tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

Feb. 3, 2025

It's been months. I haven't posted in months. A lot has happened since the last post. I broke up with my VERY religious boyfriend. I don't think I could ever see myself going to church every Sunday. Religion terrifies me, I have no idea why. My household really isn't religious, so I never grew up going to church. I feel very alienated whenever I go to church or hear a religious person talk about religion, specifically Christians and Catholics. I have nothing against them or their religion. Whenever I hear someone preach it just feels like a cult to me, so I just want to run away. I still think back to one message that he [my ex] sent me a while before I broke up with him. We were saying goodnight to each other and right after I said, "I love you :)" he literally sent: "but seriously I need you to be Christian." I'm not going to change my whole lifestyle and what I believe in for some guy that I'm dating in high school; like let's be real, I'm not going to marry him, I never was. Also, I don't ever want to get married or have kids. He also was talking to this guy, who I specifically told him I was uncomfortable around, and he just never told me. I had to find this out through one of my friends. Lesson learned: Never, and I mean NEVER, date a bass player. I'm a bass player and I've had good experiences with bass players, but I don't want to date one EVER again. I don't plan on dating for A WHILE. I have my own problems I have to deal with, and I'm still figuring myself out, plus I'm too busy focusing on school right now. Another thing that's happened since I've posted on here is that I found out I'm ace. I just think it's weird for me to think about because I've never even thought I was ace, like at all. I just think it makes a lot of sense though. ALSO, I had a show yesterday and it went really pretty well, a lot of my friends went to this show :). Last week I had a show, but it went really horrible and none of my friends came. Looking on the bright side, I'm glad no one came to that show because I would have been really embarrassed by it. Someone was out of tune for like 2 songs we played, and my high E string broke on my guitar near the end of a song I was playing on. I don't think I've ever yapped this much on a Tumblr post. I think it might be too much in one post, but let's be real, no one reads all of this.

Whatever, I yap too much

-jamie :))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

Oct. 7,2024

i'm liek really bored and idk what to do w my time, plus i haven't posted here in like a year. i seriously need WWWY fest to post their schedules for each band bc i need to plan fr :(( i don't even know what im gonna wear the day of the fest tbh.. liek i''ve never been to vegas, idk how cold it gets at this time of the year. i only have 13 more days till i go to WWWY fest bc i'm going on the second day :0 i am very VERY excited. i've seen FOB and PTV live, but i'm mainly there for MCR and cobra starship (i'm literally gonna die). i also wanna see millionaires, but i'm going to the fest w my parents, so that would be really embarrassing to sing to with them there. i think i should go full emo for the fest, it's basically emo fest so it only makes sense; i was thinking kind of scenmo tho. this also means i need to make like 50 bracelets for all the bands i like.. so excited to be hunched over on the weekend trying to make bracelets like it's a sweat-shop. ngl i've literally been stalking mikey's insta stories bc he's the only member of MCR the actually updates :( and i guess frank too, but not as much. i need to udpate my spacehey profile too, i've had the same one for liek months and months. ALSOOO, i wanna try to get a purple sweater so it could be like gabe's in the viva la cobra era, it's actually such an iconic sweater. i'll prob find one on amazon or smt. also also, idk what i'm gonna do for my nails bc the press ons that i have are liek lowk not very emo OR scene, and i can NEOT have that. but at the same time, i suck at painting my own nails. might have to ask my friend to do it and pay him >.< i literally saw his nails tdy and he had BLUE CHEETAH PRINT and it looked so good, so i'll prob bring him nail polish and ask him if he could paint my nails. the only thing is, i'd have to buy new nail polish bc i only own dark colors and i want like highlighter pink cheetah print. ANYWAYSSS i've been yapping for long enough i really need to lock in with school, the point is i'm very excited for the festival. FANGS UP >:))

