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[xiaosorbet]

i think i have lost the ability to write !!! 😜

[xiaosorbet]

thinking offffff waking up with kaveh

waking up seeing the sunshine on his face, his lips parted and a thin line of drool trailing from the corner. it's gross and cute and shows you how comfortably he sleeps when you're in bed with him. blonde hair in complete disarray; you can't see where it parts and there are tendrils poking out every which way like ivy crawling up one of his designs. he moves a lot, whether awake or asleep. arms splayed out so chaotically that you're almost certain he could've hit you in your sleep.

he looks like a total mess. he always is, almost always does, but here, now, he also looks completely at peace. it's the only mess he'd allow you to see without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. it's like he's a young boy again, blissfully unaware of how he looks with his hair and body all rumpled with the sheets in which he lay. and you're the only one who gets to see it.

he says himself that he's a mess. but you love him for all of it, from his whirlwind projects and hectic all-nighters to this beautifully boyish display of absolute comfort with you.

[xiaosorbet]

doing breakup prompts with my fav characters (cause i <3 angst)

maki + “it’s not fair to keep dragging this on” (maki zenin x gn!reader)

multifandom era??? i couldn't be bothered to write for genshin then i remembered i can literally write about anything i want LMFAO also first post of 2024 🥳 i'm alive! (wc. 1.5k)

the rain was coming down hard outside, and it wasn’t helping to ease any of the tension growing in the stifling room.

“what do you mean?” you asked. “what are you talking about?”

“it’s not fair to keep dragging this on. not to either of us.” maki’s tone was steady and almost emotionless, but you knew her better than that. she was facing away from you. she knew how much her face betrayed her emotions around you.

“i heard you the first time,” you replied, rising from where you’d been sitting, your voice slowly rising, and wavering, with you. “just... why? why end it?” you didn’t want to sound desperate, but the distress you felt was so palpable that you could feel it in your throat.

her face wasn’t visible to you, but you knew she was probably shutting her eyes in frustration or impatience; she was never the type to explain herself. only do what she felt she needed to. that you wanted more from her used to endear you to her. now it seemed to strain the both of you.

“you’re not a sorcerer,” she began, still not turning to face you. her voice still sounded expressionless and matter-of-fact, but if you listened close enough, you could hear just the faintest quiver, like a tiny ripple in a glass of water. “our paths… our futures don’t align. they never will,” she said with the surety of someone stating a fact, like how the sky was blue.

she was right, of course. a non-sorcerer like you had no place in her life. her goals were so much different from yours. being with her would only hold her back. still, it stung. the way she just accepted that fact almost as if what you had with her was disposable. the way she was okay with it having been short and temporary.

it doesn’t have to be, you thought hopelessly. 

the rain was hitting the roof more intensely. the loudness of it clouded your mind and made you want to walk up to her and pull her towards you and forget about everything else. just you and her and the rain. but she was still facing away. could she not even look at you?

a few words escaped your lips, words that were familiar to you and her. “sorcery isn’t all there is.”

you said it bitterly, impulsively, and almost immediately you wanted to take the words back. you knew how important it was to her— you were one of the few people who knew what it meant to her— to get back at her family and prove herself. you bit your tongue. you wanted to grab the words out of the air and stop them from reaching her, but she’d already heard. you saw her shoulders tense. she turned her head to one side and glared at the wall, still refusing to look at you.

-

“you should stop being so hard on yourself,” you said gently as maki took a big gulp from her water bottle. “sorcery isn’t all there is.” you looked at her with a small smile. it was just the two of you under the mid-afternoon sun. inumaki and panda had left already.

maki only stared at you. your words seemed to struck a chord in her. she looked at you thoughtfully and for a moment you thought she might get mad or offended. you’d said it after watching her complete a particularly grueling training session. she’d been so serious the whole time, her usual confidence and poise replaced by uncharacteristic stiffness. you could tell something was wearing her down.

it seemed to be all she did. train, train harder. get stronger. you didn’t know why, and you couldn’t really claim to understand. you could see curses, but you had no cursed technique. neither did maki, but she was from the zenin clan, for whom sorcery was everything. you couldn’t begin to know what kinds of things drove her to be stubbornly insistent on getting stronger.

it didn’t make sense to you, but you did admire her for it. you didn’t mean to be insensitive. “sorry, i shouldn’t have said that,” you said quickly, sheepishly. she smiled, and the tension left her face.

“ ‘s alright.” she paused and looked at you again. it seemed like she was deep in thought. you weren’t sure what to say, and to be honest you were still pretty intimidated by her. you smiled at her somewhat nervously and looked away. the atmosphere was getting more awkward by the second, until finally she spoke again, her voice low, like she didn’t mean to speak out loud.

“it’s not your fault your world is bigger than mine.”

