances of having meaningful relationships, job opportunities, communities, etc. I lie a lot, I take my anger out online, I express my feelings through 'edgy stuff' as well as 'childlike' stuff. I call myself punk although I don't actually care about world issues, I'm just stubborn and unwilling to admit that. It also gets me praise, and as we know I also have npd.

I exhibit a mild, covert form of aspd that NEEDS more representation. A lot of people don't realize that they have aspd because they're 'not that bad' or 'not overt' or 'feel emotion', and the idea that that is needed to qualify for aspd needs to be wiped off the fucking planet.

[tombfreak]

Things my cluster b folks understand that others (probably) don’t

Unable to love someone and be mad at them at the same time. Anger automatically equals hate. I’m angry at you, I hate you. I’m not mad anymore, I’m done hating you.

Several months of psychologically damaging social isolation followed by one shallow, purely transactional friendship you’ll purposely torch into flames at the first sign of a reason.

All the hindsight in the world and almost no foresight.

When someone insults you so now your whole identity is ruined and you have to discard that one in favor of building another

Being so irritable for no reason. You just start getting angry at strangers for existing in your vicinity, and your personal space gets multiplied by ♾️ Now everyone feels way too close even when they’re nowhere near you.

Being totally convinced others are using you based solely upon how many things you didn’t want to do but agreed to anyway because you forgot you have feelings and needs

Raise the bar so high that you don’t have friends, get so lonely that you just straight up get rid of the bar and have no standards, get hurt, raise your standards exceptionally high to prevent yourself from letting anyone near you again. But now you’re lonely… so you get rid of the bar-

Moving on from everything really fast. Emotions last seconds, minutes, a couple hours. Even largely complex, traumatic emotions like grief and mortal fear. It’s Tuesday, the end of all that’s alive, and then it’s still Tuesday.

Always craving some specific form of emotional void-fill. You don’t know what you need, but you do know it’s never anything you obtain. “I’m so goddamn thirsty, but all this water I’m surrounded by has no effect no matter how much I drink.”

Every want and need has to be a dilemma for some reason. Because being on the same page with yourself is just illegal for us. Love me, hate me, want me, and leave me alone. Yes, all at once. You physically can’t? Well, shit. Screw everything, then.

[tombfreak]

This is a meme about antisocial personality disorder. I wouldn't worry yourself about if you have it because ASPD can't be diagnosed in minors (the DSM-5 states this directly, and I have a post about it if you're interested).

A number of other things can cause you to experience these things or have these traits, and a lot of people without ASPD have these traits as well. ADHD, BPD, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, substance abuse, even just bad parenting can all cause things that resemble the things listed above. If you're experiencing genuine trouble due to your symptoms, I recommend going to a professional to get yourself proper treatment

[tombfreak]

people who claim to be allies to aspd and other "problematic" disorders when it's about kinning a serial killer character and babbling about violence... but get all weirded out when one shows symptoms in a real life situation i.e. being calm and neutral when someone dies or admitting to stuff like not actually grasping morality and caring if x celeb is a "bad person"... you are a detached sjw, your allyship is performative and useless, and that's honestly fine, just mind your damn business ok

[tombfreak]

eveyrones low/no empathy this, low/no empathy that until you say something insensitive cause u cant grasp why things hurt peoples feelings and then you’re the villain with no redeeming qualities.

[tombfreak]

shoutout to all the developmentally disabled and mentally ill people who’ve been excluded from disabled & mental health spaces for having behaviours and traits seen as unacceptable or wrong and not appropriately ‘quirky’.

i know how hard it is, and you’re doing amazing. even if you don’t seem to fit in with the people who call themselves accepting, just know i love you and i’m proud of you for existing. at least one soul out there cares about you unconditionally.

