turgidtangentimagines

[turgidtangentimagines]

fuck i can’t believe i wasted my entire life being moved by art and beauty and the indomitable human spirit ugh i should’ve been making money through internet scams

[turgidtangentimagines]

FOZZER’S THEME - GRAVEYARD SHIFT (PLAY THE ROUTE AND THEN TWEET @hamesatron ABOUT HOW GOOD THIS TITLE IS) this is literally the first track i wrote for the game. this piano motif a melody had been something i was kicking around back in like 2012 as a song for rose i think. when andrew originally talked to toby and i he gave us very specific marching orders about what songs to write. it was two songs. a haunted mansion and a “subway full of juggalos” i mentioned before we went through a handful of “haunted mansion” ideas for HARLEHOUSE that were like too spooky and not campy enough. this was one of those spooky takes. we ended up using this theme for something of more… significance. – I will talk about this more once the route is available, the rest is spoilers.

[turgidtangentimagines]

(reblog from my main.)

[turgidtangentimagines]

Hey bro! Could i get a scenario for Gamzee,Aradia and Eridan with a short to medium height s/o who just loves affection? Like, "Imma tackle you and shower u in kisses while saying cheesy pick-up lines >:3" affection? Thanks!!!

This ask reminds me of conventions. Also I accidentally did headcannons whoops.

For Gamzee, don’t get all up on him all of the sudden unless you want to be at best, tossed off- or at worst, slammed. Even if he got high again or got his pan fixed somehow he’s still had his incidents and is now much more likely to hurt people, including his loved ones. Heck, before that I wouldn’t put it past Gamzee to have developed the horrid conditions of being completely touch starved and touch adverse at the same time, from the neglect of Goatdad and the culture of Alternia in general. Though if you tone down the physical surprise with a “oh baabe” or some other auditory cue it might click in the ol pan that he’s in store for affection and not aggrievance and remind him that he actually likes you. Then maybe he’ll be in a decent enough spot to take in the affection flood.

As long as you watch the wings Aradia wouldn’t mind a tackle hug that much- but do watch them. For one, those wings of hers ache just as much as a certain few Nitrams might- perhaps even moreso because of their earned nature. Secondly, due to that nature, her wings are just about as fluttery as a seadweller’s fins when she’s happy! She can’t exactly hide them and since becoming alive again (or atleast whole so to speak) she’s taken to expressing her emotions in stride- and that means reciprocating the torrent of affection with just as cheesy if not cheesier pickup lines.

Eridan kinda needs the tackles, he is extremely skin hungry and needs way more affirmation of your feelings than he thinks a royal should need. I mean, who the heck is supposed to feel loved all the time? everyone eri everyone He doesn’t like the fact that he is still a ball of dork that needs others to make his life whole and there’s a lot of internal noise and conflict going on as you slowly smooch away all of his worries until he’s a puddle of a seadweller with flushed fluttering fins fanning your face. The cheesy pickup lines are met with snark and sass but the loving troll variety that lets you know he’s adjusting better than he gives himself credit for.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Heeeyyy! I love your work! How would Gamzee, Aradia, Marvus and Boldir( you can exclude the last two if you don't do Hiveswap) to a person/troll flirting with their s/o or actively trying to get in between them? Thanks a lot!

Hiveswap is a thing dear anon don’t fret. Don’t forget! Marvus isnt’ out yet and this sat in the box so long I had to redo Boldir. (fuck.)

Gamzee is either totally oblivious or just fuckin clocks a dude. Highbloods are so strong it would be completely foolish for someone to attempt this, and bringing that point up before his mood begins to sour is imperative to prohibit him from getting to the point he’ll act on those impulses. If you don’t, they’ll be very few words before the brawl begins and it’d be best to bail. Of course, he could just not care and go on about his night. You still never know with Gamzee.

Aradia has spent a great deal of her time dead so she feels bad about being sidestepped like that. It kinda picks at the wounds of her of her state of being and brings a question to her mind- that maybe the world won’t see her as deserving of you, even in this state of godhood. As a result, she asserts herself less violently, but as clearly and straight faced as she can. A simple “are you ready to go?” is all she really needs to evacuate the situation, she knows you can talk more clearly later, without them.