-

she wasn’t wearing her glasses. it always made her face look softer, younger when she wasn’t wearing them. now, in the dimly lit room with the stormy sky shrouding her face, you could see the sharpness of her anger eclipse any softness there was. “you’re only proving my point. you wouldn’t understand, since you’re not a sorcerer, but to me it is all there is. it’s all i have,” she said, her voice carrying a defensive edge you never enjoyed hearing.

my world is bigger than hers. when she said that before, it hadn’t made much sense. but you were starting to understand what she had meant. what she means now.

you looked at her, hoping she would look at you too so she could see your face as you spoke. you almost wanted to command her, but she had always been the commanding one. “i didn’t mean…” you wished your voice wasn’t so small now. “i do understand. i didn’t… i just mean that…” as you spoke, you looked down at your hands. looking at her made you feel a type of shame that was hot and cold at the same time, bearing down on your chest and the back of your neck. “you have me too,” you said weakly.

she didn’t respond for so long that you were starting to think that maybe she didn’t hear you, until finally you saw her turn to face you in your peripheral vision.

she spoke more gently this time. “it’ll be better this way. you don’t need me.”

you looked up at the sound of her voice, softer than you’d ever heard it before. and i don’t need you, you thought, providing the words she wouldn’t say. she looked at you with a mix of sadness, pity, and regret. she continued, “i’m not the one who can make you happy in the long run. it’s better that we end this now…” she trailed off. it seemed a bit like she was making excuses, but grimly you knew she had a point. she looked away again before walking to the nearby desk to fetch her eyeglasses. she took them, held them in one hand, but didn’t put them on.

you wanted to be angry. you wanted to yell that she was being unreasonable and that something could work out if you both tried. it was predictable and desperate. you knew where she was coming from, yet still, selfishly you wanted her. to be with her regardless of how much you couldn’t get her or how much she wouldn’t get you. but if there was anything you knew about maki, it was that once she made a decision, she would follow through with it no matter what. she was choosing her goals over you, ever sharp in her decisiveness. you loved her for it and you hated her for it.

you felt defeated; there was nothing you could do now. “i…”

in your head you were begging her to stay, rattling off millions of reasons for her to, but each one got stuck in your throat and fell flat before your selfishness could materialize. you knew her heart was already elsewhere, somewhere smaller yet bigger than you, and you knew that it was only yours for a short time, like you were a detour. a deviation from the path she should be taking. you wanted to walk that path with her, but that was impossible. it would only be hard for you and make things worse for her, to be with a non-sorcerer.

“i’m sorry,” you mumbled, though you weren’t sure entirely what you were sorry for. was it for what you said? was it for being in her life to begin with? really, you forced her to have to make this call just by being with her from the start.

“it’s not your fault,” she said, staring down at her eyeglasses. she closed her eyes and took a breath like she was hoping for fresh air, but the room was only humid and cold. “i’m sorry too.”

nothing more could be said and you both knew it. this is where it ends.

she didn’t hug or kiss you goodbye before she left. it would’ve been like slowly peeling off a bandaid, and maki always preferred ripping it off.

[xiaosorbet]

SCREAMING CRYING I HAVE A CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT DUE NEXT WEEK AND I CANT WRITE SHIT???? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i can barely work myself up to writing Genshin Impact x Reader what more an assignment sobbingndjfkskdkskslalwkflq

[xiaosorbet]

A small comic I did for the newest card!

[xiaosorbet]

you fell in love with alhaitham because of his mind. his unwavering desire to bring nothing but the truth and facts to light. he was like a computer sometimes, with the way everything he did was so calculated and controlled by logic, but you loved him for it.

now that you're together, you realize it's also the worst thing about him.

alhaitham confessed to you by simply stating that he liked you. he was so full of himself, even telling you he knew you liked him too. confident that he wouldn't get rejected. it was calculated, just as everything else he did was.

logic. he did it because it was the logical thing to do. when a person feels attraction, and they know it is mutual, that person makes a move. so he did.

the realization that came too late was that he didn't do it because he wanted to.

not because he was filled with admiration for you like you were for him. not because he wanted to get to know you better like you did him. but because it seemed like the sensible thing to do.

naive as you were, you accepted his gloating confession with eager, open arms.

during the first few weeks of being with him, anticipation and excitement built up inside you as you took notice of everything he did; if he spoke to you in a softer tone, if his expression around you resembled a smile more than it did around others, you catalogued it into a little folder in your mind as "signs."

signs that you were melting the hard layers of his computer-like mind away until he was bare flesh that didn't have a care for reason because you would matter more.

you had thought even a person like him could have emotions.

you thought maybe he was new to all of it, he didn't know how to express his emotions, he was unsure how to be affectionate with you, excuses, excuses, excuses.

he needed more time, you told yourself.

so you waited. waited for flowers or letters to come in, a spontaneous "i love you", a surprise date — anything that could indicate that you mattered to him — but they never came.

why? because in his mind, all that mattered was you liked him and he liked you. those were the facts. what more would he need to do?

you want flowers? why?

i don't know. to show that you love me or something.

but we're together. i'll get you flowers, but do you really need them?

alhaitham was brilliant, but it took you much too long to realize he was an idiot too.

it's not that he lacks emotion; it's that he deems it illogical, unnecessary, a waste of time to show them.

there are no layers to peel away. facts are what matter to him. logic is who he is. you just made the mistake of dating a computer.

