tothedevilsshow - Tumblr blog

[tothedevilsshow]

song - join me in death by him flowers - White lilies - the funeral flower - symbolize that the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death ( let me cry for a minute or a thousand here )

tagged by @caracarnn

[tothedevilsshow]

but he couldn't manage to play that kind of game. especially not with her. she was different than anyone else he had ever met. he thinks, well, that was the unnerving thing. he thinks that he actually loves her. that wasn't something that was supposed to happen. but he won't fight it, he doesn't think that he can. not while he's looking at her. not with her standing there with him.

he lets out a small laugh and then gives a small shake of his head. "i think that…" he starts, thinking now. of what he could. something that might keep her interest. something that would tie her to him so tightly that nothing ever could sever them. he wants nothing more than just to be close to her. he doesn't want her to ever leave or take their way out of things. he doesn't think that either of them could live without the other now. "how about we play on each others sides instead?"

Lightly she let out a laugh at what he said. He wanted her right here but that just meant that he was getting impatient. Or maybe he just meant that he was a bit nervous that he wasn't going to be able to pull one over on her. He was intelligent, sure. He hadn't been caught but did that really mean that anything he thought of could match a single strand of thought coming from her? She found that somewhat laughable. Even as she drew nearer and looked up into his eyes. Those knowing eyes of his that seemed to see shades of her that no one else cared to. "Now, now, don't be boring." She chided as she touched the side of his face, fingertips dancing down his jaw. "I thought that we were going to make a challenge of it, weren't we?" And she smiled, waiting for his response because those always thrilled her. Something about her set her on fire and it was overwhelming to simply stand here so close to him.

[tothedevilsshow]

he can't help but laugh at what tyrion says. there's an easiness to the way that tyrion makes the joke. where it's both amusing and yet serious, an assurance that seems to settle over him. something that seems to make things easier. he's sure it's because tyrion understands, that he knows what he's going through. that the two of them are kindred. that in spite of everything that they were now they had some common thread between the two of them. he liked the way that felt, he liked knowing that his friend understood the dark hole that he was coming from.

he gives a small nod of his head, a hint of a smile on his face. "thank you." he says. but it feels like something too small. it feels like something that he should linger on more. he wanted him to know that he was one of the truest friends that he had. the few people that he could trust entirely. "i will try not to worry." and then finally after a pause. "do you often worry? about what your father thought?"

He could imagine what a boy like Francis must have felt being disdained by his father for the sake of something he couldn't control. After all it had been his own plight, had it not? He looked at the boy and had to wonder whether or not that was still a thought that weighed him down. It seemed like it would be. There was something weighted in his blue eyes. Something childlike and broken. It filled him with anger to even think of it. Far too many boys suffered underneath the weight of that sort of parental disdain. "I do not think that you're too soft." Tyrion stated in all seriousness, in perfect denial of the worry that must have been imprinted on Francis' mind. "Look at you. Proving to the world that you can balance being a king and the prettiest man in the kingdom." Lightly he chuckled. "What does it matter what a horrible king thought? He couldn't even wipe the shit from his ass without needing someone's aid." He cared little for speaking well of the dead. "You shouldn't."

[tothedevilsshow]

he watches her as she does it. she seems to be more in control of it, of who she was when she worked her magic. he liked to see her more sure of herself, more capable of handling who and what she was. he remembers when she had been just a wild little girl with no one to help her. out on her own. when he had set out to defend and protect her from everything and everyone that was trying to claw their way towards her. but he had found her. and here she was now, this girl that had grown into what she was now.

he smiles to himself. he likes seeing her like this. and he likes the idea of a quiet place. it sounded like something the both of them needed. he takes in a breath though - he can't stand the way the portals make him feel. but he'd step through with ciri. for her to show him what she had been doing. just the slightest insight into these things were a blessing to him. they had lost far too much time together. "sounds like a good place for vacation." he says with a small laugh.

