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half of my writing time is spent hovering my hands over a keyboard while i watch the scene i’m trying to write in my head over and over again

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the writing brain is like a pc from 2009. cpu overheating. fans screaming. 37 tabs open. microsoft word not responding. ideas buffering. and somehow there’s a minecraft launcher running in the background for no reason.

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girl help im having creative ideas beyond my artistic skill

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Last Straw

Some days I’m a fish out of water

Some days I’m the ocean

Some days I’m a sea-farer’s daughter

Going through the motions

I walk a fine line

Angel’s hair breadth

With a straw as my balancing pole

Some days I dance across the tightrope

Some days I wrestle with the nets

Some days I teeter, I totter, I tiptoe

Towards the edge of the abyss

But a fear of heights is only useful

If your feet never leave the ground

I guess it’s just what makes you humble and selfless

And keeps your heart from slowing down

Some days I dive into the deep end

Some days I barely stay afloat

Some days I only put my feet in

Scared that I’ll somehow rock the boat

In this pool i’m in

The tide might pull me in

The shore’s the safest place to stay

And It’s sink or swim

It’s out of sync I swim when

Timing has never been my forte

Still somehow the battle is won

To free for all time

Those backs which bend

With their weight

The battle must end

Though we wait 

Never knowing when

Still somehow

Look at me now

I find I have the liberty

Turns out I’m finally free

I get to choose what’s right for me

Some days I’m an unsteady sailor

Rocking the whole boat

Some days that’s not something I’m scared of

'Cause some days

Some days

Some days your last straw keeps you afloat

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Broken Heart, Bloody Sleeve (Album)

Track List

Alone | 4:00

Kiss Me Goodbye

Egg Shells

Closer

Midas Touch

My Heart is a House | 1:14

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Alone

I’ll let you call me by her name 

Just as long as you call me 

Believe me nothing has to change 

I’ll be right where you want me

'Cause I don’t want to be alone 

Just want someone to hold

Yeah I don’t wanna' be alone 

Want someone to come home 

Tell me you love me

I don’t mind

If you don’t really mean it

I’m used to guys who tell me lies

I’ll find ways to believe it

'Cause I don’t want to be alone 

Just want someone to hold

Yeah I don’t wanna' be alone 

Want someone to come home 

Empty arms

Broken heart

Split apart’s

Not what i want

Never far

Though it’s hard

Have my heart

It’s what i want

'Cause I don’t want to be alone 

Just want someone to hold

Yh I don’t wanna be alone 

Want someone to come home 

Yeah I don’t want to be alone 

Just want someone to hold me

Yh I don’t wanna be alone 

Want someone to come home to

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Loose Ties & Last Straws (EP)

Track List

Mermaid Birth | 3:58

Mother Nature

Firewood

Ties are Important

Last Straw | 3:11

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Mermaid Birth

I’ve never learned to float on my back

And that's why I lie face first, flat

In this sea of despair

The surface murky, depths clear

Enough to see the schools of guilt that 

Swim around and then circle back

Gnawing on my gut, my fingers, and toes

'Til there’s nothing left

Of my defense

Of my sixth sense

Or my intuition

This blurry vision

Is not the only reason

To be scared of broken rafts

The pieces of a shattered mirror

Never quite fit back together

Even though they reflect the same light

That leaves me with the sinking feeling

That something was always broken

And that something was really my sight

Now there’s nothing right

Not my defense

Not my sixth sense

Not my intuition

Superstition 

Is not the only reason

To be scared of broken glass

And I can’t see my way out of this rising tide

Still I ride the waves

There’s nothing to leave behind

My mouth curls round the straw

My hands hold tight

Gasping 

Grasping

At anything

Everything

Nothing 

Hurts

Like losing your defense

Your sixth sense

Your intuition

My new suspicion

Is maybe I’m scared

That this straw

I’m holding onto

Might be my last

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Tumblr won't let me be great T.T I've been trying to upload the same song for a week and it just won't let me save as a draft or schedule or post it. So I'm going to be posting drive links to the audios instead.

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Vidoe ID: Black background with red paper heart torn down the middle rotating clockwise. The words "my heart" in a white minimalistic/futuristic font sit over a white horizontal line with the words "is a house" in the same font below the white line.

My Heart is a House

Another Dawters & Sons song, but from a different album of theirs about love and heartbreak and disappointment. This is one of my favorites I've ever written.

Update: So I was wrong...this album is clearly an Ada Michelle album. So yh...

Lyrics and chords below the cut.

