who-canceled-roger-rabbit

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Maybe now people will be less judgy and transphobic about Gandalf's big naturals

I need to get around to finally reading Lord of the Rings so I can better imagine an AU where the Fellowship are all lesbians

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

I assume that in the 1980s someone here in the States found a genie and wished that the Soviet regime would fall and Russia would start getting along with the US

Thirty years later, in the 2010s, this same genie would go on to grant a wish that J. K. Rowling would stop tweeting unnecessary lore about the wizarding world like wizards shitting themselves

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Sex and the Polis, an ancient Greek period romantic comedy-drama about Sappho and three other WLW talking about their sexual and romantic foibles

thank goodness we’re past the era where all social commentary had to name check Sex and the City, those were dark times my friends.

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

I love the irony of how even after cutting off his literal balls, this dude carried on like normal for several hours in the most stereotypically macho way possible

It reminds me of my own distinctly male-socialized response to a nasty injury today: clean wound, slap on a few Band-Aids, then spend the next several hours working and eating and smoking weed and putting on makeup before visiting the clinic down the street

Another way the aftermath to the Lincoln assassination is hella weird is that Boston Corbett, who killed JWB, was mentally unstable from his job making hats (the process used to involve mercury, hence "mad as a hatter"). Corbett was obsessively religious and so afraid of sex that he castrated himself with scissors, and I think he went to church right afterwards before getting medical attention. I'm not sure if that incident was before or after he killed Booth, though.

Oh WOW. I hadn’t realized there was a Jack Ruby in the story, but, like....more so.

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Peter Capaldi in The Lair of the White Worm always makes me feel faint stirrings of heterosexuality

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" is a chaotic neutral transfem anthem

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

megan thee stallion , love island USA .

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Idea: a bardcore version of that one poorly aged song "Civilization (Bongo, Bongo, Bongo)" sung by an Iron Age Germanic or Scythian warrior telling a Roman military officer that he can keep his aqueducts, bread and circuses, etc.

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

megan thee stallion , love island USA .

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Turbovirgin olive oil

My most problematic trait is that despite my blustering about virginity as a patriarchal construct that society places way too much emphasis on in a way that harms just about everybody, I think "turbo-virgin" is the world's funniest insult

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

we are so back

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Batman social media AU where Poison Ivy is a blogger who's prominent on "the science side of Tumblr" AND on the activist side (gay, feminist, environmentalist, etc.) but her presence goes down in history as infamous Tumblr lore about the dramatic saga of this one cantankerous blogger who posted increasingly incomprehensible takes about some sort of Unabomber-esque apocalyptic vision but then turned out to have a secret sideblog for clown porn

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Picturing a Jadis spinoff (yo dawg I heard you like prequels so I wrote a prequel to your prequel etc.) showing the last days of Charn in the style of Dr. Strangelove, and trying to think of the best Peter Sellers impersonator to play:

Jadis's chief minister who ineffectually explains to the empress's rival "uh your sister went a little funny in the head and did a silly thing"

The giggling scientist who admits with a grin that they helped Jadis discover the Deplorable Word but claims they worked on the research because the superweapon would make a good deterrent for war

The nervous military officer who cuddles with Jadis as the empress explains "I do not avoid men but I do deny them my essence"

I also think the same performer playing Jadis should voice her sister on the phone with the chief minister

Only question is, who's the Slim Pickens equivalent plunging through the air on, I dunno, whatever sort of flying creature she'd ride to deliver a scroll with the Deplorable Word to Jadis?

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Watching Pinocchio and then Willy Wonka like "Feminism win! Now GIRLS can get turned into things that aren't kids as poetic comeuppance for pissing off the mysterious guy who runs a wonderland full of childish temptations!"

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Instead of persecuting fairytale creatures, it would've made more sense for Lord Farquaad to try to score with that dragon, who's demonstrably interested in smaller dudes

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Wouldn't a better YHWH equivalent than George Washington be, like, a version of Uncle Sam depicted as an all-powerful god? Washington seems more like the Moses equivalent.

So in this analogy, would John Smith of Jamestown fame be Abraham? Would one of the Plymouth leaders be Joseph (of technicolor dreamcoat fame, as opposed to Jesus's dad Joseph)?

Imagine that a century or two from now, the eastern half of the United States is conquered by the Canadian Empire, its intelligentsia deported, its land colonized by Canadian immigrants, and its remaining people mostly gradually absorbed into a Neo-Canadian identity. The West reorganizes, developing a new political and cultural center, and comes to regard itself as the "true" United States, with the remnant culture of the East (by now much changed by Canadian rule) as representing an unchanged tradition stretching back to the time of George Washington. The holdout western half is subsequently conquered by the Reformed Mexican Empire, and while most of the population remains in situ, its elite is taken to Mexico City. There, for three or four generations, they do their best to maintain their distinct American identity, focusing on the American "civil religion," the distinctive political ideals and cultural features that mark them out as Americans, and come up with a new way of interpreting their history that allows America to be a perennial idea, something not directly physically tied to the territory of the United States, which no longer exists. They compose a body of historical works based on Washington Irving's rather fabulistic approach to early American history, the half-remembered popular versions of the stories of Columbus and the Pilgrims, the First Thanksgiving, even the Revolutionary War. They don't have access to the original texts anymore--let's say this is all taking place in a post-Collapse North America where long-range travel and communication is difficult and a lot of history has been lost--but they do their best. They append to these books, or include in their text, of history a copy of the Constitution, big chunks of the United States Code, and Robert's Rules of Order.

