whywalkwhenyoucanjump-blog

[whywalkwhenyoucanjump-blog]

some guys my age man

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Apologies

As per usual, apologies for not writing as much as I should... I am a writer, but a busy one at that.

[whywalkwhenyoucanjump-blog]

Day 3

So, I did end up going to that interview today. And that’s where things got weird.

I rode my bike to Café Paradox, a small café on a larger uptown street.  I put the lock on the bike and walked in. The café itself was small and cozy, with a warm smell of coffee. The menu was written in neat letters on a blackboard immediately to the left, and a kind looking man looked up from his register as I walked in. He smiled.

“Hey there! Can I get you something?”

“Sure,” I said, taking a quick glance at the menu. “Uhm, do you have anything strong and sweet? Preferably with espresso?”

The man nodded. “Sure. How’s a caramel machiatto sound?”

“It sounds grand,” I said, taking out some cash.  The man nodded and charged me for the coffee. Once we were finished, I turned around to find a seat. I had gotten here quite early, Mac wasn’t here yet. I took a seat in a comfortable looking armchair and only got up to get the coffee. I savored the sweet coffee, it was really quite delicious. A few minutes later Mac finally walked in there.

“Well,” he said, “good morning! You know,” he motioned at me and sat down. “Part of me thought you were going to stand me up.”

I had thought about it. “We had a deal,” I said instead, taking another sip of coffee. “Gotta stand by it.”

He nodded. “Do you mind if I go grab a drink before we start?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Please, go for it.”

He thanked me then got up and bought himself a cup of tea.

“To be honest, I’m more of a tea person,” he explained as he sat down in an armchair next to mine. “Their specialty is coffee. But I do love the ambiance here. It’s a quiet little hole in the wall with plenty of different options.”

I nodded. “So…”

“Ah yes,” he said, taking a sip of tea, “to business then. You’re here about the job.”

“I’m here to get information about the job,” I corrected him. “You still haven’t told me exactly what it is.”

“Well, I can’t exactly tell you what it is until you come see for yourself. You see, it’s not exactly a simple thing to explain with just words. It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Then how do you normally hire people?”

Mac took another sip of tea. “Just like we’re doing now. Have a chat, and if you’re interested you can come check it out. I can tell you that our business is entirely legitimate, all legal. I have to clarify that because sometimes people think that because of its secretive nature, our work is illegal. That is not true. We have all of the proper permits to do the work we do, and our employees are set to the same rules and regulations as everyone else.”

“Alright… that doesn’t sound suspicious…”

He laughed. “Well, a little. See, in all confidence, we are basically psychologists that help people deal with traumas.”

“Traumas?”

“Yes. Say someone is the victim of chronic bullying to the point where they are not  capable of attending a normal school. That’s a serious problem; this young person is losing out on the opportunity to grow up in a normal and healthy environment. They are missing out on essential social skills that are needed to grow. What we do is help people with phobias or traumas, things that could hinder them from leading a normal life; and this is done by directly helping to control that fear.”

“I’m not a psychologist,” I told him. “I don’t think I would be qualified.”

“We’re not looking for qualified psychologists. They’d be no use to us. We’re looking for people that are willing to take an active role in someone’s life, to be able to help them directly.”

“You keep saying that,” I took another sip of coffee. “But what’s that mean exactly?”

“That question is one of those ‘you have to see it to believe it’, questions.”

“Look man,” I told him flatly. “I can’t get into something if I don’t know what I’m getting into. I don’t work like that. Tell me what you’re offering.”

He put his tea down on a small table next to his chair. “Alright. You want me to be straight with you, I will.”

Mac looked straight at me.

“I’m offering you a chance to literally enter someone’s subconscious and help them control their fear. To quite literally go into someone’s innermost workings and battle the fear that is holding them hostage. That’s what I’m offering you.”

“You’re insane,” I said, shaking my head. “I should never have come here.” I began to get up.

