words-that-never-get-out

[words-that-never-get-out]

Every family has a myth for the young to inherit – an undocumented fable passed between mouths, a grave illness to be contracted – as if the very words were a blight to infect the youth with and let them know they’re now welcome to the fold. After all, what exactly is a family, if not a brotherhood and sisterhood afflicted with the same terminal disease?

- Eric LaRocca, from Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke.

[words-that-never-get-out]

#real

[words-that-never-get-out]

won’t you comfort me? take the fear i don’t need

starting line, lh.

[words-that-never-get-out]

You live your youth

As I waste mine

Calling my friends

That have no time

Your dreams came true

And I have none

No happy ending

For me to come

[words-that-never-get-out]

No, you don’t really know me.

You can know

The way I walk,

The way I talk,

The way I tie my shoes,

Or the way I like my coffee,

But you don’t know

The way I see the world

Or the way I see myself

Or how loud the thoughts in my head can be.

No, you don’t know me.

You can never know

What a person won’t show.

[words-that-never-get-out]

a coward in my cocoon, i’d do anything to stay here:

my wings crumbled before they could ever touch air//

i am always suspended above the ground—

the dark is there, but it cannot reach me,

and neither can the light and neither can the light

[words-that-never-get-out]

Ask me tomorrow again.

I dream of a world that I can accept as it is.

My eyes can see what you see

My mind can understand how you feel

But right now my brain cannot comprehend or sort in any of it

I want to be a number greater than zero

It’s my first step to be greater than infinity

Maybe If I take a step backwards

I can start running forwards

When I convey my feelings

I want to do so with shoulders full of pride

And no fear in sight

A loud and clear voice with

Words that are on point

Maybe I can snap my fingers

And start a project only to finish it.

Yes

I want to finish things that I started

Not stopped by my self critique

But the most unrealistic dream I have:

I want to spend wisely

But still give plenty

Maybe one day….

[words-that-never-get-out]

I would remember…

Golden was there since the beginning of time. Living everyday like it's the first.

Silver was there too, living through countless lives never forgetting a day that has passed. 

Golden never remembers Silver and yet Silver always came back to her. 

It's like the sun and the moon. 

The golden sun comes out fresh and new every day, looking like the day before, shining bright. 

The silver moon on the other hand is always there. Sometimes you can't see him, but he's there, lingering in the sky waiting for the sun to shine upon him. 

Even after a few weeks together in their new life it's still the same as always. The neverending cycle of remembering and forgetting, a few thousand years and things never change. They never will.  

Silver remembers, only for Golden to forget. 

It has always been that way. 

One evening after dinner something rare happened. Because for the first time in many years Golden feels like she remembered something. 

Just them. Together. On the roof.

 Moonlight and stars shining so bright that they could be mistaken for the sun or maybe... Just maybe it was Silvers smile. 

"You're so quiet suddenly. Did something happen?", Silver asked without looking in Goldens direction. 

"You know...

I don't know much and the one thing I do know for certain is that I tend to forget... 

But just now I saw you smile and I had this feeling that I met you before.

I know it seems stupid, because I remember that we've met for the first time today, but there is something about you that makes me feel like we've been friends before."

It's not like Golden never tried to remember. Especially now her head is searching for an Awnser to the endless seeming riddle about a girl named Silver. 

" ... Wouldn't it be nice to meet someone you've known for forever?" a question asked so quietly that just the two of them can hear. 

It's not like there is someone else near, that could hear it. 

It's just the feeling of *talking so loud that the moon and the stars could listen*, that makes Silver embarrassed. 

" No. It wouldn't be nice. "

"What? Why?" 

A surprised Silver turns to look Golden in the eye.

Why would a person who forgets, not feel the urge to be remembered? 

"It would be so sad to meet someone that knows me... 

If they remember who I am, even when I forgot, I would feel horrible.

They know sides of me that I will never remember.

I can't do the same for them. 

What if I want to thank them for something they did for me and start writing a letter, only to stop halfway because I don't remember why I even started?