[tombfreak]

I completely understand that it's triggering, I don't expect anyone to agree with or post things on their accounts that they think are wrong, or triggering, or sensitive topics and agree with them if they don't, but I do think that even if it is triggering, ASPD is a harsh and harmful disorder (as are all disorders... kinda the point...) so what OP in the ask said would classify as "ASPD culture", in my opinion at least. I have absolutely no issues with you thinking its not ok, cuz it isn't ok to say those things to anyone, and youre the boss of your own account, but it's also not fair on OP to disconnect their experiences from ASPD and the ASPD community especially since acting in those ways are more evident of more extreme presentations of ASPD. My only issue is just with the way you worded it about how thinking those things is ok, but acting on it isnt ASPD culture, when acting on those things is a big part of the disorder for a lot of people. I think it might send a wrong kind of message and water down the disordered behaviour in ASPD and sorta make it out to be a "mean thoughts" disorder and not a "mean actions" disorder. Cuz you dont get diagnosed with ASPD for your thoughts, you get diagnosed for the way you behave and view the world

(Tone for entire post is lighthearted and not mad... Im bad at getting that across LMAO. Im chillin I just like discussions on these things cuz U think these conversations are important for the community)

Aspd culture is listening to someone vent for the 100th time and telling them to kill themselves already cause they’re annoying as FUCK

Massive TW for sui talk here obviously

God this was tough to have pop up as a notification. Whilst I understand the frustration leading there, I can’t condone that kind of thing. I’ve spent way too much time su1c1d4l myself to encourage that. Even with ASPD, we need to be careful of what we’re saying to other people. If this was about thinking it, absolutely I could understand, but doing it? No that’s not ASPD-culture at least not in my eyes. Please don’t tell anyone to hurt themselves. Even if it’s just for the reason of legal liability, don’t do it.

[tombfreak]

if someone (me) wants to write (or roleplay) a character with Antisocial Personality Disorder, how do you think they should do it? What are questions that can be asked about the character in order to develop or flesh them out more (like, "how does your character act in blah blah situation")? And do you have any books/excerpts/short stories that have a character with ASPD that you can recommend? Your blog and many others' blog really helped me in understanding how ASPD works, which ends up in me being able to develop this character more. However, I'm still not sure how to actually really write in this character's perspective, mainly because I still want to understand the littler details. I really just don't want to accidentally write something that ends up not being true lol IG if it helps, my character w/ ASPD is very apathetic and he believes that showing emotions is weakness, so he always has a poker face.

Holy fuck I completely forgot I had this blog LMAOO My bad. Anyways.

First off, as a writer, I always try to avoid giving my characters any labels of a disorder especially a personality disorder, cuz it feels cheap. Its easy to just throw a label on them and call it a day, but its harder to write them in a way where they would be diagnosed with ASPD yknow?

Like for example, you can say a character has anxiety, and boom, theres a new trait. But are you able to show this in your character without using the word "anxiety"? With ASPD, or any personality disorder, you need to be able to show this characters habits and mindsets and behaviours without having to use the label "ASPD".

I think the best representation of a character with ASPD I have seen in Dr. House from House MD. I was absolutely amazed by how much I could relate and how accurate it was to how I experience, and have seen others act, with ASPD. And the best part is that they don't even say he has ASPD until way later in the show, but that doesn't change a single thing about how he has acted up until that point.

The main thing about cluster B personality disorders is that there is a maladaptive and dysfunctional way of thinking and acting ingrained into this person. And the way they view things and behave actively causes them issues in their relationships, social settings, work, etc. It differs wildly for everyone though, but the one thing that is pretty much the same for everyone with ASPD is that their core fear is being controlled, and they value self-preservation above everything else. It's them against the world, and they are constantly grasping for power, control, and social dominance in order to protect themselves.

So some questions you can ask about your character is:

1. How do they experience empathy and remorse? ASPD is known to be a disregard for others and rules that actively causes issues in their life. In what ways do they disregard others feelings/rights, and do they feel bad about this? If they do feel remorse, what overrides this to make them keep acting in anti-social ways?

2. ASPD is a disorder. It causes a lot of issues in a persons life, especially with the law, authority, and hurting peoples feelings. In what ways does your character suffer from their behaviour and ways they think/view the world?

3. How do they view the world? What do they value the most? What are they willing to do to protect themselves, and how do they respond to perceived threats? ASPD is known for reactive aggression, where they will respond with hostility at a perceived threat (even if there wasn't actually one, they often take ambiguous remarks as hostility)

4. ASPD symptoms must have also been present in childhood (symptoms of conduct disorder shown before the age of 15). What was your character like as a kid? What caused them to act out? Who were the primary influences in their development, and how did that influence who they are today/how they think?

