vickiiithedon-blog

[vickiiithedon-blog]

VIBES.

Hey y’all so here is the start to my first so called prompt lets see how this goes. I don't have a title yet for my “daily situations” but for now that will do. OK so I know I'm always on here complaining and crying about a boy, or the fact that I'm broke lol or that I miss my grandma or I'm lonely. Today I am here to write about POSITIVITY AND HAPPINESS and how I try my hardest to achieve that. For some reason I’ll just be in the dumps and sad and I really do be trying to be happy and always in a good mood, but for some reason MONEY is what has me in the dumps not wanting to go out or even go to work which makes me happy because I cant stay still I love working I love making money as much as I complain I'm tired I'm happy as fuck because my checks be fat as fuck and I get to do shit that I actually want to do because I can afford it. I’ve been burning sage because I heard its supposed to cleanse your house of negative energy or even old energy and if you are sick or unhappy, which I have been so I burn it every time I wake up and it WORKS! burning sage doesn't follow me to work in my thoughts or anything but I'm learning and trying to have a positive look on my everyday life and really peep my emotions and feelings and how I'm acting during times that I'm to myself see as struggling I've been meditating, using crystals, reading, and trying to roll with the mantra money will come when it comes and try not to stress it. This morning I cried because I saw my DD in my bank from getting paid for work and it wasn't shit. I saw it last night as well but tried not to stress or worry and wrote down when I'm getting paid next and how much approximately how much ill get in tips when I serve my two days and just trying to be as realistic and really make my bank account a reality. last night was the first time in a very long time that I fell asleep without smoking weed. waking up this morning I tried to do my usual morning routine that ive been doing for the past couple of weeks but I couldn't/ wouldn't get out of bed. I got up to pee, drink(water), picked out my clothes for today and pulled the covers over my head again. its not until I got up when it was time for me to leave that I burned some  and felt one hundred percent better. I’ll be 22 in July and I'm really working on how I handle my mental and emotional health during my finical situations as a young adult with little to no guidance. you know what I'm doing pretty damn good at it. I shouldn't undermine my accomplishments and the struggles I've been through by working so fucking hard and I need to drill into my head that this is LIFE and a lot of people have it way harder than myself. a lot of people have roommates and I'm here semi-crushing it living on my own, paying everything and still managing to eat *thank you to my restaurant jobs*. I’m proud of myself and the things I can do and how hard I work and how fucking far I've come just as a growing person in general. I wouldn't change my growth for anything, I will continue to fight for my finical stability and mental and emotional health and continue to grow. That's my life with more to come.

Vibes

12:34pm Chicago

[vickiiithedon-blog]

Hey guys this is my morning playlist, getting ready or just working out. Take a listen let me know what I should add or what kind of music you like to listen to. 

[vickiiithedon-blog]

What will I write for Tumblr currently it’s just me reading my blog and I’m hoping it will catch someone’s eye to keep them entertained let them into my life

Why am I doing this?

Who am I doing this for?

What does this do for me mentally, physically?

Writing has always been said to be a form of expression, but what am I expressing?

Yes I’m getting shit off my chest, but do I feel better? Not really. I do always feel like I have to explain myself so I guess that’s why I keep writing. I’m not really sure.

Maybe I should actually create a criteria for myself? What’s the correct word? A PROMPT!!

What kind of prompt? Should I write to someone? Should I write about the daily people that I see? WHAT SHOULD I WRITE ABOUT? I personally think I’m boring so to write about myself constantly will get boring. I really got to think about this. Should I pick an object and write about that? I kind of like the idea of writing about a daily situation everyday, and I think that’s the prompt I’ll do for the month of March. As well as add any story that I feel the need to write about and switch up the prompt every month. Oooooo I’m liking these ideas that are flowing rn.

[vickiiithedon-blog]

Pros and Cons of moving to ATL

I’ve been contemplating moving to ATL my grandma moved down there, and when my grandpa moved down there it was over with. I feel so alone. YES, I have my aunt and cousins here but its not the same they don't stay In touch with me at all and I feel like an outsider looking in on that side of my family and I shouldn't feel like that. Over the days I went into this deep depression were my coworkers bought me gifts that I wanted invited me out to eat and drink and just have a good time, I was such in a funk I stayed home. Long story short, I’ll be writing the pros and cons of moving to ATL down below.