My Heart is a House Lyrics & Chords

Intro

Am C F C

Am C

My heart is a house with a wooden floor

F C

A picket fence and a red front door

Am C

A yard with a dog house, a hose and a shed

F C

A garden, a walk way and one flower bed

Am F

Inside are trinkets, a kitchen, a bed

CF

For Shame or Regret to rest weary heads

Am F

Guilt sets the table, Fear brews the tea

CF

And Love haunts the corners where no one can see

Am F

But you'll sense her near if you listen close

C F

For the boards they creak wherever she goes

Am C

'Cause my heart is a house with a wooden floor

F C

A picket fence and a red front door

F C

A picket fence and a red front door

F Am F C

A picket fence and a red front door

Artist: Dawters & Sons

Albums: Broken Hearts & Bloody Sleeves

Track No.: TBA

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Dawters & Sons (Debut Album)

Track List:

Allow Me

Bloody Hands

That Tracks

Adult Diagnoses | 2:47

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2025 Resolutions

Two of my resolutions for this year are courage and contentment. And I'm going to try exercising both of those by:

Posting more things that I've made (music mostly because that's where the inspiration has been striking)

Posting more things that I've made that I think are imperfect (I really want to get used to enjoying the process more than the product. Don't get me wrong, producing anything is amazing. But I want to focus more on the making and so I'm trying to desensitize myself by sharing the imperfect products. Call it exposure therapy if you will)

So I'm going to be posting all the songs I've made over the past few years.

Music Masterlist

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Video ID: vinyl record spinning on turntable with needle arm in focus on loop. The word "adult" in black minimalistic/futuristic font above a white line and the word "diagnoses" in the same font below the white line. The text turns to white about 20 seconds in.

Adult Diagnoses

I've assigned this song to one of my fictional bands in the greater CAFS universe called Dawters & Sons (referenced in Chapter 8 of CAFS when Ezra meets Gem). They're a twin brother and sister (Dawn and Dawson) who put out really angsty music together (Dawn writes most of the lyrics) and Dawson composes and produces the songs.

Adult diagnoses is about cataloguing the moments throughout childhood and growing up that make a lot more sense when you look at them through the lens of your adult diagnoses (I was diagnosed with ADHD at 26 and I've been recommended for an autism diagnosis). The ages I look at are satisfyingly all multiples of four!

Lyrics and chords below the cut.

Adult Diagnoses Lyrics and Chords

Capo 1

Intro

Gsus Csus x2

Verse 1

Gsus Csus

When I was four, I put down my fork

Gsus

Sticky hands picked pancakes up

Csus

And threw them out the door

Gsus Csus

Then I was eight, friends moved to the States

Gsus

Rocked wet hair and a weary heart

Csus

I couldn’t handle change

Interlude

Gsus Csus

Verse 2

Gsus Csus

When I turned 12, I kept to myself

Gsus

I couldn’t help feeling younger

Csus

Than everybody else

Gsus Csus

Turned 16, couldn’t help but dream

Gsus

Turns out the world around is

Csus

Nothing like it seems

Interlude

Gsus Csus

Verse 3

Gsus Csus

At twenty years, you start to taste the tears

Gsus

You’ve settled down. You fit in now

Csus

Doesn’t chase away your fears

Gsus Csus

At 24, I got to taste the floor

Gsus

It's sweat and dirt and getting hurt

Csus

Doesn’t feel foreign anymore

Interlude

Gsus Csus x 2

Verse 4

Gsus Csus

I’m 28 and nothing’s really changed 

Gsus

The icky hands the weary heart

Csus

Life still feels like a maze

Gsus Csus

At any age, I’ll probably feel the same

Gsus

I’ll choose comfort I’ll lose sleep

Csus

I’ll never know what’s right to say

‘Cause

Coda

Gsus 

I was flipping through books before six

Csus

But no one taught me how to read the room

Gsus

Conversation oh it makes my skin itch

Csus                                                    Gsus

Couldn’t cut the label that came with my skin

Outro

Gsus Csus X 2

Song Info

Artist: Dawters & Sons

Album: Dawters & Sons (Debut Album)

Track Number: TBA

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Dawters & Sons

A sibling duo that comes about by accident. Dawn fills in as Dawson's band's vocalist when he loses his voice for a bit and the crowd falls in love with her. They decide to join forces and she eventually takes the reins with song writing as well.

Mentioned in CAFS Chapter 8

Albums

Dawters & Sons (Debut)

The Irony of My Mettle

Long Days & Late Nights

Loose Ties & Last Straws

Nursery Rhymes & Trying Times

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how do you do, fellow Creatives™