wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

5. Alone

Kara was alone now that Lena had gone.

Her lies and deceit had set the trust alight.

Taking it so far it couldn’t be put out.

Burning down bridges that they had yet to cross.

Once the ashes had finally reached the ground,

not a thing was left, nothing to be put right.

So loosing her light and breaking her own heart.

Powered by the sun, now swallowed by the dark.

Lena had gone. Since then, Kara was alone.

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

4. Garden

The very first time Lena had mentioned it, it was to tell Kara she couldn’t go with her to the farmer’s market the following Saturday.

"I’m sorry darling, I-I have to tend to my garden". Curiosity picked, Kara ignored the hesitation and the pet name and went directly to the questions burning on her tongue. "You have a garden?", "Since when do you have a garden?", "Why haven’t you mentioned it before?", "I feel like as your best friend, I should have know about that".

Lena chuckled at the now pouting blonde.

"I’ve had it for several years and only a handful of people know about it. And you know the old adage, it’s good to keep some kind of mystery. Secret garden and all that." She winked at the double entendre.

"But don’t worry, maybe I’ll show it to you one day, if you play your cards right", Lena added, eyes sparkling with mirth and cheeks slightly rosier than before.

She then left it at that, not offering any more details.

Over the following days, Kara tried to broach the subject again but Lena didn’t seem too willing to share this part of herself and remained evasive. So Kara decided to drop it for now even if, deep inside, she was dying to know more.

The next time the enigmatic garden was brought up again was entirely by accident. Kara had been thinking about it. A lot. But she was being a good friend to Lena and respected her privacy, so she had buttoned her lips.

Until one morning, a bit distracted, she entered Lena’s office and noticed a simple yet elegant flower arrangement on her desk. "Oh, those are beautiful! Are they from your garden?" She asked before realising she mentioned the forbidden topic.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean -"

Lena chuckled lightly. "It’s okay, Kara", she interrupted the blonde before she could launch herself into a ramble. "And no, those are not from my garden. But I do have roses and daisies in parts of it". She said as she gently touched the petal of one of the flower in question.

Time went by and as busy as they all were, the matter slipped out of Kara’s focus. It was still resurfacing every now and then, in passing, but Kara never got any additional information about it and it didn’t bothered all that much anymore.

More time went by and the pair found themselves growing closer to each other, slowly pushing the boundaries of their friendship.

Until finally, after a lot of flirting (from Lena’s side) and a lot of blushing (from Kara’s side), the blonde finally put her big girl pants on and asked her best friend out on a date.

One date turned into two and soon the two women were exploring the new aspects the romance brought to their relationship.

On the morning after their first night together, Kara woke up fully rested, delightfully sated and entirely happy. A blinding smile spreading across her face.

It must have still been early, as the light was just beginning to shine through her windows. Lena was still asleep beside her, resting on her own belly. Kara raised her head slightly to get a better look at the (very naked) sleeping beauty lying next to her.

She noticed some dark marks on the brunette’s back. Propping herself on her elbow, Kara was then greeted with the view of an almost full back tattoo.

How had she not noticed that the night before? was Kara’s first question. She decided to blame it on eagerness and the sweet taste of Lena’s lips.

She brought up a hand to delicately trace the ink, making Lena stir. Only then did she picked up on the drawings themselves: dozens and dozens of flowers, of various shapes and sizes.

It took her a second, but then it finally clicked.

"The secret garden!", Kara gasped loudly.

That fully roused Lena, who turned around, laughing gleefully.

"I did tell you I would show it to you were you to play your cards right." She said, making Kara blush. "And I guess you have" she continued before raising a hand to bring Kara down in a heated kiss.

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

3. Dress

Over the course of their friendship, Kara had had some small hints, here and there, that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t thinking of Lena in strictly *platonic* ways…

There had been that lip-bite that had made her say yes to whatever Lena had asked her for, or the wink incident that had made Kara break her favourite pen. Or that time when Lena had pouted and Kara had let her eat the last of her potstickers (to the absolute disbelief of her sister).

And those were just a few of those hints…

Today, though, was probably the tipping point where Kara could not blissfully ignore the signs anymore. No amount of feeble explanations could rationalise the physical reaction she got upon seeing her very best friend in a simple dress. Being rendered speechless, mouth opening and closing like a fish, a great deal of staring and a full body flush isn’t anywhere near "friend"-territory.

A simple dress? Are you fudging kidding me? Not just a simple dress!

That dress? Those hips in that dress? You would need to be blind not to react to that!

That dress would make Seneca loose reason!

That dress would make She-Ra go evil and turn against the rebellion!

That dress could start a WAR!

