unhinged-recap

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I think our system can be described as a spectrum. Sometimes we're more fused/working as a team and other times we feel very seperated and individual. I don't know how this happens but when we're working together it feels like we're all holding hands and it's a very warm and cozy feeling

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Hey, why does it feel like with each new headmate we get better at existing? What in the system evolution is this??

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Something that never fails to fascinate me is how different my sister and I think. She's very logical and practical, while I act on feelings and vibes. Sometimes she'll show me a new way of doing something and I'll look at her with big eyes and say "will you believe me if I said I never thought of doing it like that before?" and she'll just roll her eyes at me, lmao.

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System Update-ish

We have a new headmate and in the past two weeks our life has been hyper-fixated on them and what they split to help us with and it has been great. I'm kind of scared they'll fade into the innerworld and we/I will be on my own again, biting my nails over the same problem. One thing I've noticed is how much time and organization they put into what they do and how they stay present in the moment. I'm going to follow that example and try and do the same.

Note to self: treating your work/hobbies seriously and having the right tools and getting into the right mindset really helps!

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We don't really have amnesia between headmates so that means we usually know each other's business. I was wondering whether that means I have to answer when someone asks me what a headmate has been up to and then came to the realization that headmates are like roommates. Just because you live in the same house doesn't mean you're allowed to tell anybody their business.

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Today I had a talk with my brother about staying at home all the time and he keeps circling back to how I just have to get out of the house now and then.

My parents love to do this as well. I call it "trying to buy furniture for a burning house". Basically, you're attempt to fix something without addressing the real issue. Even when I literally tell them that there's a problem or something isn't right, they brush it off. They've been doing this since I was a teenager and it's pretty annoying.

Maybe next time my mom asks about going out to do some grocery shopping or something I'll just loudly say, "No way! Because what if there's a gunman in the store? What if I slip and fall into the road on the way and a car runs me over and breaks both my legs? What if I get kidnapped? What if I break a really expensive bottle of wine?"

I've got this irrational paranoia thing and that along with how disassociated I get in public spaces makes me feel like I'm either in grave danger, or I am the grave danger, somehow. It's always lingering in the back of my mind.

Idk, I almost think my parents are trying to gaslight me into feeling like I'm normal but just being stupid. 😭 But surely it isn't normal to feel this way?

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Nothing more annoying than managing to magic a stressful memory away only for someone to bring it up again and undo all your work.

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sir please that’s my emotional support group of mutuals who I never interact with but still care deeply about

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Sometimes I just. Hyperfixate on a favorite food? When I was a teenager I would fall asleep thinking about the cornflakes I would have the next day. Then I moved to egg sandwiches. It's been awhile since I had a food hyperfixation but I think french toast is the new one. Life may suck sometimes but at least I have french toast to look forward to!

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"likes mean nothing on tumblr" you're sending me a little heart. that's not nothing it's your heart. look here's one for you <3

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Who up stuck in they denial spiral (posting this instead of completely deleting everything I have)

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"Online System Safe Spaces" : Choose Your Character

- unsupervised children

- suicide bait in the vent chat

- discussion of 18+ topics in the main channels

- "I don't wanna deal with this right now" moderator

- gooner pfp

- trauma olympics every week

- "DIY Recovery" self diagnosers

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Sorry for publicly posting diary entries, I shamelessly want attention and to share my reflections and joys and life with everyone including people I don't know

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My consolation for being kind of unhinged is that it makes me mysterious.

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Eyelashes are meant to protect the eye but the only thing falling into my eyes are my eyelashes.

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No one:

Me to myself: You shouldn't have said that. That was lame. They probably hate you now. Why did you do that? That's strange. Why did you think that? That's weird. You're going to regret that, you know. Curse of remembrance for ten years.