witter88

[witter88]

The longer I follow BTS, the more I understand why ARMYs are hesitant to criticize them and/or Hybe, and sometimes even reactive when others do. This morning, I woke up to a Hybe merch release photo that used something that at least looks like a teepee as a prop, which obviously didn't sit right for cultural appropriation reasons. It's cultural appropriation when you use elements of other cultures (especially widely oppressed and disrespected cultures) to accessorize, or look cool, or help sell something.

In normal circumstances, when someone does something that you find offensive, you bring their attention to it and explain why it bothers you, and maybe you try to spread awareness to peers as well-- basically, you're vocal. That's the best thing for everyone-- the people who are directly impacted have their voices amplified and supported, and everyone else, including the person/organization responsible for the offense, learns and does better.

Today, I noticed a reluctance in myself. I very much want Hybe to do better and want everyone to take CA more seriously. But, momentarily, I wondered if I should draw too much attention to a mistake that Hybe made, that could be connected with BTS. That's a dangerous, deeply problematic attitude to have, and it didn't stop me from speaking up in the end. (Well, I tweeted... we can discuss whether that means anything another time. This is a different issue.) But when you have been around long enough to notice the racism and general hostility that is directed towards BTS all of the time, you start to anticipate bad faith articles, bad faith late night jokes, bad faith media attention generally, and it can make a part of your brain want to hide wrongdoing rather than push to make it right, or to do what you can to stop it from happening again. You know you're not operating in a healthy system anymore. It doesn't always feel like criticism is safe, and you certainly don't want to expose a group you care about to cynical, opportunistic, and antagonistic forces.

That's a privileged position to be in, I know-- you're more likely to have the impulse to hide something when it didn't directly hurt you, and teepees are not part of my culture. I am not letting that instinct slide-- I'll be keeping an eye on it. Further, it's not really a helpful attitude. I would not want people to ever stop telling me if I was doing harm. The point is to grow, and to help those we care about and are invested in grow, too. Or at least, give them a chance to. What Hybe does with feedback is another matter.

Today, the issue may have involved the label more than the band. Still, a group I care about can be unfairly targeted for all sorts of things without being perfectly innocent 100% of the time. No one is perfectly innocent 100% of the time. To me, if you care about something deeply, you allow yourself to see the good and the bad, you praise the good, and you try to give feedback on the bad. Still, I cringe as I imagine the deeply hypocritical and xenophobic articles American outlets could write on the subject. TL;DR: I'm tired.

[witter88]

I spoke to a freelance writer family friend (my father's ex, but moving on) the other day who insisted that I would be the perfect applicant for a job in medical writing (because of the school I went to and my BS in cognitive neuroscience/experimental psychology) while I figure out what else I might want to pursue. She said I'd be able to get a job without any training or special preparation, that I'd be an obvious hire. After digging a little, though, it really seems like most folks in medical writing have either 1) significantly more writing experience than I do or 2) an advanced degree, like an MD or PhD. And now I'm in a familiar place, which is wondering about whether she was mistaken or I am discounting myself too soon.

Sometimes I think people conflate "ability to do a job" with "ability to be hired for that job," but in my experience it has always been harder to get jobs than to do them, even to excel in them. Is this relatable at all?

[witter88]

Today's 1000 word writing exercise ended up being 4000 words on why my best friend should break up with her boyfriend.

[witter88]

BTS inspired me to become a writer

Despite being surrounded by kpop in college (dance groups, stan classmates, etc.), I didn't learn much about any group until September 2020. And then, it was all at once. My YouTube algorithm showed me the BTS "ON" performance at Grand Central Station, and it was over.

In the last year or so, I have passed through many stages: I noticed BTS's dancing, and their stage presence. I started to tell their voices apart, and appreciate them individually. I read lyric translations and connected with many of their messages. I cried watching a live performance of "The Truth Untold." And then I started looking up some of their interviews, even lives. They are all so passionate and encouraging, each interested in so many different things and engaged in developing and nurturing both their skills and their relationships. Of course, not every member has the same things going on. But overall, many attitudes I see in the members seem healthy, even aspirational, to me.

I feel like I might be older than the target audience when they are trying to tell (young? teenage?) people to reject external (even familial) pressures and follow their dreams, if they have them. But maybe that's my own shame or projection regarding my age-- whether they mean for it or not, their work certainly still applies to me.

BTS members may each be one in a billion. I know when successful people say, "follow your dreams, never give up, everything you work for will come true," we're hearing from a severely skewed sample. But since we only have one chance at life, why not make it interesting, try to do something exciting, worthwhile, good? Like BTS?

