witheringstone - Tumblr blog

[witheringstone]

So I forced my ED down and my weight went to 121.5 lb, idk how to feel about that and now want to lower it

Gonna ask roommate if I can fast, just for a day I swear, and then try to do intermittent fasting. Thinking of doing that 16:8 diet and see how it goes.. I think my preferred eating window is 10 - 6.

[witheringstone]

Relapse time..... wooo....

I'm trying really hard to find ways to "healthily" fast, I'm gonna try buying plain yogurt, lean protein and other things, maybe safe food as well in case I break??? I also found out that I may most likely have Body Dysmorphia which is one of the biggest things that affect my ED. My belly looked "bigger" today and it made me break down.... fucking great.

[witheringstone]

Okay so I’m tired and bitchy and I’ve had a rough morning, and because of that I’m probably about to drop an unpopular opinion here, but I really dont care.

Narcissist is starting to become the new sociopath/psychopath/psycho, and I am really, really concerned with where this is heading.

It’s the exact same thing I’ve been seeing for years with my own diagnosis. You say you’re a sociopath, and immediately you’re now an asshole. I’ve had people actually ask me if I have ever hurt someone/wanted to hurt someone because I’m a sociopath, and I’ve had to explain over and over again that no, that’s not what that means, it just means empathy is not something that I can experience like everyone else. I can still be compassionate, I can still be a kind person, I can have no desire to hurt anyone ever, but I still get treated like a ticking time bomb. Even though my disorder actually helps me in a job that saves lives (I work in tissue donation, so not feeling empathy makes handling donor tissue from a 15 year old a lot easier), I still get asked by people at that same job about my “secret dark side” and if I ever did/do things like torture animals.

The same thing is happening to narcissists. You say you’re a narcissist, and now suddenly you’re an abuser. You want to paint someone as a bad person? Call them a narcissist, then everyone will understand how mean and evil they are. I am so sick and tired of seeing tiktoks, tweets, and Tumblr posts going on and on about how horrible narcissists are and how much people hate them. As if narcissists aren’t people! As if narcissists aren’t people experiencing a personality disorder! Y'all are all about “neurodivergent/mental illness solidarity uwu” until you bring in the “undesirable” mental illnesses and personality disorders, and then suddenly it’s “All x people are mean and evil and abusive blah blah blah they can’t get better/better themselves blah blah blah here’s how to argue with them except I’m not going to actually talk about that I’m actually going to just say how horrible they are and how they’re bad people blah blah blah” and it’s like shut up! Shut the fuck up! Those are people! Those are real people with real feelings and you’re just out here saying they’re inherently bad, and for what? For likes? For clout? Do you have any idea how hard it is to come to terms with a diagnosis like that when your view on it is so incredibly skewed, when you think you’re being assigned the Bad Person Disease™️ after you’ve tried so hard to be a kind person and uplift those around you? And now you’re left thinking it was all for nothing, because now you can never be a good person no matter how hard you try because you have Bad Person Disease? Do you have literally any idea how damaging that is, and how much that hurts? But hey, ableism isn’t ableism when it’s against the “bad” people, right?

Anyway, if you’re a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, have bpd, are bipolar in the “wrong” way, are schizophrenic or psychotic, are the “wrong” type of autistic, or anything else, I see you and you’re doing amazing. Your diagnosis doesn’t dictate who you are and, even though some things are harder for us than they are for others, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

[witheringstone]

My ED is starting to relapse and I have NO WAY of stopping it.... my roommate literally offered me food and I turned it down and they started to look all sad about it, "I don't want you to starve" sorry honey but it's already begun and I'm starting to accept my fate.

[witheringstone]

My ED is spiraling, I don't want to relapse... I DON'T WANT TO RELAPSE.

The stress alone is what caused me to lose so much weight, I don't want to go lower.... but that darkness is screaming at me to relapse all over again

[witheringstone]

Hello, I am kind of back after so long. Life has just been a wreck overall. I've been learning more about myself and learning how much more mentally ill and broken I am.

Luckily, I've been recovering from my ED for a year now. But for the past couple of months, it has been nothing but PURE STRESS.

And I checked my weight out of genuine curiosity, and guess what? I was 115.4 lb.

Not from ED, restricting, no food etc. but from stress alone. Seeing that triggered me and scared me, I do not want to go lower. I do not want my ED to come at me and relapse... but now I hear those thoughts again; of wanting to lose weight..... life is not great rn

[witheringstone]

[witheringstone]

that shit never ends

[witheringstone]

I forgot how long it takes to loose weight. I'm so frustrated by the fact I'm not loosing fast enough, that I'm not dropping every hour. I'm so fucking desperate for change its unfair

[witheringstone]

After normal eating for so long I'm back to my stupid old weight :)))

I hate myself

[witheringstone]

Back on my bullshit after so long

[witheringstone]

I've been off and on about my ED, so I might just make this a vent blog in general because I don't have therapy (doubt it will help), and no friends who will listen to my bullshit 🙃 so I'll just scream here

Not doing it for attention, I just need an outlet or I'll probably die

Update: I've been eating horribly for the last two weeks, eating nothing but gas station food and now I am 127 lb c': I fucking gained my old weight back and now I want to kms

[witheringstone]

i hate myself. so so much. i hate my personality, i hate my body, i hate my voice, i hate how im lazy, i hate how i cry myself to sleep. i hate the things i say, i hate the things i eat. i hate how i have no ambitions, i hate how i want my life to be better but i dont want to get better. i hate how i want to die, but cant bring myself to do it. i hate myself. i loathe who i am and its not going to change.

[witheringstone]

reblog to lose 15 pounds by may 31st

[witheringstone]

So I failed last night and I impulsively ate at 10 pm during my intermittent fast because I had a random surge of body acceptancr/confidencr :'D

Gonna try again today--

[witheringstone]

i know my height and structure will physically not allow me to ever have my dream body either way but i will continue to ignore that and die trying🤚🏼

[witheringstone]

Gonna do the 20:4 fasting and see how it goes on the first week. If I lose weight then I'll keep going with it, maybe turn it into 23:1 if I feel like it

Mt limit is gonna be 650 calories