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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 4 - 6 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3

The two treasure-like songs we created together

The songwriting with Shishô that made me wonder, “What have I been doing until now?”

Having graduated from being a staff member of X and being active with my own band, talking to Shishô about music made me genuinely wonder, “Could I have put this much thought into creating something this deep?”

When I thought that… I keep saying it, but the realization was there: “What have I been doing until now?” It made me hate myself.

When we were listening once again to the phrase played on acoustic guitar as recorded on tape, Shishô said, “KUMA, this is what I mean. If you just break this melody into cords, I don’t think there would be any spread to it, because the melody won’t be open.”

While he said so, he made sure several times… Over and over, he used different cord for the same sound, and recorded it all over again.

In the things Shishô said, the things he did, it was as if he were showing all his cards.

I used to think I had been thinking carefully about what I was doing until then, but when I was shown that… I felt like there had been no originality, not even in theory, when I was composing a song.

The two songs that we were composing that way were “JET SPARK” and “STARDUST STORY”.

Looking back, I, who had been kidnapped to Lake Yamanaka as if it were a joke, did not understand Shishô’s intentions, since we did not really talk about it in the aftermath, but… I think Shishô must have figured it all out before taking me away.

I think it was probably to give me as much of those two songs as possible at that point.

A necessity that seems random. When I think back to that exchange, I can’t help but wonder what was up with Shishô’s characteristic “kindness laced with embarrassment”.

At first, we started with “JET SPARK”, but that song was a hotpot of melodies I had created and the cords Shishô provided for it.

The interlude, too, he made feel natural as he created it on the acoustic guitar… and even there, Shishô’s typical attention to detail showed up, and he put in magnificent cords.

In hide’s style, he utilized my strongest points, and added an original taste… That’s how seriously he took the creation of my songs.

“STARDUST STORY” is a song that was created by Shishô humming the cords over and over again. To the extent that I initially wondered if this wasn’t really Shishô’s song.

In the end, nothing got finished at Lake Yamanaka, and later I took it from there and kept thinking of extensions and compositions, and after I properly worked on that melody for half a year… This is the first time I’m letting Shishô listen to it in full.

Lake Yamanaka – The Aftermath

I went to Laka Yamanaka in November of ‘97.

It happened just one month before X’s final concert, when Shishô was beginning to prepare new solo songs.

I had been taken there without knowing why at the time, but at some point, there was something like a break.

Apparently, the people from the record company had prepared a day off at an onsen for hide-san, who had been working on his songs with a pretty full schedule.

When I heard all the staff members suggest that “we should all enjoy a reward for our hard work for a bit”, I thought, “No way!”

Having dropped everything when I went to Lake Yamanaka, I had no time to relax… and this was postponing the day of my return to Tokyo even further.

So I said to hide-san, “Please got to the onsen with everyone else. I’ll return to Tokyo for a bit and then come back here,” and then took my leave from Lake Yamanaka.

In the end, everyone was at the onsen for about 2 to 3 days, However, from what I heard, Shishô, probably in excited drunkenness, jumped from a car and broke his foot…

With X’s last live only a month away, the subsequent work at Lake Yamanaka was canceled in the end, and so Shishô and the others returned from the onsen directly to Toyko.

After that, I joined Shishô in the city, where he continued to work without pause, but… the rehearsals for X were starting, and things got very hectic in this time.

As I mentioned before, I had been separated from X for many years at that point, but when Shishô asked me to help out at the end, from then on until the turn of the year, we were together almost every day, just like we had been in the past.

Also… on the 1st of February 1998, the year he announced the activities of “hide with Spread Beaver”, Shishô would go to the US.

“Kuma, you have to come to Los Angeles with me.”

“Come along.”

“Please come.”

Those invitations came frequently. In the end, because I wanted to get the two songs we made at Lake Yamanaka into a proper shape before I let him listen to them, I told Shishô, “I’ll make it there as soon as I finished the pre-production in Japan,” and planned to get to Los Angeles later. On the day of his departure, I did some shopping for him and then went to hide-san’s house. We went to Narita Airport together, and at the departure gate I saw him off with a “See you soon, I’ll be in L.A. in no time!!” and waved after hide-san until he disappeared from sight. After that, at its worst, I would get calls from hide-san in L.A. every thirty minutes.

I was aware that Shishô was struggling with a few things, but since I really wanted to finish those two songs he had worked on for me at Lake Yamanaka, so I could take them along… I thought that I would make it to L.A. no later than the end of February.

But in the end, I didn’t go at all.

The reason is that when I returned to Kumamoto for a day to renew my expired passport, the car I was in the passenger seat of was in an accident, and I was rushed to the hospital and admitted there…

That happened on the 25th of February. I had planned to leave on the 26th, and already had my plane ticket, too.

I had promised Shishô that I would come and thought that I had to get to the US no matter what, so even with an immobile leg, I managed to sneak out of the hospital.

There was an uproar at the hospital because of this.

In the end, Shishô’s mother contacted me, and told me, “KUMA-chan, what are you doing? Hideto is worried, saying that no matter what you are up to, you need to get well first! So please just go straight back to the hospital.” These words send me straight back to the hospital on crutches.

After that, Shishô called me at the hospital as well…

I remember us talking about a lot of things.

In the end, Shishô returned to Japan without me ever making it to Los Angeles.

Parting with hide – the reality

To me, 1998 would become a year I would never forget. X separated and Shishô started his solo project, and then… we parted ways.

I couldn’t move, and my trip to the US that I had been supposed to undertake with Shishô was canceled…

A few months after that…

Since that day eleven years ago, my life had changed drastically.

Even when I think about it now, my memories of the time after the turn of the year are somewhat muddled.

To be honest, there is a version of me who still really, really hasn’t been able to figure out his feelings.

Shishô himself seemed to often touch on subjects like “life and death” in his lyrics, as he was a person who always carried these themes in his awareness…

For example, lines like “When your body is dead and turned to ashes, someone is going to evaluate you…”

Thinking of it this way, a part of me was trying to come to terms with Shishô’s departure, while another part of me couldn’t accept it… Now I think I can never find the answer while I am still in this world…

In May ‘98, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of not understanding what the hell was going on, or even who I was. My reason for being.

At that time, I think I caused the important people around me, including my parents, a great deal of worry.

All those around me did their best to make me feel better.

From then on, I had no choice but to live my life convincing myself that I needed to be reborn, little by little, and that like that I would surely make it through this.

No matter how many years go by, even now, eleven years later, those feelings are still the same.

“The repeating seasons keep leaving me behind. I have to get going…”

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 3 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2

The collaboration that made me realize the extent of Shishô’s perception

I’ve lost track a little, but… here’s what we were holed up at Lake Yamanaka for, to the point of my cell phone getting burned…

On the first day, we were doing hide-san’s recording work.

First, we would record the demo tape that would become the template for the new song, but for this we would not use the recording studio but a tape recorder in the room Shishô and I were sharing.

“KUMA, record this.”

“Oh, stop.”

“Okay, okay. KUMA, one more time.”

“Oh, stop.”

Repeating this over and over, he created the shape of the song on the acoustic guitar.

The works that were born this way would later turn into “Pink Spider” and “ever free”.

I was only helping with the tape recorder, but I witnessed the entire process of creation… At first, he would simultaneously hum and play a chord, and change it several times, then he would chose the ones he liked best, and assemble a melody from there.

When I listen to the finished song, I can tell, “That phrase from back there turned into this,” but at the time of him coming up with various motives and putting them together, I had no idea what would become of them.

I did not ask Shishô, “What’s this song to be?” while working on it, and when a new phrase came to life as the work went on, I would wonder, “Is this for a different song than the one just now? Where’s the overlap?”

That’s what I was secretly thinking.

And then the next day. “Well then, let’s make your song, KUMA. What kind of song is it gonna be?” said Shishô. From there, the process of creating songs for me started. When Shishô once told me that he would write a song for me, he instructed me to have a melody ready as a starting point… So a melody existed in my mind.

When I conveyed it to him, Shishô hummed the melody I gave him scat style [nonsensical/wordless vocalization of a melody]… then turned it into cords. He used the same method he had previously used for the creation of his own songs.

But even though I had a motif in mind, it was pretty rough, as I had come to Lake Yamanaka unexpectedly and without preparation.

Therefore, with the sound in my head as a focal point and the advice of Shishô, saying, “If you do this here, why not do that there?” and so on, recording on tape and stopping, recording and stopping… We repeated it over and over.

At this point, I was also taught Shishô’s personal views on music.

“I make songs while planning for the feeling of the cords in contrast with the melody line. I put a lot of emphasis on the range in contrast with the melody.”

It were things like that which I got to hear while we were working on the songs.

We also focused on the lyrics a bunch while at Lake Yamanaka.

Since the lyrics I had thought of were frankly not finished yet, and I did not bring what I had with me, I ended up just applying the words I remembered to the finished melody as I sang along…

While doing so, I also learned a lot about Shishô’s attention to detail when it came to lyrics.

“First of all, the start of the chorus has to be conveyed directly. This is the part that needs the biggest hook, so I use voiced sounds to attack.”

“If you think carefully about the placement of the words, you can get a really cool sound not only in English, but in Japanese as well.”

“In pop, it’s important not to forget to make it catchy, and it’s fun to mix in katakana English.”

“Regarding the subject matter, it’s best to start by scribbling it down. What you want to write, what you want to convey, you should fill a couple of pages of a notebook with it, I think. That’s what I do when I start writing.”

Advice like that.

Lyrics are really hard.

Before our work at Lake Yamanaka, Shishô, who had gone solo, had talked to me about lyrics… but when I once again saw the lyrics he was writing at Lake Yamanaka, it scared me a little.

The content was unadorned, and when I read it again, it was rather shocking.

