windyreads

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he owns the one and only juuyoku exclusive hyper chibigurumi

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This one is a young bronze dagger looking for a feral gremling adventurer willing to follow it's lead. If it likes you, you can gain tons of treasure. If not? Oops. A pit of stabbies for you! :D but don't worry, just polish the blade regularly and tell it terrible jokes and you'll be okay!

Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

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u know that meme thats like 'daddy can u pass the salt' *father and boyfriend both reach*. bingqiu having an awkward forced dinner with tlj and this happens except tlj wouldn't even move at all. only sqq.

you’re actually maybe the smartest person to ever exist that’s so fucking funny

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I just REALIZED SOMETHING and it's making me smile?

You know that trope of "well shit, I've been reborn, but like? I need to make a living (so I can survive). So I deeply apologize Actual Authors, it's time to plagiarize the shit out of some stuff!"

In SVSSS? (Or other Xanxia novels of your choosing) Demons?? Would LOVE the absolute SHIT out of some good ol fashioned Klingon and/or Mandalorian Poetry.

Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong.

Violence? Honor? Proving yourself worthy, even as you admire the raw strength of the subject of the poem? Go ahead! Compare that sunset to the fine edge of a blade! That great beauty to the thrill of battle! Tell me! Would she fell a thousand souls? Would your love bring EMPIRES TO ASH AT YOUR FEET?! Crown him in glory! Speak of the STARS you would seize for this child!

The "Translations From Far Away Lands" would be THE hottest book. Hands down.

You'd have to be ILLITERATE not to own it. Some sort of unromatic, uncultured, back water SWINE. What self respecting demon CAN'T quote a few pages? Doesn't have at LEAST one favorite phrase? Do you even HAVE a heart that beats?!

Imagine the Chaos.

You get reborn. Not far from the Divide between worlds. Well shit... that's not ideal. But hey, you can't still turn this around! It's not like your years of Nerd Contemplations are for nothing! Much like a certain Cucumber, you ALSO sorta had a low-key plan. Never thought you'd USE it... but like? Guess life decided to have a laugh. Jokes on you, I GUESS.

You have a system. It's not a railroad-y Plot Supervisor System. It's a Spin-Off/Prequel/Regressor Story System. Yeah, their depart has a LOT of overlap. Things can change super fast, one way or another. You gotta adapt. Spin the New Plot in whatever way makes for the best Story.

Obviously? You don't trust it. This seems surprisingly chill. (Oh, it is, my beautiful lil butterfly. For YOU. Everyone else is gonna be in Hell. Please continue to cause problems! Thank you for all your hard work~☆) But, you guess you'll go with it? (Oh please do~☆)

First problem? You need to eat. Everything sucks and all these fuckers are bastards. Social safety nets? Whoms't?? Forget cultivation, first you need to Not Starve. Thank god for basic education. It really DOES open a lot of doors. You can crunch numbers, write notes, sit at a desk for people. It pays.

And? You notice? All these "I'm DEFINITELY a human. Don't ask questions you can't afford and won't survive" Distinguished Quests? Complain about insipid Human Culture and Poetry.

Huh.

You take a look.

......not gonna lie. It's? Pretty basic. Milk toast. "Your lips are like flowers" and "you are a butterfly" Sort of thing. Where is the imagery? The romance? The ANGUISH or PASSION? The humble, lasting adoration? For fucks sake. At least compare me to something that doesn't suggest my weakness and an obsession with youth alone!

So you brush off your nerd cred. Turn towards you System. Hey. You got ANYTHING in your Market... Right? (Yeeeeees? Why?) *purchases both Klingon and Mandalorian Poetry Classics, Volume 1* (OH~?) Because GUESS WHO CAN READ THESE? And, more importantly, TRANSLATE these.

Do you take credit? No. It feels wrong. But will you sell your TRANSLATIONS? Oh absolutely. Gimme my money. You'll absolutely credit the real authors, but a b*tch gotta live, damn it. And rice does not buy itself.

It? Goes? Gang busters.

Talk of the town. It's horrible! Violent! A perversion of literature! Say the humans. No one should EVER buy it! Or READ it! (So obviously everyone does.) The Demons? Have found THE single book from humans they can all agree they, bare minimum, at least kinda like. The majority LOVE it.

A certain Heavenly Demon LOVES it. It is, no joke, the move emotionally evocative poetry he's ever read. Granted, he's more of a smut guy. But STILL! Those other books? Are for fun. THIS? Is for EMOTION. For ROMANCE.

Sects try to ban it. Nobles try to ban it. Predictably, that only makes the problem worse.

You get your fuckin rice. A better winter jacket. Can finally quit your shit job. Take for a... slightly suspect (who's blood is this?) (Don't ask questions you don't actually want the answers too~ ^-^) Cultivation guide.

Send Volume 2 out for print.

The fall out is unhinged.

People think you're a Demon. Some demons want in their court. Others want to marry you. Still others want you dead. The humans? Oh how DARE the demons suggest they have a culture of their own! That they may be more then just animals, to be blamed for all wickedness, and slaughtered in mass. Demons? Capable of EMOTION? Kill it! Kill it before it gives people IDEAS!!!

You just wanted to eat, man. Publish more, out of spite.

Just? A one person LIBRARY of pop culture. A repository of nerdom. And all the stories that come with it. Wandering around, dropping Cultural bombs on the unsuspecting Martial World. Not confronting. Not arguing. Just... *slides a book across the table. Waits* Knowing that natual human curiosity will do the rest.

