tstih

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Look, folks: sometimes the world looks perfect, nothing to rearrange. But sometimes you just get a feeling like you need some kind of change. stan ding TALL

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If a linguistically leonine receptionist you seek, call up Blue Moon Detective Agency, five days a week. Miss DiPesto's got rhymes like Toyota's got cars, and if you call her up now she might drop a few bars.

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Some sample Han Solo looks. Divorced and divorcededer, but the Solos aren't divorced yet. It's like he's practicing.

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I love Sims genetics, so I had to do Ben's older siblings Jaina and Jacen to round out the nuclear family. This is where I should do a full disclosure: I know more than a little but way less than a lot about the EU. I got an Encyclopedia of Star Wars Characters at the mall when I was a kid, but that was it – tbh the book made the EU sound kinda boring, not the best advertisement for the franchise overall. I also haven't seen Episodes II, III, or IX. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm casual about the 'Wars, my man. And that is OK. We are leaving that there. Anyway, if there's one thing Ben really hates, something that really cracks his retainer ("for christsake Ben, again?!" – Han Solo, going through the latest round of orthodontist bills), it's when he hears kids at school talking about how bangable his older siblings are. It's not enough that the Solo Duo swept every student council election and got great grades and made time for volunteer work down at the aquarium; they had to be born foxy. He knew, just KNEW, deep in his heart that much of the ambient praise of "the Solo Duo" contained a note of reproach for him. Oh well. Too bad Uncle Luke doesn't see The Force in them. I think Jaina came out looking a little like Deborah Van Valkenburgh.

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Leia is running for Mayor of Batuu, and when the race is won and the divorce is final, she swears: It will be my turn to perm.

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Reflecting at the dawn of the Battle of Starkiller Base, General Organa would say to herself what she'd said a thousand times before: the signs of instability, of fundamental incompatibility were always there, but the real trouble didn't start until he came home with the perm. (original Han Solo sim by Dyoshwaa on the Gallery)

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While I'm unfucking my Sims game for the nthtieth time, here are some of the Sims I have made. They're not available for download for various good reasons (241 GB of CC topping the list) though that could change someday. For now you just get to behold them and hear their stories. Backstory on my game (important!): a relatively limited but devastating "oopsie" during disarmament at the end of the Cold War freezes culture while everybody rebuilds and learns to get along, which is why there are mutants and aliens [they helped] and cell phones and personal spaceships and very little international conflict but everything looks like it's happening in the '70s/Brown '80s but it's really 2223. Also there's a bunch of other people's IPs in there for some reason but they've all been shoved through the Norman Lear/MTM filter. I am not a crackpot. Luke (original Sim by Ritpit01 on the Gallery) lives in his sister's basement rec room and is primarily known for "cooking up fart stews and doing karate in his stupid Pier One sandals all day" (per nephew Ben, original by yulevv). His first attempt at a Jedi academy having failed in the marketplace, Luke is adrift, unable to reconcile his religious calling and his need to earn a steady living. He's thinking about starting some kind of correspondence school, or maybe one of those spaceport hotel seminars where people don't get to go to the bathroom. Ben, Batuu High School Class of '27 (Go Banths), is patently a little freak. So his dad Han will tell you, once he's deep in his cups, which have Ziggy on them. Ben's been sent to the office for breathing on people five times this school year, and it's only October. Nevertheless, Luke feels Ben's burgeoning potential – and doesn't have a clue what to do with it. Luke just can't help but love the hell out of the scruffy li'l guy, which leaves him at a loss when it comes to the "instilling discipline" part of Jedi training. He's the cool uncle, for cryin' out loud! The shoulder cried on! He gave the kid his first sip of beer! How's he supposed to break his flesh and blood nephew down and build him back up again? And what about the stage of Jedi training where the master rides around on the student's shoulders for a week like a bucking bronco? Gross. For the obvious reasons, but also: that kid is oily.