What if I say good night like a friend and the next day I won't even say hello... like a stranger ?

If forgetting is a curse, I don't want to know what remembering is.

Wouldn't it be hard for that friend?

The love I would give them today, I can't guarantee that I can give them that same love tomorrow.

Even worse would be, that I wouldn't even remember to love them in the first place.

The only thing that I can guarantee is that I will forget them one way or another. "

I bet it hurts. That's what Golden meant. 

It hurts to be the only one who remembers. 

Before Golden could say more she was cut off by a light chuckle that turned into a loud and heartfull laughter. After Silver calmed down she said:

" Wouldn't that make it even better?

What if your friend doesn't want to be remembered? 

What if they want to feel like they just met you for the first time?

I would certainly be happy to meet some like you every single day.

Even if you don't remember me.

It would feel special to get to know you every day."

 Ah there it is again, thought Golden, that shining smile. 

"I'm not the person I was yesterday and I will definitely not be the person I am today.

I don't know who I will be tomorrow.

Wouldn't it be exhausting to always meet the same new me?" 

"The same goes for people that remember, you know?  We are never the same. Change is inevitable." 

Why were they talking about this anyway? It's not like there is a point to this. Will they have the same conversation tomorrow? 

Lost in their thoughts, they enjoy their time together.

Just them.

Together.

On the roof.

 Moonlight and stars shining so bright that they could be mistaken for the sun or maybe... Just maybe it was Silvers smile. 

Ah.. That smile... If Golden is allowed one wish, it would be to never forget that smile. 

"Do you remember me?", Golden asked

Only for Silver to Awnser :

"I would know, wouldn't I? "

[words-that-never-get-out]

If you don’t speak, maybe the flowers will bloom in front of the cave.

I hope that one day

You will look at me

Eye to eye

And you can grasp

How much I am wounded

by my own anger

I am the calm

Right before I release the storm

Its silent and quiet

and I do my best to go out of my own way

So nobody gets hurt

Don’t be too loud

Or you wake up the monster

I try my best to put it to sleep

Please don’t talk

Please don’t speak

[words-that-never-get-out]

The blind witch who knew too much.

The was once a blind witch who knew too much

She never knew the wrong things

And she always knew the right things

Always at the right time

She had so many belongings

That no human could count them

She had much more cures

Than there were sicknesses

Her Potions were magic

But she gave her magic in portions

People tend to get greedy she said

Greedy for everything

That’s why

If I ever meet someone that wants everything more than anything

I know that he got cursed

Because there was once a blind witch who knew too much

[words-that-never-get-out]

hold my hand?

when you asked me to hold your hand i examined each knuckle, vein, scar watched as it moved memorized the palm, then carefully interlaced our fingers, taking almost too much time, because in my eyes one mistake was the difference between holding and letting go. we walked through flowers skipping through the sun everything was a dream. until one by one the hands were torn by circumstance when you asked me to hold your hand through the flowers, i vowed to hold on through it all. i figured if i walked through your hell, you’d attempt mine with at least holding my pinkie. i’ve never been more

wrong.

[words-that-never-get-out]

Family dinner

I am the odd one out

I am painfully aware of that

Topics cut for your behalf

Only to be uncomfortable how much you take

A cake with so much frosting

That you get sick of it after eating two slices

And still…

When I give you a piece you get greedy for more

When I’m full

You want more

If I don’t have any cake left

You want more

I am painfully aware

That I’m the odd one out

Still you painfully pretend

That I am fitting in

[words-that-never-get-out]

Saturday 6am

Waking up.

The eyes open.

A deep breath.

Slowly making my way out of my fortress made of blankets.

My safe space.

The moon still smiles at me showing me all his teeth.

It’s cold and the hallway feels empty.

The coffee machine is loud.

My favourite cup is still dirty.

The seconds go by.

The crooked clock hands make me feel like I’m stuck in eternity.

My coffee is done and the door opens.

Not for me to walk through.

“Today is a good day.”, you say.

“The usual 6 am?”, you ask.

Now that I know you think of me sometimes,

I’m glad that I like Coffee.