[xiaosorbet]

childe x student council election headcanons 🔥🦅

hi sorry for being dead!! it's currently election season at my school and i thought hey what if tartaglia genshin impact was in high school and running for student council so here's this shitpost 🙏

personally i'd hate him!

simply not built for political leadership in school or otherwise

it will lead to the dumbest abuse of power you've ever witnessed

platforms? he will suggest designated brawling areas all over the school (for his own perusal of course)

he will ask for mens body spray and hair wax to be part of restroom necessities

also bidets if the school doesnt already have them but not for convenience. he just wants to have water fights in the restrooms

"if i am elected, i will implement the "eff-boy agenda," [he can't cuss] wherein all boys in the school will be required to keep at least 2-3 buttons of their school uniform unbuttoned at all times ‼️" (you don't have the authority to do that but go off king)

unironically puts up a kissing booth as part of his campaign (it fails miserably. embarrassing please expel this boy)

he would bring a bluetooth speaker to school and blast the most god awful fuckboy music you've ever heard

would probably have the dumbest tagline with absolutely no relevance to the election or leadership like AJAX TO THE MAX 💥💥💪🔥🔥🔥 like boy What

average childe campaign speech: (wink) (lipbite) (fuckboy face) (flicking his chin towards a group of girls) (smirk) vote for me shawties. AJAX TO THE MAX! AJAX TO THE MAX! AJAX TO TH

that being said he could win with just looks and charisma alone depending on what kind of students there are so you better start praying your classmates aren't idiot simps

teachers hate him but he's somehow either careful enough that nothing he does violates any rules or guidelines or shrewd enough to evade them and find loopholes in them

in conclusion please don't let him get involved or else the school will turn into a mojo dojo casa house

[xiaosorbet]

you try to get kaveh to stop working so hard, only to find that he’s not exactly doing work. (kaveh x reader)

1.5k words, no warnings, fluff, reader and kaveh are roommates, written with kind of a college au in mind but nothing specific is mentioned, gender neutral reader

“don’t you need sleep?”

your voice resonated throughout the small bedroom, accompanied only by the scratchy sounds of pencil against paper. your roommate kaveh sat at his desk, focused on some assignment of his.

“no.” his tone was blunt and sure, leaving little room for debate, although the eyebags settling below his tired ruby eyes begged to differ.

you rolled your eyes from your place on his bed. you should’ve expected that answer.

he didn’t look up from his work at all. he was encased in his own little world with his work - although trapped seemed a more fitting word. he spent countless nights just like this: working on a project last minute either because he had scrapped his previous work on the grounds of it being imperfect (to you, everything he came up with seemed fine. amazing, even), or because his inspiration had conveniently only chosen to appear right before a deadline.

a helpless sigh left your lips. you continued to lie on your stomach, watching him with your chin on your palms. he was obviously tired. it seemed the more tired he was, the more stubborn he chose to be about not taking a break.

it was always hard to get through to him on nights like these. bribery, trickery, words of persuasion… none of them worked. each time you tried to coerce him away from his work, seeing him grow more fatigued by the minute, his determination and complete and utter stubbornness won out.

your concern for his wellbeing as his roommate and friend was always clouded by his desire to not only meet expectations, but exceed them and constantly deliver perfection even at the expense of his own health.

but tonight, you would have none of that.

“when is that even due?” you asked him, once more trying to get his attention. if it wasn’t extremely urgent, then you wanted him to get the rest he so sorely deserved, even if he didn’t agree.

a pause. you saw his eyes dart to the side, away from you. “…around this time tomorrow.” he said it haltingly, as if he was a little unsure.

you raised your eyebrow. “will you be busy the whole day tomorrow?”

“well, no… but this is really important. it needs to be perfect,” he turned to you then, resting his cheek on his knuckle. he blew out a small exasperated breath, like a frustrated child would.

and here he was once more trying to justify his simply ungodly working hours with the fact that it needed to be the best. in your ever-changing lives, that was one constant you wished he would break.

feeling somewhat fed-up with his uncompromising will to work himself to death, exhaustion clear as day on his face, you stood up and approached the desk. “let me see it.” you were sure that whatever was on the paper was more than good enough already. he was always too hard on himself.

as you moved closer to his workspace, he sprung into sudden alertness, the hand where his face had been resting moved away, and he covered whatever he had been sketching with both his forearms. you furrowed your brows in clear confusion. he had a sort of deer-in-headlights look on his face.

“kaveh?”

you stared at him, waiting for an explanation. he remained still, arms not budging, eyes looking everywhere but at you.

“come on, i’m sure it’s already amazing. and even if it isn’t, you still have the whole day tomorrow to work on it. you clearly need some rest.”

“but i-” he began. his arms moved towards himself, pulling the scattered bits of paper closer to him, farther from you. you didn’t let him finish speaking.

“tut! no buts. show me.” his behavior wasn’t too unusual; sometimes he’d refrain from showing people the rougher, less coherent of his ideas. but you didn’t care whether it was fully fleshed out and polished or just the messy beginnings of a concept. everything he spun with his mind and fingers seemed to capture you. nothing he did was imperfect to you.

you wished he’d see that, especially during times like this. “i’m sure it’s already amazing, just like everything else you draw.”