Subsequently, the Empire of Gran Columbia invades, conquers southern and central Mexico, and its Emperor lets the captive Americans go home. They return north, mostly to California, find that the version of American history and civics that is remembered there isn't the same as the version they have (not that the Californian one is correct--the Mexican Empire has suppressed English-language education and high culture in its Aztlani provinces), and set about reforming and reorganizing the Western States (as they're now called) to be more in line with the forms they brought back from the exile. In the meantime, other bits of important literature start being kept in libraries next to copies of the received histories: some bits of early American literature, like Hawthorne, the Song of Hiawatha, some highly abridged Herman Melville, Thomas Paine--heck, even some John Locke, and quotes or fragments from Shakespeare. Some traditionalists now argue the capital of the United States has always been located in San Francisco, and that Washington, D.C. only because the capital later, under the influence of Eastern heretics.

In the following centuries, the Western States retain their independence for a time, but eventually become a secondary battleground for a lot of other empires--the Mexicans, the Canadians, the Pan-Pacific Federation, and so forth. American culture remains distinctive, insulted in part by its unique traditions, though now everybody speaks Future Spanish, and only learns English to read the old texts. In this period additional material, including later compositions, continues to accrete, forming a distinct body of sacred American scripture, although it does not exist in a single canonical form. Attempts to reconcile distinct sources, like more literal and historically-grounded accounts versus the simplified narratives of figures like Irving, produce hybrid texts that sometimes are full of internal conflicts.

Oh, and through all this, some institutions of American government like the Supreme Court still function, although their rulings only apply to Americans, and there isn't much in the way of a federal bureaucracy.

Finally the Great and Sublime Brazilian Potentate conquers most of the Americas, sets up an American client state that roughly coincides with the heartland of the old Western States (California, Oregon, most of Washington and Nevada), and allows the Americans to elect their own President (subject, of course, to Brazilian approval). During this period, an apocalyptic street preacher from Los Angeles claims to have inherited the authority and power of George Washington, and is executed by the Brazilians; his later followers point to the prophecies of Emperor Norton, and out-of-context bits of a Quebecois translation of Moby-Dick and some Mark Twain stories to say no, really, he was George Washington. Inexplicably, a version of this religion becomes the dominant faith of the Brazilian Empire before it collapses. But long before then the American state in California fails, crushed when it tries to revolt against Brazilian rule; the remnant Easterners likewise dwindle down to only a few hundred souls living in a village in Alexandria, Virginia. Centuries from now, as the descendants of the descendants of the Brazilians colonize Mars, they will point to the sacred Americanist scriptures, the Neo-Americanist narratives of their prophet's life, and the letters written by the early leaders of Neo-Americanism, and say, "all of this was written by the spirit of George Washington, and is free from contradictions." Meanwhile the remnant Americanists, who have been writing about Americanism and how it applies to their everyday lives in the centuries since, and whose commentary has formed around the copies of the last editions of the U.S. Supreme Court Reporter (SCOTUS managed to outlast the final American state by a hundred years or so) plus the thoughts of the remaining Americanist community in Mexico, continue to regard their traditions as the unbroken and unaltered practice of American culture, politics, and ideals as they existed since the Revolutionary War.

This is, as far as I can tell, approximately how the Bible was composed.

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

See also the weirdly specific history of Disney using Siamese cats as stand-ins for East Asian stereotypes. For fuck's sake this showed up in Lady and the Tramp in the '50s, The Aristocats in the '70s, and Chip and Dale in the '80s.

Also of course the crows in Dumbo, the pandas in one controversial episode of TaleSpin, etc. Hell the monkeys in The Jungle Book were even at the time controversial enough that the studio decided to get a white jazz singer named Louis (namely the Italian-American Louis Prima, who also did "Jump, Jive an' Wail" and one version of "Sing, Sing, Sing") to voice King Louie, instead of their earlier ill-advised idea of casting Louis Armstrong as an orangutan who wants to be a man—and to this day these efforts haven't been enough to ward off controversy; a few years back Disney+ limited access to the original Jungle Book cartoon and other objectionable fare, only allowing users over the age of 7 to view it. But I mentioned the cat thing because it's such an oddly specific trend.

Actual question I have, I'm just trying to understand this, please don't come at me:

Why is it specifically the fault of furries that intersex people are thought to be hermaphrodites (like snails)? Idk if all intersex people blame furries, but I keep seeing this one big blogger that does, and I don't get it.

Like I get being angry that intersexism is thought to be entirely fictional, I can def see how that's a problem, but isn't that just it?

Albino animals have red eyes even though humans don't. So why can't a fursona with both parts be intersex? And like, it's also a fursona. Dogs aren't blue irl but they can be as a fursona, and nobody bats an eye.