While Shishô also tended to use someone else as an analogy in his lyrics, in the end, they were often a stand-in for himself…

For example, there is a like in “TELL ME” that says, “I will not be able to hear my own voice until I am ashes…” When I read those lyrics, I thought time and again that the way he thought remained the same through the days, he just changed the way he expressed his feelings.

There was something desperate in it… It had an immeasurable power.

That same Shishô helped me create a song at Lake Yamanaka.

He taught me many things, using his own songs as an example, and while it gradually took shape with the two of us humming along…

“Shisho thinks about things this deeply, and with such fine attention to detail.” – When this realization came over me once again, it was an eye-opener.

His desire to seek the best, no matter what he did, and create products of the highest quality was extremely strong.

Working with Shishô one-on-one like this, I had to bluntly ask myself, “What have I been doing until now?”

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7

Chapter 4: The Separation from HIDE – How KUMA took it Forever unanswered thoughts, and the message Shishô left behind

Shishô = HIDE, always pestering the awkward KUMA

“You’re really awkward, always taking the long way around. You should take advantage of me. Then you’d soon make it,” Shishô used to say to me.

At first, I replied to that with, “What are you talking about? I’m doing my best!”, but eventually these discussions ended in a collaboration with HIDE-san and him telling me, “The same goes for writing songs. I’ll do what I can, so you really have to get there.”

That was Shishô, who always said contradictory things, but one day, when the topic came up over dinner, he spoke to me in a very strong tone… and he wasn’t laughing.

I felt somewhat forsaken when HIDE-san spoke to me like that…

“Please don’t say something like that. I’m doing my best, and it makes me sad when you dismiss that,” I said. Looking back, aside from directly telling me to “take advantage of me in order to make it”, there were many things in which he tried to support me.

HIDE-san had gotten a tattoo in Los Angeles, and when he did, he explained his thought process to me:

“This is the proof that I will “fight in the world of rock” my entire life.”

That was what he had determined for himself, he explained to me when we spoke of his tattoo, and at that point, I said, “I’m going to get the same one as you.” When I told him that, he was strongly against it.

“Are you an idiot? For someone who is planning to make it in this world, something like that is a no-go. You’ll have to put your body on display, after all. A tattoo will come with all sorts of restrictions, and that’s no good at all… I don’t want that for you,” he said.*

But I wouldn’t let it go either, so I said, “Then I’ll put it on my ass, where no one can see it.”… and he made a face at me.

Anyway, Shisho kept telling me, “You’re absolutely not allowed to do that.”…

He was probably irritated by my round-about way of going at things.

He really always said to me, “Make more use of me,” and “That’s why you’re no good. What about your band? You have to make it quickly, even if you use me a stepping stone.”

All I said was, “I’m doing my best.”

“You always take the long way around. Can’t you do better? Look at the others. I’m doing what I can, so you have to do your part as well.”

During that time, we had that kind of exchange a lot.

[*) Tattoos carry a social stigma in Japan to this day, as they are mostly associated with organized crime and having one often bans you from public spaces where your body is exposed such as public baths or sometime even beaches. Therefore, they are still rare among the general population and were even rarer then.]

To Yamanaka-ko, Lake of Destiny

Something that Shishô always said to me which made me really happy was, “I’d do anything for you.”

It did come true one day, too…

A few days after Shishô lamented over dinner, “You always take the long way around!” I suddenly got a phone call from him.

“KUMA, I need you to come right away. Please come, no matter what.”

It sounded urgent again… I thought as I went to Shishô’s house.

Apparently, it had been decided that we would go to the studio at Lake Yamanaka for my pre-production, but but at that point I was not informed of that, being told only to “Please come,” and then casually packed up in the car… and before I knew it, we were driving down the highway.

When I asked, surprised, “Eh, where are we going?” I was merely told, “No, it’s fine. It’s okay, so don’t worry,” and left ignorant of our destination for quite a while. I was surprised when, at a parking area quite along way from Tokyo, I was finally told, “We’re going to Lake Yamanaka.”

“No, that’s not happening. I’m going home, seriously.”

When I said that, Shishô laughed like he always did, and said, “How would you get back there?” In the end, taken to Lake Yamanaka I was.

There had, in fact, been foreshadowing for this trip to Lake Yamanaka.

There had already been talk of Shishô writing a song with me. When the phone call came with him asking me to “come over for a bit”, he sounded very serious, so I worried that something might have happened and thought that I really ought to go over to see him.

So, when I actually went to meet him, Shishô and his staff were preparing the car… While I was still wondering what was up, I was put into the car and abducted.

Meanwhile, the staff were laughing, saying, “KUMA, this is a kidnapping, you’re being kidnapped.”

And so, our destination was the recording studio at Lake Yamanaka.

I kept saying, “I’m going home!!” until the end, but… When we split into rooms, Shishô told everyone, “It’s okay for me and KUMA to share a room!!”, but I, not yet having sorted out my feelings, was seriously thinking, “I am not okay with this at all.”

And when I was informed that we would be living together for a while, I was not thrilled.

After all, I had come to Lake Yamanaka leaving all the things I should be doing instead undone… which led to me fiddling with my cell phone.

Since we were in the mountains, I had trouble getting a signal, so in order to search for one, I went outside, wandering around agitatedly… Until Shishô noticed and set my cell phone on fire.

Maybe he thought I was going home.

He said something along the lines of, “KUMA, let me see your cell phone. Hurry, hurry up!” confiscated my phone, and threw it into the fireplace. And then the phone exploded.

Well, that had been unexpected.

Mobile phones had only just hit the market at that time and were still quite expensive…

Although the phone I got back was burned and wrapped, it… was still barely clinging to life. So, I thought, I ought to get a signal, and went back outside immediately to look for one.

When I did that, Shishô followed me outside, took my phone away once again... and this time threw it into the pitch-black forest.

It was already nighttime, so obviously, I gave up for the day without looking for it.

Unfortunately, the phone I finally found the next day was unsalvageable.

Later, after we returned to Tokyo, Shishô bought me a new cell phone, but I kept the destroyed one as a treasured memento.

Shishô saw this while he was getting a haircut in the process of getting his styling done, and for some reason he stuck a bunch of the red strands to my old cell phone with sticky tape and said, laughing, “This makes for an interesting art piece, doesn’t it?”

Chapter 4 Part 3

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Interview with Nikaido Hayato (MASQUERADE / Vo)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: My older brother bought the “ROCKET DIVE” CD, I got to know hide-san when he let me listen to it.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: At that time I didn’t think about music, just listening to is was enough. Even so, it was different from the music of other musicians I had listened to so far, it certainly had a sense of “thrill”. I said something like “Next time, let me buy your CD,” to my brother. (laughs)

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Me, regarding certain people, I like the real live tales, legends, and insider stories that others talked about. (In this case, the heroic tale of hide-san’s image as held by SUGIZO-san that you can read on the internet, among others.)* The hide-san I get from his music and from interviews gives the impression of being “intense, unusual, and powerful… yet very kind.” I really like that he did rock with such consistency, I think I want to be like that even though I do things differently.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: In terms of fashion, his sense of image, and of course music, his charisma was outstanding. It feels strange, but to me, hide-san was thrilling in a way that still shines on a different level than the image of his activities or the imitations of his music. His magazine photos were artistic and extraordinary, which really surprised me.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Through magazines and internet and by exchanging information with friends who liked him.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “ever free” was the first song since I started listening to music that made me become aware of the world view within the lyrics.

[*) I have no idea what this is referring to. If you know, please tell me. I would love to add a link and maybe rewrite that line to make a little more sense.]

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Interview with YUJI (as.milk / Ds)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Must have been from a TV program I watched in the later years of primary school. [5th – 6th grade]

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: What a cool hairstyle~!!! (laughs)

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Composition, stage performance, the attitude towards music, how to live. The possibility of expressing yourself through music. “In music, the possibilities are endless, there isn’t just one answer, and no wrong ones”, that’s what I feel in hide-san’s music.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He made rock music accessible and taught me that the walls of genre are very low. I don’t think I could be like hide-san, but I still want to get a little closer to him. I wanted to have a drink with him. (laughs)

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Since that was a time when I didn’t even think about having a PC, exclusively through music magazines!

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: Favorite… that’s hard. Rating them is honestly difficult, but might be “Eyes Love You”? Since hide-san’s image with X had been so strong until then, this song is the most memorable to me for the shock of reversing it.

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Interview with Reika (DoReMi-Group / Ds)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: At the time when troll dolls were popular, hide-san’s art photos appeared on TV as if to say, “Doesn’t this remind you of someone?” As he was wearing the clothes from the Budôkan performance or the “WEEK END”-PV, it must have been around that time.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: Who the hell is that person! He is so cool! I nearly lost my mind.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: How to enjoy live performances.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: A hero.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: From TV. Since there was of course no internet back then, I would check the TV-program every day, and whenever the letter “X” appeared, I would set the TV accordingly. I was so irritated by the “X-Mas” listings during Christmas time.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “Sadistic Desire”. I can’t put my thoughts about it briefly, but I feel like it pierces my heart. The intro riff is impressive, but it’s the backing riff in the chorus I like the most. Therefore, I enjoy the end of the interlude in the “VANISHING VISION” take. Even more thrilling were the strings and SE in the “LIVE LIVE LIVE” take.

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Interview with t.o.L. (Artist unit consisting of saito and kuno, involved with LEMONed as art designers) (summarized)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: t.o.L. (trees of Life) are an artistic duo consisting of Kuno Makiko and Saito Kei, who published work under the LEMONed label and further worked for LEMONed on the design side of things. They are the creators of the cartoon cat TAMALA who stars in their 2002 movie “TAMALA2010 – a punk cat in space”.

Note 2: For this interview I am falling back on the “summary” format I have used for all the long interviews so far. Again, much of it is still a rather direct translation.

Note 3: I once again use names and honorifics or lack thereof as used by the people talking. (They are somewhat inconsistent in this one.)