“that... that’s not… i…” he stumbled over his words as a faint blush, soft and pink as a flower petal bloomed on his cheeks.

taking advantage of his momentary discomposure, you quickly leaned in and seized a piece of paper from underneath his arms, ready to shower his work with compliments in hopes of convincing him to take a break from pressuring himself so much.

rather than the scribbled words and architectural sketches you were expecting to see, your eyes were met with none other than yourself.

rough sketches of you from the neck up, drawn from different perspectives, this angle and that. all in kaveh’s unmistakable style. you’d know it anywhere, the quick strokes that seemed to move faster than his own train of thought, like his hands knew exactly what to do. except you had never seen it like this, lines moving and curving into each other to form a portrait of a person—of you.

you were speechless. the drawings were beautiful. artful, even. for one thing, you were stunned because you didn’t know he was capable of something like this. and for another, the subject of the art in question was you.

in the time you took to stare at his drawings, kaveh had stood up and watched you silently, waiting for you to say something. you’d expected him to jump up and grab the paper immediately, but it seemed that despite his initial adamance in not letting you see it, he now wanted to see your reaction.

a flurry of emotions flutter around in your chest. mostly bewilderment; the fact that he drew you… and so… beautifully… was this how he saw you? was this really how you appeared to him?

“kaveh… did you do these?” you knew it was stupid to ask, but you wanted him to confirm it nonetheless. when you turned to look at him, he immediately averted his gaze.

“yeah, i did.” his voice was quiet and shy, so unlike the usual confidence he had when talking about his works. he seemed now like a child bracing for judgment.

you tried to move into his line of sight. you wanted him to look at you, to see how you felt about it. to see the astonishment and amazement in your eyes when you spoke. ��i love it. why did you try to hide it?”

finally, he met your eyes in earnest. his face reddened once more. his usual loud and bright demeanor was replaced by something softer, more fragile. “isn’t it obvious?”

you shook your head, but it seemed that your body was aware of something your mind hadn’t caught on to yet, a warm flush creeping up your neck and your cheeks. he stepped towards you and held onto one end of the paper. you unwittingly breathed in his scent. you encounter it every single day, every time you pass by him, every time you do the laundry. but in that moment, the smell of him suddenly felt much more intimate.

“look, it’s not finished. they’re just rough sketches.” he glanced at the paper before setting his gaze on your face, looking at you sheepishly. a bittersweet smile played on his lips. “i want to draw you to perfection. i want to capture the way i see you in all of its entirety. these don’t even come close.”

and there it was again, his ever-present perfectionism. it confused you; why would he put so much effort into drawing you?

and suddenly, the answer came as quickly your question had. kaveh’s face inched towards yours, his eyes holding desperate meaning, like he could read your mind and was trying to answer with his expression.

kaveh, he…

“it’s already perfect,” you mumbled. you found yourself in a trance, lost in the emotions held in his gleaming red eyes, yet still wanting to reassure him. “…everything you make is beautiful.”

“not nearly as beautiful as you.”

all of this was to get him to rest… you knew what was happening, but you couldn’t let yourself forget that he needed a break still. eyebags still sunk underneath his eyes.

and yet… while you wanted him to stop working so hard—real work or otherwise—part of you now felt that you just wanted him all to yourself.

and so what you did next was what you’d later call a stroke of genius, a master stratagem to achieve both of your goals. not only that, it was also an expression of what you couldn’t quite put into words just yet.

you leaned in and planted your lips gently against his.

despite the tiredness you knew he was harboring, you felt his lips move to form a little smile as he kissed you back. your heart fluttered in pleasant surprise. you felt kaveh’s grasp on the paper wane before he let go completely to cup the side of your face instead.

after a couple seconds of chaste kiss against smiling lips, you pulled back and he grinned at you, his face lit up with joy, all but forgetting about his earlier discontentment. you smiled back at him before reaching to place the paper back on the desk behind him.

“now… how about a break, hm?”

[xiaosorbet]

what about me? (kaveh x reader x alhaitham)

just a little blurb!!! i cant think of anything else to write so jdhfljsadakhds here's this cliche "i like them but theyre into my best friend" set in their akademiya days

warnings: not poofread nor edited just word vomit

kaveh is mad for you.

he adores you. he adores everything you do and say and even everything you don't do and say.

he loves listening to you talk. every single inflection in your sentences, every change in your tone. he particularly likes it when you talk about something you're really happy and excited about because your voice... oh, your voice just becomes so bright, it lights up his whole universe and makes him forget about all the dark crevices and corners in his life, if only for a moment. he wouldn't admit it, but he likes when you're mad too. during times when you'd rant about a certain professor you don't like very much, or a groupmate you just can't seem to get along with, he finds himself holding back a smile at the way your face crinkles up, your voice lowering into the most adorable growl.

he loves watching you work. he never turns down your invitations to study together in the library, claiming your presence anchors him and keeps him focused. in truth, it's quite the opposite; hardly any real work gets done when he's around you because while you're focusing on your textbooks, he's across the table working out how best to look at you discreetly and not look creepy. he studies you like he's compiling information for a thesis only about you. he thinks about how he really would write one about you—about the faces you make in deep concentration, about all your little mannerisms, everything he takes notice of. nevermind mastering architecture; he memorizes all of your habits and quirks, hoping to be an expert in the subject of you.

he's madly in love with you. it doesn't take a scholar to realize it. he is aware that surely, you've caught on too.

but whether you have or haven't wasn't important. he knew you didn't feel the same.

and it would be fine. in another universe, perhaps all of it would be bearable. his heartbreak would not be so palpable if you simply didn't see him that way, with no reason besides. but there is a reason, and it is the most devastating thing in his life.

alhaitham. you like alhaitham.

it seems that you love him the way he loves you. he sees the way you look at him, the way you admire everything he does and says and even everything he doesn't do or say.

and there's nothing he can do. alhaitham is his best friend, and so are you. the two most important people in his life. being around the two of you was torture. torture that he would have to face for the rest of his days, because the only thing that could crush him more would be losing you both.

but you and alhaitham have your own little universe, bright with your smile and his. alhaitham knows all of you and then some. there is a world with just them that kaveh will never know. so really, it's like he's losing you both anyway, drifting away further and further.