Marvus starts out  a little shocked that someone would even attempt. Then he starts to get the rage boiling under the mirthful mask. A sharp tongue and a flash of orange sclera is more than enough to scare off the flirter. He’ll probably tease you about it later, but hopefully it’s all in jest. You think.. hope.

Boldir goes stone faced but is lightly seething inside. A flashstep (glidestep? she’s very graceful.) back to her place between you and the flirt asserts herself in a way that is much more in line with what she deems worth the trouble. A highblood will get the stone face, a lowblood will get the stone face, an equal would get the stone face too. In her opinion they should know better, of all the things adults get killed for flirting with people for occupied quadrants is right under getting killed for neglecting your pail duties. In one way she’s trying to make this a learning experience for the flirt, in another she’s trying to make it a learning experience for you. Alternia victim blames hard and plays dirty with the law. One day you might get culled for breaking some overly manipulated legislaceration for just this sort of thing.

[turgidtangentimagines]

The dolorosa catches an old friend from the breeding caverns in a position where they're desperately trying not to fall on a pile of grubs

PPFFT. I love typos, anon. never change.

Hours, perhaps half a night, who knows when you can’t risk a glance outside? You might as well have been in this position for eternity, if the numbness of your arms and spine were any indicator. The daily duties of the newhatch caverns were few, but keeping tabs on who is advancing and whos lusus is going to have a fit when they find out that they aren’t going to make it helps keep the caverns running smoothly. 

You’ve slipped on what, thankfully, was nothing more than a slick bowl of crushed lusus chitin right next to the grubcoons. It was bad enough that you had done so with your back towards the grubs, unable to confirm or deny any harmful disturbance. You’ll no doubt have to chart that on the paperpincher when you’re out of this mess. But to do so in this position- looking so relaxed for being so very tense- with limbs pinched and zero range of movement in any direction that would not put a child’s life at risk was so very unprofessional, there’s no possible way this could get any worse.

Or you could be caught pinch-handed by the idol of the brooding caverns - that’d just totally make your situation better.

“_____! What in the empire are you doing?!” 

A fluttering stammer of consonants floats from your lips as you can barely enunciate your plea for help.-

“Madam Maryam, this isn’t what it looks like, I swear!”

[turgidtangentimagines]

So that spooky time of the year is upon us and I just want to be sure everyone knows:

I will never post a screamer video on my blog.

I have pretty bad anxiety and I know a lot of my followers do too so I’m making this post just so everyone knows. My blog will be jumpscare/screamer video free for all of the spooky month ahead of us. :)

[turgidtangentimagines]

Could you possibly do some headcanons for eridan, meenah, and cronus with a very tol S/O (btw i heccing love your page so far!) tanks uwu

Ahh, seadwellers are great.

Eridan is pouty about kisses being hard now. Try and find a troll book where a highblood tip-toes to kiss their partner, he’ll dare you. Definitely a little bummed about sticking out in some way again. He’ll keep insisting on doing the tall person things like retrieving stuff from shelves. He’s been one of the taller ones in his group so long he just forgets. Thinks your tall appearance is lovely from this angle-but just you wait till that first highblood molt* hits him, he’ll be at eye level with you yet! He comes out of molt exactly an inch shorter at the forehead, but four inches taller if you include the horns- and he disregards that because he can kiss you now and everything is fine.

Meenah is completely undaunted and thinks you are now a fun target for faux pole-vaults via her 2x3dent for smooches. Basically she thinks that no matter what her s/o looks like, she’s boss, and given her personality it’s kinda so. Just try not to make a show of it by kissing her forehead all showily or bending over and squatting way too much, that’ll ruffle her fins and get you a quadrant quarrel real quick.

Cronus has been checking you out sense you met, he is a total leg & thigh guy. Cronus is a little more flexible in his relationship roles from a lack of experience, and, therefore, habit. So, he’ll not be too flummoxed about anything unless you make a big deal of it in front of his peers. Even then, he’s getting affection and attention in front of his peers- he’ll be hard pressed to complain!

* I subscribe to the headcannon that in increments that scale with blood hue, trolls go through many molts through their lifetime- getting bigger every time. So that’s how highbloods get so damn big. molts.