Remember that people with ASPD are often rude, harsh, callous, insensitive, and lack a proper moral code. They may act hostile towards anything that feels like control, especially being told what to do, or having rules to follow, including social norms like morality, political correctness, manners, and empathy. They often look out for themselves before they even think about looking out for others, and they are willing to do anything and put anyone down or manipulate a situation to protect themselves.

People with ASPD are often good at making excuses for themselves and avoid punishment for their actions, or completely disregard consequences and repeat their mistakes over and over again. This is partially due to a mindset of "you can't tell me what to do/you can't control me/fuck you". There is a lot of defiance.

And of course please remember that ASPD is a spectrum, and there are mild to extreme cases, and it presents differently in everyone. The main thing is that it causes distress and dysfunction in the persons relationships and life because of their disregard for rules and others. And that they fear being controlled, and value self-preservation.

And while people with ASPD are usually insensitive assholes (love ya), we also are people. We are human beings, not problems. We are human beings, not pricks. So make sure to write your character with hobbies and interests and redeemable traits and with positive qualities as well. Dont have their entire character written revolving around the idea of ASPD. People are complex, and there is much more to someone than their disordered behaviour/mindsets.

Also what you said about your character being very apathetic, you could tie that in to a lack of care/disregard for others which Im sure you were already planning on doing. But also remember that ASPD isn't just a quiet, apathetic, emotionless robot disorder. In reality, ASPD is pretty loud. Its angry, and destructive, and aggressive. Cluster B PDs are classified as emotionally unstable and erratic, and ASPD is no different. So make sure you remember that while he may not care about others, apathy/lacking empathy isn't a criteria for ASPD (though its heavily correlated). Check out the DSM-5 criteria and make sure your character qualifies. Also, you don't get diagnosed with ASPD just cuz you think antisocial thoughts. You get diagnosed cuz of the way you behave and interact with others/the world, and the problems that causes you. Most people with ASPD will be diagnosed through the legal system. So make sure you show the antisocial tendencies of your character, as I mentioned before with separating them from the label.

I hope this helped a bit, mb for the late ass response LMAO Good luck

[tombfreak]

About angelwowings and outkast777

Please read this in its entirety; if anything is hard to understand send me an ask and we'll clarify.

We cannot stress this enough, since it's Tumblr: Do not harass anyone in the document. This is to spread awareness, not incite harassment. We will not tolerate it.

[tombfreak]

Needs to be said, probably controversial, but "bad" people deserve support for their mental health issues as well. "Bad" people should not be dehumanized and berated for their mental health issues. I dont care what they've done

[tombfreak]

[tombfreak]

I hate how people are only okay with my disorders when I'm masking. I tell them that I have low empathy, even to people close to me, and they say it's okay. But then I show no empathy towards them, and they get mad. I tell them that it's very hard to bring myself to care about most things, and they say that it's okay. And then I don't care about them, and they get mad. I tell them that I don't understand social norms, and they say it's okay. And then I misinterpret something they do or show my aversion to it and how silly I find it, and they get mad. People only like me when I'm masking. I wish I could be myself.

[tombfreak]

Hello, I’m really confused by some of the things you mentioned in your reply to that other person.

You described unconventional senses of remorse as driven by shame from, or occasionally fear of, getting caught, or fear of it causing you to lose something valuable. I thought that was prosocial? How would a prosocial feel remorse vs. an antisocial? Isn’t the whole point of feeling bad for hurting someone “oh no, I might hurt my relationship with them!!” Like, nobody genuinely feels bad when they hurt a stranger, right? It’s just “oh no, people will see me as bad!” and people get mad when you admit you didn’t really feel bad because people don’t actually value honesty.

And you mentioned keeping friendships purely for your entertainment value. Again, what’s the difference between that and a “prosocial” friendship? I’m asking since that describes most of my friendships. I don’t really bother to keep a friend if they aren’t entertaining somehow.