For starters, please tell us about your first meeting with hide-san.

(kuno) In 1995, they were in London to make the PV for their song “one day for maria”, where they showed their work to an acquaintance and it somehow ended up being seen by someone from HEADWAX. It made its way to hide, who liked it so much he arranged for a meeting soon after.

(saito) They were talking to London’s EMI UK at the time, but met with hide-san as soon as they returned to Japan in January 1996. He was recording in a studio in Hitachizaka then, and right at their first meeting said, “I’m making a label called LEMONed, how about we work together?” He let them listen to his song “BACTERIA”, which he was recording just then, and it was completely different from what they had imagined. They had not expected it to be music they liked that much. The fact that the label he was creating wasn’t just for the music but also for the covers, videos etc. was exciting to them.

(kuno) When she saw the video for “BACTERIA” for the first time, she was surprised and simply thought it was cool. She had been mostly listening to foreign music until then and had not expected there to be people making such awesome stuff in Japan as well. That was one of the reasons why she wanted to work with hide.

Did you live in London at that time?

(kuno) On and off.

You talked about making music and PVs, but what was your main activity until then?

(saito) Mainly TV-commercials and advertisements, but he was ready to move on to the next thing. The song “one day for maria” (trees of Life) that was entered into the LEMONed compilation, and the PV for it, were something they had made for themselves, completely out of their own volition without having been commissioned for it. Them making the music, the video, and the graphics themselves must have been in line with what hide-san wanted to do with LEMONed.

What was your impression when you met hide-san for the first time?

(kuno) He seemed like an amazingly delicate and ordinary boy. The massive gab between his unremarkable, sensitive impression and the strong impact left my “BACTERIA” was quite surprising.

(saito) To he honest, saito didn’t know X JAPAN well until then. When he met hide in person, the large gab between the wild energy of his works and the very delicate nature of the person making them was immediately captivating.

After this, you started creating things together?

(kuno) When they entered “one day for maria” into the LEMONed compilation, it led to them also being in charge of the entire art direction and all the visual work for LEMONed. Then the LEMONed-log, hide-san’s log, and the pamphlet with LEMONed’s introduction and so on.

(saito) hide had probably always meant to create an image that was different from that of X JAPAN’s HIDE. To realize that, they talked at lot and often had exchanges late at night. Hide would suddenly reach out in the middle of the night because he thought of a song or an idea had come to him. He was now operating in a different genre than the one he was used to, and that’s where t.o.L. came in. When they talked about what to do for the jacket of the first LEMONed compilation, hide-san brought up Salvador Dali: What if they didn’t use one of the artists images but rather an image of the artist himself? Kuno then picked that idea up, asking, should they go for a model of the old man? What environment should he be in? Hide came up with radical ideas, they played them back with their own input, like playing catch ball, and it the end the photographer, stylists, lighting made it a reality. That’s how LEMONed worked. Saito took a step back from creating songs and live performances as part of trees of Life then, he sees now.

(kuno) They worked on the overall image of ELMONed together, but t.o.L.’s general involvement was more in the visual department.

(saito) hide was someone who had a lot of ideas, but those ideas were often absurd. Dali, for example, was already dead then. In saito’s opinion, hide was way ahead of his time. t.o.L. also made the pamphlet for the [then] recent “hide Memorial Summit”. While hide himself is gone, everyone wants him to be an icon. He was an extremely imaginative person, the kind of person who wants to use Dali, and influenced Saito a lot as a person. Saito didn’t think it possible for this design idea to be well received, but it was.

(kuno) The idea of using Salvador Dali was fresh and unexpected and she wanted to turn it into something real using her own imagination.

(saito) Hide probably wanted to do something that could be enjoyed even by all the people who didn’t know the painter Salvador Dali. Saito, who had himself operated under Dali’s name, felt that difference back then. While hide lived in a fun and insane world, he also wanted to translate that craziness for the fans who loved him. It’s hard to believe that that was ten years ago already. To saito, it feels recent.

(kuno) To create the cover for the recent live album, she listened to the recordings once more and dug up old photographs. They don’t feel old at all, they feel fresh.

(saito) He thinks it’s funny that X JAPAN’s HIDE was well established, but it was the solo artist hide who created LEMONed whom they got involved with, and as a result, their relationship with him was somewhat unique. For fans from the X JAPAN era, that shift was probably unsettling, but to t.o.L., who joined halfway through, it was quite a different experience.

How exactly did hide-san influence you?

(saito) After hide passed away, they created the character of TAMALA and worked on that movie for about four years. During that period, he thought about something hide had said countless times: That there is a gab between an artist’s understanding of the fun and fascinating work they want to do, and the way the people viewing it in the end will perceive it. It’s not a question of choosing between your vision and what would bring people enjoyment, but of managing to do both.

(kuno) She thinks this is really important.

(saito) Recently, when he saw X JAPAN’s performances or the “hide Memorial Summit” and HIDE-san appears on screen, he felt like just another fan, even though they should have done these things together, thinking “He’s so cool!” or “He’s so cute!” hide’s greatness can be felt in the last glittering fragments he left behind. He was burning with ideals yet knew of the harshness of reality, and that’s what makes what he left behind so great and adorable, and it’s what made him special.

(kuno) She feels like there were a lot of terrible things that they can’t even imagine, yet hide’s songs and performances gave the impression of him always having fun. It may sound strange to put it like that, but it feels like he was playing with great seriousness. That’s what she also wants to do; it’s his influence on her.

(saito) Even when hide was at his absolute limit, he would ask his fans if they were entertained enough. It goes beyond his imagination. He heard this from someone else, but if the fans were to answer, “We’re not!”, hide would probably say, “Okay” and work even harder. Working with hide-san, Saito didn’t have a single bad experience.

(kuno) To put it differently, he was extremely considerate. He was so considerate of his staff and the people around him that she feared he would exhaust himself with it. On the other hand, he was reckless and playful, but he was also someone to take the initiative and lead everyone. It were his sensitivity and kindness that really left an impression.

Are there any episodes from when you were working together that left a particularly deep impression?

(saito) When they made the PV for “Beauty & Stupid”, he felt like there was a taste of the Showa-era [25. December 1926 – 7. January 1989] in it, so saito decided to go in the opposite direction with the styling. Hide said, “That’s cool, that’s really cool, but there are fans who sport their own pink hair, so can you include the part where I go “Ehehe” with the pink hair for me?” and saito thought, “Oh, sorry, I get it now.”

(kuno) The finished thing was super cute.

(saito) It really worked out well. Hide always wanted to go higher, and he wanted to take everyone with him when he went. Rather than going on his own, he always prioritized his fans.

(kuno) She thinks he was also playing around.

(saito) Really, he probably couldn’t keep himself entertained.

(kuno) For real.

(saito) He acted that way a lot, though, so it was kind of adorable.

“Beauty & Stupid” was reshot?

(saito) He just wanted to add some new footage but ended up redoing the whole thing. It was a fun project, through. And of course, on the day of the shoot, there was a broken foot… (laughs)

(kuno) For the shooting of “ROCKET DIVE”, everyone was supposed to cheerfully jump up, but hide had a broken foot.

(saito) He asked hide to pretend to fly and hide was happy to do so. Speaking of which, he thinks hide was a person who worked not only with his head but with his whole body. He wasn’t gig-headed at all; he was a physical person, and yet an extremely sensitive one. He was strange like that. (laughs)

What was it like when you came into the studio for “ROCKET DIVE”?

(saito) hide just smiled and said, “It broke”, and they looked at his foot and were like, “So it did.” It didn’t come as much of a surprise. Hide didn’t take his injury into consideration for its own sake, but he was conscious of how it affected their concept. He was someone who could adjust to circumstances and come up with new ideas on the spot, to make the best of any situation. And at LEMONed, they were used to accidents, those happened all the time. For saito it was educational, how even outrageous or unthinkable things could just happen.

(kuno) hide seemed like someone who had a clear idea from the beginning but didn’t get hung up on the details if someone else had input. If she came up with an idea, they would talk about it some, but after throwing her the ball, he wouldn’t say anything more. She doesn’t quite know why but thinks it’s because he trusted those he worked with to make something good. She wouldn’t have minded if he had actually told her so, too, but she’s grateful for the faith he put in her.

(saito) When saito was working at the office late at night, someone from HEADWAX might come and deliver audio data to him. When done with the pre-production of a song, hide wanted to let him listen to it right away. Saito now thinks he considered them friends within LEMONed and wanted to share the joy of creating a new work with them. He was like a child in this regard.

(uno) To her, hide had this childlike purity. In the dressing room of some event he’d suddenly start telling them about a baby monkey and how cute it had been. So small and so cute, he’d go on and on about that endlessly. It was adorable. (laughs)

Staff (Yamamoto): Recalls how hide said he wanted to see a baby monkey on some MTV program, so they went to a pet shop and he had one ride on his shoulder. He enjoyed that so much it seemed like he wanted to keep it.

(saito) This is something personal, but he often thinks about hide. When things are tough, he thinks about him and how he would handle it. He feels like hide set the standard for many things. They created a lot together, and hide send him his tapes and music right away. Maybe he was just being nice, but Saito feels like they connected as friends, as equals. When he remembers that, he realized just how important a person hide had been to him.

What prompted you to create TAMALA?

(saito) A lot of things. Saito had been thinking about what to do next as a creator even before hide-san passed away, but after what happened in 1998, he decided to make a movie. And so, he started. Of course, he wanted to show it to hide-san. He’s still working on it in 2008, but for him it was a natural progression to do this after he finished his work with LEMONed. It’s been 10 years, and LEMONed’s hide-san is still close to him.

(kuno) She thinks hide would really have wanted to see TAMALA. He wasn’t a model for her, but TAMALA, the main character of their story, is a cat who gets bullied and bullies right back, a flag bearer for everyone. In her mind, privately, there is a link to hide-san somewhere. TAMALA has been hurt but still carries the flag for everyone – a role model for Kuno.

