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totesaperson · 5 months ago

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Thanks, Dad.

Weekend Top Ten #686

Top Ten Queer Couples

I don't know if any of you noticed, but it was Valentine’s Day recently. I do try to tie these things in a little bit to what’s going on in the world (without every single week just been ten things that are on fire or top ten apocalypses or whatever). Anyway, I was trying to think of a possible list that was sort-of romance-adjacent, and I’m pretty sure I've talked about couples a couple of times, so I was looking for a different angle. And, inspired by watching a few things recently with really awesome same-sex couples, I thought a more LGBTQ-focused list would be a nice shout.

Whilst I’m obviously not the best person to speak about it, and with the caveat that there’s always much further we still have to go, it’s very good to see how far queer representation has come in popular culture since I was a teenager. I remember the brouhaha when Tom Hanks made Philadelphia; I’ve not seen the film in decades, but I imagine nowadays that its depiction of a gay relationship probably looks incredibly dated and stereotyped. Everyone kicked up a fuss over same-sex kissing in Eastenders; now you’ve got stuff like Grey’s Anatomy, which I think is about as mainstream as US shows can get, and is chock-full of all sorts of queer representation.

So it’s been great to watch and read about all different forms of love (“form” being an operative word here, as you’ll soon see). I know that corporations only really care about something if it’s making them money, but artists still like to tell stories, and that’s resulted in much better representation and some fantastic characters. And that’s what I’m celebrating here; to be honest, the queerness of it isn’t really an issue. These just happen to be ten couples that I absolutely adore, and just happen to be gay.

I’m sure there are some culturally-huge relationships that I’ve missed off here. Willow and Tara, for instance, from Buffy; I might need to turn in my nineties nerd membership card, but I didn’t watch Buffy religiously back when it was on, so they didn’t quite strike as hot for me as they did for lots of my peers (was it one of the first really prominent same-sex relationships on a TV show like that? I dunno. Maybe I should do some research). And no doubt there are some big dramas or earnest films that I’ve never seen – The L-Word, Moonlight, My Beautiful Laundrette – the exclusion of which proves what a first-base charlatan I am. But I like what I like, and these are the characters that speak to me.

Oh, and one final thing. I tend to fall in love with optimistic romances – sadly, a lot of gay stories in the past have come coated in a veneer of tragedy (which to a degree is understandable if you’re telling a story about people who society is trying to rip asunder). But also I think this can add a dose of toxicity to the relationship, such as in Brokeback Mountain, which is excellent and tender and beautiful but also shows a relationship buckling under the weight of self-hate, repression, and tragedy. So that’s why Heath and Jake ain’t on here, if you were wondering. But I think – spoiler alert! – all the couples featured here actually do get together at the end. Woohoo! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Chromedome & Rewind (IDW’s Transformers, 2012-18): ha, you thought I’d be talking about actual human people didn’t you? It was all a trick! I’m just a basic bot and this was all an excuse to discuss Transformers again. It’s a bit of a cheat, because to a certain extent Transformers are genderless; but at the same time, most of them present as one gender most of the time, and the various books written by James Roberts can be described as “sad gay robots in space”. Of all the same-sex couples in the franchise – Cyclonus and Tailgate, Ratchet and Drift, Arcee and Greenlight – Chromedome and Rewind stick out for their enduring love, the complexity of their relationship, and how it overcomes multiple tragedies. Both of them have sins in their past, both of them are damaged, and they both kinda got together on the rebound, but in the end reaffirm their bond and have what can only be the happiest of endings under the circumstances. Plus they’re the focus of one of the most hearbreaking scenes in the whole franchise. I love you.

Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy (DC Comics): how much is a relationship based on what we are actually told, and how much is just fans vibing? Because for years Harley and Ivy were canonically best friends, appearing in each others’ stories, committing crimes together, but not technically romantic. But fans loved them together, and even if Ivy was an eco-terrorist, she was still better for Harley than the Joker. Ultimately the teasing and the hinting culminated in several continuities establishing them as officially a couple – especially the animated Harley Quinn show, which foregrounds their relationship over a season’s arc, and presents them as besotted – but eventually, officially, they became an item in mainstream DC continuity. The cooky criminal, the eco-warrior; they’re great together.

Vi & Caitlyn (Arcane, 2019-24): it might be recency bias pushing these two gals up the list (I only watched Arcane this year) but these two have such a strong bond that’s really elegantly told over the course of the series. Tough-as-nails petty crim/bruiser Vi and upper-crust posho-turned-cop Cait seem like oil and water, but there’s an instant mutual attraction that simmers and hints at itself throughout a season, before they share a kiss and then go off the rails. Their coming back together, and the wholehearted trust they share, is a cornerstone of the last act of the series; they are, indeed, the dirt under each others’ nails.

Corky & Violet (Bound, 1996): only by a whisker does this couple claim the title of “sauciest sex scene featuring a character called Violet” on this list. But the blending of queer romance and nineties noir is exquisite in this delightful pre-Matrix Wachowskis effort. Gangster’s moll Violet and grungy handywoman Corky have an instant and intense chemistry, and in their attempts to double-cross the mob and escape from Corky’s dangerous beau, we root for them and want them to succeed in a tense game of cat and mouse. It’s also an interesting film to examine in that we now understand how it’s shot with a female gaze, and is something of a landmark in American queer cinema (I feel like I need to stress, you really did not often get gay protagonists in 1996, even in quote-unquote “indie” films).

