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Lita: My mom loves me.

Lita: She just doesn’t care about my general happiness or self-esteem.

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Lotlot: What's your greatest fear?

Tater: Being alone.

Lotlot, taking a tarantula out of a box: Think again.

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Tater: If you ever need me, I'm available 24/6.

Gordita: You mean 24/7?

Tater: No, Saturday is "Hang Out With Serena Day".

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Gustavo: So after 7½ years of marriage, my wife tells me to pack my bags and leave. She's getting a divorce.

Cherry: That's not what I said.

Ignacio: Well, what did you say?

Cherry: That if he got two ice creams because he couldn't decide on a flavor, he'd just get a stomach ache.

Gustavo: It's the same thing!

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Diego, about Rita: I would never say, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don't like her. That is not true.

Diego: My wife is a bitch and I love her so much.

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Tater: All you girls out there had that stage where you played online dress-up games, don't even lie.

Tabi: What do you mean HAD?

Scooter: What do you mean GIRLS?

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I don't regret a thing because following rules is gay and I'm bi.

Tater

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How can I communicate to wild bunnies that I am their ally?

Cousin Bud

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If you can’t beat them, dress better than them!

Tere

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Nellie: I feel so bad for… whatever I did to get grounded.

Bibi: You sprayed Tater with the garden hose.

Nellie: It was an accident!

Bibi: She was in the kitchen.

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Tater: Mom, watch this! I've been teaching ChaCha opposites. What's the opposite of up?

ChaCha: Down!

Tater: What's the opposite of in?

ChaCha: Out!

Tater: What's the opposite of good?

ChaCha: Nellie!

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Juliana: *holds up a sign that says 'Homecoming?'*

Iván: Oh! Oh my God, yes!

Juliana: No! No, tell your daughter, Mr. Ramirez!

Iván: Okay! Tabi, I’m going to homecoming with your novia!

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Je suis struggling.

Tater

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Tabi: How am I supposed to meet a fellow lesbian and then convince her to date me?

Big Nacho: I don't know anything about lesbians, but maybe if you walked around carrying a baseball bat, that'd be really badass.

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Tabi, about Juliana: My girlfriend's actual beige flag is that once every month, she'll get a banana for lunch. And after I've let my guard down, she'll frantically search for her phone, freak out, ask me to call it because she can't find it, and when I do, she'll pick up the banana instead and be like "yellow?" AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME.

Tabi: I HATE BANANA PHONE.

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Rita: Hey, did any of you get Dad something for Father's Day?

Bibi: Uh…

Ignacio: I thought Gustavo was gonna get the gift.

Gustavo: I thought Iván was gonna get the gift.

Iván: Shit.

Ignacio: Shit.

Bibi: Shit.

Gustavo: Shit.

Rita: Shit.

Gustavo: He's gonna think I'm a bad son.

Rita: Oh no, he already knows that.

Buela, popping her head in: Oye, just a reminder that Father's Day is today!

Ignacio: We know!

Bibi: Okay, let's think.

Ignacio, panicking: Shit shit shit shit…

Iván: What does Dad like?

Gustavo: How am I supposed to know? I'm his son, I don't know the guy.

Bibi: Does he want a mug?

Iván, typing into his phone: Do dads enjoy mugs?

Rita: No, don't Google that!

Iván, reading off of a website: There's a leather toiletry bag, a "Ways to annoy a monotheist" whiskey glass, a foraging knife…

Ignacio: He's not a Yellowstone character.

Iván, continuing to read off of the website: Omaha steaks, a beef jerky bouquet…

Bibi: He's not a pitbull either!

Iván: What do you want me to do?

Bibi, frustrated: Just buy him the mug.

Ignacio, sarcastically: Oh, great idea.

Rita: Just buy the thing, Iván.

Iván: *hands his phone to Gustavo*

Gustavo, writing the message for the mug: "First, I was your sperm, then your kid, but really, now we're much more like colleagues."

Gustavo: *hands Iván's phone back to him*

Iván: *hits enter on the website*

Iván: I bought it.

Bibi: We suck.

Rita/Ignacio/Iván/Gustavo: Yup.

[totallycorrectprimos]

POV: What happened during Tabi's first period