[turgidtangentimagines]

An explanation

So, I’ve been pretty busy lately. The reason for this is that my hours have been upped at work- now I work 5 days a week instead of my 3-4. This means that there’s very little time for me to actually decompress, as not only are my hours upped but my days off aren’t even clumped together like a normal person’s.

So if you were wondering where the heck I am, that’d be where i am. mostly in bed after work trying to recharge in a house of 5 people and 5 animals. not super easy stuff.

Musings on wether or not to have mods below cut

So shit’s gonna be hella slow. maybe forever, idk.

I’ve been weighing my options for adding mods. Idk what i’d do with them though, I made this blog to create imagines and scenarios that were on the weirder side of things. I wanted to explore alternian culture and come up with strange headcanons. and i have! 

the thing is, i never expected so much... volume. I suppose having a mod would alleviate some of that volume, but I can’t exactly just foist all the requests I have not inspiration for on someone else, that’s not fair on my part. Simultaneously I made this blog and it belongs to me, so where would that line be, and when would you cross it? Details, Details.

[turgidtangentimagines]

SWEET JEGUS IT'S AMAZING!!!!!!

YOU DID SO GOOD!!!!!!

THANK YOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!

I liked @turgidtangentimagines headcanons for Fozzer so much I drew this. Ill try something else with Fozzer next time I draw him but I like how this came out.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Hey! How about dualscar & Ghb jealous headcanons? (If you haven't done them my friend)

I love these two awful dorks. Like I devoured every fanfic of both of them from 2011 to pretty much now. There are so many that are gone now and I /still/ check for Dualscar’s update for that “Slave Girl” series to this day. I want part two so bad.

Dualscar takes a lot before he gets truly jealous, he can be provoked but he’s practically ancient. He knows the need for friends and quadrants moreso than the current batch of beneath-blooded trolls. He wasn’t raised in the Alternia that worships quadrants and is fearful of friends and has to pail by law. It doesn’t mean the pressure isn’t there, but it does mean it’s separated from his base trains of thought.

That being said, he does not take kindly to those who wish to sever the quadrants of royalty. Not. at. all.  You do not play those games with highbloods- why do you think all that troll media has trolls die for doing so? He presents himself as more aggressive than he actually is (cape looks like a drone, always armed, semi-snarled expression) which usually sends a ‘back off’ message, but he has no trouble making that message extra clear- either blatantly with lower bloods (telling them so, laying the affection on thick in public, other dick moves) or passively with his almost equals (an arm around your hip (or shoulder if you’re a tiny human), hinting words like pet names, grabbing your attention and taking you elsewhere). He’s older, violence over the little stuff loses it’s charm after a few centuries. 

When Dualscar finally wards off the pursuer he’s likely to make mean jokes about them. Kinda a poison-the-well technique, “Did you see that fool? He was laying it on rather thick, wasn’t he? Likely just as thick-headed, eh?”- Basically he’s trying to get you to prevent you from liking them further. He doesn’t need mind powers to influence the way people think, he knows he can and he knows you can too, just like everyone else. He won’t mind rebuttal, and he’ll let it go rather easily, but should said fool come back or try to get you alone THEN he’ll have some major problems. Those problems? Yeah, those might involve violence this time.

The Grand Highblood. The Big Makara. Oh boy. This guy- he flops between not caring if you fuck all of Alternia to wanting your attention so exclusively he tries to coerce you into cohabiting almost solely in his quarters. Unlike Ampora, Highblood was born under the beginning of the ‘no friends, only quadrants’ era of Alternia, and you’ll bet your ass he’s lived his entire life that way. He absolutely does not see what you could possibly gain from talking to complete randos by yourself. His background in conversation, especially for the rare troll social occasions, is couples talking to couples to find others to fill other quadrants. That’s almost exclusively it.

He is an imposing figure at any gathering or location- no matter where he is, or what he’s doing, people know exactly who they’re fucking with. He’s damn well aware that everyone around him knows his name- he hasn’t been introduced in so long he has a brief moment of culture shock when you two first shake hands. The only way someone trying to make a move on you may see some mercy from him is if they are also human, that may be the only saving grace they encounter.