Captain Holt & Kevin (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 2013-21): Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner (up there with “Lorenzo Zoil” in great comic names) are a great example of leaning into and challenging stereotypes. On the one hand, they’re upper-middle-class refined gay men, into fine art and opera; but as a Black man working for the police, and in a position of authority and power on the show, Holt is a figure not commonly seen in TV (and, indeed, allows the show to dig into issues of racial and sexual politics). But it’s them as a couple that I love; Holt is one of the great comic creations, a preternaturally analytic man seemingly, almost Spock-like in his avoidance of contractions or colloquialisms. But their scenes together as a couple show how their similarities and differences complement each other, and the deep, loving bond they share.

David & Patrick (Schitt’s Creek, 2015-20): like Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Schitt’s Creek is one of those comedies where you’re laughing at the absurd characterisation so much you don’t realise how nuanced the acting and writing is, and so when you discover that you’ve fallen head over heels in love with these people it strikes you off guard. David is a rather shrill, self-centred man, seemingly irritated or disgusted with everything he sees in the town; Patrick is down-to-earth and humble, and has never really had a gay relationship before. But they hit it off right away, with tremendous chemistry, and seeing David finally being honest about his needs and feelings, and the truthful way they respond to one another, is delightful. Also I love how the world presented by writer/actor Dan Levy is one in which there’s basically no homophobia, so despite the weirdness of this backwater town, everyone loves David and Patrick just as much as we do.

Red & Blue (This is How You Lose the Time War, 2019): Time War is a really strange book, an almost elegiac, poetic, non-linear tale of two warriors on opposing sides who – despite the phenomenal risks involved – stalk each other before falling in love, leaving gifts and letters to each other than blossom slowly over millennia, knowing the other will discover it, but also needing to hide it from their superiors. The trippy nature of the chronology, and the flowing prose, means you’re never sure of where you are, but as the book goes on, the strength of the love between the two women grows ever stronger. A fascinating, rewarding work, and a deeply affecting love story. Also, how great is that title?

Adora & Catra (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, 2018-20): a real slow-burner of a love story, and one in which – perhaps a bit unusually – a lot of the emotional heavy lifting is done by the antagonist. Adora is She-Ra, and she leaves the Horde and her lifelong best friend Catra behind to fight for good; Catra feels betrayed, and so their conflict has a deep, personal edge. It becomes increasingly obvious the feelings they have for one another, but Catra’s are skewed by jealousy and pride, whilst Adora’s are smothered by her sense of duty and guilt. But in the end it’s Catra who comes back, Catra who refuses to leave, and ultimately Catra who saves Adora when she needs it most. It’s a subtle, nuanced, emergent love story, but given the subject matter and the target audience, it’s all the more welcome.

Armand & Albert (The Birdcage, 1996): I said how unusual Bound was for foregrounding a gay couple in the mid-nineties, but here’s another one. Here we’re shown a middle-aged couple who’ve raised a son and run a business together, and the only reason they’re particularly exceptional is in contrast to the more “conventional”, WASP-y, Republican family headed by Gene Hackman. The film shows not just their tenderness as parents, but their tenderness together: despite their arguments and drama, they really love and care for one another, in a real lived-in way; a couple who’ve just spent years in each other’s company. And we can see how much more content they are being their honest selves, against the artificial idea of a perfect nuclear family that Hackman strives for. Armand and Anbert: relationship goals. Super funny too. And exceptional facial hair.

Bashir & Garek (Star Trek: Lower Decks, 2024): okay, this one is a massive cheat, but what the hell. I nearly went with the two doctors, Stamets and Culber, from Discovery – not only the first gay couple depicted on Star Trek, but Anthony Rapp’s Stamets is the pretty much the first gay character in the show full-stop. However, I’m being my usual silly self and indulging in a bit of joy. Bashir and Garek had a fantastic relationship throughout Deep Space Nine: Bashir the young, brilliant, rather big-headed doctor, full of belief in the strength of Starfleet; Garek the older, conniving, duplicitous Cardassian spy. The cat-and-mouse game of mistrust and affection that played out over the series spawned a million ships; in fact, the actors themselves pretty much treated it as a romance. Lower Decks introduces us to an alternate universe version of the couple, where they actually are a couple; both medics, both in Starfleet, but still possessing the same adorable characteristics, and – crucially – married and everything. Long time coming, but well worth the wait.

Blimey, quite a few that didn’t quite make the cut, eh? Both Wiccan & Hulkling and Apollo & Midnighter would have made the list but I felt I hadn’t quite read enough comics featuring them. I kind of wanted to include Jamie and Marian, from last year’s Drive-Away Dolls (original title: Drive-Away Dykes, which I think we can all agree is better), but despite finding them such a sweet and adorable pair, I thought maybe that was the recency bias talking. But they can be number eleven. Also, you should watch Drive-Away Dolls, a really underappreciated mini-gem.

Anyway, this was a fun list, and now I’m feeling all soppy and happy and romantic. Maybe I’ll watch Brokeback Mountain to wallow in misery for a bit.

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