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Update [Lost & Found}

Who wants a chapter four?

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Life update

Hello lovely people, So over the past couple of months or so I haven't been uploading to this blog of mine - writing, let alone being creative in any aspect. Life has just been tough right now; mentally. I'm planning as I have this weekend off to get a little writing done for 'Lost & Found.' as I have yet to post the next chapter. I miss this, I miss you guys. So stay tuned. Sometimes life just gets too hard and you need space from everything. This was one of those times xx

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Lost & Found [Chapter 3]

The New Place I Call Home

A/N: Hey everyone. So my computer was a little bastard and I lost both chapters I worked hard on for both my stories. I’d had to rewrite this morning, so I apologise for this isn’t my finest work but I wanted to get it out there for you all. This chapter is much shorter, I’m sorry - next one will be bigger. How should we introduce in Phil? Unexpected chapter 2 will be out later today - thanks for the love. XXX 

And as soon as I walked through his front door, bags in hand, I knew I'd already taken the first bite.

...

'So this is it.' Dan opened the front door, chauffeuring me inside his apartment.

'Cute.' I muttered unwillingly, taking in the geeky aesthetic that now surrounded my ambiance.

Could be worse.

Taking in the long corridors, and the breathtaking amount of stairs; we ended up at the door to my bedroom.

My eyes locked onto the wooden door frame, my hand gripped onto the handle, but I was too scared to even consider letting myself in. Even though I already walked into his into apartment, did I want a whole slice of the pie? Opening that door, meant that I was okay with this whole scenario, the way Dan got up and left me; our cheap TV drama of a friendship.

Maybe, in fact my mother isn’t that stupendous and made the correct choice.

No, you’re confusing yourself Y/N, this is vexatious.

This is situation is shit, your Mum was a shit for injecting you with yet another toxic scenario. Dammit, why are you being such an unassertive-

‘Y/n? You okay?’ Dan looked at me, frazzled.

‘Huh.’

‘The door.’

‘Oh right.’ Well now you’re gonna have to open it dingus.

As I swung the door, I breathed heavily in, taking in this darker side of the apartment I never thought I’d see.

A black bed, covered in a quilt cover to match, fairy lights delicately placed alongside the frame.

Against one of the walls, an older looking piano, I begin to run my fingers across the cold keys, softly tickling the ivories.

Wirrow art, hanging against the vaguely cracked walls.

A FUCKING BUTT CHAIR.

Maybe it’s a metaphor for how much of an ass Dan was for leaving.

Charming...

Then I see it, in the corner of the room laid a mattress.

And just like clockwork, I all lost hopes of privacy during my stay.  

My feet trembled, as I slowly but surely walked over to the edge of the bedroom. 

Sharing a room with him, for sure you could say my heart was ready to surely and utterly be stabbed again by the love bug. I present to you, The Making of  A Murder,  the demolishing of my heart.

I dropped my bags on the mattress, looking up at Dan.  'So...'

'Welcome to your new room, well my room. ' Dan began to ramble 'It was either in or the lounge, and considering I remembered that you despise the cold air; I just assumed you'd prefer it in here with me. If you don't want to stay in here, I get it, the lounge isn't the best. I just thought this was the best option. I can always take the mattress, I really don't care -'

'Dan, it's fine.'

Insert the 'Narrator:  it was not fine.' moment - girls just gonna have to cope.

'I'll leave you to get settled in.' Dan left, the door closed behind him.

Now what?

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Life update

Yo yo yo,

(yep, I’m never doing that again)

My work life has been super crazy, working a butt tonne of overnights, however I have new chapters for both nearly finished and they will be out wednesday/thursday. So keep an eye out! 

Thank you to everyone who’s been reading and sending me cute ass shit. Remember to send in requests if you have any xoxo

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Unexpected

A/N: Hey everyone, shoutout to for silver-light-heartless the request. I hope you enjoy the tale (let me know if you want it expanded).

Kisses xoxo

...

DANS POV/

Grasping the handle of the doors knocking mechanism, I thumped it three times onto the wood.

1, 2, 3.

And now we wait.

I never really assumed Phil would invite me over; it just seemed ridiculous of him to even think of such a thing. Yet then again, he always drove me up the wall and convinced me to make idiotic choices.

You could probably say, joining the Lester’s for dinner was one of those shitty decisions. Encountering small talk, the fear of being constantly judged by others, coupled with the anxiety of inedible food.

A trembling wave of fear crashed over my body, a sickness brewed internally within me (yes I’m saying I wanted to vomit, let me be articulate) - ‘AH DANIEL. Hello, hello come in.’

Phil’s Mum opened the door. Perfect timing.