Her favorite. There were a ton of places that she could show him. Places that she had never imagined. Although she knew her ultimate favorite but she couldn't take him there, she knew that. That might be dangerous. Images of the future or even some alternate world could entrap them and Ciri was hesitant to allow that. She would much rather know that he would have a safe experience especially with his abhorrence of portals. Although that was something that Ciri didn't understand given his storied history with mages. Magic should be something that was pretty much second nature to him by now. "Okay, fine. I'll take you on the child's version." Softly she laughed and then closed her eyes. She imagined the portal, let it form there in front of them before giving him a smile over her shoulder. "It won't take us far but I found this place before….well right before they found me." She remembered those days when Geralt had been gone and the world had been dim. "It's quiet. Maybe that'll be nice for you."

[tothedevilsshow]

she draws in closer to him and he has to take in a breath. wanting to draw her in closer to him. he wants to keep her there. for a brief moment he doesn't want to think of the war. he doesn't want to think of what lays ahead of them. he only wants to think of her. this moment here, the insinuation in her eyes. the way that she feels pressed so close to him. he knows that it's an irresponsible thought. but it's one that he can't seem to ignore.

he smiles down at her, his hands coming to settle on her waist. it still feels somewhat surreal to touch her. to feel her right there in front of him. his eyes move over her face, studying the softness of it. her beauty strikes something in him. does he love her? he's sure that eventually he could. "of course, that's something that you never have to ask for. we're married now..." saying it out loud makes the whole moment feel all the more real.

There was a sweetness that descended on her over the feelings that he instilled in her. Feelings and devotion and a sudden need for something more than she had ever felt before. There was chaos and war reigning all around them but she also knew that none of that could touch them here. At least not tonight. There was no way that any of those shadows could slip the cracks here. No. She wouldn't let it. If she had any power left it was to secure tonight just for them. The rest of the world could continue on tomorrow, in the morning. Tonight was just for tonight. That was what should matter. Carefully she stepped closer to him, settling her hands on his shoulders as she neared her body to his. His warmth wrapped around her and she urged him down somewhat towards her. She breathed in his breaths and looked between his eyes. Those eyes that gave her a feeling that surprised her, unnerved her and completed her. It was a feeling that she hadn't expected tonight. "Thank you." She said softly in response, her lips just barely grazing his own as she spoke. "But I'd rather that you held other things in your thoughts for me other than just belief."

[tothedevilsshow]

he feels an anger that seems to burn his way through him. he wants to protect her. he wants to make sure that this man goes no where near her. but he had already brought this death to his door. he had already allowed it into the kingdom. there is so much blood on his hands. dark and ugly, he's a little bit twisted, isn't he? a broken thing left there. he feels a heaviness inside of him. did france matter more than mary? did mary matter more than france. he wasn't sure if this was the truth. but he's been thinking, thinking far too much, hasn't he?

"i could send her away." is it fear that leads him to say that. or does he believe it? does he think that she endangers france? in spite of his love for her does he truly believe this? the feeling inside of him is a raw one. his hand finds the hilt of his sword then. and he hates the fear that mixes with the anger, with the fear that he might actually be right about all of it. "she'll be safe. and so will france." safe from the man in front of him. he would strike him down now if he spoke out against her again.

He can see the struggle in the boy. He could see the dark look in his eyes and Lucien finds it almost a complete letdown. There wasn't a line that he wasn't willing to cross. It was almost as though he had expected much more from this boy king who had gotten the crown after the death of his father. He stared at Francis with an intent look in his own eyes. He can see how the world might just fall apart over his loyalty to his unfaithful wife. But that didn't seem a question anymore than the color of the king's cloak did. A letdown indeed. "I won't put my blade to her then." He answered simply, evenly. His gaze darkened as he took a single step towards Francis, something insistent filling his movements. "But you should know that with you staying my hand then no future death, no ordered assassination will matter as long as the one who burns your crown from within is at your side."