[xiaosorbet]

genshin men & unrequited love (kazuha, kaeya, xiao, alhaitham, kaveh, thoma, albedo, cyno x gn reader)

kazuha, kaeya — the ones close to your heart, but not close enough

he's your closest confidant. you see him as your best friend, but every time you call him up, he wishes he was more. he doesn't want for much in life; when you're with him, he says there couldn't be anything he would need more. but deep in his heart, there's always longing, longing for more from the one person who would never give it. his deepest parts are laid bare just for you. everyone else can tell. it crushes him that you can't.

xiao, alhaitham — the ones who watch from afar

he's scared to get close to you. he sees the kind of people who surround you, all bright voices and smiles and laughter. he knows you wouldn't like him, never the way he wants you to. so he remains at a distance, admiring the way you shine from far away. yearning from the opposite side of your world. it breaks his heart, but he'd take this over you shattering it yourself.

kaveh, thoma — the ones who just wish you'd see him

he does the nicest things for you. he's the most kindhearted person you've ever met, but he knows you can't see him beyond that. he can't seem to win your affection no matter what he does or says. he often wonders what keeps you away from him. is it his hair, his clothes, the way he speaks? it isn't that simple, but he wishes it was. he'd change for you in a heartbeat.

albedo, cyno — the ones who know they've lost

he is knowledgeable in many fields, but not love. his feelings for you lay dormant in his heart because he doesn't know how to make them known. he won't even try, not unless you feel the same. he can read people very well and he can tell right off the bat that you don't. people say he should try to win you over, but he thinks it would be fruitless. he's not one to give up easily, but to him, this is a battle already lost.

[xiaosorbet]

xiao & pet names (xiao x reader)

xiao doesn't fully understand pet names. love, honey, dear... they're all words that hold little meaning to him. however, he understands very well the significance of one's name. his name, the one given to him by rex lapis, is much more than just a name. with it came his freedom, and a new identity and sense of belonging, of duty.

he knows the profound meaning a name has, whereas terms of endearment among lovers were just a mortal thing he never concerned himself with. why would he need to? although he'd be lying if he said the thought of loving someone like that had never occurred to him, it was not a priority. simply a passing thought.

that is, until he met you.

now, he finds his life entangled with a mortal's, which means those pet names he didn't used to care about seeped into his daily life, since you seem very fond of calling him these things.

he finds it very endearing, really. it shows him how much you care, and he can appreciate that. he has nothing against it, but you simply uttering his name will always hold more weight in his heart. his name is a reminder of the chance he was given to a new life, a new path. when it leaves your lips, it is a reminder of what you have given him in this new life that he didn't think would be possible, which is your love.

whether it's laced with enthusiasm as you chat with him about your day, or whispered softly in the darkness of the night before you fall asleep, every time you say his name it lights up his heart and gives him strength and joy and hope for more days with you to come.

which is why he doesn't really see the need for you to go so far as to refer to him as your love or your beloved in every other conversation. he says it's unnecessary, although... he can't deny the blush that takes over his cheeks whenever you do.

[xiaosorbet]

hello and welcome! ☆ before you follow:

just know that i don't post frequently!

everything on this blog is just for funsies and mostly self indulgent lmfao but i hope u enjoy my stuff :D

(masterlist below the cut)

pretty much everything i write is self-insert (x reader) genshin stuff! anything else will be labeled accordingly thank youuu

lmk if any of the links don't work!

oneshots (1k+ words)

unreachable (kaveh)

kaveh doing "work"

blurbs/drabble (>1k words)

xiao and pet names

what about me? (kaveh + alhaitham love triangle)

alhaitham being a bad boyfriend LMFAO (no title)

headcanons

unrequited love (multi: kazuha, kaeya, xiao, alhaitham, kaveh, thoma, albedo, cyno)

waking up with kaveh

childe high school elections shitpost (not self-insert)

series

none (yet... maybe)

[not genshin]

jjk - maki breaks up with you (oneshot)

[xiaosorbet]

unreachable (kaveh x reader)

he's with you day by day, but as each one passes, you feel him growing distant. unreachable. you're not quite sure what changed.

content: angst, established relationship, gender neutral reader

warnings: might be ooc ?? also drinking (it's kaveh)

word count: 3.9k

author's note: HI TUMBLR this is my very first post here!!! hello!!!! also my first time writing in a hot minute so apologies if it's rusty. enjoy :)

sunday

you wake up drowsy and cold. the window is open, letting in a cool breeze. the space next to you on the bed is empty. the bedroom door is closed, though from the other side you can hear the sound of sizzling oil on a pan. kaveh cooks breakfast for you on the weekends, since his schedule doesn't allow him to on weekdays. you don't mind.

you go through the usual weekend morning routine. wash your face, slowly wake your body. the weather today isn't unpleasant; the sun hides behind the clouds, but you sense no sign of upcoming rain. kaveh greets you in the kitchen, wearing his pajamas and a smile. you give him a kiss on the cheek, and you chat about the weather while he flips strips of bacon on the stove.