So he has not a damn qualm with punting a motherfucker across the ballblock when they can’t seem to keep their mouth shut and hands to themselves. Or, as a callback to the first set of Fozzer hcs, he’d definitely need a ‘rail around to keep him from clubbing some motherfucker for trying to steal a nuzzle from you. Given the moirails he likely attracts, you’d better hope they don’t just let him, lest your outfit have a major dye accident.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Considering what today is, how about some relationship headcanons for Redglare?

True babe. I kinda headcanoned her as deaf in one ear and blind in one eye back in 2012 but idk if i do anymore.

Redglare is a conflicted and younger adult troll. She values an equality for justice that simply does not exist in her society, and acknowledges that the only way for her to affect much in her position is to use it to its fullest extent to make the biggest impact. While Mindfang helped the second more violent revolution, Redglare grew up in the first and made it her business to persuade the most highbloods into Signless’ teachings as she could, even after his execution. 

She values personal flexibility- a trait that makes legislacerating much much easier- and depending on your species, socioeconomic class, and location she’ll mold her presence into whatever is the most appropriate -AND- and the most nice. She’s surprisingly cordial- very business like upon meeting anyone, even people she intends to flirt with later- in or outside of work. The first time you meet eachother in a less formal/ business setting she talks like you’ve been buddies forever. Kinda like meeting your boss outside of work in summer. Odd, but not unorthodox.

 So needless to say, finding the business card she gave you is actually just her contacts with a winky face throws you for a loop. The fact that she proceeded to ask you out for coffee was even more strange, and even stranger is how all the lawyer just completely vacated from her person in the same way a retail worker quits using their customer service voice after they leave the building.

Actually pretty damn rad! Redglare likes video games and solo sports- and get-togethers and dnd- you’d have never guessed someone could have such polar personas, but here she is! She’s happy to include you in her life little by little as you two grow as a couple. She’ll prefer at least starting out using quadrants because that is what is most familiar to her and she doesn’t want to just completely fuck this up as she gets her quadrants in order. Doesn’t really know what she wants on that front until she comes to a logic-backed conclusion.

She's definitely one for words of affirmation and physical touch. Nothing’s quite like a warm loving embrace to make a troll feel truly loved. She keeps her beloved in her thoughts while on duty and uses the thoughts of seeing you again to get her work finished quick. Which is really helpful, because she either has piles of paperwork or so little she has to resist doing it to not be forced off duty for the night. (Thanks, babe!)

Redglare may be on the fence for which system to use but she does love that you are so unabashed for your feelings... by her standards, anyway. Humans don’t have highblood lifespans to play coy, so having a fire under ya to get your feelings out there is kinda endearing to her. It compliments the way humans are so soft with their lovers, a quick step that’s in a rhythm she can’t help but join! That being said, she’ll definitely need a remedial lesson in human platonic etiquette as you hug a family member and she looks like she’s staring at a jigsaw piece and a pawn create a rubiks cube- what is the context of this interaction? what does it meeeen?

[turgidtangentimagines]

Do you do NSFW asks? Where can I find the blog rules?

The rules are here and nope :P

I’ll be putting that in the description later.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Signless relationship headcanons plz :3

Signless is a wonderful troll. He’s always been a fave

Signless likes the monogamy typically found in human cultures- and if he were to pick between human polygamy and troll quadrants he’d go for the human option every time. Hate-flirtations go right over his horns and are forgiven without a breath’s hesitation. He doesn’t have a lot of hate or malice in him. Perhaps being raised by a sapient and loving member of your own species will do that to a troll. Thus, a spade is just not happening. Potential hate partners are excluded from his very pan the same way some people are excluded from consideration by the nature of a human’s sexual orientation.

Thus, Signless comes without the majority of tense cultural drama typically inherent in the beginning of troll/human relationships. It takes a special kind of maturity for two adults of either species to compromise and accept and forgive where both will inevitably step on each other’s toes- especially with any grace or humility about themselves. Your relationship has this big wave of ease just wash over you both as you realize you are actually on the same page with what you want, need, and give in the relationship. 

It’s not to say there are zero misunderstandings, but the ones you have aren’t at the “why are we even trying” level. Instead, you have more conflicts about individual-level things like where/how often/ how long should we do/ have/ be this thing together/ alone/ with other people. That and maybe things like cohabitating and cosleeping and a lot of the couple behaviors of humans. Those would be new and confusing things to him- especially without the context of families and the nuances of human relationships having stages- what is this married thing and why aren’t we that? I thought we were in love???