Did you interact outside of work?

(saito) Not at all.

(kuno) They went out for drinks after work.

(saito) Just once for him, and not together with her. From the outside that must have seemed like he reasonably just didn’t want to go.

(kuno) This wasn’t something she got particularly hung up on.

(saito) That he got data and tapes in the middle of the night was enough for him; he didn’t think he needed to convey his feeling by getting drunk and going wild on top of that. Hide-san probably wanted to share some private time with them, but saito thought it was enough. Now he wishes he had spend more time with him. Hide-san was someone who worked in a very relaxed atmosphere and then went to treat those around him, but saito felt he always had to keep up the tension so he couldn’t go relax in his free time like that.

(kuno) They often worked until late at night and then went drinking. After hide passed away she wished she could have talked to him more and share the things she liked with him.

What kind of things?

(kuno) Just stuff like, “That jacket is nice, isn’t it?” Nothing special.

Other artist also often expressed that hide-san “didn’t have a lot to say about the work itself”.

(kuno) He must have had faith in them. Leaving their work to them without getting involved was just his style.

(saito) Beyond the concept, as long as they met his standard, he let his artists, musicians, and bands work independently. That was important to him. Creators had to be able to make their own decisions about their work. He had worked independently from the beginning, and so he wanted to give those around him the confidence to work independently as well. So saito feels that it was probably their own fault that they didn’t connect to him on a more private level. From his perspective, hide-san had almost no flaws – something that amazes him even now.

(kuno) This is not a flaw, but hide put so much energy into being kind and considerate to others that she worried about him, wondering how he could possibly balance it all.

(saito) He was like that.

(kuno) He was someone who was looking out for those behind him while everyone in front of him was having fun.

(saito) He only worked with hide-san for two years, and to be honest, he didn’t look back on it so far, immersed himself in making a movie to the point of blocking out everything else. About two years ago, he started reviewing hide’s work once more and found that it was not dated at all, especially “Pink Spider” and “ROCKET DIVE”, recognizing hide’s immense potential in it. He felt that way again when he got to make the jacket for RIZE’s cover of “Pink Spider”. But that was the potential within LEMONed. With X JAPAN and other bands there was a different kind of potential, so saito thinks he only got to see a potion of it. Even so, it influenced him.

You mentioned absurd ideas he had, do you remember any specific ones?

(kuno) There were no requests that were straight up impossible.

(saito) He was fixated on old men and women, using them to express a long span of time in his work. The idea to use old people on the jacket for “ever free” also came from him. “How about we use old people as icons in my work?”, he asked, and saito started to think about it. But hide didn’t stop at simply having old people, he took it to a point of amusement with old skinheads kissing. Then: “If they are skinheads, they should have tattoos on their heads.” Since they couldn’t do that in Japan, kuno-san went to L.A. for it.

(kuno) She figured it would be hard to find models willing to shave their head in Japan, so L.A. it was. When she held auditions for the job, the uncles and aunties were willing to save their heads right away. She figures that for older talent, the priority lay with getting a job. The auntie who had her hair set like a geisha for the audition came to the shooting completely bald.

(saito) And there they put on magic tattoos?

(kuno) With a writing brush.

(saito) He couldn’t go there, but asks if hide-san came.

(kuno) He said he would, but in the end he was too busy, so she went to show him the film after.

(saito) Did he leave the decision to her?

(kuno) He did.

(saito) Since “ever free” and “Pink Spider” were produced at the same time, they worked on them separately. He had a lot of fun with the PV for “Pink Spider” and how to make things look real using CG. As soon as the idea of old skinheads come up for “ever free”, he started to think about how to top it. Kuno said that there was nothing unreasonable being asked, but it was not exactly normal either.

Like skinhead tattoos. (laughs)

(saito) They had a discussion about what to do, since they both started at the same point and stage. It never reached a point where they had to reject something as impossible.

(kuno) It was hard, but it was fun. Since this was how he liked to do it, things kept spreading with ever more people suggesting, “Well, how about this?”

(saito) For “UGLY PINK MACHINE”, hide was really happy with the idea of the safety pins and the computer. There were things they couldn’t understand, of course, but those were two good years of moving in the same direction at LEMONed.

You also made various designs for the “hide Memorial Summit”, didn’t you?

(saito) Having to choose between doing a memorial of the past or presenting a look at a potential hide from the present day, he naturally went with the latter. Hide-san is gone and there is no telling what he would be like in 2008, but looking at a vast amount of photos, saito realized that there were many fans who wanted to see it anyway. He went with a version of LEMONed’s hide-san, but there were also a lot of fans of X JAPAN’s HIDE-san, and he tried to make everyone happy. Doesn’t know if it worked, but he put his heart into it.

(kuno) It was actually really fun. Because those old photos, especially the live ones, hadn’t been used much until then. After hide was gone, a lot of photos had been used in projects, but they only started to exhume the live footage then. Starting with the live albums, there are a lot of cool pictures, with him looking into the distance.

(saito) He had great eyes for that.

(kuno) You didn’t know if he was looking at the sky or elsewhere.

(saito) It was never sentimental.

(kuno) It made you want to look at whatever he was focusing on with him.

(saito) It gave you courage. The photo seemed to tell you that you can do more. That’s why he feels like it ended up being not only a memorial but also fun.

Is there anything you would like to tell hide-san?

(saito) He wants to meet him again. Only that. He doesn’t think this has anything to do with the occult, but he feels like he will meet him again someday, somewhere. That’s what he wants. And he wants to create something with him again. Anyway, every time he remembers hide-san, he looks forward with a positive attitude. So he wants to keep connecting to him through his work, dedicate something he made to him, and keep in contact this way.

(kuno) That’s how it is.

(saito) hide-san is present in the works he makes, in spirit if not in form, and he wants to be told by that work to “make more”.

(kuno) When she creates things, it gives her courage to know that someone like hide existed. She wants to make things that encourage others as well, just like him.

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 6 & 7 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5

31 December 1997, X’s breakup concert

From ‘95 onward, me and Shishô both were busy with our own respective activities, but as X’s breakup live on 31 December 1997 drew near, we once again met every day.

By this point, I wasn’t a staff member of X anymore, but when Shishô asked me, “KUMA, join us for this last time, please”… Until the day of the concert, we did everything together.

Due to the circumstances surrounding their Last Live, it was rare for all the band members to be at the rehearsals together, and so it came that I was the one to sing there as a substitute vocalist.

I still have that image in my head.

“KUMA, sing, sing!”

Shishô face and the way he moved his chin as he gave me instructions are still clear before my eyes.

It was just then, at that time, that I started to understand just how great TOSHI-san was as a vocalist.

I had done vocals before, but getting through those rehearsals feeling the greatness, and also the difficulty, of X’s songs… “X’s songs are completely different from what you hear, and performing them live is so difficult, I can’t even sing them normally.” That’s genuinely how I felt.

Another thing that left a deep impression on me in all this was harmonizing with Shishô on the song “SCARS” that HIDE-san had written.

On the morning of the day of the breakup concert, I went to pick HIDE-san up at this home. This is what HIDE-san said to me then, when it was just him and me in the room:

“X is definitely going to come back in the year 2000. Therefore, KUMA, make sure you’ll be able to sing X’s songs properly (for that time).”

That he talked about me singing for X was a joke, of course.

Shishô was contradictory like that… In a difficult situation, he would deliberately say things that distracted from the matter at hand.

So am I sure that this time was also extremely difficult for him.

Later, when I talked to YOSHIKI-san about it, he told me the same thing: “X will definitely reunite in 2000!!! Me and HIDE-chan promised we would.” So I have no doubt that the members were really planning to do that.

To Shishô, X was the most important thing.

As his solo work became his main focus and with those activities bringing good results, the public as well as the staff were requesting “more of hide’s solo work!!”

Still, X was always his priority.

HIDE-san’s solo activities had become a phenomenon on par with X.

But if you said so to the man himself, he would tell you, “I would have quit music if it weren’t for YOSHIKI. So the guitarist of X is what I am.”

Therefor, the breakup concert on 31 December 1997 must have been a very emotionally taxing time for him.

He loved X that much.

As for myself, that day was… Witnessing the disbandment of X, the band I had watched for so long, from the wings of the stage… I remember well that my feelings were so complicated that I could not put them into words.

And then the devastation of TOSHI-san and YOSHIKI-san embracing each other during “Forever Love”. Shishô couldn’t hold back his tears.

Later, Shishô said something about these lines to me:

“What they did hadn’t been planned… But, in that moment it felt like X had finally become one, in the end.“

After the breakup concert

After the concert at the dome, on the morning of 1 January 1998, I remember taking Shishô, who was like an empty shell, home.

A few days later he got into contact with me, asking, “What are you up to?”

At that time, Shishô was shooting the promotional video for “ROCKET DIVE”, and he invited me to come visit the set. When I got there, I was told, “KUMA, when we’re done, let’s go for a drink,” and with a grin he asked me, “It’s Sunday, but can you find us a place where we can drink until morning?” So I searched and searched, and then, I remember, five or six of us went to drink at a 24-hour bar in Minami-Aoyama.

“ROCKET DIVE” was the first single of “hide with Spread Beaver”, but… I think instead of using hide as before, they used this name because they didn’t want to make all of the fans sad.

Shishô may have talked about this in an interview, but HIDE-san always put the feelings of his fans first, and he always said, “When I was little, I felt really betrayed when my favorite band broke up, and sad. So I didn’t want to make my own fans feel the same way.” That’s why he named it “hide with Spread Beaver” as if it were a band name, even though it was a solo project.

The reason why “hide with Spread Beaver” was announced in a full-page add in the Asahi Shinbun newspaper on the day after the disbandment live (New Year’s Day 1998) was actually out of consideration for the feelings of the fans.

