vulgaranddivine

[vulgaranddivine]

-rotted-

Something is deeply wrong

The chemicals in my brain

Are going sour and rotting

I can feel the maggots

In my head, they no longer hurt

Now ive forgotten how to take deep breaths

Or use my eyes correctly

My vision is salty

And lungs shallow

I think about ripping out my hair

And clawing out my entrails

I can feel the blood

Under my nails

The flesh soft in my hand

These visions are more vivid

Than the world i live in

If i fell and hit my head

It would crack open and

The insides would slip out

All blood and worms

[vulgaranddivine]

Razors to cut pills

Dollars to cut hearts

I forgot what is real

And my vision is foul

Light headed and miserable

I can pretend i feel better

When i cant walk straight

Mother like daughter like father

Its easy to see the rotten limbs

How one ends up like this

Vomit in my car

Unconscious in my room

They say you have a reputation

The kind that men want

And mothers fear

Is this where i went wrong?

[vulgaranddivine]

-love,lover,loving-

Woke up to bloodied hands

Unclean and criminal

Evidence of an act done

Many hours before

Guilt tortures my mind

But ecstasy floods my heart

Now, to be with my love

No obstacles obstruct me

I can find him at peace

And with me he will stay

Blood quickly washes off

But romance is forever

[vulgaranddivine]

For an act of suicide is not a noble one

Dear reader, don’t misunderstand me

It was told to me by an oracle

That my end is all but joyous

To be or not to be

My time has yet to come

Perhaps it never will

Until then, hedonism becomes me

-first poem-

Waste my youth on poetry and cigarettes

On love and sex and despair

I hope when i die from lung cancer

You will cry and ache

And regret our time together

Waste my youth on despair and drugs

On tiny baggies and rolled up dollar bills

My fingers smell like ash, sex, and cancer

Put me in your mouth and take away

All my suffering, all my loneliness

Touch me like i ache to be touched

Hate me the way i love to be hated

Fuck me like im nobody to you

And love me like im everything

When i die from these drugs

Scream and curse the gods

Yet This was always fortold in the stars

I was born to die. Born to hate

To suffer, to lust, to love every inch of you

And when i die from suicide

Blame only me

[vulgaranddivine]

-first poem-

Waste my youth on poetry and cigarettes

On love and sex and despair

I hope when i die from lung cancer

You will cry and ache

And regret our time together

Waste my youth on despair and drugs

On tiny baggies and rolled up dollar bills

My fingers smell like ash, sex, and cancer

Put me in your mouth and take away

All my suffering, all my loneliness

Touch me like i ache to be touched

Hate me the way i love to be hated

Fuck me like im nobody to you

And love me like im everything

When i die from these drugs

Scream and curse the gods

Yet This was always fortold in the stars

I was born to die. Born to hate

To suffer, to lust, to love every inch of you

And when i die from suicide

Blame only me

[vulgaranddivine]

-mutated-

“Have i changed?”

You once asked of me

At the time i thought not

But now i see

Broken promises, held

Heartbreak and ache, given

You’ve changed

Maybe i did too

But i changed because of you

And you changed despite me

[vulgaranddivine]

-homicide-

Last night i came home to a man

Butchered on the floor

He wasnt wearing any clothes

And his fingers had turned cold and blue

The rusty blood dried on my carpet

Stains ill never get out

I stepped over his body to get into my bed

From there i could only see his stiff white toes

And i could imagine he was never there

Pull out a cigarette and match

Dig out my ashtray

Smoke out the room to change the smell

From death, decay, and horror

The next morning i awoke early

To get to work

I wonder how many days

I would come home to a man

Butchered on the floor