withlove-jlyn - Tumblr blog

[withlove-jlyn]

I feel hurt :(

Not sure if my cousin realizes it but she claims she cleans every night... I'm not sure if she doesn't realize that I do the dishes, vacuum, mop, and cook. I know I'm under a free roof and that I should pick after myself and help around the house but I don't believe that I should be doing all the work but how are you going to say that you clean every night... uhmm am I a ghost? on top of that I do the laundry and volunteer at the kids day care to get $124 off a month. It irks me that she gets angry over the small stuff. She constantly is in my face if not screaming than interrupting my phone conversations and my shows. She has little to no respect when it comes to me sleeping. She works early in the morning regardless if I lock myself in the closet she is loud and leaves the light on. I get it's the kids room hence why I sleep in the closet to get away from not only the noise and light, yet she somehow still figures a way to be loud and turn the lights on. -___-' where are her manners? I have no idea.

[withlove-jlyn]

Dear God, Please hear my prayer.

I feel lost, I feel hurt, I feel alone, I feel used, I feel abandon, and I’m just ready to go home.

I came here with an open mind. I came mentally prepared and ready to handle 2 kids, cleaning, working, and trying to get a peace of mind.

A better change I thought, a clean slate I thought, a break from home I thought.

No one understands the struggle and stress I’m going through. Who do I run to with my problems, who will listen to me cry when I have no shoulder to lean on?

I’m screaming out for help. But I feel as no one can help me. I know you’d never give us a situation we can’t handle but I feel as I’m sinking and ready to hit rock bottom.

Chin up that’s what I’d tell someone who is down in the dumps. Why can’t I take my own advice?

[withlove-jlyn]

The one person who is supposed to be my back bone support while far away from home is the one person who is stressing me out the most. 

You don't understand how hard it is to be thousands of miles away from home and not having anyone with you and doing this all alone. The Unfamiliar, The UnKnown, The NOT being just an hour drive away from home but 19 hours away. It's hard, it's stressful, I worry about how you're going to get to work and get back home, I worry that when you need someone to run errands or bills, no one is going to be there to help you. The waking up and knowing I'm not there and vice versa. 

You're going to argue with me over something so petty. That can be simply fixed? I just don't know. 

If I don't call you or text you in the next couple of days or maybe even weeks it's because you've hurt me more today than you have since the time I was still little.

No one can ever win. Even when you're wrong you want to be right, and you're not. You have to understand that your pride is as big as your ego and you need to come back down to reality and get over yourself. 

[withlove-jlyn]

Distance... It can be a good thing.

I'm so over reaching out to people. If I cross your mind and you so happen to call or text..cool. If not then... again cool. If I so happen to come visit home and you so happen to cross my mind. Lets put it this way. Oops! I remembered you lived here but just like I wasn't important enough to hit up. you too are not important for me to hit up.

[withlove-jlyn]

Forgive.

God want us to love our neighbors as he does us and forgive as we want to be forgiven.

[withlove-jlyn]

TBH.

You know who your real friends are when you're miles away from home. 

Do I always have to be the one to ask how you're doing? and To remind you how much I miss you? You pop up when you need "help" but when I come around just to ask you if you'd like to skype to see how things are I get a "hold on" as if your T.V show is more important than saying hello. No matter how much I care for you no matter if I take a bullet for you. I'll always be second. :( I feel like I am at a lost. 

[withlove-jlyn]

homesick.

Feeling really homesick right now :'( All I want to do is hug my mommy and daddy and run into my best friend's arms. The feeling of waking up knowing you're no where near home kills me a little inside every time. 1,268 miles I'm no where near home and that's the only place I'd like to be right now :(

[withlove-jlyn]

It's been a week and a day since I've been away from home. The only thing I miss is my parents and my best friend :( I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but it's hard when all I think about is being surrounded by my love ones. Today is my Best Friends 21st Birthday and I'm not there to celebrate it with him this year. This is the first year I've missed his Birthday since we've met and it hurts because Its a tradition that we've. I'm wishing you the best Birthday every Nigz! I love you :/

[withlove-jlyn]

The day has finally arrived. As I said my last 'see you later' to my parents and friends I never imagined it being this heart breaking. I know I'll be back to visit but being away from the unknown for a while is the only thing I'm afraid of. I have a new clean slate. In this new city I can be anyone I want, I have no label, nothing. First off I need to break my wall down and keep an open mind. Second, I have to explore and find places that will not only interest me but my family and friends when they come up to visit. Last, I have to keep a smile on my face and hope for nothing but the best. To own my own hotel one day is not only a dream of mine but for it to come true is something that would be even greater. Although I'm sadden that I left everyone behind. I know that this will be the best for my future and that I can't alway depend on my friends sticking beside me throughout my journey of growing up. I got this. Or at least I hope so.

