transboyventing

[transboyventing]

I’m screaming into the void.

And while the void hears me, the room full of people does not.

“I want to die,” I yell.

The void wraps me in a hug.

The people don’t even glance in my direction.

“You’re my friends! Why won’t you help me?!”

The void cradles me in its arms.

The people ask each other if they heard something.

I’m screaming into a room full of people.

And only the void hears.

[transboyventing]

I don’t see the point of being alive.

In a world wanting you beaten down and submissive to higher powers that you have no control over, what’s the point of continuing to live?

You have no freedom unless you’re rich. You have no rights unless you’re rich.

The amount of money you have to your name is how much you are worth in the eyes of this godsforsaken planet and its people.

Being in debt? Being in the negatives? Not being able to afford rent, or afford to eat, or afford basic medical care are all a sentence to poverty for the rest of your life, unless a miracle happens.

There are no miracles in a land without basic human rights.

I don’t see the point being alive.

Because it feels like I’m already dead, and I’m in Hell.

[transboyventing]

I hate the US medical system.

I was just denied a cpap because my insurance doesn’t cover that kind of machine. This insurance is also no longer covering my medication.

I was diagnosed with axial spondyloarthritis and sleep apnea at age 20, and I have to do a breast cancer screening because my doctor is very worried that I might have breast cancer. And I can’t get the care I need because everything medical is so expensive with and without insurance.

I want to be able to breathe in my sleep.

I want to be able to walk around with minimal pain.

I want to be able to hold a job.

None of these things are achievable for me.

And the medical world is so biased that as a young adult afab person, they’ve ignored me and told me that I’m psychosomatic, even when my blood tests said otherwise.

Nothing is okay and I really wish I wasn’t alive.

[transboyventing]

Being autistic sucks when your roommate invites people over without warning you and now you’re stuck trying to make dinner while dealing with being overstimulated and on the verge of a shut down while they’re blasting the TV and talking really loud and you’re in pain and exhausted and just wanna go to sleep and never wake up.

[transboyventing]

I hate being the mentally ill, neurodivergent, closeted queer cousin. Everything that comes out of my family’s mouths hurt.

#vent #thanksgiving