writing-freedom-aka-death - Tumblr blog

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i feel dirty for missing you

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Ok. I need to vent. This blog has essentially just become my writing journal. This might be a little triggering and possibly 18+

**This is your last warning to scroll past**

**TRIGGER WARNING**

I don't know how to put the read more thing in.

So you might not know but my family is very abusive. I quit talking to them about a year ago (other than wishing them happy birthday.) I stopped talking to them after my mother tried to manipulate me and isolate me by getting me to stop dating my gf at the time (she's my wife now). My dad would grope and molest me and try to do it to any friends I brought over to the house when I was a kid. I have repressed memories but I think he may have done more when I was much younger. When I was talking to them I was too scared to come out as fully trans so I came out as nonbinary, they were very unsupportive other than some joking style things. My wife borrowed a book from them and it got soda spilled all over it and was essentially ruined. I promised I'd replace the book when I had the money. I went to grab some of my important documents and my baby brother held a sword to my throat (not a fake sword. A real steel sword, razor sharp.) He said if it had been my wife he would have killed her and that was the last straw so I left them a note informing them I didn't want any contact with them and that I was marrying my wife and that I was a trans man. Right after I left the note my mother stalked me and left a note on my wife's car and a bag of things I'd forgotten (I didn't want them) the note said she still loved me and hoped I'd come to my senses.

It's been a year. Despite telling them I didn't want them to contact me they somehow got my new address and sent me a package (yet again with stuff I didn't want but they thought I'd forgotten). My mother moved to Buffalo, New York. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with her. Well my mother and father showed up at my apartment. My wife answered the door because I was in the other room but I heard my mother's voice and it threw me into a ptsd flashback filled panic attack. I got to take the day off work before this happened due to overstaffing and I'm really glad but I'm still struggling today.

If anyone has any ideas for some coping mechanisms I really need some that are healthy. I've been smoking a lot of weed and trying really hard not to relapse and self harm again. Journalling might become a more regular thing for me.

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You don’t have an Angel or a Devil on your shoulder. You have an Angry Viking and 50’s House Wife.

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Unfortunately for me it was both.

I firmly believe what ever you're obsessed with at 11/12 years old becomes a core part of who you are, regardless if you lose interest in it or not. Maybe some of you were lucky and were obsessed with warrior cats or smth, and if you're real unlucky it was probably twilight.

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Kellyanne Conway just fucking leaked her 16 year old daughter’s nudes on twitter.

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I got another painting done! It's a little eggplant to go with my peach!

🍆🍆🍆

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My latest acrylic painting. I really like it 😊 it's a peach! 🍑 the song under it is part of the inspiration also I just like how they look, even if I can't eat them. I hope you guys like it too!

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My girlfriend's cosplay group just dropped a cosplay music video! Go enjoy it!

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Ever been so broke that you’ve considered selling nudes? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now.

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That moment when you realize that you started smoking at 4:20

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All we are is a generation struggling to survive the empty void in our chests

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