trollmaiden - Tumblr blog

[trollmaiden]

“Where have all the good women gone?”

Idk man have you checked the abandoned wells?

[trollmaiden]

You punks only wish your crib was as tight as this

[trollmaiden]

Would you still love me if I was a A large serpentine creature born to mortal parents who didn’t listen to the advice of a old crone and thus borne me (Cool & reptilian) and my younger brother (normal & boring), and I disappeared to woods after my birth only to return when my brother is about to get married so I can throw a hissy fit because I wasn’t married first, but each and every time my parents found me a spouse I ate them and after the third or second time of eating them they decided they couldn’t give me another noble /or royal spouse so they went to your father (a shepherd) and arranged our marriage, and you go to the woods and met a old crone (the same crone my mother spoke to) and you tell her about our engagement and how I ate my last two fiancées and you think I’ll eat you too (this is absolutely 100% true) and she gives you a list of things to do for our wedding night and we get married and your wearing all of your clothes at the same time and this begins a really long strip tease where each time you take off a article of clothing I have to shed my snakeskin and once you finally take off all your clothes you take out the whip you soaked in lye and whip me, put me in a bath full of milk, and then put me to bed, so when they find us in the morning we are both alive and I’m no longer a man eating snake

Would you still love me then??

[trollmaiden]

Dating in this day and age is really hard, nobody wants to be lured into a peat bog anymore, men aren’t wondering the woods following strange sounds, and suddenly enteral curses aren’t cute and endearing but baggage

[trollmaiden]

I’m here to remind all of you that nothing is stopping you from creating your own book of riddles

[trollmaiden]

I’ll never forgive you guys for abandoning Art nouveau

[trollmaiden]

Back at it again

Part 4

Ice structures and wilderness I would live in if I was a cold unforgiving personification of winter

Trees I would live in if I was a lil’ dryad forest fey creature

[trollmaiden]

Guess who’s not going to shut up now

[trollmaiden]

It’s time to Be a Adult and mythologize your local Flora, Fauna, Rivers, and rock formations,

No that isn’t just a birch tree,

That’s the Sisters Rosamund, Lyonesse, and Miranda, They are under a shape shifting curse and trapping themselves inside a tree is the only safe way for them to figure out how to break it.

Leave them Ribbons, or crystals, Your secrets, your Social security number, whatever you think they will like

[trollmaiden]

I love how the Victorians were like “yeah the dark ages were so brutal look at all of these torture devices and chastity belts I recreated”

like babes we both know there was no “recreating”

your literally just projecting

[trollmaiden]

All the books in Bramble the mountain King

The children’s story

The Nacken’s origin

The book of witchcraft

King Nils volume I

The Skogsra’s story

The Plague Diary

And King Nils volume II

[trollmaiden]

Bramble the mountain King

AKA a John Bauer love note

[trollmaiden]

Part 3

Holes and bridges I would live in/under if I was a riddling treasure hoarding troll creature

Trees I would live in if I was a lil’ dryad forest fey creature

[trollmaiden]

"knight posting" this and "guard posting" that. i'm the princess's trusted handmaid who provides her advice and comfort in my soothing, low-class style. i am saying things like "if you don't mind me speaking out of turn, my lady..." and sharing fairy tales and lullabies my sad mother taught me. also i am fucking the jester.

[trollmaiden]

You are either

A) cleaned out perfume bottle filled with soda

or

B) Plastic water bottle filled with an elixir

[trollmaiden]

It is an injustice that there isn’t more insect theme jewelry

[trollmaiden]

There’s so many things I like about TFOTA series but one of them is that the palace canonically looks like this