have a good morning, evening or night

-Jamie :))))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

May 16th, 2023

I'm in third period right now. I don't really know what to do cause we're supposed to be studying for the EOC that's on Thursday, but like I suck at studying... and I'm so close to having a breakdown at any second. This school has literally traumatized me, the only reason I stay is because of my friends and because I got into an art program for next year. I'm coping by listening to anything Ryan Ross is in, he's literally the only reason I'm staying alive. My goal in life is to meet him one day, like I'm so determined. Another reason I'm living, besides my friends and Ryan Ross, is because I have three concerts coming up this year. I swear this school makes me want to end it all sometimes, they literally have suicide hotlines on the back of the ID's. Another goal/motivation I have is to stay alive long enough to see MCR live. If someone even looks at me weird today, I will break down. Like I have such a fragile emotional state right now. Literally, I cry a little bit every time a song from 'Pretty. Odd.' comes on like it's so comforting, but it hits me like a ton of bricks. I can't take all these tests and homework right now. Each of my classes has work for me, I'm failing two classes, I have a C in like two other ones, a B in two, and one A. I'm struggling so much, and I know it's because I'm lazy, but I really don't have the motivation to even try anymore. There are so many assignments on top of the tests, and the most important classes are the ones that I'm failing and the ones I have an EOC for. I hate this school with a passion, literally earlier in the year, my counselor told me that I should go back to therapy. I think I'm gonna have to take Biology again because I'm doing so bad. Like, my parents, especially my mom, always say that I'm smart, so it "doesn't make sense why I'm not doing well in my classes and on my tests." I just think that I'm gonna explode any second. Last night, I was doing Biology homework while crying to a Panic! album. This school always says that their top priority is their students.. that's literal bs. I know the simplest answer is to lave the school, but it's all I know, it's like Stockholm Syndrome. I think that if I leave everything will go wrong. And I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not into a certain guy because all my friends say that I deserve better. I guess I do, but he's a nice guy, but I keep trying to put into my head that I deserve better, because I guess I do technically. Like anytime I bring him up to a friend they just make a disgusted face, I only have like 3 supportive friends, and then the other ones who say they support it make contradicting statements. I think it's just easier if I just got over him, it'll just be better for me. Like, I've done it before, lied to myself till I believed it, so how hard could it be to do it again? The last time I did this it took about 2-3 months, and they totally sucked, but I was down bad for the last guy so this one should be easier to get over.

Have a better morning, noon, day or night than I'm having <3

-jamie :((((

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

Cinco De Mayo

Last time I was on here, I was doing really bad. I'm a bit better now, I have good friends. I'm back in 6th period and there's only 8 of us... because last night there was a school shooting threat and a bomb threat, so no one came to school. I did go to school though, cause my dad didn't raise a pussy :) that was a joke everyone was scared, me included. My teacher is letting us listen to music right now, and I want to blast my music, so other people can purposefully hear my music, especially considering these headphones are bad at keeping my music in. I'm listening to my usual stuff, just a little more metal than usual + more nu metal. The closest person to my is next to the empty row next to me, so I'd have to BLAST my music for them to hear it. Plus, I don't really feel like doing math at all today, but I kind of have to, and I don't want to go to art class after this. I doubt there's gonna be anyone, and I sit like right in front of the teacher's desk, so I feel like it's gonna be awkward. Lunch time was fun though, I just walked around with one of my friends and, near the end, just chilled with another friend of mine, it was cool. Overall, today was a free-day, so I'm kind of happy I came to school. Two people left just in this period while I was typing this... I need to pee so bad. Now there's only six of us :)

Have a good day, afternoon, or night <33

-Jamie :))))))))))))))))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

April 23rd, 2023 (Continuation)

I just wrote an email to my teacher because I just can't do this today. It hasn't been like this in a while, so it feels like a bunch of bricks on me right now. I'm just gonna do easier homework assignments. This quarter was supposed to be easy, but it feels worse than the last. Like, I'm thinking about too much right now. About how messed up I am. How much my dad sucks. He's literally and alcoholic and my mom hates him. How I don't want to end up like my mom. Stuck in a marriage with some asshole because I accidentally had a kid with him, but I don't regret the kids. How family members aren't supposed to touch your ass or thighs. Or just how bad my school is, like homework-wise, everyone is so burntout by all of the assignments coming at us during testing season. Sorry, bye.

-Jamie

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

April 24th, 2023

i haven't written here in a while, but i need a break... i'm so exhausted and i don't know why. i'm feeling so many things right now, mad is the biggest right now, well more frustrated. all i have is music, like i think mcr actually saved my life. i'm supposed to be writing this history essay right now, but i don't have motivation for it. and on friday my thoughts got really bad, i'm a bit better now, but when i think about it i feel gross, and ashamed. on friday, and this hasn't happened in a while, i can't type it.. i'm actually tearing up right now. i feel like it's not that big of a deal, but whenever i think about it, i feel like a wave it hitting me. i'll try and type it though... a person has touched my thighs, and it makes me uncomfortable, but i can't do anything about it. even if i tell my parents, i don't think much will change, it's one of my parents' faults he does this anyway. One of my parents just normalizes it, so there isn't much that makes it "not okay" in his mind probably. i just don't want anyone touching me for days, and i don't want to tell anyone because i feel like it's my fault. i wear shorts around the house, and sometimes he touches my thigh there, and the other times i have my school uniform pants on. i've punched him and told him i would stab him, but he's just continued doing it, and the thing is, it's happens randomly. like it could happen one day, and then he'll do it a week later, and that's why i don't wanna make a big deal about it or 'make myself a victim.' i don't know what else to do so i'm just venting it on here.