“Yes,” Mac said calmly, sipping his tea. “I may be crazy. But aren’t you the least bit interested?”

“No,” I lied. And it was a true lie. My interest was definitely piqued. But what he was talking about… it was impossible. Wasn’t it?

“What if I show you? Right here, right now.”

“You can’t,” I said. “It’s impossible.”

Mac took a ring off his right pinky finger. It was silver with a green outline. He handed it to me.

“Put the ring on and try to relax. It’s filled with a liquid called emeralite. When you come in direct contact to it, it allows you to connect to your subconscious. There’s an element in the liquid that attracts the neurons in your brain. Neurologists have been using it for years during surgery; this is simply a different application.”

I blinked at the outstretched ring. With a small frown and quick look around the semi-empty café, I took the ring and placed it on my index.

I felt my eyes close as I blinked normally, but when I opened my eyes I saw something else. I was in the woods somewhere, with a huge clearing in front of me. I could smell the fresh grass and feel a light crisp breeze. There were birds singing in the trees, and a vibrant blue sky. Where was I? I was in the café just a second ago. And now I’m in… wonderland?  But it was the strangest thing. It felt like… home. I had never been more relaxed. There was a trail to my left, and I tried to move to follow it but I seemed to be rooted in place. Then I felt a jolt. My eyes opened and I was back in the café.

I gasped as Mac put the ring back on his finger. The jolt had been him taking it off mine.

“What was that?” I asked him. “What did I see?”

“I’m not sure what you saw,” Mac said, examining the ring. “And to be honest, I don’t want to know. That’s for you to know. But the gist of it is that you just got a glimpse of your own subconscious.”

“I’m not following.”

“Our mind has so many things going on at the same time that it needs a way to organize all of it. The way your subconscious does it is by creating a small world where everything serves a purpose. Did you see a house, or some sort of dwelling?”

I shook my head.

He frowned. “You read a lot, draw a lot? Big imagination?”

I nodded, still hardly able to understand or speak.

“That makes sense. Your subconscious is a lot bigger then. So you probably had to keep going a little further to find it. That’s where your Self would live. Who you are on the inside. Along with memories that have shaped who you are, base emotions, etcetera. But let me take a guess,” he smiled. “You felt like you’d been there before? Like you were home?”

“Yeah. But I know I never have.”

“Actually, you have. That’s your mind, your subconscious. You’ve never literally been there, at least until now.”

I felt like there were gears turning in my head, and all of a sudden everything clicked. It made sense. I couldn’t describe it, I just knew. Everything Mac had said made perfect sense. I had seen it with my own eyes, and although it was still so weird to even try to understand it, I couldn’t deny the reality of what I had seen. Mac was watching me closely.

“I’m just processing,” I said. “It’s… weird.”

He nodded. “And there’s a lot more. You can see not just your subconscious, but someone else’s. And not just that, but you have the opportunity to help them in a significant, life changing way.” Mac calmly sipped his tea. “Interested enough?”

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Day 2

I didn’t finish the last journal entry, sorry about that. Truth is that I was writing it while at work and my supervisor walked in. Guess I just really needed to get it out.

Anywho, back to the strange gentleman on the subway…

The question he had asked me left me confused. See, this guy was talking to the person that is a notorious over-thinker and a compulsive “technicalist”. Technically it didn’t matter why I had saved her because that’s placing more importance on the motivation than the action itself, but technically had I saved her for the wrong reasons then the whole entire action would be wrong to begin with because it would be for a… selfish reason? A wave in front of my face brought me back to reality.

“Hey, thought I lost you there for a minute.”

I shook my head. “Look man, I don’t know what you’re looking for exactly or why you’re asking all of these questions. If I hadn’t run after that little girl, maybe she wouldn’t be here right now. And that’s a disturbing thought. I’m glad she’s alright. I think that’s the most important thing.” I dug around my pockets for some earphones and inwardly sighed. I had left my bag at work and of course the earphones were in there.