Announcing your solo activities on the day after your band broke up… One could see that as a risky move, right? There was a chance it would leave a bad impression with people.

But hide-san was thinking, “I want to make sure not one single person feels lost after the breakup of X.”

He also said after releasing his CD, “I want to do what I can, so won’t you let me do interviews and such? No matter how small a thing, I’ll do it, since I’m a newcomer,” and he kept moving forward.

I had long since separated from X and HIDE-san to focus on my own band activities, but after “hide with Spread Beaver” was started, I helped out around HIDE-san for half a month.

That said, other than in the past, he had a solid management and staff, so even as I joined them I was very worried how I could help out without disturbing the staff that was already there...

Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 5 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4

The days of getting summoned by a worrying  Shishô

It had become normal for Shishô and me to work together every day, but around ‘94, that gradually happened less and less.

The band I had joined became more busy, to the point of being active around the area. At the same time, the members of X were living in [US] America for the sake of recording, and while I went to and fro between Japan and the US, inevitably, the amount of time we were guaranteed to spend together decreased compared to what it used to be.

But whenever Shishô returned to Japan, he would always call me over whenever something came up.

For example one night I was watching TV at home while Shishô appeared on Music Station… The moment the program was over, the phone rang and Shishô told me, “Hey, hide hide. I’m gonna be drinking in Aoyama now. I’m waiting, so hurry!” I was dumbfounded. He had been on TV just now, how quickly did he call…?

He didn’t only summon me, it also happened that he would suddenly appear at my place.

One time, Shishô showed up at my apartment without warning in the middle of the night after appearing on TV.

It was a day when the rain was coming down in buckets.

Suddenly, the door chime when “Ping-pong, ping-pong”…

Since it was late at night, I quietly moved to peer through the peep hole. But I had no idea who it might be.

While I was at it, there was a banging on the door, and a rattling, as if someone were trying to open it.

Eh? Who could that be, I wondered. I looked again and caught a glimpse of red hair.

Could it be…?

“KUMA, are you there?”

He rattled again. Since making so much noise in the middle of the night was a problem, I quietly opened the door.

As he came patting in, he asked, “What are you up to?”, immediately made a mess of the clothes and luggage in the room, and to top it all of, he flung stuff up to and including my futon from my 2nd story apartment.

“Stop it already. Stop it already, hide-san.”

Nevertheless, as if that weren’t enough, he giggled now while throwing around my CDs. Soon, there was no room to step, and a scattered CD broke with a cracking sound. I fearfully peered at the broken pieces.

I told Shishô, “Well… it’s broken now, isn’t it?” I looked, and the broken CD just so happened to be Shishô’s album “PSYENCE”.

When I said, “Hey, such a valuable CD, holy shit, how could you?”, Shishô said, “KUMA, stop getting angry, I get it,” grabbed the guitar that was in my room, sat down on the futon-less bed and started playing me the songs from “PSYENCE”, beginning with track one.

He played “Genkai Haretsu” and so on. But I guess he got tired halfway through, since he asked, “Is it okay to stop here?” and after Shishô stopped playing, I asked him, “Would you like to go to sleep (in this messy room that has no futon anymore)?”, to which he replied, “Nah, shall we go to my place?”…

After this, having no desire to return to my messy room, crashed at Shishô’s place for three or four days.

Chapter 3, Part 6 & 7

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 3 & 4 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2

HIDE’s determination, KUMA’s support

Just when it was decided for the members of X to all have separate management, HIDE-san produced his photo book called „Mugongeki“.

It was a “visual & hard shock photo book” published in April ‘92, and a work that faced various problems up to its launch…

At the stage where the photographs had been taken and the release-date had been set and there was nothing left to do but release it, HIDE-san was putting his energy into promoting it.

In the middle of that, suddenly, looking angry, he ordered, “Don’t publish “Mugongeki” yet!”

This is the context for how it came to that:

Thinking it would be for the best, the publisher’s editor-in-chief had set up various media for the sake of promotion.

Among those was the magazine “Friday”, but in their issue the concept Shishô had drawn up for his work had been presented completely wrong.

When he read that, Shishô got extremely angry, declaring, “KUMA, I absolutely don’t want that anymore. I did not make that photo book to be perceived in that manner. I don’t want to publish it anymore.” That happened at dawn. Also in the early morning, having been told, “KUMA, talk to the publisher,” I called the editor-in-chief.

That editor-in-chief had really thought he was doing a good thing and… since he’d honestly had no ill intend… But, however often I tried to convey this to Shishô, he was obstinate about it. “It’s not going to happen, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

I already mentioned it several times, but at that time there was no management staff, so it was just me and Shishô having to take care of every problem that came up.

Therefore, when this “Mugongeki” issue was added to it, it was really, really hard…

Since I had to do something one way or another, I asked the editor-in-chief, “As it is, that photo book isn’t going to be released, so could I trouble you to write a letter!? Even if he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, I’ll make sure he reads the letter, somehow.”

After getting this suggestion from me, the editor-in-chief assured me that he would do “whatever it takes”.

And so, after I somehow made him read that letter and also explained my own feelings frankly, we finally reached the point where HIDE-san was willing to talk to the editor in person.

During that talk, I realized that at the time of preparing for the media, the editor-in-chief did not understand why Shishô had gotten that angry.

Talking face-to-face, I came to understand that they had a “different understanding of the work”.

And so, they finally made peace and publishing went forward, somehow, at the last moment.

This crisis was one big problem in our badly organized management system.

But, on the flip side of problems becoming this big, this happened because Shishô felt strongly about his own work and did not want to compromise on it.

In that period, with X’s activities having stopped and there not being a lot of exposure in magazines, a lot of fans were waiting for new visuals.

In the face of that, Shishô poured his outstanding intuition and all the ideas gushing out of him into his product.

Shishô always asked me:

“KUMA, what should I do that would make everyone happy?”

One time it was, “Which hairstyle that I have never had before would suit me?”

To which I voiced the idea, “Why not try to raise your hair pompadour-style? That would be novel.”

Because it was a photo book that he had until then wrestled with and put a lot of thought into, he probably could not allow society to have misconceptions about it.

And isn’t “Friday” in particular a medium with a large circulation, a magazine read generally by people with no particular interest in music?

I think that’s why he would not allow an interpretation that differed from his intention.

When I started as personal manager; Shishô’s distress

“Mugongeki” was published without problems while there was no proper management system in place, and in September of the following year of ‘93, the visual video “Seth et Holth” was also released. [Note: KUMA misspells “Holth” as “Hoith” here.]

Due to the flood of coverage offers connected to this, a lot of the correspondence ended up with me, as the only one working for Shishô at this time.

Being around 20 years back then, it was a terrible time for me, driving me insane.

Since at that time Shishô was in a situation where he not only had to create his solo songs behind the scenes but was also exposed to the public at the same time, we created an environment around him where we built a good relationship to the chief editors of magazines and various people from the media.

Before I was properly appointed to personal manager, one time when the two of use were the only ones working together, HIDE-san said to me, “I’ll set up an office in Yokosuka for a while for personal reasons, so come with me.”

Through working hard, things had started to work out properly and we managed to get to a point where we could handle things just with the two of us.

Meanwhile, a personal office was set up in Ebisu [district of Tokyo].

Later, Shishô would take over as head of this office himself, but at this point, HIDE-san was terribly exhausted.

On top of being representative, he was also active as an artist, and due to Shishô’s personality, he cared for everyone working at the office, which of course cost money, and the constant discussions of interpersonal matters between the staff members were wearing him down.

At that point, he asked me, “KUMA, I don’t want to go to the office, please go to the meeting in my place.”

But I imagined something unfortunate in case that I left.

Therefore I suggested we work together to come up with a way to get things going.

But… because HIDE-san was a kind person, he paid attention to those around him and kept himself in check. That’s why he exploded when he drank alcohol.

At that time, my relationship to Shishô remained unchanged, but I was also increasingly busy with my own band and we couldn’t be together around the clock anymore.

On top of that, since he was also in Los Angeles a lot, it wasn’t like we could meet from one moment to the next.

Nevertheless, he always contacted me whenever something happened.

After talking about various things, he’d say, “You, you understand how I feel, right?”

“Quickly, come to America (where I am).”

I think at that time, Shishô was constantly pushing himself to achieve something.

Chapter 3 Part 5

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 2 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1

The days of feeling lost with the separation from SONY and the changes in X

After that, in 1992, the contract with CBS SONY made in 1988 got cancelled.

This time came with a period when all of the staff from management were gone and it was only HIDE-san and me.

In that time, I really didn’t get any sleep… The work got more and more, I was exhausted enough to fall asleep anytime, anywhere.

The work I used to share with a bunch of staff rapidly increased, I was flooded with the communication on all the work surrounding HIDE-san.

Immediately after, just when the solo-photobook “Mugongeki” was to come out (April 1992), HIDE-san was beginning to prepare for his musical solo activities.

It was a time when Shishô and I were really working together and managing everything completely on our own.

Until then, while I had mostly been with HIDE-san, I had somehow ended up doing tasks for the other band members as well.

Now, there was the cutting of the contract with SONY, the separation from TAIJI-san, and… All that flopping around culminated in the activities of X mostly stopping, all the members getting their own personal management… Inevitably, I ended up with only HIDE-san.

That the members would all split up into their separate individual offices was something I heard in the living room of Shishô’s home.

Personally, in the beginning, I didn’t perfectly understand in what ways the situation surrounding X and Shishô was going to change. But when I saw Shishô’s face when he looked at me and said, “KUMA, the truth is…” I finally understood that the situation was grave.

According to what I heard later, the cancellation of the contract happened, apparently, because the SONY Music Group, that was their record company and also took over their management, simply did not meet their requirements. YOSHIKI-san had his heart set on an advance into the international market, and all the members understood that to do so, they needed to separate from SONY.

