venbetta - Tumblr blog

[venbetta]

It's lesbian visibility week and I haven't even posted anything for it cuz just don't know what to draw (seeing I'm a lesbian)

But uh..

Let's go lesbians, let's go!!

[venbetta]

more of Crowley as Eggman from the Snapcube real time dubs

[venbetta]

people who headcanon glammike just to have an excuse for headcanoning Michael as Gregory’s real father are boring. why would you want the cool as fuck 7-foot-tall robot bear who’s great at moral support, discovered his humanity through adopting a gremlin son who he loves unconditionally, and makes you question your status as a non-furry turn out to be a rotting British man

[venbetta]

freddys unused lines gave me ideas

[venbetta]

I just finished the spring semester, and I'm at 49 credits, I just need 11 more for my A.A. degree, and I'll be free :,3

[venbetta]

the circus was in town that day 🤡

[venbetta]

what being on your period feels like

[venbetta]

These tags made me giggle

Hi yes I also wanna rip out his innards because I love him so much :3

How does it feel to be alive?

[venbetta]

america?

I don't know what you're referring too but if it's what I think it is

Yes I'm American

Volume warning

[venbetta]

God I keep thinking about Art is Dead by Bo Burnham, I almost cried when these lyrics kept cycling through my head:

I must be psychotic I must be demented To think that I'm worthy Of all this attention Of all of this money, you worked really hard for I slept in late while you worked at the drug store

My drug's attention, I am an addict But I get paid to indulge in my habit It's all an illusion I'm wearing make-up I'm wearing make-up

And to top it off the later half just kinda hits hard, a little too much.

I am an artist, please God forgive me I am an artist, please don't revere me I am an artist, please don't respect me I am an artist, you're free to correct me

A self-centered artist Self-obsessed artist I am an artist I am an artist But I'm just a kid I'm just a kid I'm just a kid, kid And maybe I'll grow out of it

Like I know this song (in a general, subjective perspective) is about using art as monetary incentives, and the passion is gone.

I see some of the lyrics (ones mentioned above) as something I constantly think about frequently, and some of it hits a little too close to home in how I view myself as an artist, y'know?

Like I'm not anywhere near Bo's talent (plus yknow... different skills obviously) but some of what the lyrics say feel too relatable. I used to listen to this song absently and not take it to heart, but after today, it struck a cord with me.

Those are my thoughts.

[venbetta]

You know, when I get those "negative spells" they often happen when I'm too bored and can't find anything that can keep my attention, which makes me think it might be cause of the brain feeling understimulated.

Do you think that might be the case for you too?

I mean, I get those often, like bi monthly.

What I was talking about is how I found myself subconsciously comparing myself with other artists and feeling a sense of doubt in what I've been doing with myself as an artist.

I only felt imposter syndrome during my academics, but it seems to have transferred to my art as well... :/

[venbetta]

Hello hello I have joined forces with some other artists to help out a family in Gaza! Please share this and if you can, donate and/or commision us! :)

Server link:

GoFundMe link:

[venbetta]

...I have ideas.

I need to let it cook...

[venbetta]

Random question about that Freddy glowing heart drawing you did. Sans?

I hate that I subconsciously thought, "If I make his heart blue, people are gonna say Sans Undertale." But if I made it any other color, it was still gonna be associated with Undertale

Can't win shit in this house

[venbetta]

Don't worry,you can stay yourself,their always people supporing or liking,who knows what will happen,I don't care either about how much followers I have or likes,I just post what I want

It's more than staying myself, I know who and what I am. It's mostly just the fact that I'm in a state of self-doubt.

It usually passes, but it's something I can't fully understand why it hits me so hard sometimes. Just kinda wish I didn't think that way.

[venbetta]

Hello, I'm sorry for what I said about you uploading abnormal drawings, you're right, it's your blog, not mine, sorry, I won't ask you that question again. I'm sorry

Fandom is a comfort space for most people, including myself, and it just allows people to express themselves. Same with someone's blog.

It's like walking into a person's house and asking them to take down a piece of decoration because it's "abnormal." If it's not harming them or anyone, then it should be left alone. And if it doesn't suit your taste, then ignore it.

Just please be more mindful, anon, thank you.

[venbetta]

Damn I'm experiencing a weird sense of guilt (?) not even sure if that's the word I'm going for

for not posting aa much between here and Twitter? Not much so for Instagram...

There's that small part in my brain that's being a little mean cuz I saw one of my moots on Twitter with like 7k likes on an artwork they posted and it was like "man if you just posted more frequently, you'd be up there with them."

Which is ... sad? I don't know why I thought that.

My whole thing is posting whatever I want without caring about the numbers... I subconsciously think, "Oh hey, people like this!" But it doesn't encourage me to pursue what other people like. I just post art because I wanted to share it, if that makes sense (I hate algorithms for that reason).

I do care about being acknowledged, I think I like seeing comments more than likes, but there's that part of me that's reminding me that I'm not entitled to that kind of attention 24/7. Or that I don't fully deserve compliments. I feel like I'm in a mixed bag of wanting praise, but not sure if I deserve it or wanting to be known but too scared of being seen.

Tumblr feels safe, Twitter feels scary, and Instagram feels nonexistent. I know my posting is sporadic or random, and I have a life outside to deal with. Some days, I just wish I could have a day to just really focus, draw, and not worry about anything.

That Freddy drawing brought me so much comfort since I was in a calm state, and I had a bad day prior to drawing it. I was in no rush, and I didn't exactly have a plan. It just happened naturally. It was a day when those 6 hours were just spent on the smaller details. It's times like that is what I wish to constantly have.

I'm still grateful that I have a following, and people do enjoy what I post, I'm going to keep doing what I enjoy.. it's just sucks I always wind back around to feeling doubtful.