That the younger generations WILL read what they are specifically told not too. Because it's not like there's and dangerous techniques in there! It's just "degenerate". And? Much like the scare mongering around weed?

Once you find out that it's NOT going to instantly kill you, as warned? That's "not THAT bad"? Or at worst "meh", in your personal opinion? Well... what ELSE are they wrong about?

You can't hide forever~

All while the System is quietly cackling. Leading its lil Butterfly on a merry little wing flapping adventure. Fucking with the timeline, so the Regressors (orders finally came down from on high! This is a Regressor Story! But.... not for you!) get to have a HELL of a time, trying to manage "the timeline" they once knew. Makes for an interesting Plot, you know!

(200B points! If you include that poem about rumor mongering being a blade in the back!)

*various Cultivators take highly pointed psychic damage*

(Nyehehehehe~ >:3c )

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just a heads up to my fellow writers out there that AO3 is currently fighting off bots commenting on people’s works to tell them that AO3 will delete their fics “due to the works being deprecated”, and the deletion will affect their accounts unless the authors delete the fics themselves first. IT IS A SCAM. AO3 will NOT delete your works. please do NOT fall for these bots!

I’ve been told the reason why these bots are doing this is due to copyright infringement issue where they’re trying to steal your works (possibly to train AI but this is just a guess) ‼️‼️‼️and once you deleted your fics, it will be either very difficult or impossible for you to claim ownership of your own fics when they were already deleted.‼️‼️‼️

a reminder that AO3 will never contact you through your comments section (in case they claim to be one of the moderators). AO3 will only contact you through your email address which you use to register your account, and it will be from AO3’s official handle. not some sketchy ass @

so if you get a comment telling you you should “delete your works to protect your account because AO3 is doing blah blah blah” report that comment. don’t delete your works.

PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR THESE SCAM.

AO3 IS NOT DELETING WORKS.

DO NOT DELETE YOUR WORKS JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE CLAIMS THEY KNOW SOMETHING.

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Warrior Crowd Control and Riot Manual

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The Hitlerjugend are going to get Greta. Man this reminds me of that one Hitler youth song and video israel came out with a couple years ago.

Edit: I found the Nazi kids song LMAO

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AITAH for trying to ruin my son’s relationship?

I (652M) have a son (idk maybe 80? 14?M) who has major hots for his milf teacher (milf age M). Teacher is just insanely slutty, absolutely built to take dick. My son isn’t even 100 yet (I think), he would have no idea what to do with all that. Meanwhile, me and me nephew (187M) are older and know how to treat a lady (gender neutral). Ideally I would like to marry my nephew to teacher after having my way with him, but teacher is very attached to son. Son is also rather volatile- teacher pushed him into the abyss at some point and he recently climbed out. He’s nothing I can’t handle, but he keeps threatening to destroy my rpf collection if I keep trying to fuck his little crush.

I decided that soft power was probably the best way to go, so I started writing rpf about teacher and son getting a messy divorce. I gift them to teacher, which he always graciously accepts. Currently I’m working on a harem drama AU where teacher leaves son for nephew after a life changing night in my bed.

Son attacked me unprompted and accused me of trying to ruin his relationship. Which I am, but it’s in everyone’s best interest! Nephew has never had a partner before- not even during his heats- and he could really use an older man to take care of him. Clearly he needs teacher more than son. So am I the asshole?

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[windyreads]

based on meme “down boy!!”

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You’re a princess that has been kidnapped by the yandere!demon king!

Sitting alone in your… strangely well furnished and decorated room with mountains of books to read, you soon grew bored.

Every day demon servants brought you snacks, and you even got to bathe whenever you felt like it.

At some point it felt less like you were a kidnapped princess and more like you were a guest in the demon castle.

While reading one day, you even caught the demon king peeking into your room, watching you with lovesick eyes as his hand moved lower-

Oh.

You are a kidnapped princess, trapped with a pervert demon king that would like to mate with you… but he’s too shy.

Listening in late at night, you hear the guards gossiping, saying how the king fell in love with you at first sight. He’s never taken a mate, meaning no female has ever been bedded by the king.

Well, now you had a way to pass the time.

Now, how will you use this new information for your own benefit?

[windyreads]

A Dragon’s Loot

Alpha Dragon Hybrid Male x Omega Male Reader (CW: Non-con, breeding, biting, claiming, dragon man, inhuman genitals, a/b/o, knotting, overstimulation, musk/pheromones, kidnapping, general yandere behavior, ass eaten like it’s groceries, male reader) Word Count: 2.5k (I am so so so so sooooooo incredibly sorry that this took so long, it may not be my best work but I really did try. This was not beta read so please excuse any errors. This is for a trade with @reiyn02.)

Keep reading

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The peaks are so lucky Shen Yuan was not raised in the southeast US. Can you imagine, him calling his disciples and the other lords “sweetheart” “honey” “sugar” “baby”? Lives would be lost. Wars would be fought. So much laundry would need doing.

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rb to give a trans person soup

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UM GUYS. I JUST NOTICED A CRAZY ISSUE W THE TUMBLR UPDATE.

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Sometimes i feel like younger queer kids are getting a bit to bold with openly talking to people they don’t know In The Context Of:

More than once i have had a younger/same age queer person come up to me in public settings and say something about “finding other gays” or clearly clocking me as nonbinary and I’m like :)))))))) hey buddy I’m here with my conservative parents can you fucking not out me :))))))))

Just say you like my outfit or hair and move on, fuck even tell me you like my shoelaces. Don’t call me gay and limp your wrist at me when you don’t even know me? Especially when there’s a bunch of ppl around?