As I encountered his mother for the first time, I didn’t expect anything different. Short, brown haired bob, genuine bubbliness - wrapped in eleganza.

‘You can call me Dan.’ I glimpsed back at her awkwardly grinning - stop smiling, you look ridiculous - stay true to your aesthetic. Unwillingly, she just nodded back with a forced smile ‘Sure, Dan. Come along now.’ Great start.

Wandering down the hallway, my eyes scanned the walls chaotically layered in family photos. I began to think that possibly it wasn’t as bad I played it out to be in my head. I knew deep down I was wrong, but hey ‘positive vibes’.

[Please excuse me, as I forcefully gag myself for saying that..]

‘Everyones just through here.’ Chimed Mrs Lester, as she guided me into the living room; Phil locked eyes with me and waved, his essence made the situation slightly more comforting - even though I was feeling off. A true best friend.

Placing my body into the cosiness of their lounge, I went through the quick hellos with everyone - followed by Mr and Mrs Lester asking if I’d like an alcoholic beverage (well insinuating that I should have one); thus agreeing to it. So whilst my beverage was being retrieved from the innards of the refrigerator, the discomfort of small talk began.

‘How’s YouTube Daniel? I’m sure you’re doing swimmingly, being a charming and relatable fellow like our Philip.’ Mr Lester smiled after his statement, followed by a sip of his beer.

‘I don’t know how, but I am doing well; it’s funny how the internet approves of my character.’ I replied humbly.

‘Dan, you’re hilarious, Emma thinks so too.’ Phil added in response.

Emma.

I’d never met Phil’s sister, I was just curious about her. She was mentioned every so often - a literary genius Phil called her. All I knew, was that she studied dramatic arts; writing scripts for the world to one day witness.

‘When is she even getting here?’ Phil’s dad retorted.

‘She’s nearly here hon, two minutes tops.’ Mrs Lester strutted straight back into the lounge, handing me my beverage then sitting alongside her husband.

'Better be, I'm starving.'

And just like that, as soon as his phrase was finished; the front door opened, keys jingling alongside it - enters Emma.   

‘I know, I know, I am not on time. However in my defence, a queen is never late, everyone else is just simply early.' She giggled. 'Still quoting the Princess Diaries, aye?' Phil asked.

'Well until they make something better, I guess so.' She glanced over at me and smiled. 'And I am assuming you're Daniel?'

'Dan.' I corrected her.

Damn, I'd do more than just that to her anyday.

Her body, curvy. Her eyes, hazel. Her smile, gorgeous. Her hair, a brown silky river that flowed down her back. Her aesthetic, pleasing. Never in my right mind had my eyes glued onto a figure so quickly.

Obviously it's not appropriate to be find my best friends sister attractive so soon, regardless I did and it was going to be a problem for future Dan to deal with. At this moment, I just wanted to enjoy the view right in front of me.

And that view was precious.

...

After a few minutes of silence, it was broken.

'Lets eat, shall we?' Mrs Lester rose from the velvet sofa and pointed her hand towards the dining room.

My appetite was increasing, but I knew what I was craving. Emma was hotter than the dominos I was eating last night, and fuck I want every slice of her.

'Lets eat.'

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Requests

Hope everyones having a beautiful day/evening/afternoon; I am wanting to do requests alongside my weekly continuation of Lost & Found - if you have anything you want me to write about phan related, send me a cheeky message and I’ll get cracking. Kisses xoxo 

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Lost & Found [Chapter 2]

The Desire

...

After abruptly kissing her on the cheek, I exited the vehicle, along with my luggage. Subsequently watching my Mum drive away for the last time, I turned around and began to walk to his front door.

Here we go again...

...

I couldn't do this. Standing upright, staring at his door, my fingers lingered to touch the buzzer and alert him of my presence. However, I was frozen. Normal people would chuck an Elsa and 'let it go', but this was different; I hadn't seen the guy in three years, I changed.

This was a horrible idea, I can't go in there and pretend like everything's plain vanilla. I don't need him in my life. Maybe I should just call that nutter of an Aunt and stay with her. At least then there isn't an awkward beginning of fake 'I missed you's' and the forceful constant bland conversation of  what I've been doing, or how I am etc.; since we've last spoken.

Mum's idea of sending me here was complete bullshit. Even trying to comprehend the fact that she asked Dan for me to stay with him for a while seems gut wrenching.

Quivering with disgust, my feet rotate, turning my body 360 degrees and away from the black patent door.

Hands now locked around my bags, I take five steps forwards.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

'Y/N?'

Shit.

My chest tightens, my heart races faster than a V8. I feel these wrinkles beginning to format abstractly on my forehead; my face feeling slightly Picasso shaped. These eyes of mine, twitching.