have a better night, noon, or day than i'm having <3

-jamieee :////

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

April 6th, 2023

I'm in 6th period, not surprising. I'm supposed to be doing work, but I don't really feel like it rn, and my bra is uncomfortable, but I don't want to fix it :,) Nvm I fixed it. My grandpa still hasn't left my house, and I feel bad saying it, but I don't think anyone wants him in there. Even my dad says he wants him to go back. I find that when my grandpa in the house my dad smokes more, which I want him to do less, also my dad just gets irritated easier in general when he's over. It kinda sucks having him over, but, again, there's nothing I can do about it right now. My prom is next week, and I'm not that excited for it, like I have a couple more years to get excited about it, so I'm not that disappointed. Also, I don't have a date, but I'm not worried about that at all, what I AM worried about is that I'll get called "Wednesday Addams" because I'm gonna be wearing a black dress and shoes :,,,)))) but it's whatever ig. I just wanna go home to my dogs rn. I emailed my art teacher during my 4th period, giving him a music recommendation, so I hope he plays the song during class, I have him as my next period. I recommended the song 'The Bad List' by Z Berg and Ryan Ross. It's such a good song, and I'm OBSESSED with Ryan Ross, so crossing my fingers he plays it. One last thing before I get back to work, Jon Walker reposted a post by an Instagram account, called theyoungveinsmusic (I think) with just a post of the 'Take A Vacation!' album cover, so now everyone thinks that Ryan and Jon are coming back, and I'm PRAYING they come back. Especially Ryan, bros been gone from Insta since 2020. I can't keep listening to 'Take A Vacation!' over and over again, I hope that Ryan confirms this anytime soon because I'd rather have my hopes brought down now, rather than later :,( ANYWAYS I gtg <3

Have a good day, noon, or night <333

-Jamie :)))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

April 4th, 2023

This is the first time I'm not posting from my 6th period >:)))) Now I'm in my second. I don't really wanna do anything rn, and I'm really bored, so I have resorted to this. I find that I type faster on the smaller laptops we get in 6th period than on these full-sized keyboards. Then again, I didn't learn how to type properly, so I have to look down when I type on a keyboard, which might contribute to my speed. Apart from computer-typing-stuff, My grandpa came back from Nicaragua on Friday and is staying with my family. Now, whenever I get home, it's so awkward. Like it's not the fact that I don't like my grandpa, it's just that he was never really in my life until mid-last year. Also, he had to live with us for a couple months last year too. He wasn't ever really in my dad's life either, so it was kinda of weird seeing them interact. Plus, whenever my mom is on the way home, she usually asks my brother and I what we want to eat, but now we have to factor in my grandpa too. I know more Spanish than my brother, so my mom or dad always sends ME to as him what he wants, and I don't know Spanish that well, so it's super awkward trying to have even the smallest conversation with him. Plus, I've always just kinda been scared of older men, and just men in general, so every time I see him, my automatic reaction is to walk fast so he doesn't see me. Rn this just kinda sucks ig, but there's nothing I can do about it, and I don't want to ask my dad how long he's staying because that feels kinda rude. Other than that situation, nothings really happening, besides my friend trying to study. THat's it for now :)

Have a good morning, noon, or night <3

-Jamie:))))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

lmao i forgot to upload my math notes from yesterday on here, so there they are ^v^

-Jamie :))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

March 31st, 2023

Guess what period I'm in!! IM IN MY 6TH PERIOD!!!! This is really the only time I write in school, and I barely remember to write at home. I got really distracted while taking notes, and ended up drawing on like half of the page, not anything THAT interesting. I'll try to remember to upload it later today, I should be able to. I really want to try and read the book Emma by Jane Austen, either online or audio book because I don't want to waste money and I have trouble focusing when reading. I look like a crazy person writing this in the middle of class, and I know it. I'm just typing really intensely and fast, so it looks like I'm responding to like a ransom note for my dog :)) I wanna get back into drawing because I found that, this year in art, my teacher didn't really let us have much artistic freedom, so I lost my style in art and just stopped drawing personally in general. If anything, I want to try doing a painting, I have like three big canvases in my closet that haven't been used before; I would need to get more paint though, I don't ever really paint so I don't have any. I'll probably draw a rough sketch of what I want the painting to look like and post it on here, there's a high chance it'll be something MCR related. Other than the painting, I want to stare drawing people again in a non-realistic way, because any time I've drawn people for art this year, it's been realistic because my art teacher always criticizes "cartoons." Of course I would need to reteach myself anatomy and find my new art style. I want to do so many things at once, but I find that the only thing that's stopping is school/homework and myself, like I want to learn a lot of songs on bass soon and I want to start my own band. I'll update y'all on anything that happens

Have a good day, night, or afternoon <3

-Jamie :))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

back of my sketchbook

i had to block out my “actual name” in the corner, but i just like to decorate the back of my sketchbooks:)) i’ve only been doing this since 2021, i’m gonna add badtz maru somewhere in there

-Jamie :)))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

March 27th, 2023 continued :0 (SMFS review??)