The man backed off, nodding. I guess I had satisfied his answers. He stayed quiet the rest of the ride, until I got off the subway. I could tell he was still staring at me as I walked out.

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly; no food trucks or excitement. I was glad for that. I didn’t need any of it. Took the subway back home and made it through the door safely with no incident. Good. It was a welcome difference from the afternoon’s events.

Today though, was a little different.

See, I went through my regular morning routine; wake up, get dressed, go for a run, come back home, quick shower, get ready for work. I usually go to this little trail near my place, it’s got an uphill climb but a lovely view of the city. I dig it. I had just finished making it to the top when a familiar voice came up behind me.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

I turned around and it was the same guy. The one from the subway!

“Dude, are you stalking me or something? What’re you doing here?”

He laughed. He had a nice laugh. Didn’t make him any less creepy.

“No no, not stalking. I like to come up here sometimes for the view.” He pointed at the city that was still waking up.

I looked at his outfit, and he still looked like an office drone; three piece suit: pants, coat and vest, no tie. He must have noticed I noticed because then he added, “I drive up here though, if I hike I won’t make it to work.”

I crossed my arms. There were a couple of people around, stretching or drinking water. If he did anything particularly disturbing I could shout for help and maybe they’d help. I hoped so. But I shouldn’t have to.

“Look man,” I told him flatly, “I’m gonna be straight with you. This is kinda creepy. I’ve never seen you before, and all of a sudden I see you twice in a span of less than twenty-four hours. So what do you want?”

He smiled.

“Just to talk. To sit down, have a cup of coffee, and talk. I have a job offer for you.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “You’re nuts man. You can’t just follow someone around and offer them a job. You don’t even know me. No thanks.”

I turned away from him to begin going on the downhill trail, when he said something that made me stop.

“You saved that little girl because she needed to be saved.”

I stopped and turned to stare at him. “What?”

“You told me yesterday, in the subway. You saved her because she needed to be saved. You know, she didn’t see that food truck coming. Her reaching for the ball after dropping it was just a reaction. You saw beyond that danger of the food truck and made a choice; run from the other side of the street to push her out of the way. You could have been the one that got run over yesterday. But you didn’t think of that, did you?”

No. I hadn’t thought of that.  Seeing he had my attention, the man moved a little closer. Not close enough to make me uncomfortable, but close enough to not have to speak loudly.

“The same way she reacted by reaching for the ball, you reacted by running across the street and saving her. It was instinct, in the purest sense, with no regard for your own safety.”

“Anyone would have done the same thing-“

“Yes, but no one did. Maybe they thought about it, but they didn’t do anything.”

I blinked. “So why didn’t you?”

He gave a small frown. “I was too far away. I started running to the corner but you beat me to it.”

I sighed. “Ok, fine. I saved her because of instinct. So what?”

“So,” he said, putting a hand in his pocket, “you just showed me your true nature. Instinct reveals who we are inside, what motivates us, what makes us us. Your instinct is to help people, and I’m in the business of helping people. I need quick thinkers, like the kind you demonstrated yesterday; people willing to help others in the purest sense. Not people who help motivated by what they will gain, or how it will help them. But most of all, I need people that want to help. That will have the patience and compassion to help others when they’re scared, when even they don’t know what will happen. I happen to think I’m a good judge of character, and I have seen these qualities in you. That’s why I’m talking to you.”

Now I knew this guy was nuts. People don’t just talk like that, say things like that. But for some reason, I found myself believing him. Like I knew he was telling the truth.

“Alright,” he said with a sigh. “I know maybe I’m not making any sense. But I’ll tell you what, take this.”

He reached into his jacket pocket and handed me a small white card.

“This is my card. If you’re interested, send me an email. We’ll sit down at a café, have a cup of coffee, and talk about the job. That’s it.”

I looked at the card. It just had a name and an email. “Macintosh? Like the apple?”

