turtleonmyknee

[turtleonmyknee]

I think something’s wrong with me. I meet a lot of people, and at first everything seems to be going okay, but then I start feeling like such an outsider.

KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989) dir. Hayao Miyazaki

[turtleonmyknee]

“to lead and draw us to as high a perfection, as our degenerate souls made worse by their clayey lodgings, can be capable of”

[turtleonmyknee]

numb

around me

people walking, running

laughing, loving, living

and I

seemingly stuck

in despair

LOST

life continues around me

but I'm still Lost

around me

they fall, they rise

i'm still Lost

i hurt when they hurt

when they move on

i still hurt

to my life, i see no reason

faking smiles

pretending laughter

I try

to anchor myself

i'm nobody

and i'm still Lost.

[turtleonmyknee]

i am an addict

and you

you are my drug

i run to you

even when i know

you will be my downfall

yet

I run to you

and I float

high above

surreal beauty

laughter and joy

but suddenly

the high wears off

I fall off the clouds

only then

in the darkness

i find myself thinking

wondering

reflecting

this ecstasy

I should have refused

I should have turned away

but how could i

how could i refuse you

I know not how.

[turtleonmyknee]

I wonder how you know not yet

The power you hold on me

Your words can soothe my soul

As well as strike me

And yet welcome them I

As your gift to me.