traumarecordings

[traumarecordings]

I’m collecting audio stories about trauma for use in an album, and I want to hear your story. (TRIGGER WARNING: TRAUMA/SA)

I am 30 years old, and over the last 6 months I've had a bunch of repressed CSA memories come up and I've been diagnosed with DID. Here are the cliffnotes of my story (CSA TRIGGER WARNING!!!):

From age 3-6, I was repeatedly raped by my great-grandparents, who were my primary caregivers at the time. Along with my own memories, I have memories of being pulled away by my great-grandmother while my great-grandfather was about to take his turn with my sister. In 6th grade, I tried to process some of these memories with the mother of my childhood best friend (because she was like a second mother to me). This led to me being raped by her for 3ish years.

When my memories came up, I was afraid I would forget them so I made audio recordings. As a way to cope and process my story and what happened to me, I've been writing music, and I've been using bits of those recordings in the music.

But I'm not the only person who has experiences like this, and I think it would be meaningful to have audio from other people's stories. If you are willing to, I would love to hear your story and use pieces of it in the music. I can't promise the music will be good, that I'll ever finish it, or that I'll use your story. The album is about trauma, hope, and the beauty of life.

Here is a list of questions. Feel free to answer all of them, or 1 of them. Feel free to talk for 2 minutes, or for an hour. Feel free to talk about stuff that isn't in the questions. If something makes you too uncomfortable or is too hard, I'm not asking you to push it. I know how hard talking about this is. It's okay if it's raw, it's okay if you yell, scream, cry, ramble, pause, or stay entirely emotionless. I want this to feel honest, not polished. Every person's way of dealing with this is unique to them, which is why I want to hear from you. Email the recording to traumarecordings@gmail.com (I'm amazed this email address was available lol). Thank you for the help with the project.

Questions:

Before it happened

Think about your life before this happened to you, what stands out?

What did you love, or look forward to, before whatever happened, happened?

Your Trauma

What happened?

When did it start? When did it stop?

What do you remember clearly? What do you still question?

Have you always known about your trauma, if not, what was the process like of getting those memories back?

Do you remember any details that feel stupid or shameful, but won't go away?

When you think about your trauma broadly, what emotions are most present?

Do you ever doubt what happened to you?

Is there anything you want to share and let go of?

The Results of the Trauma

How does your trauma most affect you?

What lies did you start believing?

What are the hardest parts of your life because of what happened to you?

What are ways that you have coped that are negative?

Have you ever contemplated suicide?

What are ways that you have coped that are positive?

Do you feel like it was your fault?

Have you ever hurt people because of what you went through? (emotionally, physically, etc.)

Have you ever felt like you don’t deserve to be okay?

Other People

Was anyone there for you?

How do people react when you talk about what happened to you?

Did anyone ignore it, or make it worse?

Are there people you wish you could tell, but can’t?

Hope

What helps you feel better now?

What gives you hope?

What still makes you want to be here?

What do you wish someone had told you back then?

What do you want other people to understand about this kind of trauma?

What keeps you connected to yourself or the world?

What kinds of moments still feel real and worth holding onto?

What are your favorite things in life, and why?

Do you have a message for other people who are going through this same thing?