ventrevide - Tumblr blog

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I miss my mum, even though I talk to her every day, I miss her hugs and how she makes me feel protected. And I miss how she always respected my space

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I barley have any friends

One of my friends simply disappeared from my life

My other friend is not as supportive as I need, and only talks to me when she needs something from me

I've made some new friends, but I don't know them well yet, so it's not like I can throw up my problems at them

And the only real friend I have lives in another city, and she already has a lot of problems, so I don't want to bother her with mine, which are nothing compared to hers.

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I don't like how I feel when my family is around. I love them, they are good people, but they are not good for me. They make me feel uncomfortable and insecure, I feel like I don't fit in with them.

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I feel so alone, like no one is ever there for me in the way I need, there is no one there to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, there is no one to protect me, to protect me from my own thoughts.

I always thought I needed a significant other, but really I just need someone to hold me and protect me, not judge me, to stay with me until I fall asleep, to hold me when I'm having a bad day, to remind me of the good things in me.

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Yesterday I tried to eat, because my grandma made me a spinach cream, and I said "okay, I've been fasting for 4 days and this is low in calories, I'm allowed to eat it", but I couldn't, it made me nauseous. So even if I try, I just can't eat.

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5th day fasting

I'm tired, I'm in pain and I look sick, a bit like a Tim Burton character, I can also see most of my bones

I couldn't be more pleased, it's really worth it.

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Best discovery, only 4 calories

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I get mi coffeeee!!!

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I wanted to buy a coffee but the cafeteria was full, but more than ever, and I only have 10 min before my next class

I JUST FUCKING NEED A COFFEE

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This week it has been more difficult to fast than last week.

I'm so tired, I destroyed my feet walking (20853 steps), and I have to wakeup early tmr.

It's not easy to do this alone and pretend everything is fine all the time.

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my problem is that i can fight hunger pains easily bc i like them, but once my mind decides i want to eat it's over for me

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I LOVE MONDAYS!!!

24 hours fasting

18399 steps

20 min workout

30 min yoga

Calories burned: 1083

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My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. It made me forgive way too much. It made me not speak when I'm supposed to. It made me an extreme empath.

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U ever think ,,what the hell am I doing?"and then keep doing it anyway 💀💀

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I ate a lot of cheese, an egg, and milk last night, and I hate myself.

Now I'm fasting until Friday

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Yesterday I didn't go to my cousin's birthday, bc I said I was sick.

So this is what I ate today, I tried to do a "smoothie diet"

Tomorrow I will fast again until Thursday.

Breakfast:

1/4 green apple 20 cal

11 blueberries 9 cal

1/4 cup frozen raspberries 9 cal

1/3 glass low fat not milk 18 cal

Ginger

Cinnamon

Mint

Ice

Water

Total: 58 cal

Lunch:

cucumber 13 cal

brocoli 8 cal

coliflower 9 cal

Celery 16 cal

Almond yogurt 20 cal

Nutritional yeast 20 cal

Total: 86 cal

Dinner:

Banana 38 cal

Apple 20 cal

Blueberries 10 cal

Not milk low fat 14 cal

Cornstarch 36 cal

Total: 118

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