Signless loves in an open and honest way- there was maybe an hour’s worth of time that his feelings for you were a secret between him and his inner circle. He’s affectionate in public- although it takes him a while to realize that perhaps what he considers on the ‘small but substantial’ side of troll red-rom gestures is not even on your radar. 

You could take this as small touch-barrier things like handshakes or two-pat hugs- or it could go into accidentally cuddling into the shoulders of your least-familiar friends when you’re watching a show or even giving someone a Faire la bise in greeting. You just semi-cuddled a person you haven’t known for half a sweep and then you kissed a complete stranger on the cheeks how are we all not dead and actually okay right now, what? This is /great/ but /what/ ??? What humans consider romantic and platonic and merely acquainted is going to take some getting used to, likely in the form of forming more bonds with humans.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Can we have some dating headcanons for psiioniic, sollux, and xefros (separately) with a SO who secretly drains psychic powers from trolls (goldbloods, rustbloods, even ceruleans) with a machine? Basically they do this to make batteries with the psychic energy to sell them.

Ohh boy, well none of them are super happy about that, let’s be honest here. 

All three feel personally attacked and betrayed at this revelation- Psiionic more due to the fact that he had been freed by Signless, likely from such a place and from such a person. Even if this was revealed out of remorse or some sort of I-do-this-to-highbloods-too pride Psiionic could never be fully okay with his SO being anything remotely close to his previous (and later) masters. If you truly scare him he’ll cut you out of his life sans actual closure. He’s an adult, he knows this song and dance, he’s not going to just stay in a place where he knows in his pumper of pumpers it only goes downhill. It’s not exactly like you could stop him either, his name is THE Psiionic for a reason.

The same sentiment goes for the kid trolls as well- you’re profiting off of suffering and agony that they’ve been told is inevitable their entire lives, there’s absolutely no way they would ever desire this in their romances. The only difference between them and Psiionic is that they’d be more hurt and lash out more due to the fact you’re likely their first true red betrayal. You’re the first person to lure them in with love and affection and slam them right back into the hell of Alternia, thank you. so much. for that. Sollux would lash out more violently and maybe even vacillate out of frustration, but Xefros would turn to Joey or Dammek for support and protection in Operation: Breakup and Don’t Get the Burgundy Blood Enslaved.

[turgidtangentimagines]

may I request some fluff headcanons about dualscar, mindfang, and the condesce? (separately) Thank you!

I. Live. For. The. Ancestors. This ended up as more of a relationship headcannons sort of deal, but i like them so i’m posting them

Dualscar is old as fuck and so fuckin done with his emotions sometimes. 

He’s outlived every partner he’s ever had and it gets to him more so than it does other seadwellers. At the same time, these partners tend to keep him thinking young so he’s actually quite grateful for your presence- your fresh perspective is refreshing. 

His job as Orphaner feeding Gl'bgolyb takes a lot out of him and weighs on his mind a great deal. He’ll try to bottle that up, and he’ll only release that should you provoke his rage. Many partners take this as a sign that all is not well on the seas, if someone so experienced is so worried sweep-centuries into their career. If you see that vulnerability and stay- one, he’ll think you crazy, and naive, and a fool- and two, he’ll be the loyal kind of in love that is many a highblood’s undoing. 

He’ll spend his time off duty with you, he values quality time and takes making that time quality seriously- not crazy seriously, but you don’t work a job like that without gaining a sense of duty and discipline in everything you do. Books marked, work and equipment stored, evening orders sent below deck- “How was your day, dear?” He’s not attached at the hip, but you both have lives and he’s mature enough to value both you and his work and not mix them into a frenzy trying to do both at once.

Mindfang is a pirate unlike any other- we’ve seen her mind control someone straight into her red quadrant to provoke her spade and then take another in their own free will- only to be killed by them. 

She’s violent and brash and she wants adventure and conquest wherever she goes. Should she set her 8-pupiled sights on you and decide you are where her next adventure is then prepare yourself because there’s no true telling what she’ll do. 

