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BPD makes you feel like the only relationships you can enjoy are the dysfunctional ones. You feel empty without dysfunction. You can’t embrace normality

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my fav bpd thing is never knowing if im rightfully upset about something or if im just a self-absorbed manipulative piece of shit who actually doesn’t deserve to feel anything or be alive in fact

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I need my favorite person I miss him so much

he is like my oxygen

there’s a strong itch to have him here it’s causing stones to lie upon my heart

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Feelings I Wish went away pt1

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*accidentaly vents to friend* great now i can never speak to them again

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How come when I hug a normal person it’s just like a nice warm hug. But when I hug my favorite person I can feel butterflies and electric and happiness shooting through my whole body... ??

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Timeline of missing my fp

-Constantly replay in my mind and cherish my favorite most recent memories of my fp

-Desperately try to hang onto the warm feelings of being with my fp

-Gradually realize that I’m aching to see my fp again but trying to give them space

-Void becomes so consuming that I must reach out to fp

-Think of all the reasons my fp might hate me when they become difficult to make plans with

-Convince myself / Realize that I am not very important to my fp at all

-Start splitting

-Finally see fp but am now numb to or even irritated by anything involving them

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“This Is Why You’re Always So Tired”

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Even though this life is all I know, I feel nostalgic for a happy past that never existed.

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Meirl

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i think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permeance.

no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life … the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved. that it was all just a figment of your imagination and that feeling when you’re alone … the emptiness and sadness that feeds into self-hatred … that is the only reality.

and when you feel, like all borderlines feel, so goddamn intensely … people notice. & when you tell them how you feel people ask: do you really think so little of me? that i would be so heartless to forget you?

oh, sweet ones. there is no other way i know how to think. i’m sorry.

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My totally unscientific explanation of why I quit everything I start and how everything gets too overwhelming.

Big resolution image here

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does anyone else feel like….idk how to explain it….like completely disconnected from life around them? constantly going “these are my friends” and “this is my home” and “this is my life” and “this is my body” to remind yourself that you’re not just some timeless floating essence and even those mantras are completely useless and you almost never come down from it and you’re feeling like….everything is real but also completely fake at the same time

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Magical thinking

...this whole thing explains so much

BPD symptoms and traits/characteristics

I recently got asked in anon what the traits/characteristics are in BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotional Regulation Disorder) So I decided to make a post instead. I think will be good awareness. Here are the 9 main symptoms: 1. Frantic efforts to avoid, extreme fears, or certain behavior and feelings related to the extreme fear of abandonment, rejection, and/or perceived criticism. 2. Switching between idealization and devaluation of others/splitting 3. Identity disturbance- poor self image, self esteem, uncertainty, self hatred, etc 4. Impulsive behavior that is often self damaging and as an attempt to relieve pain and intense emotions- spending sprees, recklessly drive, binge eat, have promiscuous sex, destroy property, steal, cause fights, take unnecessary risks, substance abuse, etc.   5. Reoccurring suicidal behavior/ideations, threats, gestures, self-harm behavior 6. Rapid cycles of emotions/shifting (from dysregulation) 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness and inadequacy, depressive symptoms 8. Intense anger and/or aggression, difficult to control- acting out and/or acting in 9. Stress/anxiety relates paranoia, dissociation, and psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, catatonia, disordered thinking) And then even in those there are more than one symptoms. Those are just groups. All depends on how you count it. I usually do separately and explain each one… but I won’t this time. Then there are HUNDREDS of other symptoms and traits/characteristics, so I’m just stating some of them!! =p Lots of ways to recognize this very complex, and unfortunately highly stigmatized and misunderstood chronic mental disorder of emotional dysregulation+hypersensitivity affecting everything from reactions, thoughts, perceptions, functioning, beliefs, feelings, and many things through everyday life- such as the ability to process things.. One with the disorder may display some or most of these symptoms and/or traits/characteristics, but nothing guaranteed as each person with the disorder is an individual and some may not have the same symptoms as others, as well as it being important not to assume any of these as they are rather a guideline to mental health workers because they are often seen and developed from the disorder and symptoms. Others without it can obviously display some of the characteristics from time to time, but the reasoning, cause, severity, and pattern is different and developed. (Some of these are symptoms, some of these are traits/characteristics developed from the disorder and symptoms/a response of.) 10. Anxiety 11. Headaches/migraines are common 12. Seizures (lots believe to be related to epilepsy cause of emotional parts of the brain going erratic/rapid and firing off.) 13. Higher nociception (pain tolerence) brain less responsive to pain 14. Distorted eating patterns 15. Obsessive compulsive features (obsessive thinking, instrusive thoughts, “obsessions”, repetition behavior, etc) 16. Attachment (Related to ^) 17. Extreme apathy, boredom, dullness 18. Extreme recklessness 19. Baiting 20. Unstable Relationships as a result 21. “Always” and “Never” statements/relations (related to splitting) 22. Sleep deprivation 23. Childlike aspects-voice changing 24. Childlike aspects-“acting out” 25. Childlike aspects-curiosity 26. Child like aspects- dependency 27. Sarcasm 28. Promiscuity 29. Mimicking/mirroring 30. Flashbacks 31. Nightmares   32. Difficulty processing information 33. Difficulty focusing/poor attention span 34. Consistent change of appearance 35. Certain feelings of fear, negativity, or rejection of authority/people of “high importance” in their mind. 36. Alluring/seductive behavior 37. Extreme need for acceptance 38. “Needing to prove themselves over and over again to others and/or themselves” as the past doesn’t matter, identity is graded on what was done the very day. 39. Self discipline/work orientation as a result of OCD features 40. High IQ/intelligence 41. Creative thinking  42. Studies show able to read others easily from such hypersensitivity, however, often mistaking neutrality as anger probably as a result of symptoms 43. Isolation 44. Defensive 45. Magical thinking 46. Fantasizing 47. Panic attacks 48. Anxiety Attacks 49. Hypersensitivity to caffeine, alcohol, some sugars and foods. Often described as being “allergic” to such things as it causes reactions from hypersensitivity and symptoms. 50. Memory lapses- may be a result of dissociation and/or perception 51. Extreme perfectionism 52. Avoidance 53. Euphoric reactions 54. Detachment 55. Avoidance of eye contact 56. Difficulty transitioning plans, activities, shifts 57. Trouble with awareness 58. Sensitivity to other things and senses- light, sounds, etc- from hypersensitivity  59. Resistance 60. Difficulty with decision making  61. Difficulty completing tasks  62. “Rapid” speech Ok I’ll stop- so basically just mix up pretty much every single mental disorder, some neurological disorders, and add a lot of special touches.

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Me: *manipulates fp*

Fp: *does what I manipulated her into doing*

Me: Omg my fp is so thoughtful and loves me so much

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y’all ever just miss someone so much to the point where your body starts to ache and you wish you could be friends with them again but you know they don’t want you anymore. that’s a different kind of hurt