winged-warlock

[winged-warlock]

things i look for in a romantic partner:

large

strong

2-phase health bar

30-40 spectral wings

the other half of the amulet of abstraros, with which my psychic power and influence upon this earth shall become unmatched, bringing forth a dark new age of magic. an age of horrors and twisted things in dark caverns which scream incessantly clawing at the walls forever trapped within a labyrinth of my own design

big ol’ titties

good conversationalist

[winged-warlock]

Really been into biting lately

[winged-warlock]

feeling evil!! i am going to start exploding random pedestrians with my mind!!!

[winged-warlock]

DATE A WIZARD TODAY

DATE A NECROMANCER TODAY

DATE A LICH TODAY

In fact

I think you should kiss someone undead today

Remember!

Even though they're mostly evil doesn't mean they don't want to be loved too.

Tell them how nice their evil laughter is, how great their spells are, how good their potions look and take them for a nice, relaxing stroll through the local cemetery <3

[winged-warlock]

returning, disloyal tumblr users (TWITTER DEVIANTS) should know about the WIZARD TITHE !

basically you have to pay a WIZARD TITHE

[winged-warlock]

sorry for being evil. tommorow im going to be much more evil

[winged-warlock]

I'm evil and I'm going to shoot lightning at you until you die. Hope this helps!

[winged-warlock]

the only reason I know this isn’t referring to me is because I don’t help people

[winged-warlock]

I saw the future. Need proof? Mark your calendars for the following:

-March 3rd, 2023 - Justin Bieber gets engaged to Ben Shapiro.

-January 10th, 2023 - Sucking dick becomes illegal :'(

-August 30th, 2027 - Creators patch the universe and increase alligator spawn rates.

-July 2, 2024 - JK Rowling chokes on her beloved swastika necklace and dies in her home. House elf hostages finally released.

-December 60th, 2099 - Earth confirmed to be a big cube

I know they're not in order, but that's the order I witnessed them in.

[winged-warlock]

hello wizards are killing me

Maybe you shouldn’t have bothered the wizards then

[winged-warlock]

I’ve pondered my orb, read the stars, and communed with gods, and through the aether I have divined that you have a bomb ass booty

[winged-warlock]

how could anyone hate tumblr when we are the only social media platform with a dedicated and popular subset of users who exclusively post about being evil gay wizards

[winged-warlock]

My evil dungeon used to be infested with rats. Then I started imprisoning catboys... Sure, that solved the rat problem—but now the catboy population is out of control, and demanding great quantities of raw meat. My solution? Dogboys. I go to the library and look up books on dog-human transmutation. One of the librarians stops me. “Aren’t you that pervert wizard with the creepy catboy sex dungeon?” I don’t know how to answer that. The other librarians notice my stacks of books on canine gene-splicing, and start hitting me with old Martha Stewart Living magazines. “Get out of here,” they say. “Don’t you go trying to steal anyone’s dog for your catboy/dogboy dungeon!” I hadn’t even considered that. In the middle of the night I sneak to the librarian’s house and try to steal his dog, but I’m way too big to fit through the mail slot in the front door, so I end up just standing around for a while looking like a real goober. My solution to this problem? I return the following night with a ratboy—

[winged-warlock]

hiiii cuties , um, so just so you know the Blood Ritual DID fail, and the forces of Good are converging on your tower. so watch out 

[winged-warlock]

THESE [teeth] WERE MADE FOR [biting]

AND THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY’LL DO

ONE OF THESE DAYS THESE [teeth]

ARE GONNA [bite chunks out of] YOU

[winged-warlock]

REBLOG to fuck a WIZARD

IGNORE for PENIS CURSE

[winged-warlock]

Sorry babe I'm pondering my orb this weekend. You know how it is