Regardless of the means by which she has wooed you, Mindfang will officially ‘let you in’ in a giant unyielding tirade about her life thus far. She’s basically going to read the non-feely parts of her journal to you, verbatim. This is a test. Can you listen- truly listen- and be interested in her? Because she’s insecure enough to influence others’ emotions on sight. She might’ve done that to you already! She really just wants to know if you actually like her and even though she’s an adult and knows looking into your mind is inherently influencing that decision, conscious or otherwise, she just wants confirmation so bad she feels like she’s going nuts.

Considering Mindfang is one to either fall hard or not fall at all she feels real weird in the beginning of a relationship- what is this thing where i am vulnerable and you don’t back-stab me? huh? okay then. are you sure you’re not gonna back-stab me? She plays the what if game with both you and herself a lot because she is truly unaccustomed to unconditional affection- she didn’t even get that from her lusus, for pete’s sake! But as time goes on she’ll shed her inhibitions and accept that there’s no ill will- but that will be longer than you think because highblood time, and she might look into your mind in those first stressful situations. 

Unlike Dualscar, she values the shared experiences between couples so she’s much more likely to try and have you on the ship more often than not. She’s also one for giving gifts as tokens of appreciation, though these are almost bribe-y because she wants time and action in return instead of other gifts. Show her you love her- initiate affection and spend time together without prompting and she melts. On the inside. On the outside she’s just smiling instead of smirking, but you learn to read Serket expressions as time goes on.

How Condesce treats you is largely dependent upon just how clear your perception of her is in the beginning of your relationship.

Should you find yourself as her matesprite you’ll be expected to be the pinnacle of whatever role it is you function, a complete Alternian model citizen. Sub-indigo is rather rare for her, sub-jade almost a complete impossibility.

 As you may imagine being her matesprite means that you are in a stressful high-ranking position on Battleship Condescension near the forefront of the Alternian conquest effort. This means that being near eachother is common- but being alone together is rare, regardless of the red between you. She might know well and good that she could basically leave the empire on autopilot and have the drones follow a long endless order instead of having such laser focus, but she honestly finds conquest as a sort of special interest. Such a long an lofty goal could likely only be carried out by someone with her massive lifespan, and this allows her to have the ‘big dream’ without aiming too low or too short by mistake. Thus, she always has something to update you on, as you either already were or are currently turning into a big deal in this conquest. On a similar note-

Whether it is in person over a shared meal or in the lengthy personalized footnotes of a stock memo, one of the biggest tells she loves you is that she’ll tell you. She’s the empress, her every action is so loud that it loses its meaning quickly in her newly established quadrants. But her actions carrying such a weight redistributes that meaning back to her words again. Her words always become her actions, and thus stating that she loves you out loud solidifies it in such a way that almost the entire ship acknowledges it in a manner of hours after the first is caught on camera or otherwise recorded by a member of the empiric press.

Alone time is extremely well respected among the imperial consort circles on the battleship. You will practically have a schedule to appoint to just to dictate when you two will get a moment to unwind and talk and care for eachother as matesprites do. It’s hectic, and given your position you might end up having to do some drastic and dramatic things in order to keep the battleship together, much less yourselves. That position of yours becomes just as dangerous as her own, but the reward for that integrity is not only her respect, but an unyielding red the likes of which she does not utter outside of her chambers- lest her other quadrants’ consorts form a plot.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Bittersweet Fozzer/reader imagines? I imagine Fozzer is such a sad person and he reader would feel bad and try to cheer him up

Fozzer is a sweet boi.

Fozzer has a depressing job no matter how you cut it. He’s always worn out, mentally and physically, before and after his work is complete. He really just needs someone to listen to him about it for a while, that’s probably the biggest thing you can do to brighten his night. A good ear and a kind shoulder would do him wonders for is mood.

Sharing what you have of, say, your rations or your belongings is a big statement in troll culture- especially among the lower castes. Fozzer would be quite flabbergasted if you gave him your seasoning packet for that gross chitin soup. Give him your bowl in exchange for his veggie and he’ll actually smile while he eats (which I bet he doesn’t really feel like doing. Hard labor and deep depression = food being a necessary evil) 

Fozzer sings under his breath as he works. It’s hard to say if he does it to disassociate or to focus, but he seems to be less miserable when he does. If he could get you away from the drones and trolls for just 4 mins he’d love to sing a duet at full volume. Please?