I’m probably going to be bombarding you with questions. Please take your time with them. I like how you link studies, it makes me more willing to trust what you say.

No worries at all, I love discussing these types of things

For further reading on ASPD and remorse and empathy, you can check out these studies; [1], [2]

To understand how remorse differs from those who are prosocial vs antisocial, we'll have to properly define the word.

Cambridge Dictionary defines the word "remorse" as "a strong feeling of guilt and regret about something you have done". Merriam-Webster defines it as "a deep regret coming from a sense of guilt for past wrongs". The description for remorse on Wikipedia is "remorse is a distressing emotion experienced by an individual who regrets actions which they have done in the past that they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or wrong."

They all describe remorse as feeling bad about what you have done, rather than what will be done to you. While a lot of prosocials do experience remorse out of a fear of consequences, they may also experience remorse simply due to empathy for the other person. If they only feared consequences, why would they feel bad about situations where there was no threat of punishment? Why do they feel bad after forgiveness was given? Why do they feel bad for hurting strangers they wont ever see again?

Humans are social creatures, which is why we have a label designed to categorize those who act against our natural social instincts. Back in hunter-gatherer times, we functioned in tribes. If we were shunned by the tribe, or left behind, our changes of survival would plummet exponentially, so our brains began to associate being left alone with high risks of death. This is why people typically get uncomfortable at rejection or at being left out, because it triggers this primal tribal urge in our brain.

This is also why we have remorse. Because if we fucked up, we needed to have some sort of safeguard in our brain to push us to fix the situation, or learn from it. Our brain uses good-feeling chemicals to tell us that we're doing something right, and bad-feeling chemicals to tell us that something is wrong.

Now, people with ASPD are still people. They aren't a different subset of person just because of this label. They are perfectly capable of experiencing prosocial things in prosocial ways (if they still meet the ASPD criteria in other ways).

So while it's true that remorse simply out of a fear of consequences is true for some prosocials, its not always the case, some people genuinely do feel bad simply for hurting another person. Meanwhile that fearing-consequence remorse is much more prominent with people with ASPD.

Yes, a lot of prosocials do keep people around simply because they're fun. The difference is that it's to a disordered extent with ASPD. Antisocial behaviours and mindsets are actually very common in regular people. Everyone lacks empathy and remorse sometimes, everyone thinks cruel or mean thoughts, everyone lies and manipulates others. The difference is that it is taken to an extreme and causes dysfunction is many areas of life in ASPD, and it is deeply ingrained into how they think and act.

So the difference between a prosocial friendship and an ASPD one, is that the prosocial would know more on how to make a friendship only based on entertainment work. Meanwhile someone with ASPD would go against the social rules of etiquette and just be a complete dick.

For me personally, I was always very open to my old friends on what I wanted from them. I always made it clear that the moment they stopped being entertaining to me, I would drop them, no matter what they had done for me, or how close we became. I have a history of dropping people who have given me tons of money, or have spent a lot of time and effort on our relationship, just because I didn't see them as worth my time anymore. It's a very dysfunctional way of doing things that causes issues in my interpersonal relationships. My disregard for their feelings and my callous selfishness in regards to my friendships back then was the difference between me being prosocial and antisocial.

I've noticed a lot of prosocial behaviour comes from people-pleasing and wanting to follow the social norms set in place, so while they might just use their friends for entertainment, they'd never admit it to them, or themselves.

Also, some prosocials are capable of forming relationships just on the basis of empathy, shared interests, admiration, or caring for the other person. My best friend gets absolutely no benefit from me, we rarely even talk, but he is always happy to help me out and hangout with me when I feel like it. He forms relationships based on simply liking a person and valuing the traits they have as a person, instead of if they give him entertainment, or money, or a rush.

Again, people with ASPD are still people, and its very common for a prosocial person to experience antisocial traits or mindsets to a functional extent. ASPD is a very complex disorder and differs greatly in presentation. Theres 7 symptoms from criteria A, and someone only needs to exhibit 3 of them in order to qualify for a diagnosis. The big difference in the ways prosocials and antisocials do things, is that antisocials have a complete disregard for the social norms, expectations, and others feelings, while prosocials try to cater to these things most of the time.