But the loss of the management office was a massive thing, and I think it left HIDE-san anxious as well, wondering “What now?”

In all this, HIDE-san asked me:

“KUMA, what do you want to do now?”

In that time, I had thought about a lot of things, and although my connection to Shishô did not change, there were, after all, those feelings that had made me come and see my beloved X ever since their amateur days…

Instead of saying, “I want to go to a new management with you, HIDE-san,” I replied, “If it were possible, it would make me happy to support all five of the band members.”

There had been no deeper thought or malice in that reply.

Of course, there was no reason why I wouldn’t want to go with HIDE-san.

It was merely that I felt like the X I had watched since middle school was changing into a different shape… I was simply frightened.

But, what HIDE-san said to me after I gave that reply was something along the lines of “It’s already become impossible for things to be the way they were before. So, what will you do, KUMA?” At that moment, HIDE-san looked profoundly lonely.

Thinking back on it now that time has passed, I wonder if this change to a system where everyone had their own personal management wasn’t a somewhat lonely one.

Back then, with X having been under the influence of SONY’s management, only very few of the people working for SONY who had always been around the members before would remain with them once the connection to SONY was lost.

Therefore, once the contract with SONY was cut, there was a lack of contact to the outside… And all talk of all kinds of work ended up with me.

At that time, I wasn’t yet 20 years old.

My mental state, and that of Shishô as well, probably wasn’t very good during that time.

For me, personally, my distrust in adults was growing, there were times when my head was racing and I couldn’t understand anything…

It think it was around that time… when Shishô invited me to come to an onsen along with Shishô’s father and mother.

I mentioned it before, but after separating from SONY, the communication from various places all came together at me, the phone rang non-stop, there was a mountain of messages on the answering machine.

Soon, I couldn’t handle it alone anymore, and when I was about to go insane…

“KUMA, let’s go to an onsen. I also want to take my parents on a vacation, let’s all go to Hakone,” Shishô invited me.

I was happy, happy…

On that day, HIDE-san’s father was driving, his mother was in the passenger seat, HIDE-san and I sat in the back as we went to Hakone.

All through the ride, Shishô was quietly reading a book.

Shishô really loved reading.

Next to Shishô, I was watching the scenery all the time.

I had been to his parental home in Yokosuka and got to stay over a lot, so this really felt like a family vacation, and it made me really happy.

In the ryokan in Hakone as well, Shishô and I were always together…

When the two of us entered the open air bath, there were several basins, and he pointed at the smallest of them and said, “KUMA, according to what I heard, this bath seems to be amazing. Let’s try it.” As I moved to get in, I got pushed from behind so hard I entered it head first with a splash.

It was the cold water bath.

As I jumped up in shock, HIDE-san was doubling over with laughter.

At dinner, we ate small dishes with everyone, but when it came to chatting over drinks, it was just Shishô and me.

For some reason, when it was time to sleep, everyone was sleeping lined up next to each other…

When we left, the enormous accommodation fee shocked me.

But Shishô said, “I want to take my parents to an onsen again in the future.”

I remember thinking that I wished I could show that kind of filial piety to my parents one day.

Chapter 3, part 3 & 4

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3, Part 1 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1, Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2, Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7

Chapter 3: From the break-up of X to the solo era Even if time and place are changing, things stay the same

The bond between master and apprentice, unchanged by busy times

As much as I was with HIDE-san, after X’s major debut there were a lot of times when I couldn’t be with the members as they were recording aboard.

Still, Shishô’s attitude towards me did not change at all.

Like when he finally came home after going to Los Angeles for the recording of “JEALOUSY” (release 1 July 1991). With the day of their return having been made public, there were a lot of fans waiting at the airport… So many that the police had to be there in numbers and us staff couldn’t wait there for the band. Afterwards, because of this, staff and family were moved to a reserved hotel for the reunion.

When I arrived at the hotel floor, Shishô was sitting in a chair with his bright red hair. With all the staff and family welcoming them after a long time, I watched from a distance while thinking, “It’s been so long…” As I did so, Shishô said to me, “Oh, KUMA, you came! How have you been?” Even though we hadn’t met in a long time, he was still so pleased.

It felt like we hadn’t seen each other in forever… The moment I heard his “How’ve you been?” I remember my face straining with tension. Meeting after so long in a hotel, I almost started crying… We didn’t even talk much, but Shishô still smiled and laughed and seemed happy to see me.

Afterwards, we left the hotel, and Shishô and Shishô’s family and also me, just a small group of people, went to eat dinner in a somewhat high-end establishment in town, close to the house he lived in at the time.

The next story is a little different, but two to three years after moving to Tokyo, something happened that made me emotional.

That time, too, Shishô gave me his genuine support and looked out for me.

Honestly, such a warm person. That person named HIDE-san…

I, having followed X around all the time since I was in the third year of middle school, had no experience in dating girls.

There had been one or two cases of unrequited love, but those ended without me confessing my feelings.

In all that, there was this one person I really liked…

Before I knew it, I became friends with the group of people this girl belonged to, we hung out, ate together and all, and throughout, my feelings rapidly turned to love. But, in the end, I never just boldly confessed those feelings of mine…

Also, it just so happened that she was in the talent industry.

Other than in the more open present day, idols of that time were banned from scandalous behavior.

Even so, since we enjoyed talking to each other, we continued our relationship as friends without dating.

So one day, while on the phone with her, I told her, “Aside from the time I spend with X and HIDE-san, talking to you like this is what I enjoy the most.”

Me saying so made her very happy as well.

After that, our connection changed by and by. Also, she was understanding of the relationship I had with X and with HIDE-san. She understood that, no matter what happened, to me X and HIDE-san always came first.

And that meant I needed to tell Shishô about her. Her being an idol came with a lot of complicated circumstances, so even HIDE-san, who was more than family to me, I did not tell anything before I had been with her for two to three months.

But in the end, since I had no secrets from HIDE-san, I obviously did not want to lie to him.

When I told her so, she said, “That’s fine. I, too, think it’s better to properly tell HIDE-san about us,” showing her understanding even under these circumstances. After that, we decided to go meet HIDE-san together…

First, when I informed Shishô “There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said this to me:

“KUMA, for real? That’s a first. This is really great.”

After that, the conversation continued.

“Is it someone I know?”

“Uh… I think maybe you know her.”

When I told him who it was:

“Eh, really!? I’m happy for you, but is it okay? There’s a lot to consider, so you need to be careful. Because if you’re not, this could end badly.”

Even while he was happy about my first love, he still worried about me like that.

Actually, he was also very considerate when the time came to introduce her to him.

Going to HIDE-san’s apartment by car late at night, my heart beat hard with embarrassment as I felt as if I were to introduce my girlfriend to my parents.

When we rang the doorbell to his room, HIDE-san opened the door in his house coat. At that time, he usually wore sunglasses when among people and didn’t let them see his eyes, but this time he came out without them, wearing normal glasses instead.

“KUMA, have you been well? Come in, come in,” he said and let us through…

“Please, KUMA’s really always taking care of me. Well, he’s really been around for a long time… He’s a really good guy, so please take care of him,” he said to my girlfriend.

HIDE-san personally stood in the kitchen to make tea and all, but with everyone being so nervous and mindful of everyone else, the conversation didn’t get going…

Even so, HIDE-san treated us kindly like family without teasing us at all.

In the end, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways after that… In that time as well, when things didn’t go well due to various obstacles, HIDE-san was extremely kind.

In the heartbreak following my first love, when I was just sad and sad… I would call HIDE-san at five in the morning.

“Oh, what’s wrong?” he gently answered the phone. Even though it was a time busy with work, he listened silently to me talking while breaking down in tears without saying anything. At the end, he said, “KUMA, hold on. I’m here for you.” That really helped me and I was very grateful.

Speaking of gratitude, I am also grateful to that girlfriend from back then even now.

As a wonderful romance and a bittersweet experience, I still carry it in my heart today.

Chapter 3 Part 2

[turtleations]

Interview with JOE (FUZZY CONTROL /B, Vo)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: I learned about him in the first year of middle school, when friends and I played songs by “X JAPAN” in our band.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: When I saw his hair-flipping, violent musical performance, I thought, “How terrible! Woah!”

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: I learned about entertainment and stuff from him. I think he was always thinking about what to do to delight the audience.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: A veteran of my field. He’s a mysterious person who makes me feel like he’s always near to support me even though he’s out of reach.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: He was always appearing in magazines, that was the main thing, and I was also looking for rare old videos in used record stores.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “ROCKET DIVE”, because it’s the best. I got a lot of courage from that song. Also, that guitar solo is on point. In high school we played it at lives over and over again.

[turtleations]

Interview with Sakaguchi Ken (Designer)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: This interview is the reason I have not posted anything for so long. Originally, I mean to skip it, because my brain took one look at this this in it's original form and said "Nope!" But here it is anyway. I do not believe that my translation does it justice but I did my best to at least uphold the structure, which is doing things to the Japanese language that should never be done.

Althought this is a "short", I am placing most of it under a cut for length.

Q1: When did you meet hide for the first time?

A: Us,   encountering  “hide”   on this star   for the first time   was BUCK TICK’s 1990.8.2 A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM concert   Seibu stadium   Gekko-san   MOOL LIGHT    a wonderful night. SAKAGUCHIKEN FACTORY as well   the time of activation   and tomorrow   and overmorrow   until morning   the drinking   party   party   to the next place   to the next place   it doesn’t end!   Even today   and tomorrow   and overmorrow   it doesn’t end!  Doesn’t end!  Doesn’t end!  Obviously  it is   unending… Us, too   Kazumi Town Red Shoes   Ah   our own   outer space   swimming smoothly   flying   leaping, into   a new   session   drinking   too much   until then  to live  merrily   is to live   forever! Forever! Forever! Aah   even now   though it   doesn’t change   the rock music then   was foreeeever! To say   let it evolve   no way!   To see a new sun   the beings are   once again   ready   to release   a new   future  !  maybe   surely   so!  Directly   that was   a session! Already   from the   beginning!  Until the end… I say.   That’s right!   That we encountered “hide”   for the first time  was in Kazumi Red Shoes   that night. During the bubble period? Who knows   anyhow   it was an era   of illegal partying   pissed off by   the stupid cars   jumping on those stupid cars   while bussing   in this world   shaaan! Wanting to change it!   Overflowing with a sense of justice   a guy like that! Us, too   together   again   maybe   surely   so   to release   that new future!  Because he did!

