vulgaristt

[vulgaristt]

Every time it has rained and I see a snail on the pavement I get sent into a panic mode bc I don’t wanna step on a snail, I do everything in my power to avoid the snails and let them be bc it’s not a fair fight!!! I walk faster than they do!! If they see me and I don’t see them, it’s over for them, they’re not fast enough to get away, and I don’t wanna hurt them,

They’re just little dudes who like rain, I also like rain, I’m just faster :/

[vulgaristt]

I got really fucking drunk last Friday

It’s weird bc I had a good time, but I woke up with the same feeling of hangxiety, regret and worry as always, I didn’t do anything wrong , I asked my friends, I was just told that I was sentimental, I know I was, I was in a good mood and wanted my friends to know I love them.

But it’s just this idk

I like drinking a couple of drinks or beers, but I don’t like being drunk anymore, I don’t know if I have to delearn my experiences from being a literal alcoholic depressed suicidal teenager or if I just can’t ever get drunk idk

I don’t like being drunk

It makes me anxious, it makes me overthink, it makes me self conscious, it makes me feel bad

I’m 23??? Has addiction ruined my change of socialising in the world that is alcohol when you’re in your twenties? I don’t know how to stop when I start, I don’t know how to stop and it bothers me so much!!!!!!! It’s the same with weed , I thought I had it under “control” but I’m so dependent on it and it’s embarrassing

[vulgaristt]

Found a spot near where I live :)) it’s so beautiful, I was just chilling surrounded by nature, felt at peace tbh, felt happy

[vulgaristt]

Kinda sick I get to see MDC live bc I helped out making the show, at the house project I’ve been active at for almost 10 years :-P

[vulgaristt]

Felt pretty cool :P

[vulgaristt]

I don’t trust people who don’t like art. Art is the truest rawest form of human expression.

[vulgaristt]

I mourn lost friendships with anger and sadness.

[vulgaristt]

Lol I also look a lot better :P

A couple of things I’ve noticed since I quit drinking myself to death,

- I respect my own boundaries a lot more, if I want to go home, I go home.

- I feel a lot better, mentally

- I’m now on the other side, of watching friends who hate themselves become unrecognisable sometimes, it’s scary, it’s so, I understand it because I used to be like that, my friends used to be like that, I know how I felt back then, I feel so sad for them, I worry so much, but I also get so overwhelmed, confused and upset around them, I understand why people cut me off back then

(Disclaimer in case you’re stupid; I love my friends with my entire being, I care about them, I worry about them, and I can love them and still feel hurt by their behaviour)

[vulgaristt]

I love tumblr it’s like screaming into the void

[vulgaristt]

I made a tik tok and now I’m overwhelmed over the amount of baby punks and emos following me

Feel very honoured but overwhelmed 👍👍👍

[vulgaristt]

Another thing lol, being around people on drugs or people who are shitfaced when you’re sober… idk how straight edge people do it, props to them

A couple of things I’ve noticed since I quit drinking myself to death,

- I respect my own boundaries a lot more, if I want to go home, I go home.

- I feel a lot better, mentally

- I’m now on the other side, of watching friends who hate themselves become unrecognisable sometimes, it’s scary, it’s so, I understand it because I used to be like that, my friends used to be like that, I know how I felt back then, I feel so sad for them, I worry so much, but I also get so overwhelmed, confused and upset around them, I understand why people cut me off back then

(Disclaimer in case you’re stupid; I love my friends with my entire being, I care about them, I worry about them, and I can love them and still feel hurt by their behaviour)

[vulgaristt]

A couple of things I’ve noticed since I quit drinking myself to death,

- I respect my own boundaries a lot more, if I want to go home, I go home.

- I feel a lot better, mentally

- I’m now on the other side, of watching friends who hate themselves become unrecognisable sometimes, it’s scary, it’s so, I understand it because I used to be like that, my friends used to be like that, I know how I felt back then, I feel so sad for them, I worry so much, but I also get so overwhelmed, confused and upset around them, I understand why people cut me off back then

(Disclaimer in case you’re stupid; I love my friends with my entire being, I care about them, I worry about them, and I can love them and still feel hurt by their behaviour)

[vulgaristt]

Okay more stuff on my mind

I genuinely, wholeheartedly don’t understand when people refuse to acknowledge the objective truth that is the alarmingly rising fascism in the USA right now.

This isn’t a matter of opinions anymore, the US is objectively heading toward full fascism.

AAARRREGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[vulgaristt]

Talking about Faderhuset, and I’m like reminded that our old house/squat was TORN DOWN because of an actual Christian cult leader.

[vulgaristt]

Hot diggity damn

[vulgaristt]

I know my future girlfriend loves the moon and the ocean just as much as I do, I know she feels the most free when she’s one with nature. I know she stops and stays still if an animal walks past her, not because she’s scared, but because she doesn’t want to scare the animal.

I know she loves the earth, and I know I’m going to love her.

[vulgaristt]

I missed the 18th “anniversary” demonstration for when our old house was torn down, as well as the after party.

My body is still full of anxiety, and I feel so exhausted. I had a really intense panic attack yesterday because I saw my dad, I tried to ignore him being there, but seeing him, seeing how unwell he looks, I couldn’t do it, I was on and off disassociating, crying and nearly throwing up for an hour and a half, I started getting visual hallucinations. All this because I SAW my dad.