He sighed. “Yes, like the apple. But people can call me Mac. And you are?”

I laughed a little and extended my hand. “Charlie. Just Charlie for now.”

He smiled and shook it. “Alright, Just Charlie. Think it over and send me an email when you’re ready.”

And with that, he turned right around and walked away.

I couldn’t think of anything else all day. Something about it made sense to me and I wasn’t even sure why. And sure enough, as soon as I got home, I sent him an email. I guess a coffee couldn’t hurt.

I got an answer back almost instantly.

“Glad you made up your mind. Tomorrow, 9am- Café Paradox. No formalities.”

There was only one Café Paradox, and it was a couple miles away. I could probably take my bike. Just to be safe though, I texted my friend letting her know to text me at 9:15 to make sure I was ok. I didn’t give any details; just that it was a job interview and that the guy seemed a little sketch. I guess we’ll see how it goes tomorrow.

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Inside: Ch.1

There’s a place in the neighborhood where I drive by every day. It’s nothing special, but I always thought it was interesting that no one could ever set up shop there. It’s a prime spot, right on the corner in front of the subway. It’s on a busy corner between two main streets; I always thought it was the perfect place to start a business, maybe have some offices because of the coffee shop across the way. But no one ever seems to be able to stay there. One day there’s a sign on the entrance, a couple of weeks later it’s gone; replaced by realtor sign. No one ever stays. I know better now.

Sometimes we live our lives in such a monotonous and superficial way, routine takes over and we slowly but surely let go of what we once dreamed of becoming. That’s growing up. But every once in a while, we catch a break. Something breaks us out of that routine and we get thrown into a world that we never imagined possible- a world we very literally never thought existed. Interestingly enough, it turns out to be exactly what we need when we need it. That’s what happened to me today.

I was was on that corner between those two main streets, having just bought a cup of coffee. It was a chilly but sunny day; one of those where if you stand in the sun you wanna take off your jacket because of the heat, but if you go in the shade you freeze to death. The coffee helped, I’m a big coffee person. Love the stuff. Anyway, I cross the street and I end up standing right in front of the empty place- the one I was talking about earlier. Big glass windows facing the street reveal a large, empty room. White walls that are beginning to turn gray  make up the three walls, and some sheets covered the floor. Abandoned.

The whooshing of the cars passing by broke my train of thought as I turned my attention back to the street. The light was going to change at any moment now. I tugged at my jean jacket and adjusted the strings on the hoodie underneath. The subway was going to be cold with the air conditioner. Taking a sip of my coffee, I look across the street and notice the small crowd getting ready to cross. Mostly mothers with their strollers, keeping an eye on the children they just picked up from school. Typical afternoon crowd. A bright red ball caught my eye. Up and down it went in the hands of a young girl, she couldn’t have been any older than seven or eight. She was wearing a school uniform, the navy blue skirt and light blue collared shirt. 

I watched with some concern as she seems more distracted about catching the ball than being attentive to the sidewalk, but my concern eased as I noticed the traffic light turned from red to yellow, slowing traffic. But something made me linger on the traffic; a roar of an engine that’s speeding up to catch the light. A big food truck that has gathered too much speed to slow down. The girl missed the catch and ball bounced into the street.

I remember thinking that time had stopped; my thought process speeding up. Shout? Too slow. Run? Maybe. Then I’m seeing myself in third person; me running into the street faster than I thought possible, my coffee forgotten, half picking up half tackling the little girl and her ball. The food truck rushing past, the force of wind knocking me forward. I remember I twisted, trying to make sure that I landed on the ground instead of landing on top of her. The problem was that I hit the ground hard, and with the momentum I had gained I landed on the sidewalk, hard.

Muffled voices surrounded me, people asking if I was alright, voices filled with shock, gratitude, someone crying. My eyes were closed, and I couldn’t seem to open them. I tried to talk to them, to tell them I was ok, to ask about the little girl, but I couldn’t form the words. My eyes finally fluttered open and I saw a group of people crowded around me, the little girl crying in her mother’s arms. She was alright.

