twist3d-swords

[twist3d-swords]

Reblog if you think public libraries are important and should be maintained.

[twist3d-swords]

The Night Thoughts of a God With Undiagnosed Mental Illness

I am the anxious God of pride, of bravery, of courage, of lies. Well, at least I’m not mortal, not yet anyway.

“Your body is a Temple” they side-eye my tattoos, piercings, my marks, and scars Well it's a good thing I’m an atheist My temple is broken and vandalized, no God lives here but me.

I adorn myself with bells and bobbles, I jingle and ring. You can hear how bright I am from rooms away, I’m not subtle. Like the smell of weed in an amusement park or the sound of distorted voices whispering to you in the dark of your bedroom. You just can’t ignore me.

Sometimes I forget that I carry an entire universe in my hair. It sits there and weighs heavily on my shoulders like feathers ripped from wings. I can’t cut my hair, or else the universe will collapse, and you will die. Well surely you don’t want to die, do you?

A minuit un dieu noir me rend visite et me remplit d'amour- les oreillers étreignent mon corps, les lumières me chantent des chansons. Seven years of french and I can only speak it in my dreams. The language of love can never be spoken between mortal and God. Well, what about between God and God? It will only end with a broken and crying heart, and a cult.

Have you ever been dealt a blow so hard you think you might see God? I have. I got kicked in the head at Cool Springs Elementary School with a bright pink, size 6, soccer cleat and my eye broke. Well, I’m never going to look the same again!

When I look into my mother’s eyes When I look into my brother’s eyes When I look into Their eyes, and I see myself trapped inside, I know that she will never die. That I will never die.

And so I kneel, bent over, the floor shakes in my vision, hands clasped, surrounded by walls caving in, mocking whispers dance from ear to ear, and spray paint fumes hang in the air, mixing with dirt and vines and I pray to a God that I don’t even believe in.

-C.M.B

[twist3d-swords]

Fight, Flight, Facade

You have to run love, you can’t wait or hide. Its creeping in on us, the fires of crying children, of women, men, lovers, screaming out in fear in pain, in the chambers and capitals. I can’t ask you to stay, I can duck in and out of the pretty pink lace and white picket fences. Layer myself behind my curls and pray that I’m barren. But love you have to flee, fly far, fly fast. As soon as the sirens start screaming, as the firing squads pick up their guns and aim, as mobs flood the streets, deep fiery reds flashing with steel cut grays, smoke clogs the air and tangy copper taints our tongues and teeth. Gather all you need and kiss me one last goodbye.

I’ll keep your memory in a locket, pressed close to my breasts- As I am raped of my love and left in a place with no want for me. Love you’ll be with me in those dark moments at the altar of a faith I don’t believe in as they take and keep on taking. The only thought keeping me is that of you safe and far away. I can’t follow you like you usually do for me. I am weak, scared selfish in wanting you safe for me. I know my limits, my masks, the closet in which I can hide myself.

Love I can’t run but god can I hide, wait, until they are pliant. Until all they see is flowing skirts and flushed cheeks, soft and feminine. Whisper in their ears, cross my heart while crossing my fingers. I can handle their words, their fists raised in premature triumph. I can be her, and she can be the curtain I keep behind. They won’t look and see them gathering courage, or how he glares out and plans. In all the loops and bows adorning the picture, perfect gavels and guns, there are plenty holes where you will find me when you look.

But love look from a distance, watch as you run and I dance. Performing my role among the glints of steel. Watch as the winds you leave in your wake stoke the kindling in my chest. Keep your eyes on me notice what they won’t- the way my teeth glint in my smile, how my eyes crinkle too much through laughing, how quickly my mask falls as they turn to the next target in the line. As a child takes my place down the scope. You see why I can’t run? I see you- masculine grace, soft edges, kindness, fear, innocence a second from being spoiled- In each of their eyes. And it wretches in my chest- Love, you all have to run.

-C.M.B