urmankurt

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I'm going to an ED therapist and b4 that I need to get blood tests and health checks lol I have blood tests tmmr and Im shit scared of blood and needle plus I've not eaten in a day food your man's probs gonna faint 😻

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Doing a food and exercise log so that I feel more guilty when I eat lmao

Tuesday 26/07/22

-went to a pub and got some chips but only ate a few

-mum made me eat half a garlic bread peice

-ate 1 ½ bits of pizza for dinner

-had a kit kat

-went on a 4 mile walk

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I need a weight-loss buddy, starving alone is no fun

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morning skinny 😻

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I don’t know who I am anymore

Why does the pain of hunger feel so rewarding?

When will it ever be enough? When will I find my closure? Will I ever truly heal?

I’m slowly dying and everyone will regret hurting me. I deserve this

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nahh pikachu tumblr guy is terrifying

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I want my bones to show

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LMAO

my mom: you have to find different coping skills than cutting

me: so how about not eating

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listening to the crybaby album while skipping school on an empty stomach>>>>

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When Fat Girls Get Skinny - Button Poetry

The year of skinny pop and sugar-free jello cups, we guzzled vitamin water and vodka. Toasting to high school and survival, complimenting each others thigh gaps. Trying diets we found on the internet: menthol cigarettes, eating in front of a mirror, donating blood. Replacing meals with other practical hobbies like making flower crowns, or fainting. Wondering why I hadn't had my period in months, or why breakfast tastes like giving up. Or how many more productive ways I could've spent my time today besides googling the calories in the glue of a U.S envelope. Watching Americas Next Topmodel like the gospel, hunching naked over a bathroom scale shrine, crying into an empty bowl of cocoa puffs because I only feel pretty when I'm hungry. If you are not recovering, you are dying. By the time I was sixteen, I had already experienced being clinically overweight, underweight and obese. As a child fat was the first word people used to describe me, which didn't offend me, until I found out it was supposed to. When I lost weight, my dad was so proud, he started carrying my before-and-after photo in his wallet. So relieved he could stop worrying about me getting diabetes. He saw a program on the news about the epidemic with obesity, said he's just so glad to finally see me taking care of myself. If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital.

The year of skinny pop and sugar-free jello cups, we guzzled vitamin water and vodka. Toasting to high school and survival, complimenting each others thigh gaps. Trying diets we found on the internet: menthol cigarettes, eating in front of a mirror, donating blood. Replacing meals with other practical hobbies like making flower crowns, or fainting. Wondering why I hadn't had my period in months, or why breakfast tastes like giving up. Or how many more productive ways I could've spent my time today besides googling the calories in the glue of a U.S envelope. Watching Americas Next Topmodel like the gospel, hunching naked over a bathroom scale shrine, crying into an empty bowl of cocoa puffs because I only feel pretty when I'm hungry. If you are not recovering, you are dying. By the time I was sixteen, I had already experienced being clinically overweight, underweight and obese. As a child fat was the first word people used to describe me, which didn't offend me, until I found out it was supposed to. When I lost weight, my dad was so proud, he started carrying my before-and-after photo in his wallet. So relieved he could stop worrying about me getting diabetes. He saw a program on the news about the epidemic with obesity, said he's just so glad to finally see me taking care of myself. If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital.

If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story. So when I evaporated, of course everyone congratulated me on getting healthy. Girls at school who never spoke to me before, stopped me in the hallway to ask how I did it. I say "I am sick". They say "No, you're an inspiration!" How could I not fall in love with my illness? With becoming the kind of silhouette people are supposed to fall in love with? Why would I ever want to stop being hungry, when anorexia was the most interesting thing about me? So how lucky it is now, to be boring. The way not going to the hospital is boring. The way looking at an apple and seeing only an apple, not sixty, or half an hour sit-ups is boring. My story may not be as exciting as it used to, but at least there is nothing left to count. The calculator in my head finally stopped. I used to love the feeling of drinking water on an empty stomach, waiting for the coolness to slip all the way down and land in the well. Not obsessed with being empty but afraid of being full. I used to be proud when I was cold in a warm room. Now, I am proud. I have stopped seeking revenge on this body. This was the year of eating when I was hungry without punishing myself and I know it sound ridiculous, but that sh** is hard. When I was little, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said.. "small".

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these pics are my motivation for just. honestly I'd do anything to be skinny, pretty (if those are two different things) and just perfect. please PM me motivation and th1nsp0s rn. I need it.

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I wish i could either live my life the fullest or kill myself

But i’m too much of a coward to do either of them

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Just got back from camping. I only ate when I needed to during the trip. I still feel really fat tho. Any tips on how to controll your eating and to make u skinnier and eat less ect. I just need to get into that ED mindset again. Someone please help me. I don't want to get fat. Thank you so much if you can help.

Also if anyone could PM me and send me a load of th1nsp0s and motivation to not eat that would be great. I really appreciate anything that is like this.

Thank you to everyone who has liked, commented and rebloged all my posts, it helps me to not eat so much!

-Kurt

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Just had to break my fast back my nan offered me a banana, and tbh I can't say no to my nan.

going camping for 3 days so probs won't be active, will try to fast for as much as I can. thank you all for the re blogs and the likes. wish me luck for the camping trip lol. :)

- Kurt

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struggles 💔

dude buying food is so hard. i have to worry about money AND calories? bullshit

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Fasting for as long as I can. wish me luck lolza. using this pic for motivation:

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TW: ED /th1nspo

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I love th1nspos, they remind my why I started