trashcancalicojack

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Bombur: i love watching Thorin when I'm having a bad day because no matter what kind of day I'm having, Thorin is having a worse one.

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Balin: Today I realized I am old.

Dwalin: What do you mean?

Balin: I fell over today when I was walking at the end of the Company with Fili and Kili, and instead of laughing they ran over to see if I was okay.

Dwalin:

Balin: I saw fear in their eyes.

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Nori: why are threesomes only for sex?

Nori: why can’t I join in on a couples argument if I want to?

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Kili: I need advice

Thorin: With what?

Kili: With love. How did you know you were in love with Bilbo?

Thorin: ...

Thorin: I'm in love with Bilbo?

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Bofur: If you were to take a shot for every bad decision you’ve made, how drunk would you be?

Bilbo: Buzzed.

Thorin: Inebriated.

Dwalin: Dizzy.

Fili and Kili: Sloshed.

Nori: …dead.

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Bilbo: I cannot imagine what Nori is planning. But I can tell you two things. We will not like it and it will not be legal.

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Thorin:[stops talking in the middle of a sentence]

Dwalin: What’s wrong?

Thorin: I just realized something

Dwalin: What?

Thorin: I’m in love with Bilbo!

Dwalin: uhm. Yes??

Thorin: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS IN LOVE WITH BILBO?!

Dwalin: WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW!!

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Bilbo: Have I ever told you that you are a good cook?

Nori: I don't think so

Bilbo: Right, so stop fucking cooking.

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Dain, who usually sees Thorin during formal occasions: the self-control and composure shown by that dwarf is an inspiration for us all.

Fili, who lives on the Royal Wind of Erebor: yesterday he fell down the stairs because Bilbo smiled at him.

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Thorin: I could give you the world!

Bilbo: The fuck would I do with that?

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Fili: I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been feeling nauseous lately.

Y/N: Maybe you’re pregnant.

Y/N:

Fili: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, you because you suggested it, or me because I just had a heart attack.

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Thorin: And the plan is all going good?

Fili: Yep, I've got all of it under control.

*Bilbo screaming as a massive explosion goes off nearby*

Thorin:

Fili: I've got most of it under control

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Demon Dean: It's okay to murder people, but it's not okay to disrespect your wife

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Y/n: I want to be a caterpillar

Sam: Explain?

Y/n: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful

Sam: You know that they have a lifespan of like, two weeks, right?

Y/n: That's another highlight

Sam: y/N, NO

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Y/n: Dean is missing, can you find him?

Cas: what, do you think I have him microchipped or something?

Y/n: Well, do you?

Cas: ...

Cas: Yeah, hang on

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Dean: *does something reckless*

Castiel: how could you do this? You are so reckless

Castiel: *does something equally, if not more, reckless*

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Dean, probably: stop forgiving my crimes, I worked so hard on those