[witter88]

What I'm Doing to Become a Writer

I don't know what I'm doing! But I know I have to start trying things and keep it up until something works. So, in the first week of my pursuit of this new career dream, here's what I'm up to (please keep in mind that I am currently unemployed):

1. I am writing every day, at least 1,000 words a day. I know the number seems arbitrary, and I think it probably is. But it's a sizable chunk, a good deal of (minimum) time to be focusing on this skill, so I've adopted the ritual after seeing it on a bunch of "how to improve your writing" listicles. And now I'm regurgitating the same advice. Quality content.

2. I am consuming "how to write" videos and classes online. Right now, I'm into MasterClass. I've glanced at the Coursera offerings, and might try that next. After I exhaust my free and relatively less expensive options, I may look into more formal classes.

3. I am reading a lot. And the more I practice writing, and learn from the videos I'm watching, the more I notice in the books I read. And the more ideas I have. I made a syllabus for myself to help keep up with it. The syllabus runs through the end of 2023. It consists entirely of unread books I already own.

4. I keep a list of writing ideas as they come to me so when I do sit down to write, I never have an excuse not to work on something.

5. I made a Medium account. I can't say that's something I'm currently doing, because I'm scared to post anything under my full name, but I'm trying to work up the nerve. I did personalize the colors in my profile, not that I can honestly consider that a start.

6. I'm going to try to add to this blog nearly every day-- at least, as long as I have new ideas and developments. This goal might change-- I have no real concept of how heavy a lift it would be. But, yeah. This blog.

7. I'm journaling every night. The more I write, the better, right? So I'm keeping up the habit, and recording this phase of my life, and venting frustrations, insecurities, and worries. And gossiping about my friends and their problems with my future self.

8. I had an informational interview with a family friend today, and am trying to muster up the motivation to reach out (cold) to people in my college's alumni network who might be generous enough to talk over the phone. I hate sending out these requests, but here we are.

9. I am thinking about (and browsing for) day jobs I could get while I develop my writing abilities. I'm hoping to find pretty much anything that's remote, offers insurance, and is writing-related, ideally. Really, I'll take anything that has the first two.

This is it, so far. In one week, I believe I've progressed just enough to have gained a deeper and more nerve-wracking understanding of how badly I need to improve. But that's just a part of the journey.

[witter88]

An Introduction: Changing Careers in Your Twenties

Hello. My name is Amelia, I'm 25, and I've recently decided to become some sort of writer. My background is in experimental psychology, and I'm not currently especially good at writing, so all of this is a bit of a jump. But after over 6 months of intentional unemployment (and one very useful self-help book called I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher with Barbara Smith) (also a few therapy sessions that were, in this case, entirely unhelpful) (but remnants from therapy a few years ago that continue to pay dividends), I've settled on a goal, albeit a vague one.

My close friends have all known what they wanted to do since early college, at the latest. I have always been someone who just didn't know, who would go to career fairs and set up informational interviews and try to do my own research, but ended up drifting down the path of least resistance for years. I was unable to feel any sort of spark or pull. And I was worried I was going to keep investing time and energy into a career/field I knew I did not like (academia), until I felt too bought-in to leave. So, thanks to incredibly fortunate circumstances, I quit my job to spend some time really diving into my hobbies and relationships, hoping that through taking care of my whole self, I might reconnect with a part of myself that knows what I'm really drawn to.

It's been almost 7 months now, and my plan seems to be working. I've started to envision myself as a writer, and I'm motivated to pursue a career in writing. I loved writing as a kid and have loved it ever since. I have always looked for jobs that are as reading and writing-heavy as possible. I love learning new things and trying to find ways to explain or communicate them efficiently. Writing is an activity that can use your whole brain, where all of your thoughtfulness is rewarded. It's a place to be creative. It's a skill that can always be developed further. I believe it is useful to the world, in nearly any form it takes. And it is something I desperately need to improve on, if I want to find work. I am excited by a challenge.

My barriers are (at least) twofold: as I've mentioned, I'm not that good at writing. I have significant work to do. Second, I don't know how to navigate the beginning of a career in writing. I would know what to do if I was still hoping to be a professor of psychology, but all of that information stored in my brain is useless now (unless, by chance, anyone ever reads this, is just starting out, and happens to want to become a professor of psychology-- if that's you, please feel free to reach out). I have no professional experience writing and don't really have any relevant references. I feel like I am starting from scratch.

I've created this account largely as a diary, so I can document a process that I think is going to come with a lot of change, reversed plans, and growth. I want to record some of the silly naïveté I must carry-- high school yearbook-style. I also kind of want to desensitize myself to "publishing" things even when nothing is perfect (or even good, yet). But, in the very unlikely event that someone in a similar situation stumbles onto this, maybe it could be helpful? Can we commiserate, at least? They say that no one in their twenties knows what they're doing, but I'm not sure I know anyone who doesn't. I would love to connect with other folks who are just figuring it out.