warmcupsoftea

[warmcupsoftea]

hello digital announcement that i will lock it in from today i swear

[warmcupsoftea]

can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying

[warmcupsoftea]

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[warmcupsoftea]

i don't think she knows how much i love her. i love her so much it hurts. i would understand if we ever lost touch, but it would hurt just as bad. just as much as i loved her.

[warmcupsoftea]

shoutout to slow growers, late bloomers, people whose plans got derailed by circumstances beyond their control or their own choices, people who never had a plan to begin with, people who have had to start over when theyre too old to feel like theyre supposed to be where they are, people who cant pretend theyre built for the environment theyre in, and everyone who's not living the life they thought they would. im proud of you for making it this far and i hope you keep going until youre happy ♡

[warmcupsoftea]

[warmcupsoftea]

We need to get a little uncomfortable for a minute. But it's ok. You have to be uncomfortable in order to grow.

You're going to fail. You're going to disappoint people and yourself. You're going to have moments where you're so overwhelmed that you're curled in a ball crying and frustrated. You're going to miss important milestones. You're going to drop the ball so many times things seem impossible. You're going to fail. You're going to be mean. You're going to be a bad person at points. It's life. It happens. You just need to understand that it happens. And on those days where you want to dissappear and never be seen again because everything is too much, your brain is going to amplify all these faults and failures and make them seem worse.

Babe. We all go through this. We ALL fail. We ALL make awful choices and fuck people and ourselves over. We ALL will have moments where we are the villains. Where we completely fail a lot of people in our lives due to bad decisions. It will happen. Probably multiple times. What matters is that you recognize these things and make appropriate changes in your life to help make sure that next time isn't as bad. Maybe start learning time management so you're not stressed constantly and blowing up on everyone. Maybe find a healthy outlet like painting or the gym or cooking. Find small, simple joys to make life better. It's going to suck. You're going to be the bad guy. But that's not your entire life.

It's uncomfortable and hard to sit with. Sometimes things are your fault. Sometimes you make bad choices and they fuck your life up and fuck others over at the same time. It happens. You can't change the past, but you have the power to change your future. You can change your future. Talk to people. Find yourself outlets. Learn skills. Things get better, but they only do so if you put the effort for them to do so. I love you. You're trying. And that's all you can do. And one day you'll slip backwards and feel so defeated but when that happens, you'll have many tools to help you get even further. I promise babe everything will be ok.

[warmcupsoftea]

remorse

and it is noteworthy, almost funny, how I come back to you foolishly every single time you reach out. despite the insufferable pain you caused me every time you left, making me desperately search for ideas that distract me from you, and then pretend like I hadn't missed you at all because you sure don't seem like you missed me.

what kills me is knowing that I'd shamelessly do it again, say yes again, to go through all the shit you put me through just to feel that tiny bit of excitement and happiness I'd gain once more, to feel that validation I sought from you alone. knowing that it would be too hard to forget about us, so I just repeat my mistakes and not let go. I'm living in a mess you've created, but I wish you knew. I look for signs everywhere to know if you're there, alive perhaps, because you left me a little dead inside. and I haven't heard from you in a while...

[warmcupsoftea]

as days pass, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. I wonder if we'd ever laugh at the same joke in different places, wonder if you'd come over to me if you saw me at a grocery store, picking up a bottle of orange juice that became my favorite because of you. if you'd solve the newspaper crossword completely one day, and remember how I'd have done it faster than you. would you think of our borrowed ways, shared habits, knowing glances? would you keep them like a part of me like I do keep a part of you?

we wonder if we could go back to those times we thought would last forever, but in fact were just moments that escaped us inevitably.

#writing #warmcupsoftea #quiettime #words

[warmcupsoftea]

Above Ground, Clint Smith

[warmcupsoftea]

a kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the cheek, a warm hug. smiles exchanged between strangers who don't know each other that well. the moment, little gestures of love, stifled giggles, hugs- a lot of them. poetry, eye contact, boops, high-fives, sharing. I miss life. I miss tiny beautiful things. I miss the feeling of being with the right people, laughing uncontrollably over something silly, making bad jokes and pick-up lines. I miss you. I don't know why. "it was a long time ago. it doesn't matter anymore. and yet I cannot let it go, I cannot let it go."

[warmcupsoftea]

words keep me company when nothing else will