wodbrew

[wodbrew]

[wodbrew]

you: wait, babe… we can’t fuck yet… you aren’t wearing protection…

your vampire lover: protection? what do you mean prote- oh ok so fuck you first of all

you, holding these:

[wodbrew]

Basically how you account for the power imbalance the Ventrue have over the Toreador.

[wodbrew]

“Eating vampires older than you corrupts your humanity” is a ludicrous deception spread by Big Camarilla so we don’t find out those wretched and tyrannical bastards are delicious meals with names and addresses

[wodbrew]

The Clans: Should You Diablerize Them?

Ventrue: What part of EAT THE RICH don’t you understand? 

Malkavian: What. No. Do you want crazy? Because this is how you get crazy.

Gangrel: The only reason to diablerize a Gangrel is because you want to talk to dogs. And that is valid.

Nosferatu: It turns out, ugly IS catching. 

Toreador: Yes, but they’ll probably say something pretentious while you do it and you’ll get an STD. 

Tremare: Yes. Do it. They have it coming. 

Brujah: Side effects may include: excessive wassailing, public drunkenness, and an appreciation for poetry.

Tzmisce: Ask yourself. Is Vicissitude really worth eating that? You don’t know where it’s been.

Giovanni: Giovanni are like potato chips, you can’t eat just one. Because their relatives will keep coming after you and it becomes a whole thing. Unlike potato chips, they’re just gross. 

Followers of Set: Look. Not only should you diablerize a follower of Set, it should be on the top of your priority list. One, it serves the smug bastards right, and two, who wouldn’t want to turn into a giant snake?

LaSombra: Bold of you to assume this wasn’t their plan all along.

Assamite: The Assamite will eat you, and it will be your own fault for trying this. 

Salubri: Sure, physically, you could eat a Salubri. But emotionally? Imagine the cost. 

Caitiff: …Now you’re just being mean. 

[wodbrew]

How did vampires even figure out they could walk on walls and ceilings??? Imagine the first one just casually walking, then suddenly he's on the wall like, 'Whoa, hold up! We can do this?!'

[wodbrew]

[wodbrew]

If you want to have American vampires who fought in the losing side of a historical war, it would be very funny and a lot more interesting if they were survivors of the Whiskey Rebellion.

[wodbrew]

my VtM larp history is like "there are three genders and they're all Tzimisce"

[wodbrew]

[wodbrew]

vtm gimmick blog ideas

high-humanity-reminders ("reminder that you are not your Beast" and "reminder that killing is bad, and you should feel bad when you do it" sort of thing)

vtm-reminders ("have you made your rouse check this evening" and "have you fed lately" sort of thing)

spc-generator (posts premades/random combos, allows asks for random spcs/custom-built spcs/random details about spcs)

i-suggest-diablerie (exactly what it says on the tin)

i-sssuggessst-diablerie (as above, but more obviously a minister)

how-many-nosferatu (spotting nosferatu in posts... with auspex. always answers with "at least one", possibly more depending on how many are actually out of obfuscate)

your-vamp-is-valid ("vampires [of X predator type] are valid" sort of thing, can take requests)

will-the-beast-win (poll blog)

days-til-gehenna (don't do this)

has-gehenna-happened-yet (every post is "no")

canyou-usethisdiscipline (poll blog, disciplines and powers)

vtm-hunting-simulator (people send asks with their predator type and dietary restrictions and gets an answer with what happens)

days-since-masquerade-breach (counter for how long tumblr goes without a masquerade breach)

tag-the-vtm-oc-who (calls to tag vtm ocs who have certain traits/have done certain things)

[wodbrew]

Every time I see somebody’s sexy vampire design I want to make the most pathetic, normal looking “I didn’t ask for this” milksop not because I don’t like sexy vampires because there needs to be balance.

Steve the accountant the vampire (no idea on clan), in his 40s when everybody else is forever 20 something, absolutely horrified by elders potentially breaking the masquerade simply by never filing taxes.

[wodbrew]

We should stop using FtM and MtF because it remembers the binary and we should start using VtM because there’s nothing more trans than a vampire masquerading

[wodbrew]

D&D Concept: The Sword in the Tarrasque

Absolute Monarchies can be tricky things, unless you happen to have a One True King, preferably with a magic sword that’s a good judge of character. Fortunately, our kingdom has one of those. Or, well. Had. The King’s Sword turns things to stone. It’ll turn you to stone too, if you try to use it without being the One True King. Most folks let go of it fast enough that it’s reversible. And yes, Wizards have been debating for decades about how exactly it knows, with everything from reincarnation to recessive traits to sentient metal being thrown around. The result is that we’ve had centuries of great kings, with the occasional bad apple when someone hides the sword or drops it in a lake. For the record, we didn’t lose the sword this time, we know exactly where it is.

A stone Tarrasque.

The last One True King used it to fight a Tarrasque that was threatening the capitol, about sixty years ago. See that hill over there? It’s not a hill. We tried all the obvious things to get it back. But it turns out that stone Tarrasques are just as durable as regular ones, so trying to break it up will just break your hammer. And, here’s the thing: the Wizards are pretty sure the Tarrasque is still alive in there.

So yeah, we're going to be stuck with normal rulers for a while.

One more thing, in case you get any bright ideas: the Sword is stabbed into the roof of the Tarrasque’s mouth.

[wodbrew]

Excellent, in-depth intro to Ghouls!

Hunter the Parenting is always great.

AAHHHH, An Audiolog? Feature KITTEN and Big-D AGAIN? THIS TIME with a specific TOPIC?

[wodbrew]

🦇stevethevamp1re Follow

Okay but what if our ancestors lied to us, like come on, how bad can garlic be? I will conduct an experiment brb I'll keep you guys updated

🦇stevethevamp1re Follow

Hopital

[wodbrew]

Put neck in vampire mouth. Put neck in vampire mouth. Vampire mouth perfec t size to put neck in to rest! inside very soft and comfort neck feel comfortable put neck in vampire mouth. put neck in vampire mouth. no problems ever in vampire mouth because good shape and support for neck. avampire mouth yes a place for neck put neck in vampire mouth can trust vampire for giveing good love to neck. friend vampire.