Instantaneously, I drop my bags on the wet concrete. You're too late now.

Fuck, I was.

It can't get any worse than this. This is Dan, your best friend.

He's not just my best friend though...

There is something holding me back from turning around.

I am scared.

Scared of seeing him, falling for him again, to be torn apart for a second period.

You have to say something.

I have no choice, however I won't face him.

I stay facing away from door, with only one small word managing to escape my lips. 'Howell.'

His feet begin to exit his household, moving closer towards me. I quake as I endure Dan's arm snaking around my waist. 'I've missed you.' he whispers. Bullshit. It may of been, but with a voice like his, anything sounded meaningful and lust worthy.

His touch was still as heavenly as ever, his fingers knew how to paint the perfect picture on my tummy. A scent of peppermint and musk were tattooed to his clothes, pulling me closer to craving him once more.

You bitch.

'I missed you too.' I whisper, while slowly I move the hands that have been at my sides this whole time to intertwine them with his. Knock, knock? Who's there? A Dan? A Dan who? A Dan who's confusing the fuck out of you and you haven't even entered the door yet.

Honestly I was pissed at him, but there was that aura about him. As soon as I smelt his odor, his hand upon me, like a flash I was handcuffed into a state of becoming submissive and dependent, not the girl I usually was; strong, dominate, most importantly independent.

'Come in, please Y/N.' The six foot three beauty turned me round to face him; and my goodness, I couldn't help but marvel at what I was seeing. Those chocolate brown eyes, his blissfully dark essence that was strongly paired with his black attire. Dan's mane of godlike hair was rough, yet flowed, perfectly framing his face. Man, you got cute.

I knew the second period was upon me, but I couldn't help it. He was like a untouched chocolate cake,  knowing you shouldn't, but you still are tempted to take a slice.

'How could ever say no to you...' Sad thing was even after all these years apart, I couldn't.  

Maybe Mary Antoinette was right, let them eat cake. Nonetheless, my cake was poison to me, it was Dan Howell the most tantalizing of them all. Sweet, but dangerous. Anyhow, even in spite of that, I still wanted it all.

And as soon as I walked through his front door, bags in hand, I knew I'd already taken the first bite.

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Lost & Found [Chapter 1]

The Beginning

The soothing sound of Matthew Bellamy electrified my ears through my headphones, calming my insides; his sheer voice guided me to a place of comfort and security.  "This ship is taking me far away, far away from the memories, of the people who care if I live or die." I lay on the mattress, in nothing but my pajamas. My white ceiling is covered in photographs of places I want to visit, live even. One day I will escape the hell hole and find myself a new place to call 'home'.

Saturday mornings are always the same. Gloomy and boring. Mostly consisting of Tumblr and not removing my body from bed.  I'm always procrastinating, never doing homework. There's no point really.

Today Mum's taking me somewhere. I had no idea where, but she said it was going to be fun. I swear it better not be a day of mother/daughter bonding. However, I don't think the suitcase she made me pack earlier is required for that.

'Y/N! Get your ass out of bed! We need to be gone in 30 minutes.' Cheers mother for the kind awakening.  Pulling my headphones out of my ears, I begin to stumble over to the other side of my pathetic looking bedroom.

I look in my closet, trying to find an artistic piece that reflects how I feel today.

- Over everything -

Black it is then.

I strip down to nothing, change my underwear; and then begin to look for an outfit. I pull out a loose fitted black shirt, pairing it with a ripped black jeans, and my black studded Doc Martens. Could I get any more black? Probably...

Grabbing out my makeup bag, I apply minimal face makeup; mainly focusing on my eyes, I make them smokey and create a bold wing with the eyeliner. My dark purple lipstick accompanies this, giving it a slightly grungier look.  My hair I never worry about, it's naturally wavy; I'm one for bed hair. I place my favourite Muse beanie on top of my head and make my way out of the door, without having breakfast.

...

'So where are we even going?' My eyes aren't even giving my mother the slightest attention, they're more focused on the rain that's hitting the glass windows of this shitty Corolla my parents own.

We'd been driving for about forty minutes, and I still had no idea where I was heading.

'It's a surprise.'

I fucking hate surprises.

'I swear to God if we're going to Grandma's retirement village, I'll-'

'If we're going there, I would've packed the flask.' She grins cheekily and starts laughing hysterically. Bloody hell... Chris Rock everybody.

'What are we even going then? Seriously Mum cut the crap.' I look at her; both of her eyes glued to the road ahead of her. That dark brown hair curling, slightly framing her frale face. Her neck crooked, at the tone of my voice. She was gonna spill.