it's just another sunday. unremarkable, but cozy. you spend time together over breakfast, laughing over the slightly burnt bits of bacon. he isn't used to cooking, since he rarely gets the chance, but he always tries his best. diffident apologies are never excluded from his dishes. seeing his shy smile makes you warm and appreciative.

later, you lay on the couch with him, entangled legs but separate worlds. he hunches over his laptop and a sketchbook, working on a project. the same kind he works on during the weekdays, and late into the nights. you tell him he should rest, he needs a break. he could watch a movie with you. you two could go out somewhere. you haven't gone on a proper date in a while, you tell him. it's sunday, he should be free of his work for once.

he waves you off. he's almost done. just a bit more, he claims, just like he always does. his eyes remain glued to the drafts and the blueprints. they don't catch how your lips straighten into a line, too focused on the ones on his screen.

you've been with him for almost a year. there was a time you could draw him away from his work. in the earlier days, all it took were a kiss and a soft plea, and you would have all of him on you, his hands, his gaze, his attention. nowadays you're not sure if he even hears you sometimes.

the rest of the day is uneventful. you do what you can to pass the time. you read a book as his keyboard clacks, his pencil scratches against the paper. he asks if the sounds bother you, suggests that you could read in the bedroom instead, it'd be more comfortable. they do bother you, just the slightest bit, but you shake your head and say you want to stay.

that night, you get ready for bed together. you brush your teeth together, smile at each other in the mirror. you kiss each other goodnight, and sleep with your backs to one another.

monday

kaveh's alarm wakes you. it trills in your ears, long and loud. you aren't accustomed to the sound lately. usually, you wake to your own alarm. this is the first time in a while you've heard his.

the alarm rings on and on, yet kaveh remains still, deeply asleep, lying on his back. you don't want him to wake up. you stare at his face, peaceful in his sleep, not burdened with stress or frustration from his work. those two emotions seemed to be all he would take home with him during the weekdays. something tells you this was the first good sleep he's had in a while.

all too soon, he stirs and wakes. he turns off the noise and plants a kiss to your head, apologizes for waking you, then moves around the room and around your little apartment, getting ready for work.

he leaves early. every day, he must be in his office at 8:00 a.m. to talk to clients, manage whatever building of his is being constructed at the moment, the works. he used to tell you all about it, and you would listen regardless of how much or how little you understood of his work. these days he just doesn't have the time or energy.

on the other hand, you work from home. your job is one that requires only your computer and half of your day, more or less. your own alarm goes off not long after kaveh has left. your days without him are routine and simple. you make the bed, make yourself breakfast, get to work for a bit. some days you clean the house, other days you get the groceries. it's mundane, and today is no different.

you set up your laptop and do your work on the small dining table near the kitchen. your little shared apartment doesn't have enough space for a study, so you and kaveh make do with the rooms you have.

later in the afternoon, after you've finished your work tasks, you decide to cook something for kaveh once he gets home. upon inspecting the cupboards, you discover that you have all the ingredients needed for a simple cream of mushroom soup. it's his favorite. when you finish, you let the pot sit on the stove.

the rest of the day is uneventful. you're used to the boredom. you send kaveh a text, saying you made him his favorite soup. he responds a couple hours later with a thank you.

his job is supposed to end at 5 p.m., but you count yourself lucky if he makes it home before 7. more often than not, he stays at his office overtime, sometimes because clients and contractors hold him up, though mostly because he throws himself into his work and loses track of time. you never saw the point in that, since he always ended up bringing his work home and doing it here anyway.

when he arrives home, he carries not only his suitcase but also an air of dejectedness you've come to be well acquainted with.

you try to comfort him as best you can, but as the months have gone by, your company seems to have less and less of an effect as a distraction from his woes. you sit with him on the couch and ask him what's wrong, but he brushes you off. the usual, he says. that's what he tends to reply with these days, and it's been so long since he's elaborated further that you can hardly recall what "the usual" is anymore.

you miss the way he would talk your ear off about all of his problems, the way he would pass them all onto you for you to dispel them with sweet, comforting words and gestures. you were his rock.

silence stretches between you and him. you aren't quite sure how to break it and even less sure that he wants you to.

tentatively, you tell him a little about your day. there isn't much to tell, and you feel somewhat bad telling him about your job that is less taxing than his. he seems to be listening, but he doesn't have much to say in response. only a few hums and nods. he must be exhausted.

you remember the soup you made him, and you tell him. his lips twitch up into a small smile in acknowledgement, though his ruby red eyes, weighed down by eyebags, hold only his tiredness.

when you set down two bowls of soup on the dining table, soft snores emanate from kaveh's body, now haphazardly draped across the couch. you think to wake him for dinner, but something inside you makes you stop. you don't know what it is, but there's this feeling, a voice in your head saying he'd probably just prefer to sleep there undisturbed. it's not a new occurrence.

so you eat alone. the second bowl goes into the fridge.

tuesday

this time, your own alarm is what wakes you. when you get up, you find that kaveh has already left for work. you guess he slept on the couch all night, because you didn't feel him climb into bed with you, and the sheets on his side of the bed remain unwrinkled.

you go through the usual cycle of work and boredom. nothing noteworthy happens with your work or around the house. you start pondering many things in your free time. you think about how you should probably clean the house one of these days. there's been a bit of dust on the counters, the shelves.

