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[xoniix-blog1]

This is my poem fall feelings- Poem below

The way he makes me feel is like the way that honeydew tastes. Of course some people don't like it, but I absolutely adore it. A fruit bowl in the fall with high socks and a nice sweater. That's what he is to me. He is memories and the certain things you can't help  but reminisce on every time you catch a glance on it because those are the things that make you who you really are.

To me he is the same excitement I would feel when I would sit with my nose to the T.V. waiting for Halloweentown to start playing. To me he is the spider I saw sat in the window that we could never open on the stairway landing.  Memories. Very distinct and very nostalgic. He always seems to work his way into every peak and corner of my mind. He always seems to find a way into my heart even when i don't wish for it. When I need space I still find a way to stay falling for him from a distance. And I don't understand how he could do this. How could he smash down the walls I put up? For so long they've never even shaken, yet he took a look at me, looked at the walls and then just pushed right past the first one-- the strongest one. It frustrates me but also makes the thought of him wrap around me like a safety blanket.

He is someone who can make me safely say that I’m glad i didn't kill myself almost a year ago. And that scares me. My heart is letting itself float off once more and that scares the daylights out of me. Everything seems so perfect. When I’m with him, that fear makes me feel like a caged animal seeing out for the first. Finally being able to breathe the still air-- still and frozen in time and it seems to be only myself trying to learn about the world for the first time. And then he takes my hand and doesn't scoff at my hesitation to hold his back. He lets the most raw form of me-- the real human beneath this siren’s skin come out and he holds that part of me close no matter how scared or angry I get. No matter how much I claw and bite his heart sticks to my hands and oh how the fall showers onto me the rain and crunchy leaves and true, raw humanity. True and raw love.

And then the real beast in me comes out and suddenly I feel the need to protect him from everything that could even have the potential to hurt him. I'm not worried about him being stolen away, but I’m worried of the world hurting him. I’ve been hurt so much; so many times my frail heart has continued to be broken and now that I’ve found the one person trying not to destroy me-- I have to protect it. I wish to never see him in those hurt and absolutely broken conditions which I’ve made myself endure alone. But he has me. He has me and this beast in my heart is ready to jump, roll over, and do anything it possibly can to benefit him over me. This beast is the one thing I’ve tried to keep in a cage and now he seems to be on his way to finding the key. And if he lets it out, I fear that I may be the happiest person in the world. But in my own joy I fear going blind to his pain. The suffering in the world around me which I have, for so long, yearned to fix and mend.

He reminds me of the exhaustion I feel after riding my bike up the hill on the way to the library, and the relief I feel when I can come inside and sit, reading book after book in just a day. The couch. The seat by the window and all of those Spider-Man comic books. That's the chase that he puts in me. I lay with him and suddenly I’m awaye are both of our bodies together. Both of our souls entwined and like a rubberband I am taken back to the times which I seemed to be living in the unfiltered, happy version of me. Hot cocoa on the sidewalk during Halloween. I feel his soul on mind and I’m standing in the window looking at the silent snow-- undisturbed and untouched and I’m shifting to when i spent hours and hours raking leaves. Oh how I do love those leaves. He takes his bare hands and grabs me and he takes me back to Halloween. He takes me back to the times where I would sit in the chilly air in the stale grass and just devour books with my eyes under those warm colored leaves. Devour the words and details of the world around me. Blackberries and scary houses. Oh how he holds my heart in just the right ways and oh how I long to protect the hands that hold it.

[xoniix-blog1]

Fall Feelings

The way he makes me feel is like the way that honeydew tastes. Of course some people don't like it, but I absolutely adore it. A fruit bowl in the fall with high socks and a nice sweater. That's what he is to me. He is memories and the certain things you can't help  but reminisce on every time you catch a glance on it because those are the things that make you who you really are.

To me he is the same excitement I would feel when I would sit with my nose to the T.V. waiting for Halloweentown to start playing. To me he is the spider I saw sat in the window that we could never open on the stairway landing.  Memories. Very distinct and very nostalgic. He always seems to work his way into every peak and corner of my mind. He always seems to find a way into my heart even when i don't wish for it. When I need space I still find a way to stay falling for him from a distance. And I don't understand how he could do this. How could he smash down the walls I put up? For so long they've never even shaken, yet he took a look at me, looked at the walls and then just pushed right past the first one-- the strongest one. It frustrates me but also makes the thought of him wrap around me like a safety blanket.

He is someone who can make me safely say that I’m glad i didn't kill myself almost a year ago. And that scares me. My heart is letting itself float off once more and that scares the daylights out of me. Everything seems so perfect. When I’m with him, that fear makes me feel like a caged animal seeing out for the first. Finally being able to breathe the still air-- still and frozen in time and it seems to be only myself trying to learn about the world for the first time. And then he takes my hand and doesn't scoff at my hesitation to hold his back. He lets the most raw form of me-- the real human beneath this siren’s skin come out and he holds that part of me close no matter how scared or angry I get. No matter how much I claw and bite his heart sticks to my hands and oh how the fall showers onto me the rain and crunchy leaves and true, raw humanity. True and raw love.

And then the real beast in me comes out and suddenly I feel the need to protect him from everything that could even have the potential to hurt him. I'm not worried about him being stolen away, but I’m worried of the world hurting him. I’ve been hurt so much; so many times my frail heart has continued to be broken and now that I’ve found the one person trying not to destroy me-- I have to protect it. I wish to never see him in those hurt and absolutely broken conditions which I’ve made myself endure alone. But he has me. He has me and this beast in my heart is ready to jump, roll over, and do anything it possibly can to benefit him over me. This beast is the one thing I’ve tried to keep in a cage and now he seems to be on his way to finding the key. And if he lets it out, I fear that I may be the happiest person in the world. But in my own joy I fear going blind to his pain. The suffering in the world around me which I have, for so long, yearned to fix and mend.

He reminds me of the exhaustion I feel after riding my bike up the hill on the way to the library, and the relief I feel when I can come inside and sit, reading book after book in just a day. The couch. The seat by the window and all of those Spider-Man comic books. That's the chase that he puts in me. I lay with him and suddenly I’m aware of both of our bodies together. Both of our souls entwined and like a rubberband I am taken back to the times which I seemed to be living in the unfiltered, happy version of me. Hot cocoa on the sidewalk during Halloween. I feel his soul on mind and I’m standing in the window looking at the silent snow-- undisturbed and untouched and I’m shifting to when i spent hours and hours raking leaves. Oh how I do love those leaves. He takes his bare hands and grabs me and he takes me back to Halloween. He takes me back to the times where I would sit in the chilly air in the stale grass and just devour books with my eyes under those warm colored leaves. Devour the words and details of the world around me. Blackberries and scary houses. Oh how he holds my heart in just the right ways and oh how I long to protect the hands that hold it.