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: Our first proper meeting was   after all   thoroughly drinking   from dusk till dawn   you know!

Coming from Extasy   this time    having made their major debut    from a newborn record company    the after party   of the rock band   “LUNA SEA”    we who handled the art direction and   “hide”    “INORAN”    “J”    the four of us    drinking    going past all limits    a cosmic time of seriously    talking to each other.    There was the “DANCENOISE004” compilation album. Released in 1993, I was handing the artwork. The participating artists were bringing in cutting edge dance beats, this album was, well, a digital beat album made as a unit. “SUGIZO”, “M-AGE”, “FUJITA-CB.GB.-TAKASHI”, and others. The unit “MxAxSxS” made of “X JAPAN’s” “HIDE”, “LUNA SEA’s” “INORAN” and “J” was participating. Actually, the art direction of that shot and the artwork for that album were the first time I had a session with “hide”.    In a wrecking yard    in Yokosuka.   Rocket.   PARK SIDE X…    I properly met    Matsumoto Hideto   and his roots.   A  n  d   t  h  e  n        a    n  d     t  h  e   n         A n  y  w  a  y    “hide”’s    existence   blood   was earnest.  Serious.

Also   because he was    someone   who said “I tell you   let it evolve”   I worked with him again   and   again.

Q3: Please tell us of an episode with hide that left an impression on you.

A: I did the art direction of the “hide” 1996 calendar we did together in L.A..

That! Yeah! “hide”   in his head   You! Art director! Supervisor! he said   as expected   someone   who   understood the universe.

There are many episodes.

Many    times    when   we joined   extremely    so amazing =☆   A    representative    of    Earth.

By the way    “hide”    has    in his time    as representative    gone beyond his time on Earth    with a BOOM.

At the record company    who was doing overtime    was    certainly   “hide”   and such.  The ideas for the jacket   are endless!    Endless!    Endless!   That    again   until the end    planning.    Moving on    from Earth time   fully   let’s expaaaaand it; he said    and did so    indefinitely…

Nevertheless    a beloved     important person   whatever happens    I won’t betray him –

In that L.A.   this again    right in front of    the beautiful stars    hide suddenly asked me, “Ken, when you broke your skull, what did you dream of?”

Me: “Only,,, only,,, a long pathway under the earth,,, fluorescent lamps going on endlessly,,, I was riding a stretcher,,, why am I being carried,,, that image” I said.

Hide said, “You ○○○”, such an ill omened thing to say,,,”Don’t be stupid, hide!” I answered. I guess–    hide was like no one else.

Over and over   after this    that’s right!    ∞,,,   No, again, again, not enough. Forever! ∞

Q4: What kind of person was hide to you?

A: He went around, went around, went around, went around, went around, went around, went around, went around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around   To the end   “hide”’s existence is right in front of me    Earnest.    At any time    whatever happens    without    betrayal    goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around, goes around,   at any time   at the start    next to me    laughing and saying    “Stupid Ken is gonna be stupid.”

Q5: If you ever saw him live, please tell us of your impression.

A: The event at Chiba Marine Stadium that was “hide” announcing LEMONed.

“LEMONed presents hide Indian Summer Special” !!!

Only chatting through an international phone call,,,   That I got to meet “hide” in person again, a long time since L.A….   The backstage guest since before the opening     already    beer was served    (we who loved alcohol took anti-nausea-medicine from hide’s younger brother and manager, “Hiroshi”-kun),,,  from that point I was exited for long, loooooong, for “hide” to start.

Anyway    that day too    Earth time or something    left it behind with a “BOOM”.    Really    exceeded it.

“KIYOSHI”   “PATA”   “CHIROLYN”    “JOE”    “DIE”    “INA”    Those seven people ,    extremely ,    already popped!   Blown away by the excitement    for the festival    around there!    Well, or weren’t they! “hide” was already throwing off the image of “hide the guitarist” like a set of clothes,,   !!   Leaped out of Chiba Marine Stadium with momentum, flew around on the stage. There were laser rays! Parachutes! A dog! Crossdressing CHIROLYN! DIE-chan’s fall! Bone fracture! There was!  Then, the final magnificent fireworks display! That kind of feeling,,, well.   Even on Earth    even in Japan,,,   There can be such a fun event! To say, really, they slayed it! We all got “hide’s” strong message that said, Let’s move on to the next world!

The afterparty of such an event, as maybe expected, began in a club in Ebisu, that “hide drinking version of autumn festival”, got terribly lively, turned into an even in the back! Goes without saying. The girls from the fashion show were also there, it was gorgeous…

No matter what, the mysterious people gathered there, they were,   a bottomless pit    of heavy   drinkers!!!!!!! That fun atmosphere went all the way to a food stall in front of Ebisu Station. From the main station, already at work rush, the salarymen and office ladies were hurrying to their companies in a flurry of activity. The party of mysterious people, and some OLs [office ladies] who happened to be nearby, went to buy bentos in a convenience store and eat them, until past noon,,, That laughing voice continued to eternity. (I was later shown group photos taken at that food stall in front of Ebisu Station by “Hiroshi”-kun, but,,, somehow, it was really a party of mystery people!)

“hide” and, “BUCK TICK’s” IMAI and, our time to go home was,,, Already! What! That’s all! Drink until the end!   ,,,,,,   No, no, that anti-sickness-medicine! I say, it worked well. Mr. Sun!

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “SCANNER”

Really! We are skull-fracture brothers! We discussed the cosmos    a lot   plotted   of course   all the fun to come    after this    therefore

Even with this    this questionnaire    I can’t express it    like I want toooooooo–

Well! From that    let’s start    again and again    from this    that’s right! ∞ ,,,No, again, again, it’s not enough.         Forever! ∞   That’s right!   I guess so    we, too    the incomparable “Sakaguchiken”      We’ll laugh – okay!    G - g -   good waves  ,,  69! ∞

[turtleations]

Interview with Tanaka Kazuko (Cameraman / CAPS)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: I left the word “cameraman” in the description, because it was used like that in the original text, but going by the name, Tanaka Kazuko is, in fact, a camera woman.

Q1: When did you meet hide for the first time?

A: In 1990 (late), during a shooting for “X” when I was Kanno Hideo’s assistant.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: I remember how hide-san waited while watching PATA-san’s session after his solo shooting was over, looking like he was enjoying himself. I thought he seemed like a really nice person.

Q3: Please tell us of an episode with hide that left an impression on you.

A: When we accompanied the PSYENCE A GO GO tour for the tour-photobook, hide-san said about my hair, “For the tour, let’s make it blonde! (laugh)” Drunk talk, I thought, but he also said that while sober. I said, for real?!... He was serious! Since his blond didn’t suit me, I dyed it orange.

Q4: What kind of person was hide to you?

A: He always gave his all, was fun, kind, harsh against himself, a person I really could respect.

Q5: If you ever saw him live, please tell us of your impression.

A: His lives were lives where the song order and the direction were determined on the morning of the day of! It was raw! Because the means of surprising and entertaining the audience were decided there, I had to make sure not to miss anything when doing close-up shots starting in the morning. It felt extremely fresh every time. And then, when “Oblaat” started, I’d grab my chosen camera with a “Let’s go!” and get going! Since it’s so crowded with the band members, if I get lost, it’s over! Running through! Taking lots of pictures!

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: That, I really can’t choose… This or that, I love it. I got memories for each one. I’m sorry.

[turtleations]

Interview with Kanno Hideo (Cameraman / CAPS)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you meet hide for the first time?

A: Around ‘90, no?

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: I think it must have been during the shooting for the SHOXX special issue on X. At that time, I frankly didn’t know much about X, nor about hide-kun. On that day, hide-kun was the first to arrive for the shooting. During that shooting, I thought he was someone who expressed himself in excentric ways. My impression at that time, the impression I remember was that he would watch over PATA-chan’s session with a smile and a glass of bourbon in one hand rather than being photographed himself.

Q3: Please tell us of an episode with hide that left an impression on you.

Q4: What kind of person was hide to you?

A: There is no limit to the memories I have. The first time we met was for a shooting at SHOXX. Also “Mugongeki”, and after that I kept photographing him in at lot of settings, kept photographing him until the final photos that I took of him were the last photos of him ever taken. Even after that, with the hide memorial photo exhibition, “DIVE to 2000”, and the photos for the hide museum and so on, the memorials every year, I am still publishing photos of hide today. I have taken pictures of many a fantastic artist, but there are few that I made as many memories with as hide, more than I could write down here. To me, it was an important connection.

He always continued to imagine and express his own existence through radical visuals, it was delightful. Consequently, I think he was a pioneer of the music scene of that time. I think when we worked together, hide-kun entrusted me with the role of capturing his imaginary world in photographs and preserving his memories and records. Now I can think, maybe ours was a relationship of such unity. The artist called hide created the visuals that are a symbol of that era, a rare talent that pulled the scene forward. It probably didn’t matter to him, but from the point of view of a photographer, hide was a reflection of that era, the photos and music overflowing with so many thrills, the concerts he left us – without exaggeration, I think he became the bible of visual-kei. I am grateful that I was so lucky as to be able to create works with him!