[tothedevilsshow]

this little apartment actually feels comfortable. a place that she had just started to settle on. she wants so badly to leave. this wasn't helping her any. she knew that. she was aware of that every single morning. it's a quaint enough place. but beyond that? this was not how she wanted to live her life. but then she'd see him. she's turn and see him sitting there, writing or just watching the tv. she's turn and have to study him. the fall of his dark hair in his eyes, the tattoos along his arms. she liked tracing them, pressing kisses over the parts with color, asking why this one or that one. watching the way his lips formed each word, the spark he gets in his light eyes when he he has his hands on her.

she gets up to join him in the kitchen. he taking out the food. it is her favorite. she hates that sometimes it feels like he knows things about her that he shouldn't. favorite food is nothing. but there's something about him, it makes her stay. she slips behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. the side of her face pressed against his back. she likes how he feels there. solid and real in her arms. it's a new feeling. eventually she'll break his heart. she'll forget him. but he won't forget her. is that what she wanted? "you're terrible." she says with a small laugh. "i wore this dress for you. i'm sure it's enough."

It was a few weeks now. He appreciated thinking of the lapse of time between them in those terms. It made him feel like he had convinced her of something, something real. He could continue convincing her if she allowed him to and that was something that he really wanted to achieve. Was he in love with her? He hadn't entirely gotten that far along in his thoughts but he did feel like there was something nearing those type of feelings. She had done way more than just grow on him and he was ready - pretty ready - to accept that as permanent. But was she? Walking into the room he set down the bag of food and then turned to face her where she sat. She was really something. Entirely different from most other girls that he had known. Something between a facade and an enigma. Did she even realize the kind of spell she worked over him? "I got your favorite." He called out to her as he started to unload the bag. "Aren't you going to give me something in return?"

[tothedevilsshow]

does he tell him that it was not easy at all. that there were times when adolin had felt so lost he had been sure he would return home a failure. or worse that he wouldn't return at all. that he would be stuck in a prison simply because he had said the wrong thing. he had been anxious and overwhelmed, certain that he was hardly good for much when he was there. but they had managed a win, a real one. and without his father, without too much outside help. it had been managed. but he doesn't think he could be so honest with him. even if there's a childish part of him that wants to confide in him.

is it anger? about his mother? about the treatment renarin had gotten over time? was it anger that lingered? or was he being ridiculous? was it really just him wanting to impress him. to show him that he was his own man. that in spite of everything that had happened he had grown into someone that dalinar could pride in. that was still there. an overeager need to be a man that brings true pride to the kholin name. he loved his father. in spite of what people said was written in the book he still loves him.

"once we figured out how to get to them, yes, it was easy as all that." he laughs a little bit. "you didn't think they resist me, did you?"

Their relationship had grown and shifted over time. Where he had been his own golden boy Adolin was now his own man. That had been difficult to accept. That had been something that Dalinar had been hesitant about. When Adolin had stepped up to him and declared that he had been the one to kill High Prince Sadeas Dalinar had been uneasy, he had been filled with a sort of uncertainty. After all it meant that Adolin was someone other than he had always assumed that he was. Dalinar had thought that Adolin was the other half of him. The good part. The part of him that was just, if a little angry, and that someone who was a good man no matter what. He still was a good man but the shades were different and Dalinar knew that he had been thrown for a loop. Now there was this success in Shadesmar. Maybe Dalinar hadn't been entirely trusting that Adolin could do it. After all this was Shadesmar and they were talking about Honorspren. But here he was, talking about getting the Honorspren on their side again. It was a shock to his system and Dalinar couldn't entirely answer right away. He drew a breath, lowering his eyes. He had thought that perhaps his son had been angry with him after he had written that book. Navani had told him to simply seek his son out - was that what this talk was? "Was it as easy as that?" He questioned with a light knit of his brows. "Did I…underestimate this mission?"