I'm already like more than halfway done with my math review, so I'm writing. On Friday, I think, I finally listened to So Much (for) Stardust, and let me say.... it's definitely an album. Don't get me wrong I love FOB, but I feel like SMFS could have been better. It's not a bad album at all, but it just didn't hit for me; I mean to be fair I only really listen to EOWYGF, TTTYG, FUTCT, and some of Infinity on High, which definitely isn't the same as SMFS. I was just a bit confused when there was two interludes, and one of them was Ethan Hawke talking all of a sudden. I have to admit tho, hold me like a grudge has a good bass line (thank you pete ((:) and I actually really like 'heaven, iowa' and, the title track, 'so much (for) stardust.' Overall, good album with good production, vocals, and instruments, I just think I was expecting more for their "comeback." Also, slightly off topic, but I've been listening to 'take this to your grave' all day, and somehow I have 'this ain't a scene, it's an arm race' stuck in my head. Another off topic thing before I end this post, I got 'Take This to Your Grave,' 'A Fever You Can't Sweat Out,' and 'I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love' while I was in California :)))

(sorry for including long song and album titles, I just wanted to make sure that people who wouldn't understand the abbreviation of them could know what I'm talking about)

-Jamie :))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

March 27th, 2023

I haven't posted in a while, due to the fact that I've been in California :)) I really missed writing on here! I'm supposed to be doing a math review, but I see this as free time to write.. it just got so silent in class..... of course I'm writing this in my 6th period, when it's like THE QUIETEST OF ALL TIME >:(( Anyways, nothing much has happened in life, but I find that I'm happier lately. Also, I was supposed to be back home on Saturday, but I missed my flight (by 5 minutes..) and got home on Sunday; It was a really fun trip tho!! My friend is so desperate for me to write a Chino Moreno fanfic :D I've never written a fanfic, and I doubt I will, but if I do I'll let y'all know. I gtg now, because I have to be productive :(( but I drew some mcr stuff on the back of my sketchbook, so I'll post it later

Have a lovely day, evening, or night <3

-Jamie :))))

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

March 17th, 2023

Yesterday I got so busy that I forgot to bring up my idea for a fanfic; so I was thinking it could be about Frank Iero, and the reader is like the drummer, and yk how Frank has hurt some people on stage 😍😍 well what if frank accidentally hurts the reader, and after the show Frank helps clean their wound and stuff happens and then they confess and stuff 😊😆😜😜Now that I'm typing it out it doesn't sound that good

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

March 16th, 2023

I'm writing this, again, in my 6th period. I didn't have time to write yesterday, due to homework. Plus, I probably won't write next week because I'm going to California :))) Yesterday really wasn't that eventful, but rn I just took a math test and got a 58.75% I mean, I did extra credit, but I'm at a low D and this will probably bring it back down to an F. I REFUSE to get tutoring, it makes me feel dumb and uncomfy >:( At least tomorrow is Friday and I'm leaving after my 3rd period tmr!! I've been trying to look at the positives of things, because my friends told me I should, but it's kinda difficult. Lately, throughout the day, I'll just have random migraines, and they suck! I'm pretty sure it's because I don't drink that much water, and I've been trying to, but I only drink one full bottle by the end of the day. My head hurts rn and everything sounds loud, but then again, I'm typing this in a very silent classroom. And I really wanna read some fanfic rn, idk abt who exactly, but someone sits behind me and she WILL tell the whole classroom, LOUDLY, that I'm reading fanfic; and I only do that on the DL. Also, I've been wanting to write a fanfic lately, but I think I would end up really cringy and if a college finds it, I don't think they'd let me in... If anything, I'd post it on AO3, see what happens, send it to my friends, and then MAYBE post it on here, but I'm still not sure. I'll post my idea for it later but, I gtg tho bc there's only 6 minutes of class left and my head hurts like hell

have a good day or afternoon or night

-jamie <333

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

Interesting thoughts.....

at least twice a day, my mind get intruded by the picture of Frank Iero's feet and its horrifying. I just had to let u guys know

If I had to see them, so do you. :,)

[tr4g1c-g1rl-j4m13]

so real for this

sorry about the man im about to become again