PROS                                                             CONS

         *Go back to school                                    *No friends 

*Save $$$                                                 *No public trans

*Living at home                                        *I’m shy

*Close to grandparents                            *nervous about starting over

[vickiiithedon-blog]

I miss summer

[vickiiithedon-blog]

I took this photo because it looks like a crab 🦀

[vickiiithedon-blog]

Evaluation

I don't think that I’ve ever been really evaluated at my job as a host and basically who I am as a worker, and I say that because I take my job seriously. Very serious, I've been working since I was 16yo and basically this evaluation made me rethink everything career and job wise and makes me think what do I really want from working with the company that I'm currently with and what type of career that I want within the restaurant industry as well. Yesterday I was evaluated at my workplace where I thought I was doing an amazing job, I wasn't. In areas that I thought I was excelling in I failed. I thought I was a hospitality extraordinaire, I’ m not. I didn't think that my evaluation was going to go as bad as it did, I do take criticism in the moment very hard because I am very hard on myself and about my work because I am used to working in a much more casual. space and I don't want to let anyone down especially my GM but mostly myself. Basically I'm not up to par is what I got out of that evaluation A lot of the things that were said are semi out of my control. I’m used to being the lead host and making sure everything is going perfect. Here I don't have that. I don't want to undermine the lead host position by being forceful because that's one of the only ways I will be showing that I'm taking initiative. it s been almost a month since and I do kinda think that I have semi improved ish maybe but then again I also thought I was doing amazing but I wasn't so. I did book the Saturday of V-Day and everyone said it was the most smoothest service that they've had so far so that was a plus but anyways I’m trying to be V positive and continuing just doing my job the best that I can and to continue to improve and move up. that’s my life. With more to come.

Vibes 

1:11pm Chicago

[vickiiithedon-blog]

Absence

HI

So I've been in “more” (Tread lightly on more) contact with sperm donor who mated with my nine month carrier. Well its mostly my grandma that's been in contact with him. Him and myself have been in contact since I was 17 yo I believe? Each time its me reaching out to the man. I’m a very emotional, sensitive and family orientated person, so when he constantly acts like he doesn't have time for me it hurts. I’ve constantly talking to him hitting him up trying to spark a conversation and when it does happen its either super dry or he's trying to teach me something that my grandparents have already instilled in me, to the point where I just get frustrated and write a long paragraph and tell him how I really feel. No holding back. The last time I sent a paragraph I was really going through it. I just broke up with my ex, I was fired from a job, was trying to play catch up on all my bills, I just moved and still dealing with my ex. I was in more contact with him then, than I ever have been in my entire life. I was constantly crying to my grandma about how hard my life was going and how upset I am with everything that I do and don't have going on. I thought because he's my “father” he should have some knowledge on how I should deal with everything in my life that was currently going on. I just wanted someone other than my grandma to vent to. Really, I was thinking that this man is apart of me I should be able to vent. he should get me to the T more than anyone else. I was wrong. Growing up I always felt left out or awkward or just really something was missing from my life. Yes, my grandparents loved the shit out of me gave me everything I needed, wanted and more. So being in steady contact with this man that I feel as if I’m supposed to have instant connection with and it didn't happen I was upset and kind of like why do I even keep trying? I ended up sending this man a  whole essay about how having a child is a HUGE responsibility and how him and my nine month carrier just basically have kids to say that they have kids, etc. I even went as deep to tell him I hope he treats and makes sure he’s in my little brothers life because he’s going to have hell with all the karma that's going to hit him for not taking care of his kids. The man read my fucking shit and ignored the fuck out of me until I sent a thumbs up, I quote this mans exact words were “get out your feelings” ,”I’ve been at work” I KID YOU NOT. I was so upset so hurt I talked to my best friend and she's like Vikki if you sent that man how you really felt and he didn't respond let him go. Sometimes you have to let go the things you crave that you need the most because of how unhealthy it is. So this time around my grandma will be our mediator I guess. He’s supposed to send some money to my grandma for me but apparently the first time he sent it he used the wrong zip code so they sent it back or whatever and he said he re-sent it so lets see what happens this time. I could use all the money and the help that I can get NO LIE. I told my grandma I’m done reaching out, but knowing me and how much I crave the unhealthy I'll probably end up writing another paragraph to this man and get ignored and then not talk for another couple of months to a year again *Smiles* That's a small part of my life story but that's my life. With more to come.