My relationship with him has been longest after his departure, but I am sure that my relationship to the photos hide-kun left behind will be just as long, and I must continue to protect these photos. It has been ten years since I took those photographs, and being acutely aware of the responsibility I took on by taking them, I will continue to face this responsibility in the future.

Those always around him keep their promises, so I guess this is just a gathering of the awesome people who respect hide-kun. I watched this hide memorial summit feeling deeply that it was the place where the love of those guys came to bear fruit.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: I love them all.

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 2, Part 6 & 7 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1, Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2, Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5

Slur warning: The word "gypsy" being used to describe a homeless person.

A place full of surprise and joy, a place to learn about life

That was me, a high school student, who had entered a terrifying world.

I continued to be shocked and amazed, but thinking about it now, those were lessons for life.

The people around X, including the staff, were all professionals, and having an ordinary high school student with no experience in his teens right in front of them all the time, they must have thought, “Don’t make such a fuss about something like that, I don’t have time for that right now,” whenever there was a little trouble at school.

Because – I can say it now – being made to drink, to stop fights, to have to bring the members home while exhausted, and then early the next morning…

Even in that situation, I have no memory of feeling that it was hard.

It’s strange, isn’t it?

Again, this is probably because I was happy just to be able to be with the members of X, starting with HIDE-san.

On the contrary, it was terrible for me when X had a concert on a day when I had to go to school.

There were quite a lot of concerts I couldn’t be around for, but I went to all the places I could.

When I remember the time I followed them on tour, there was also this one occasion.

On 22 August 1989, there was another concert at a venue called Kyoto Sports Valley.

Getting there ahead of time, I waited for the members in front of the hotel.

Then the members and the manager came, later than the appointed time.

At that point, HIDE-san asked with concern, “Kumamoto, sorry, did you wait? You don’t have a room (to stay in) again, do you?” and let me sleep on the floor of the room he and PATA-san were staying in.

As a high school student, I had no money for a hotel, and always rushed to X without bringing anything with me…

Homeless as I was, I was often called “Gypsy, gypsy” by HIDE-san.

In the end, the Sporty Valley concert was interrupted due to a Typhoon and postponed to 17 September, and the next day, on 28 August, the members transferred to Osaka, where a secret live was to be held at a.m. Hotel. Naturally, I was with them.

This secret took place at a livehouse they hadn’t visited in a long time, and they didn’t perform as X but held the concert as the Daimajin (“Five Devils”) five-man-group.

Everyone switched roles, with HIDE-san singing and so on.

Their songs focused on pieces from their indies era, and they also did some covers.

Around this time, “Kurenai” was performed at tv Asahi’s “Music Station”, the concert at Kyoto Sports Valley that had been moved from 27 August to 17 September went as planned…

That time, in the dressing room after the performance, HIDE-san suddenly pushed an envelope into my hands. When I asked, “Eh, what’s this?”, he replied, “Never mind, it’s to thank you for everything.”… When I looked into the envelope, I found 3000 yen inside.

Surprised, I said, “No, I can’t accept that. That’s not what I came for,” and tried to decline, but HIDE-san said, “What are you saying, Kumamoto? Thanks for everything!” and handed it over.

Getting money came as a surprise, but more than anything I was enormously happy about the consideration HIDE-san was showing me.

Honestly, I still remember the feeling at that time intensely.

After that, in September, another event that made me happy occurred.

On 29 September, the “ROSE & BLOOD TOUR” started at the Uruwa City Cultural Center.

With the tickets for the Kumamoto Postal Savings Hall sold out, it seemed unthinkable that half a year earlier, during the “BUEL BLOOD TOUR”, the same venue had been deserted.

At that time, the members told me that it was about time they invited my mother to a concert. On that day, I brought my mother to the dressing room before the live, and in that small room, all five of them were in the middle of getting their make-up, going, “Eh? Kumamoto-kun’s mother?”… Even though they were all in the middle of make-up, they stopped what they were doing and YOSHIKI-san introduced them with a smile: “Nice to meet you. We’re X. Apologies for meeting you like this.”

Whenever I return to my mother’s house, I find the backstage pass she got then prominently displayed on her cabinet even now.

The day I considered dropping out of high school and the death of my grandfather, the kindness of my mother and HIDE

After the “ROSE & BLOOD TOUR” something terrible happened.

It happened at the time of the live at Mamochi Palace (Fukuoka), four days after the live in Kumamoto my mother got invited to.

YOSHIKI-san’s condition turned bad, his asthma got terrible, all the other members and the staff fluttered around with worry, asking “What do we do? What do we do?”… In the afternoon, the information got passed around, “It doesn’t look like he’s in a condition to perform today, we’re cancelling today’s concert.”

In the end, the concert was postponed, this being, as far as I remember, the first time a live performance was cancelled due to a band member collapsing.

HIDE-san, in any case, worried about YOSHIKI-san’s health and fretted about his situation, asking over and over, “Is YOSHIKI okay?”, “How is YOSHIKI doing?”

I think I met TOSHI-san at the venue, but I don’t know if PATA-san and TAIJI-san ever even made it there or not. I guess they probably learned about the cancellation of the concert at the hotel.

HIDE-san was already at the venue with his hair put up, but since he was worried about YOSHIKI-san, he said, “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

So done, the staff let us know us that “YOSHIKI went to the hospital and then moved right on to Hiroshima.” With the concert in Fukuoka cancelled and another concert planned in Hiroshima Postal Savings Hall on the following day, 31 October, it seems that he decided to move to Hiroshima ahead of schedule.

Afterward, when we were informed that YOSHIKI-san had quietly arrived at the hotel in Hiroshima, HIDE-san said, “Anyway, YOSHIKI needs to rest.” But I couldn’t go to Hiroshima because I really needed to go to school.

On my own, I rode the slow train back to Kumamoto, while everyone else with X went to Hiroshima…

In Hiroshima, YOSHIKI-san’s condition improved just enough, so the concert in Hiroshima could happen, but then he collapsed again after a drum solo at Mito Civic Hall on 8 November.

Despite everyone worrying “How do we continue the tour?”, the concerts continued, but after that day he kept going down several times in several places.

Finally, when YOSHIKI-san collapsed once again on the first of the two days at Shibuya Public Hall on 22 November, all concerts from 23 November onwards were postponed.

When that decision was announced, I was in Kumamoto for school.

It was frustrating. I wanted to be with X no matter what, so I frankly told my mother, “I’m quitting school.” At first, my mother was baffled, but then she told me, “It’s your life, so in the end it’d your choice to make.” Then I told HIDE-san.

When I did, this is what he told me:

“KUMA, I graduated from high school as well, you don’t need to rush and should graduate properly. It’s not too late to come to Tokyo after that should you decide to,” he persuaded me earnestly.

Having ultimately decided to stay in school due to HIDE-san’s words, December, too, had me live a life of scrambling for contact with the members of X while attending high school.

In order to apologize for the cancellation of the tour, the members of the time went to every place where a concert had been cancelled, went on various programs to apologize and announce the schedule of the postponed concerts. All the while asking the fans, “Please don’t worry.”

It was just a little before Christmas. At that time, thankfully, YOSHIKI-san’s condition also improved… I told HIDE-san, “Once school’s out, I’ll get to you again,” but on 25 December, the day I said I would come, my grandfather died.

“Oh, now I can’t go to Tokyo,” I thought.

Of course, I really wanted to go. I really wanted to be with the members of X. But I gave up on it, thinking it would be impossible… Then my mother said to me, “Aren’ HIDE-san and the others waiting for you? Please go. Your grandpa is going to be more at ease that way, too.”

That was kind, wasn’t it? And so, two or three days later, I was on my way to Tokyo.

Even though I was sad that my grandfather had passed on, I was happy to be able to meet X. I remember my feelings being complicated like that.

Even though I didn’t have a lot of money at that time, I brought HIDE-san, who collected earrings, a pair of earrings as a Christmas present.

Thinking of it now, they were cheap things chosen by a high school student… But HIDE-san was delighted. He cherished them.

The new year of 1990 started, and HIDE-san continued to take care of me. Through that, something happened that left a massive impression on me.

The postponed tour was resumed on 4 February at Budokan, and I had come to Tokyo a few days earlier at the end of January.

This happened the day before the Budokan-live, when I was moving around with the manager to deliver that day’s documents to the member’s homes.

As always, HIDE-san was calling out to me out of concern for the gypsy with no place to stay. At times, when it was okay to stay over, I imposed on him, but of course, since it was the day before Budokan, I asked the manager of X if I could stay at his place.

It was pretty late… when we arrived at HIDE-san’s home at 22 or 23 o’clock. HIDE-san looked at my face and said, “Hey, KUMA, what are you doing?”

“I’m helping out,” I said.

“KUMA, do you have a place to stay? You can stay here,” he invited me.

“Wouldn’t that be bad, with Budokan being tomorrow?” I declined and he said, “What are you saying? Don’t be stupid,” and I ended up staying the night after all.

Naturally, I was exhausted, and even HIDE-san said, “Let’s go to be early,” and retired not all that late, without even drinking anything.

HIDE-san’s place at the time had one room and was not very big.

As always, I got to sleep in the space in front of the bathroom… That night, for some reason, I woke up to the sound of a guitar.

Looking at the clock, wasn’t it around five to six in the morning?

Wondering what was going on, I looked around the room, and there was HIDE-san, looking at the tv in the pitch-black room, rewinding a video over and over again.

When I was looking, there was “Kurenai” on the screen, and HIDE-san, sitting on the bed with his guitar, replayed the same part several times, matching his own guitar solo while looking at the screen.

Even as a high school student who didn’t understand everything, I thought, “I wonder if HIDE-san is nervous about Budokan and preparing for it so he doesn’t make any mistakes.”

That image of HIDE-san, practicing while repeating the same part over and over again, left a strong impression with me even now.

Chapter 3, Part 1