[withlove-jlyn]

17 days passed mighty quickly :( In less than 72 hours I'll be saying "see you later." to my parents and to my best friend. This will be the longest I've been away from them and home. I'm happy that my mom is very supportive and that even though my dad doesn't want me to go, he is holding back the urge to push me to stay. My heart is slowly breaking but I know that this will be good for me. Mom, I don't say it enough but I love you. Dad, I love you to the moon and back, don't worry about mom ate and my friends will take care of her. I'll see you guys in a few months :) I promise. <3

[withlove-jlyn]

After being with someone for a long time, it's hard to imagine what life would be like without them. After we've familiarized ourselves with someone for awhile, it's hard to re-adjust back to the way things were before we met them. After talking to the same person every day for a long period of time, it's hard to get used to not have conversations with them anymore. After being around the same person all the time for a good length of time, it's hard to get used to not seeing them stand beside you anymore. After sharing so many memories with someone special, it's hard to move forward with your life & act like all of it never happened. After loving someone for as long as you can remember, it's hard to try to get over those feelings & act like they aren't there. I guess that's why, it's hard to leave someone after they've been a part of our lives for so long. -Tony Nguyen.

[withlove-jlyn]

About to board the greyhound bus for Gainesville then headed to ATL to meet up with my sisters. Arriving home on Monday and then in less than 2 weeks I'll be on the plane to Texas to start my own adventure into the unknown. 

[withlove-jlyn]

20 Days left.

My friend left today and she'll be back in 10 days. After her arrival I leave 10 days later. I'm hoping these next 20 days go by slowly. 

[withlove-jlyn]

Family.

As each day passes I can't help but think of how close the day I leave is creeping up on me :( My parents mean the world to me. Going home knowing I'm safe and that they're too is comforting, and being far away not knowing if they're is so heart breaking. it's about to be 4:30 and that's the only thing in the back of my mind. 

[withlove-jlyn]

I find it very hard to believe you're happy.

Trust me. You can fool anyone else but me. I've known you far to long to know that you're uncomfortable when others try to change who YOU are. 

[withlove-jlyn]

As planned.

If things go as planned. I will be leaving a month from today. 

I'm afraid of the unknown, I'm afraid that I won't be able to see familiar faces and to top that off I'm afraid to leave my immediate family behind and my best friend.Other than that, I'm ready to take a step forward to better my future. 

A friend once told me "Do what makes you happy. It may not be what's comfortable, but try it. Don't give up too fast if you decide to go. Stick with the purpose of your stay, get what you came for and leave if you wish. Home will always be Pensacola for us both."

It slowly dawned on me how much I love this place. No matter how small it is, no matter how boring it is, no matter how long I've been here, and no matter how many ratchet ass people I've came across, Pensacola has and will always be my home.

I'm not ready to say good bye to my family for 9 months to a year and a half. (Not sure how long this will be) but I know one things for sure. I'll be back. :) 

[withlove-jlyn]

Content.

I'm content being alone. There are times when I think "I wonder how it would be to be in a relationship." but that doesn't cross my mind often because I'm afraid that not only will they disappoint me but I'll disappoint them. 

It's funny there is this guy that has been showing interest but I shy away because I'm afraid that I won't be good enough for him, that the people we know will mess it up for us, and that maybe there is better guys out there, that won't text and flirt with you and other girls. 

When he comes along. I pray he is faithful and committed to our relationship and that he doesn't have any other side girls he is talking to. I want someone who gets along with my family and vice versa. Family and Goal Oriented and that can take care of his own rather than I being the provider. 

one day. maybe one day.