[tothedevilsshow]

if her life was in his hands then he would have her never die. he would keep her safe and protected from the death all around him. he liked to watch her live. she thrived up above, in her fields of endless flowers. the very beauty of life itself. he had been entranced by her, so taken over by her loveliness that he had to have her for himself. had to have her life shine down on his darkness. that was what he wanted more than anything. to feel the touch of her light, her life, that delicate touch that seemed to make everything bloom all around them. he wanted to sink into it, to feel her so close to him he could pretend as if he were still alive as well.

he smiles at her question. his eyes moving over her soft face. her green eyes seem to play with the strings of his heart effortlessly. she could ask him anything then and he would give her to her. her voice sweeps over him, effortlessly making him a slave for her. only for her would he present himself on his knees before her, overcome by her entirely. he loves her more and more as each second he has her passes, each moment that allows him into her presence. he has never known a feeling like this, so strong and overwhelming. all he wants is more of it, more of her. "no, you haven't died." he says quietly. he sits next to her. feeling her warmth wash over him. and he's been so cold. so cold. he reaches his hand out to lightly brush some hair from her face. the very brief touch of the skin of her soft cheek to his hand almost seems to burn. "you're still alive." he shifts then so that he can be closer to her. "and i'm sorry this isn't heaven, my darling, this is the underworld."

She had been awake for sometime but she hadn't moved, unsure whether she would have the strength to react calmly to the moment here. Someone had taken her and she hadn't really seen him. She knew that it was a man but she didn't know who he was or where he had taken her. There was a strong scent of flowers in the air, a stirring breeze that brought with it a heavy heat. She liked the way that it washed across her body, enjoyed the satin of the bedding beneath her. There was even a heady scent of flowers lingering in the air that was intoxicating. It was messing with her senses and telling her that she didn't have to be afraid. This might be a paradise and how long had she yearned for a paradise other than the one that she had been born to? A voice shattered her quiet and she drew herself up quickly enough, moving back away from the voice. Her eyes were bleary at first before she blinked away the former sleep and then she stared at him. He was an angel. Dark hair and pale skin. Those endless blue eyes that attached to her soul and wouldn't let her go. He sat there. A living symbol of darkness and poetry. His face was all sharp lines and soft beauty and it made her heart quicken. She let out a shaky breath as she held his eyes. She felt like she wanted him to look at her forever. "I'm not afraid." No. She wasn't. She was curious, intrigued as she looked around the area and then turned her eyes to him again. "Is this heaven?" It did feel like it, especially with him so close to her. Heaven. There in the blue of her eyes and she didn't care about the heady scent or the unknown around her anymore. She just cared about him. "Have I died already?"

[tothedevilsshow]

he watches the fall of her. first the unwinding and then the way that it caresses the back of her neck, falling down over her shoulders. he takes in a breath, a slight smile on his face. she's beautiful there, under the soft cascade of sunlight through the window. he wants to be able to just look at her, he really does like looking at her. he wants to go to her, tangle his hands in her hair, with her in his arms. he loved her more than he had ever thoght possible. he feels it like something swelling up in his chest. he wants to keep her close nad never have to let her go. they could be happy now, after everything. something told him that they could be happy now. things were fixed, their babies were born, they had a whole life ahead. and padme wanted to go swimming. that soft challenge gleaming in her brown eyes made him all the more eager.

he lets out a small laugh at what she asks, giving a small shake of his head. "no…" he says, moving towards her. his hands find her waist. it's shame that he can only feel the warmth of her in one, his actual hand. he wants to keep her close to him. holding onto her so tightly so that he will never have to let her go. his bad dreams had been false, they had not come through. and he doesn't think that being here iwth her has made some of that darkness receed. has made him want to step away from it. all that mattered was that he had her and the children. they would figure out how to sort through the secrecy, the children made that even more difficult, didn't it? but he knew that regardless of all that they would find a way. they had to. "i'm not scared. i'm up for the challenge."

he takes a step back from her. "race you there?"