Arms reached out to help me stand and someone offers to call an ambulance. I shake my head and hear my voice say “no thanks”. There’s my voice. My mind went to the ball, where’d it go? Never did find it. I adjusted my jacket again, dusting it off. My head was still spinning a bit but I felt a little better. I missed my coffee, but if I go back and buy another one I won’t make it to work. I took one last look at the little girl, who tearfully stared at me with wide eyes. I gave her a small smile. She smiled back.

People were starting to crowd some more, but I’m not one to stand for attention. I went down the stairs to the subway, sliding my card in the meter before walking to the station. My head still hurt and I was still a bit dizzy from the fall, but I was mobile so somehow that translated into me being alright. The muffled voice of the speaker rumbled on and a train came to a stop in front of me. I walked in with a small group of people and took a seat. Normally I’d have my music or a book to read while I head to work, but I’d left my backpack there yesterday so I was going to have to sit and twiddle my thumbs.

 I work at a school, a small one, taking care of the kids while their parents come and get them. I like my job; it’s simple, not retail, and pays my bills. It’s only a couple of hours a week, but overall it does the trick. Gets me to where I need to go and sometimes a bit extra. 

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. The ride was short and I knew I wouldn’t have enough time for a nap, but maybe I could rest for a little. The train was kinda empty, so I didn’t have to worry about someone sitting next to me or anything. Except someone did. I half opened my eyes and noticed a man; clean shaven, professional looking, I mean he was wearing a vest and everything. But no tie. Probably just got off work. Normally I would be wary of anyone sitting next to me, but he just looked straight ahead and seemed to mind his own business. And I won’t lie, he was pretty good looking. Dark hair, slightly curly, cut neat and tidy. But I didn’t pay any mind. Whatever.

“How’s your head?”

My eyes shot open and I looked at him. “Excuse me?”

“Your head,” the deep voice answered, “it seems like you took quite a hit. I’m sorry, this must seem rather forward. I was on the street when you saved that little girl, that was a very brave act.”

“Oh,” I said. “Um, I guess. My head’s fine. Just hurts a bit, but overall ok.”

“The mother was looking for you to thank you,” he mentioned. “She was very grateful to you.”

“I’m not much for attention,” I told him.

He nodded, almost knowingly. “I understand, you seem to be more on the shy side.”

I don’t mind strangers making small talk, but it freaks me out sometimes. This was one of those times. I didn’t answer the guy. He made me feel uncomfortable.

“Why did you do it?”

I turned to look at him, confused. “What?”

“The little girl. Why did you save her?”

Why had I saved her? I didn’t think about it, I just acted. I shrugged.

“You don’t know?”

“I guess.”

“I think you do.”

I was beginning to feel annoyed at this guy. Maybe he was drunk. For some reason drunk people liked talking to me. Hazard of being me. 

“What’s the big deal anyway? Does it really matter why I saved her?”

He laughed a little. “Of course it does. It means quite a bit.”

“Why is it important to you though?”

He shrugged. “I think the real question is why isn’t it important to you?”

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Elvis

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Drive In Love

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- “You’re a girl in a million.” - “That’s a routine compliment, but I’ll accept it.”

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“You’re part of the past, but now you’re the future”

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Chirrut Îmwe // Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

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opinion on Breakeven by The Script?

what is that…..

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When praising students actually works

Students are like:

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we all have that one fictional character: 5/5 would recommend (insp.)

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Personally relating to disney movies: Tangled

I think Tangled is one of those movies that when I saw it, it spoke to me. Maybe it was Rapinzel's long hair, or her big eyes that brim with curiosity; but it hits home how she wishes she could do more. Be more. And maybe those floating lights aren't what she hopes for or expects, but at least she did something to find out. And she finds Flynn. Guess that's where the connection ends lol

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