vent-pool

[vent-pool]

I got Covid.

Please, I need advice...

I have two cats and one doesn't stop trying to enter my room.

Acually he's been here a couple of times...

Is it dagerous to them or to my family?

Do they need to give them baths?

I don't have a door, just a curtain, now with plastic.

Also, we just have one bathroom, what can I do to not spread the virus around?...

[vent-pool]

Every Time I say my mother to wash her hands she gets angry.

It makes me feel so bad I want to die.

I really wish I was dead so I don't have to deal with her...

[vent-pool]

I thought roleplay was something that made my relationship with my boyfriend strong... and when he stopped replying it was like something broke on me.

It was like he was distancing from me... So I became distant too...

And he complained to me for this, like he didn’t had nothing to do with it.

He cried, he made a drama (which, he hated when we did roleplay)... and I just felt uncomfortable.

I feel bad for hurting him, but it’s like he never realized that he hurt me too...

[vent-pool]

My story with RP and my BF

Well... I’m here to vent mostly.

I’m not feeling fine sentimentally.

I’m having troubles with my boyfriend.

We’re almost 13 year on this relationship and... I don’t know, sometimes I feel tired.

Maybe it’s all my fault..

We used to make Role Play. I mean, we had a chat where he acted like characters he made and I played as my own characters. 

We wrote some stories together (and he ever wrote some fanfics for me)... but there was this times where I wanted to introduce drama or conflicts or anything interesting to me... and he ended depressed or something.

At the end I had to throw all away and restart a “happy world” so we could still play. Every single time my ideas were thrown away... And that’s why when he came with some mechanics to make the game more like DnD (I guess) I felt the need to do the same...

I started to sabotage his plots... because I felt he did the same with my plots. But that was just at the start... later I let him have more and more control over plots... until I had none.

We never talked about roleplay in real life... like if it was a secret. He just talked about it when he wanted to complain because I tried to kill my own characters or something that made him feel sad. 

But all this was very important to me. I thought roleplay was helping me to create characters and stories. It gave me inspiration to draw and some motivation to share with someone my ideas...

Then, we stopped.

He used to tell me stories of our characters when we walked to take the bus... ‘till he didn’t.

When I tried to talk about characters I was designing or stories I was thinking he just... didn’t seem interested. Like, he let me talk some seconds, didn’t ask questions, didn’t make comments larger than “nice” and then changed the conversation. (That’s another problem we have: communication.)

On the chat we stopped because he got a job and didn’t have time to role “in real time”, so I made posts with the intro to the plot so we could respond to it when we had time.

That worked for some time... then his responses started to take more time... and more time... Three days, four days, that wasn’t too much... One week, three weeks, I asked what was going on.

He said he didn’t know what to respond, but that he wanted to go on, that he didn’t wanted to quit.

So we had this role play were each response took one week to be posted.

He even made another intro to a new story, and with some ideas I gave to him he wrote another four.

I tried my best to respond always... 

I guess he got tired of all that and wrote another intro...

I didn’t like much the character he was using, but I still wanted to role with him...I wanted him to stay and share our stories.

But he stopped anyway.

I asked what was wrong (months had already passed), why he haven’t responded and if he wanted to continue... He was like “I like the roles, I don’t want to leave them”.

Anyway, he didn’t replied. Ever.

We don’t do roleplay anymore. 

Some times I wrote questions to the characters and theirs responded... (he had like 30, but he just used like 4)... I tried to make my characters interact a little but didn’t work much.

He haven’t replied to the roles and didn’t gave me an explanation. I gave up recently. 

Now reading our stories hurts me and all inspiration to bring my characters to life have gone.

We had some discussions for other things and I just don’t know what to do.

He’s a nice person, but I been feeling like I made changes on the roles so he could feel comfortable... and he just spit me in the face.

How are we on real life?

I can only think on negative things right now like “he never let me talk, he’s the one who talks all the time”, “he demanded me to go out with him in the pandemic even when I was not comfortable with that”, “I’ve been there for him on bad times but he doesn’t help when I’m feeling bad” and “I just don’t feel free with him anymore”.

He told me his friends and even his mother told him things like “And what if you break up?”, “She doesn’t love you”, “Tell her you want to break up, no matter if she leaves or if she stays, it’s a win-win situation”.

I’m feeling very sad because of that. 

His friends don’t know me, he want me to meet them... I don’t want to...

To be honest, some times I thought it was better for both to break up and take separate ways... But also I’m afraid to be alone... kinda.

I don’t have any friends, I’m introvert, I don’t know how to make new friends...

I’m thinking: “He took away my love for creating, he took away my inspiration... Then, if he leaves he will continue his life like nothing happened... And I will stay here with all this sad memories and no one who may care...”

I’m feeling so alone...