She could imagine him feeling free enough to learn how to swim with Obi-Wan teaching him. She knew that he deserved it after everything that he had gone through on Tatooine. She couldn't even imagine what he must have done with all of that water once he was away from that planet. The memories of deserts and hot suns came back and her heart lurched at the feeling and the thought of what he must have endured all of those years. She did have to wonder whether or not she could have been there for him all that time while he had been healing to become the man he was today. The question remained however: was he healed? Had he moved on? There seemed to be a perpetual weight heavy on his shoulders and she wanted nothing more than to lift him up so that he could breathe underneath the stress. Anakin carried so much with him and she had to wonder how it was that he survived and functioned with all of it. It broke her heart but all she knew how to do was to be there for him even in the hardest moments. "Oh?" She questioned with a lift of her brows, something like amusement whispering across her face as she held his eyes. "You think that you can keep up with me?" She turned around completely then to face him, her hands resting on his chest before she gently shoved him just slightly from her. A soft laugh trailed from her and she looked between his eyes to make sure that it had a positive effect on him. He always seemed to brighten when she herself was happy. "I doubt that very much." Stepping back from him she turned to look out the window, reaching her hand out to unwind her hair. "But it would be nice to make a challenge of it." She turned slightly to look at him over her shoulder. "If you aren't scared to."

[tothedevilsshow]

she sits there, her head cocked to the side looking at him. she wishes she knew what to say. or what the feeling was that seemed to swell up in her chest. the trouble was kaladin seemed too far away. not from her exactly, but from everything. like something in him had given way to cracks. she feels a deep sadness wash over her. like she might burn out, too, if she sees him like this. she wishes there was more that she could do. she wishes and wishes but nothing ever changes. she lets out an exaggerated sign, tossing the hair she's formed for herself over her shoulder.

"it's not about me, kaladin." she says, as if she's reprimanding him. it's a tone that she's heard several times around here lately. "it's about you." but then she softens, all spirit lost from her voice. given way to the tenderness that she can't help but feel towards him. she wishes that she could keep him safe. in some way, that she could keep him safe from the raging war in his mind. from the way that he seemed to fall apart. "it's about what's best for you." she waits for him to piece it together. blinking her eyes as she looks at him. she thinks that he needs to rest. but he didn't seem to even remember what that word meant.

Does he want to go? He does. He wants to feel useful again without having to admit to the torrent of emotions running about in his head. He hates the burden of them, loathes the weight of it as it presses down on the four corners of his mind. He doesn't want to discuss the fact that his mind sometimes acts like a veil of burdens around him, heavier than any war, thicker than any storm that he's ever ventured out into. It presses down onto him until he could barely breathe and it was as though each emotion was made to unravel him. He thought he was stronger than this. He thought that he had found something real and true in the words, in the winds and yet there were always moments like this no matter what. Syl's prodding makes him groan and he turned to look at her. She's so fluttery right then and he does have to wonder whether or not she even noticed it. "I want to go, Syl." He stated, taking in a breath and then shifting so that he could rest back on the bed. A bed. An actual storming bed. Who would have thought that he would be used to one again after all of this time? "I need to go. You know that, don't you?" He paused then and then looked towards her. "Do you not want to go?"

[tothedevilsshow]

he offers her his arm. he wants to be as close to her as he is allowed. he likes spending time with her. he finds himself listening to the things that she has to say, really mulling over them when she's not around. he finds himself thinking that perhaps she might like something, that she might make a certain comment about something. he thinks of her too often for any of this to make sense for him. he's sure that he likes her far too much, doesn't he? but it doesn't trouble him, does it? he likes being near to her. that's simple enough.

"do you want the truth?" he asks, looking down at her with a smile. she's lovely, isn't she? in the light of the afternoon sun. he's sure that if he were to tell her such she would not believe it. it seemed to him that shallan was a woman that was not aware of herself. that was a trouble, wasn't it? "but this is the only one." and it's the complete truth. ever since she had come so unexpectedly onto the scene it was as if everyone else had faded. there was only her. just her. that was all that mattered.

She was up in knots and she hated the feeling that coursed through her. She didn't want to do this. She would much rather go back to the garden and continue with her sketches. If she did that then maybe she could lose herself again from the outside world. She didn't much like the outside world and its treatment of those that she loved. She hadn't even spoken to her eldest brother in sometime although she was almost too sure that her father was to blame for that. Maybe she was even a bit too critical of the world and what it held. Shallan knew that these lines of disdain for the world was a product of her own fear and nerves. She would have to swallow down any nerves and face the world whole because she had to. For the sake of her brothers and her family and her name and…yes, even her father. He's leading her away from the house and she has to swallow down the thick of nerves inside of her. "I am most ready." She answered as she glanced up at him from under her brows. Yes. She had been taught all of this by her step mother who seemed to be eager for this success as well. Maybe wealth would make her father nicer to his wife. A soft smile came to her lips as she closed her other hand on his arm and kept herself pressed close to his side. "Tell me, what number of walk with a young girl is this, this week, sir?" She asked lightly, forcing a teasing lilt into her tone.