Vibes

12:17pm Chicago

[vickiiithedon-blog]

10:59am Chicago

Here at work, just bought a heated blanket because my heater broke and Chicago is FUCKING freezing. I work later today as well, but I’m not super excited about it. I love my coworkers but this one person lets call them Teri. Teri is so sweet and means well, but Teri can just be much at times, Teri is super loud, and gets frustrated mostly stressed about the smallest things. Tonight we have someone important coming in and I just know Teri is going to be FREAKING, I’m just trying to mentally prepare myself for it all because I know its going to be a long night with Teri. On the plus side I ordered a heated blanket that comes on Monday and honestly it was a really hard decision, it was between getting a heater and a heated blanket or  just one of the two. With help from a coworker I just got the heated blanket. Once all of my VS credit card is  paid off and I buy a Tv and go on one small vacation before summer hits I’ll be saving up for an dyson heater and cooler and for driving classes and I can not wait. I’m very happy that I’m on my way to be happy and the key to my happiness is making sure my rent is paid and making sure I'm taking care of myself like my hairs and nails LOL my light bill is paid that is MY happiness besides cleaning up my house and making it smell good. I couldn't ask for anything else. I’m still young and I’m still realizing that things take time and to not really worry about the things I cant control, but its really hard. that's life though. My Life. With more to come.

Vibes

11:51am

[vickiiithedon-blog]

What’s been happening with Vibes (that's me)

I’m here writing because I have a lot on my chest. I had a semi-serious relationship recently that did not go well. The man ended up dancing on someone red headed weave big booty girl at a Jamaican party after I was in the hospital sick and posted it on SNAPCHAT!! So learning from my last relationship, I naturally wanted to have a conversation. He was NOT going for it. this man called me childish because the girl was just a friend and that I was over reacting. I would not be making such a huge deal if the girl wasn't grinding on him like COME ON I'm not crazy like that. In all of this I consulted my friend T and she's like download tinder and forget about this man , I cant be putting all my eggs in one basket especially since you know how people can switch up at the flick of a light *PERIOD* so I download tinder and change my picture as I'm swiping left and right, I feel really bad and like I'm cheating  so I text him he's ignoring me again so I just end the night sad as fuck in my feelings . We ended up talking about the situation, and I thought we were good apparently we weren't, he was still upset about it. I really made him feel some type of way. He ignored me over the new year break that I had from work , like either dry texting me or just texting me when he was bored. He broke up with me over TEXT and you know I was really okay with the whole situation. I don't think I’m wrong for downloading an app and keeping my options open, when he made it seem like I wasn't trying to talk about the situation . actually I am wrong in the point that I'm in a relationship and on a dating app yeah that's bad. if only he talked to me in the moment. also he's very closed and small minded and super insecure because he would always point out my flaws and things that he thinks I would be/ should be insecure about and I'm not. I'm not saying he's a bad guy or anything but there's obviously something going on and the fact that he wants to get back together after breaking up with me and saying oh he cant forgive me or trust me.This man had the nerve to tell me he doesn't think I took the situation as serious as he did, WHAT YOU NOT GONNA DO IS ACT LIKE I DIDNT TRY TO MAKE US MOVE ON PERIOD. on some real shit this man isn't stable in the states papers wise if you can catch my drift. I'm thinking that he realized he FUCKED UP and his shit is coming to a close so let me make nice with this girl. after he broke up with me I posted something on snap to the terms of someone link with me, he's like “ask one of your tinder friends” insecurity right there!!!!!! Then decides to text me like “ do you cheat on all your exs” because my stupid ass decided to open up to him and tell him I cheated on saman last year. Then blocks me on social media and then follows me when he wants to get back together. bottom line I tried to fix it with this man he wasn't going, and now that I'm doing my shit he's clocking me Oh and about clocking when this man asked me if I cheated on all my exs I told him to stop clocking me HE GONNA SAY YOU NOT JUJU (an Instagram model I think) or the Kardashians I was laughing so hard LIKE OKAY NIGGA NOW YOU CLOCKING ME anyways that's my piece right now. I'm super happy being just with vibes but I do get lonely, I'm a lover. figuring out who she is FULLY trying to find a rhythm between comfortability within, PEACE within VIBES within. With more to come.

Vibes

time unknown