And I would defend her with my life! Lena, I would defend Lena with my life, not the dress! Although… probably both… I would defend *them* with my life! And anyone who would as little as look at Lena without the utter most respect that she deserves will know the extent of my wrath and -

Riiight.

That would be enough to rest the case so well it’d be full of energy and ready to seize the day.

So yeah, maybe Kara was a little bit (read: a lot) gay for her best friend.

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

2. Courage

The first things that Lena noticed upon waking up was that she felt fully rested and warm. As the sleep slowly ebbed away, she realised a couple of other facts: 1. She was not in her bed and 2. She was not alone. More precisely, she was being held.

Oh.

Flashes from the previous night flooded her brain before the panic could set in. Game night turned movie night with Kara, once the other guests had left.

She must have fallen asleep during the last movie, because she didn’t remember making it to bed. Kara had probably carried her there, which could only mean one thing: the blonde was her current captor.

Oh.

Blushing furiously, Lena tried to calm herself, well aware that Kara could easily hear her heartbeat.

Come on Luthor!, Lena encouraged herself as she slowly got the control back over her body.

This sweet torture she currently found herself in was mostly fuel by her undying love for her best friend. A terrible condition with no cure in sight.

Lena wasn’t one to indulge and the few times similar situations happened in the past, she had sneaked out before Kara had woken up.

But this morning was different, this morning she allowed herself to revel in the sensation of those strong arms circling her body and the tangled mess of their legs, the heady scent of Kara filling her senses. She only then realised the full extent of their position: her head was tucked in the blonde’s neck and her hand was clutching Kara’s t-shirt. Not a hair space between their two bodies.

Rather than starting to panick, Lena felt the urge to look at the blonde, to fully take her in. Delicately, she lifted her head and looked up at Kara’s face, only to realise two baby blue eyes were already on her.

"Hey" Kara said.

"Hi", Lena’s answer came out breathily. Surprisingly not feeling embarrassed, Lena kept on staring back, happily getting lost in the ocean of those eyes.

She couldn’t tell how long she spent there, her gaze dancing between Kara’s eyes, too enthralled to attempt to read what she was seeing there.

"What are you thinking about?" Lena asked as she came back to herself. The answer came full of wonder and adoration. "You’re still here". Lena dropped her head down, ashamed of her past sneaking away.

A soft touch on her chin brought her back up, getting caught again in the force of Kara’s gaze. "It’s okay, I’m just happy you’re here now".

The tenderness of her smile, the warmth in her eyes and the delicate intensity of that shared moment in the quiet morning made Lena feel like she was standing on the edge of a precipice. Maybe she was. The drop of Kara’s stare to her lips ultimately gave Lena the courage to jump, hoping the blonde would be there to catch her.

And catch her she did. As their lips met, Kara responded in kind and soon both women were ardently kissing, getting lost in each other. Tentative touches turning into roaming hands and light brushing of tongues into playful nibbling.

All too soon, the burning in her lungs forced Lena to slow down to catch her breath. Leaning her forehead against Kara’s, she exhaled shakily.

"I’m so glad I stayed".

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

1. Leaves

(Slightly off topic, because apparently I cannot read 🙈)

Lena was having a bad day. Since she had set foot in her office that morning, everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. At this point, it feld like Murphy was laughing at her. An explosion in the lab, followed by an emergency board meeting, the head of the marketing department leaving for the competition, and her mother calling her incompetent. (Admittedly, this last point wasn’t something she wasn’t used to). And to top it all off, she had spilled some coffee on her shirt mid afternoon, with no spare left in her office closet.

Now, hunched over her desk, drowning in paperwork with a migraine on horizon, Lena was gently going mad.

"You should go home", offered (un-)helpfully her assistant.

"I can’t, I still have to review these contracts and start having a look at the resumes we got to replace Johnson, and -"

"Please leave, now", Jess interrupted.

"You’re aware I’m still your boss, right?" Lena teasingly asked while Jess was closing her laptop and stacking the documents that were scattered on her desk.

"Yes. I’m merely looking out for you, with your luck today, I wouldn’t be surprised if your computer caught on fire. We cannot risk that now, can we? And besides, Kara is probably already home and waiting for you."

"The wife argument, that’s a low blow" Lena mumbled, reluctantly accepting her jacket that Jess was holding up for her. "Thank you, Jess".

—

As soon as she closed the door of her flat behind herself, Lena sighed in relief and dropped her shoes in the vicinity of the shoe rack. She made her way to the living-room where Kara was reading on the couch.

Upon seeing the brunette, Kara put down her book on the coffee table.

"Rough day?", she asked while opening her arms in invitation.

Lena gladly accepted. "You have no idea." She admitted, sinking into Kara’s embrace.

Yes, Lena had had a bad day, but as she was being held in her wife’s strong arms, she couldn’t find that she cared anymore.