[tothedevilsshow]

was it terrible that a part of him would always yearn for more than that? to be more than just her knight? was it terrible that a part of him seemed to desire to love her in the way that he knew all too well that he did. he wants to take her in his arms, he wants to tell her now that there is nothing that can come between them. but honor, honor prevents him. he had only just saved her life, her honor. he knew that he couldn't do that. he knew that the two of them would forever have to live their lives part from each other. even if they were close. there was always bound to be distance.

but was that a life? he wanted to say. he wanted to do something grand and take her away from everything. and yet as he stands there looking at her he knows that he could not allow himself to hurt her in such a way. so he makes a pledge both to himself and her that this is how they will be forever. unless somewhere, somehow time allows them more. "i will remain as i am." he says with a small nod of his head. "i promise."

Maybe she hadn't expected him to answer that way. Maybe she had expected him to side with honor and leave her on her own. After all was this the right thing to do? Did she want him to do the right thing? For the sake of himself? Yet there was a selfishness that refused to let up thriving inside of her and she hated the feeling that filled her. His hands were warm in hers and she felt nervous as she looked into his eyes. He was pledging herself to him at the beckoning of him and there was a guilt that filled her. She took down a hard swallow and nodded her head. Accepting their position, their situation even if she shouldn't. "As long as you remain as you are." And she said it with the utmost desire to make it so that he would be happy, he could remain the ever vigilant knight in spite of everything that had happened. She draws a breath and intends to part from him but she doesn't. She simply cannot bear to draw her hands back from his. She just knows that she'll feel alone, cold even without them. "My noble and honorable knight." Was that enough?

[tothedevilsshow]

a cold shot runs through her at what he says. she stares at him blankly though, her eyes searching his face for a moment before looking away. lews therin would not have confided his true feelings to asmodean out of all the creatures. she's sure of it. but there's sitll a sharp cold rage that pierces through her that thought. "but you have no real training to offer him, do you? i'm sure that he could manage without you." but would rand agree to that? what would he choose if she were to post this before him? she doesn't want to linger on it. she's sure that eventually she will be able to sway this whole thing her way. eventually his eyes will be opened and he'll see that this whole time he was meant to rule the world with her, the two of them together. she's sure that compared to that asmodean's teachings won't matter at all. "i can grant him access to the true power." could she? would asmodean believe that?

For a moment he just grinned at Lanfear. There was a heavy look of demand in her eyes and he found it hilarious to witness. She was angry. He could tell by the way that her eyes flared with the feeling. Eventually the grin turned into an outright laugh and he shook his head. "Do you really think that?" He questioned with a lift of his brows and then he clasped his hands together. "I've been teaching the young Dragon and it seems that he isn't very enamored of you." He really does attempt to let his laughter die down. "No. I think he would much rather have control of Saidin and his madness than another pretty woman attempting to warm his bed."

[tothedevilsshow]

there was a struggle there, wasn't there? something that seemed a big task for her to do. like she might be breaking off a piece of herself for this. he wanted to tell her that it wasn't necessary. he wanted to tell her that the world was where it should be, at her feet. but she was eager for change, wasn't she? she was something more than herself, she was more than even the empire. he wanted so badly to tell her that she had done enough. but she would never believe. she would never believe that she was always making the right decisions. but what did he know? he knew very little. he knew the empire as it had been. he knew that he was constantly dazzled by her.

he shook the thought from his head and then nodded. trying his best not to linger on the soft lines of her face, made harsh by the scarring across her skin. her deep green eyes, the way she looked to him to be the strongest woman alive but also unsure. a woman that the world could follow. only she didn't want it. and that made him admire her all the more. "you're right. but who would have it? cintra is your's. how do you choose who's best for her if not you? i think if you made that choice the fighting wouldn't be so great."