you think about kaveh, who must be working himself to the bone. you know he loves his job. no matter the obstacles he would have to face, all the issues and complications, he would always express to you that there isn't anything else he'd rather be doing.

nowadays… he doesn't tell you much of anything. it's like he closed off. you know he still loves his job. it's been his passion to be an architect his whole life. you don't sense that that has changed, but… something else has. his job has always been a demanding one. you're used to seeing him come home exhausted, stressed. but he confides in you about it less and less. you don't know why.

the question of why isn't a particularly new one. it's been there in the back of your mind, occasionally surfacing on days like this. you never had an answer, so you would usually push it away and pretend like there's nothing to question at all. that's what you intend to do today, just like the countless times before. you don't want to bother him with it anyway.

when he gets home, it's the same, but he seems less tired than the day before. he brought home takeout for dinner, and the two of you make small talk as you eat. you bring out the soup from yesterday too, and he thanks you for it. he apologizes that he didn't eat it yesterday. you wave him off, it's not a big deal.

the conversation doesn't get detailed or personal. any spectator that would happen upon the two of you might not realize that you've been together for over a year. the words that flow between you and him are friendly but not intimate. an unfamiliar feeling seems to tug at your heart, something that feels like sadness or confusion or dread, but you ignore it as you exchange idle chatter.

kaveh offers to do the dishes, but you stop him and do them yourself. he gives you a smile, and you see the tinge of gratitude in his tired eyes.

later, when you're about to head to bed, you bid kaveh goodnight while he hunches over a sketchbook on the couch, and you know he'll probably fall asleep there again.

before you go, you watch him from the hall; he's right there, yet somehow he feels… unreachable. your chest twinges again with that strange feeling. your lips part and you feel like you want to say something, but there's really nothing to be said.

you face kaveh's side of the bed when you lay. you feel a little cold, and the soft light peeking from beneath the door feels so far away.

wednesday

when you wake up, his side of the bed is empty and seemingly undisturbed once again. part of you thinks that maybe he just fixes and straightens out the sheets before he leaves, but you know that isn't something he'd do.

the rest of the house isn't as empty, though. as you make your morning coffee, you idly look around your place. it feels like it's been a while since you've really seen it.

most of it just screams kaveh. he decorated the place when you first moved in. you helped choose some of the furniture, but ultimately, you let him have the creative freedon to do with them as he pleased. some stray sketches are scattered on the coffee table in the living room. next to them, a couple of pencils. you pick up one of the sheets of paper and see a gorgeous landscape drawn on it. a garden with winding pathways and dreamlike flora and a romantic gazebo right at the center.

something seems to gnaw at the inside of your chest. a feeling of yearning. you're not sure why, but this drawing has made you feel like you're missing something.

you miss kaveh. the realization strikes you so overwhelmingly that your grip on the sketch tightens, your frown deepens. you miss him.

so what now?

you sift through a few more of his drawings, most of which are unfinished. as your eyes skim over his messy handwriting on each piece of paper, next to each grand building and humble house, the urge to call him, to hear his voice, to feel him with you becomes too much to bear.

where is this coming from? why are you feeling this? he was with you last night, wasn't he?

no, not really.

…but in the end, you decide to keep your feelings to yourself, and you decide not to call and disturb him while he's at work. though, to at least satiate the gnawing and pulling and dragging in your chest, you shoot him a text saying you hope his work is going smoothly. he responds a little bit later with a thank you, saying he hopes the same for you. and that's enough.

thursday

you're surprised when the first thing you see upon waking up is kaveh's back. the clock on your nightstand reads 3:08 a.m. and everything else is dark, but you can just make out his silhouette lying next to you.

the aching in your heart comes back. you will yourself to push it down and go back to sleep, but it demands to be felt. you feel it stronger than ever, the urge to reach out to him and pull his body to yours and feel him against you. nothing should be stopping you, but you hesitate nonetheless. you prop yourself onto your elbow and gaze at him for a while. even here, mere inches away, he is unreachable. you lean down and ghost your lips on his shoulder and whisper i miss you before laying back down and drifting back to sleep.

when you wake up again, the morning sun colors the bedroom, and you see that kaveh no longer occupies the space next to you. the rumpled sheets in his place tell you that you didn't just dream of his presence there last night.

the day passes by in a blur. it feels like the only thing you're fully conscious of is the dull sadness in your heart. you miss kaveh overwhelmingly. it confuses you how far away he feels even when he's right next to you. it's as if some invisible barrier has grown between you and him. you just miss being close with him.

when he gets home, you expect your heart to lighten, but it only seems to weigh down on you more. you can't help but envelop him in a soft hug when he walks through the door. you hope he can feel some of the yearning in your embrace. he returns the hug halfheartedly. he's just tired from work.

as you have dinner together in the low light of the dining room, you can't help but watch everything kaveh does. he's the same as he'd been since you met him. the way he holds his fork is the same as it was when you first went out to dinner together. all his little mannerisms, the way his body moves with everything he does, it's all so familiar to you. his whole being is chronicled in your mind. you liked to think that there wasn't anything you didn't know about him, but lately, you aren't so sure anymore.

and so it's back once more, the urge to reach out, the urge to ask him so many things and feel him with you again. the feeling that he's so distant despite being right in front of you. unconsciously, your grip on your fork tightens. you watch him some more out of the corner of your eye, unsure. his eyes focus only on his food.