'Well, you remember your old friend...' No. This can't be happening.

'Who are you talking about?' I know who she's talking about.

'Dan, Y/N.' Her voice was calm, unlike mine.

She didn't know Dan and I lost contact as soon as he moved away from our neighbourhood. My mum never knew about the raging crush, the one I had on him when I was 14 years old; those stupid diary entries I wrote everyday... So many freaking words, now locked away in my bedroom draw; never to see the light of day again. I was pathetic, much to say I looked the part too.

I've changed; I lost weight, started caring what I looked like, how others perceived me... I forgot about him... However, my Mum just thought it'd be okay to bring back the poison and sting me one more time.

This can't be happening.  

'What about Dan, Mother?' It even hurt saying his name.

'You'll be staying with him for a while. Your father and I are going to Australia for business-'

'YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS!' NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. You bet, I cut her off.

'Look, it was either him, or your Aunt Judith. You're only 17, and as responsible as you are; you can't look after yourself for a whole three months... Dan's 20, and lives with his flatmate. He kindly offered, as they have a spare room. Take it, or I can turn this car around to your crazy Aunts. Your choice.'

I guess I'd have to suck it up.  'Fine.' I murmured.  

...

Ten minutes later the car came to a halt outside his house. I was freaking out to say the least.

'Call me if you need anything, you have your credit card for emergencies and please-'

'I know Mum, be on my best behaviour. I got this. Adios.'  I don't 'got this'.

After abruptly kissing her on the cheek, I exited the vehicle, along with my luggage. Subsequently watching my Mum drive away for the last time, I turned around and began to walk to his front door.

Here we go again...

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Lost & Found

A/N - A while back I was posting my stuff on wattpad and I thought I’d transfer it over to tumblr; if you’d like me to continue the journey of Y/N & Dan be sure to let me know xo

____________________________________________________

[blurb] When Y/N's parents are forced to go on a business trip, she ends up at the doorstep of her kryptonite.

Prologue

Two Years Ago....

Outside the window, rain trickles against the glass, slowly rolling downwards. I am sprawled across the mattress, trying to focus on the empty page before me. I glance over at Dan, he is curled up in the corner of the bedroom; he quickly turns the page of the Stephen King novel that he seemed so engrossed in.

I am so distracted by him: his brunette hair, the colour of dark chocolate, green eyes you could get lost in. Dan’s soft pale skin, those dimples; holy shit.

A small sigh escapes my mouth; of course he stops what he’s doing. ‘What’s up?’

‘I have nothing to write about.’ Excuses, excuses. You were checking him out, weren’t you?

I couldn’t deny it.

‘I am a highly important topic, write about how breathtaking I am.’ Dan chuckles; his sarcastic sense of humor is somewhat exasperating, but you can’t not love him for it.  

‘I’d rather write about something people actually want to read.’ I scoff back at him playfully. He pulls a phony shocked expression, dramatically shaping his lips into an O shape; his eyes widen, almost comic like. A minute of laughter passed, Dan returns to his story.

Turning back to the bare page, my mouth groans a noise of frustration. You could say I am one of those nerdy idiots who likes dramatic arts and breathes Shakespeare. The thought of finding true love and ones desirable happiness is all I seemed to write about; I am quite the romantic, though I don’t like to show it much.  My insides are like a bowl of Weetabix that have been left in milk for too long; I am complete mush.

Little does Dan know, every sheet of paper attached to this book is just filled with words, poems, and phrases; all revolving around him. He is my topic and always has been. I trace my way back to the first page of the diary. Silently reading each word, it brings back the memories of when I began falling head over heels for him.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be in the arms of the person you love? To be held in such a way that is so indescribable. Do you ever just look at someone and you instantly know that they are the one you want to be with for eternity?  And when they look at you, there is that immediate rush of emotions. Their eyes, that smile; just all of it. Perfection in your eyes.

This person isn’t just anyone off the street, this is no celebrity; this person is your friend. Okay, your best friend… You can’t say anything anyway; your friendship with them is already good enough. You can’t ruin it. Even though everything about them makes you feel emotions you have never felt before; the tingling sensation every time they lay their eyes on you. Butterflies in your stomach; making your heart beat a million times a second. The way they flick their hair. Their laugh. This person is the one that lights you up when you’re feeling down.

You know they will never want you, but you love the strange feeling of loving someone who will never love you back.”  I close my journal, and placed it carefully beside me. I wipe my eyes and turn to look at Dan. Still reading, and as handsome as ever. I, on the otherhand, was acne covered and overweight.

I was stuck in the friendzone and there was no way out of it.

Quit dreaming and move on.

And so I did.