It was change. Although she wasn't sure whether or not it was enough. She wanted to see shades of differences all over the realms that she presided over. She would have liked to see peace where peace had never been seen before. But how would she manage it? How would she be able to put that into effect when so much was working against her? It seemed like the armies themselves would bristle and rage if she did too much in such a short amount of time and there were only so many witchers close to her heart that she could attempt to woo to her side. She knew that wasn't a possibility. It really was a nice thought however. "Do you believe that there will be much in fighting?" She questioned with a light furrow of her brows. "Once I declare Cintra free?" It was about time. Although she was sure that she would have urged to rule Cintra instead, she knew that it deserved freedom from Nilfgaard even if she was the Empress here. "I wouldn't want to ruin things but it does seem high time for this to happen. Wouldn't you say?"

[tothedevilsshow]

he wishes that he knew. but this whole case had him twisted up, didn't it? he thought about it too much. too much to wash down. but in spite of all that he doesn't think there's any way to figure out a motive. it was as if every where he went there was a dead end. they didn't even know who would do it. much less why. the whole thing seemed like something out of the world, something so dark and ugly that no one could understand it.

he lets out a breath and then looks at nik. he doesn't look good. he doesn't like the thought of nik working on these cases. they seem to wear him down more and more. maybe he should take a break, relax, try and get a good night's sleep or something. he gives a small shake of his head. "i don't know." he admits but he hates how hopeless the thing is. how lost he feels whenever they go over the details. "it looks like some kind of ritual, doesn't it?"

He knew that it was the only thing that made sense. After all it was true about the crime scene and how it had been clean. Even the body had been clean. It was a strange sight and the feeling that weighed inside of him as he thought over the images that were before him edged towards sickness. He hated feeling it. He loathed knowing that if he kept on looking those images of that body he would just end up feeling sick, he would end up feeling undone and that would make him feel weak. He would end up seeing it in his dreams and that broke him up somewhat. He didn't want to tell Bellamy that however. That would make Bellamy feel protective and he hated when that happened. "It's a lot to know that someone would do that to someone else." Nik stated, shaking his head as he lowered his eyes to the table. Instead he focused on the food and not on the images. How could Bell sit there staring at all of that? Harshly he swallowed. Maybe it affected him so much because it rang with something dark that related to something inside of him. He drew in a sharp breath and took up his glass, downing it. "What do you think that the motive would be?"

[tothedevilsshow]

survival. that was a strange answer. he hadn't expected it. not from her at least. there was something so soft about her, delicate even. he could not imagine her surviving on her own. and yet she says it with a determination that says she had done it. she had done it to survive and she had made it out of all of it. he feels both disgusted and yet intrigued by her. jealous and angry and yet overwhelmed entirely by her. he wants her for himself. he wants to erase all of that, the parts that seem to still cling to her now. he wants her to forget everything but him.

"maybe we trade confessions then." he says, a hint of a smile on his face. suddenly eager to shed the masks, the coverings and show her everything ugly. something tells him about what she had just shared she wouldn't turn him away. she would see him and want him all the same. she would. "do you want to know my darkest secret?"

Does he see her differently suddenly? She wanted to look into his eyes and find that he was looking at her the same, the very same. She didn't want to lose that feeling that she got whenever they were alone together. Losing that would mean that she had lost everything and she didn't want to live with that. Living without him was something that she didn't even want to think about. He was suddenly everything to her and it startled her to even feel it, to know it. She had never needed anyone before but there was a sharp feeling of reliance when he was close to her and she isn't even entirely sure when that feeling began. "I needed to make sure that we survived." She said, thinking back to her mom and hating the feeling that threaded there underneath her skin. "But...I guess that I don't have to do that anymore." She had a good job now and the past could remain right where it was, where it should be. "I'm sure that it doesn't even make sense. I shouldn't have brought it up."