your thoughts and wants whirl around you until you can no longer bear the silence between you and him.

finally, you manage to open up and ask him. why are you so distant lately? why don't you tell me things anymore?

you intended to sound stronger, gentle but still confrontational, but you felt like a little kid as you spoke. like you doubted your own words, that your questions might be unreasonable.

he doesn't give you an answer. for a long time, he stays silent. he stops eating and refuses to meet your eyes. his name leaves your lips, so soft and so small that you think he didn't hear. so you repeat it, more insistently. your mind floods with pleas that lodge in your throat. please. answer. tell me.

seemingly sensing your growing desperation, kaveh looks into your hopeful and pleading eyes, and simply says: i don't know. i'm sorry.

in his ever-familiar scarlet eyes, in that face you know like the back of your hand, you feel like you see a stranger in the windows of his soul.

that night, you toss and turn alone in your bed. the emptiness of it used to be so easily excused as kaveh simply accidentally falling asleep with his work. only now did it occur to you that he might have been doing it intentionally.

your mind feels like a storm of confusion and frustration and sadness. you wish you had the strength and reason to scream at him. instead, hot tears fall onto his pillow where you lay your head.

friday

the day feels dull and empty. you aren't entirely sure what to do. you go through the motions of a normal work day, but it's obvious that you're lost and helpless. you feel weak, being so uncertain of where kaveh stands. you're certain that he still loves you... that maybe he's just going through something within the confines of his own mind. he needs only to let you in so you can repair the rift between you two, so you can heal whatever's broken inside him.

throughout the day, you subconsciously make a vague script of things you want to say to kaveh when he arrives home.

please tell me what's wrong, kaveh.

i'm here for you, kaveh.

please come back to me, kaveh.

every sentence formed is laced with desperation. it feels like you're screaming into an empty cave, no response besides the echo of your distress.

all you want is for things to go back to how they used to be. you yearn for kaveh's eyes to shine with all the love and adoration in his heart like they used to whenever he looked at you. you miss feeling his warm gaze, his strong arms around your body, conveying every ounce of affection he couldn't express with words.

you just miss his love.

strangely, the day feels excruciatingly long, but also as if it passed in the blink of an eye. you're entrapped within the haze of your own longing.

you don't realize how late it is when kaveh gets home. you intend to greet him casually, so that you don't overwhelm him. you intend to communicate your feelings to him over dinner. though you're overflowing with things to say, you don't wish to go overboard.

but you soon forget all of that, because one look at him slightly swaying by the entrance immediately tells you that he's drunk. all your thoughts are instantly replaced by concern. you rush to his side while he holds a hand against his head. instinctually, you begin fussing over him, asking him why he drank, how much he had. you know he's not good at handling his liquor. the redness taking over his face and neck indicate that he drank a lot.

you don't remember exactly when, but there was a time he promised you he'd stop drinking to this extent. one late night, he came home drunk after work, in a state similar to his current one. you fussed and worried about him. you lectured him too. so he promised he would stop, because he didn't want to cause you more distress.

now, you ask him why he's broken his promise. maybe you were right in thinking something was wrong with his work, enough to drive him to drinking again. in your flurry of emotions, you barely give him room to breathe. you seem to briefly forget yourself as you reach up and cradle his face in your hands. gently, you plead, tell me what's wrong.

he takes your wrists and sighs before stepping away from you. your name leaves his lips in a broken whisper. he looks at you, and you see every bit of your desperation and chaos in your reflection in his eyes. his eyes, which are pained, bloodshot, defeated. he apologizes.

you step towards him. you don't want an apology. you want an explanation. he starts by saying that he cares about you. that you still mean something to him, that you'll always be someone important. it sounds like he's rambling.

everything else blurs. the only things you fully perceive in the next moments are the words that leave his mouth and the look in his eyes as he says them, resolute, mournful, regretful.

i just don't love you anymore.

saturday

they say drunk words are sober thoughts. deep down, you knew he'd say those words eventually. you've been in denial for the longest time. always trying to push away the notion that he no longer loved you. you always thought it was impossible, but part of you knew this was inevitable. it didn't matter that he was drunk. you both knew the words have been sitting on his tongue for a while now.

maybe that's why you didn't cry that night. when you went into the bedroom and lied down, yes you were sad, but there was also a sort of relief there. a burden was lifted from your shoulders and his. you no longer have to pretend. as you drifted off to sleep, you felt somewhat weightless.

it's midday now. the gravity of what happened starts to settle in. you lay on the couch, which smells like him, and your tears fall onto the cushions. kaveh is nowhere in the house. he left you with a note, saying he'll be staying at a friend's place. in the note, he promised he'd come back and you two could talk. the tiny naive part of you felt hope that he meant to work things out with you. but you know it's hopeless.

the silence of your home stabs into your ears. you cocoon yourself in memories of him, in sheets with his scent, in his drawings and once endless musings. your heart won't stop reaching for what isn't there. you still don't fully understand how someone could just fall out of love. but there's nothing else you can do about it now.

all you can do is let him go.

sunday

you wake up drowsy and cold. you stare at the ceiling for a very long time. no sounds of sizzling or pleasant humming make their way to where you lie. birds chirp their morning song, car engines phase past.

his world rotates without you.