xrk900 - Tumblr blog

xrk900 · 4 months ago

Text

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

Vladimir Makarov x civilian!reader

The first time you met Vladimir Makarov, you knew he was dangerous. It was in the way he carried himself—predatory, assured, like he owned the world and everything in it. You should have turned away then, should have never let yourself get caught in his orbit. But it was too late.

Now, you’re his secret. Hidden away in the quiet moments between the chaos of his world, kept behind closed doors like something fragile.

But you aren’t fragile, are you?

You wouldn’t have survived this long if you were. If anything, you’ve learned to navigate the storm that follows him, learned when to touch and when to pull away, when to speak and when silence is the safest answer.

He isn’t kind. Not in the way you once thought love should be. He is possessive, intense, his affections laced with the same ruthlessness that makes men fear him.

But in the privacy of his presence, you see the side of him no one else does—the quiet moments where his fingers linger at your wrist before curling around your palm, the way his voice softens when he says your name.

But this thing between you is a risk. If anyone finds out, you’re not just collateral—you’re leverage. A weakness Makarov’s enemies would kill to exploit. And maybe, deep down, that’s what terrifies you the most.

Not the danger, not the consequences… but the truth that Vlad would burn the world down before he let anyone take you from him.

So, you stay in the shadows, pretending the outside world doesn’t exist when he’s with you. But you both know this won’t last forever.

Love like this is a ticking bomb, and when it goes off, it won’t be quiet. It will be war.

You don’t ask where he’s been when he returns to you, blood on his hands and shadows in his eyes. You don’t ask whose lives were ended, whose worlds were shattered at his command. You learned early on that Vladimir does not apologize for who he is—he never will.

Instead, you take his coat without a word, setting it aside as he watches you with that piercing gaze, always assessing, always watching.

But there’s something else beneath it when he looks at you—something softer, though he would never admit it. You wondered if he even recognizes it himself.

He steps closer, his fingers tilting your chin up, his touch surprisingly gentle despite the violence he’s capable of. “You’re quiet,” he murmurs, his Russian accent thick, smooth like a blade slipping between ribs.

You hold his gaze, unflinching. “I was waiting.”

A smirk tugs at his lips, dark amusement flickering in his expression. “Waiting for what?”

“For you.”

Something flickers in his eyes at that. Possession. Satisfaction. Like he enjoys knowing you’re bound to him, just as much as he’s bound to you.

He exhales slowly, and then, without another word, he pulls you into him. The embrace is firm, unyielding. His body is tense, like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

You press a hand to his chest, feeling the steady, strong beat of his heart beneath your palm. He lets you. Makarov is not a man who allows weakness, who tolerates softness—but you are the exception.

“Are you staying this time?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

His fingers tighten at your waist. “For tonight.”

It’s always for tonight. Never forever.

You should be used to it by now, but it still stings. You don’t know how much longer you can live like this, in the quiet between the storms of his life.

Because one day, you know the door will open and he won’t come back. One day, someone will take him from you, or worse—take you from him.

And when that day comes, you know Vladimir will not weep. He will not break.

He will destroy.

The night is quiet, the world outside his safehouse dark and cold. Inside, the air is thick with unspoken words, the weight of his presence pressing against you like a second skin. You know better than to ask for more than what he can give, but sometimes—sometimes you wish you weren’t just a secret hidden behind locked doors.

Vladimir watches you as you sit on the edge of the bed, his fingers ghosting over the holster at his thigh before he unclips it and sets it aside. His movements are slow, deliberate. Even here, even now, he never truly lets his guard down.

You exhale, looking down at your hands. “Do you ever think about what it would be like if things were… different?”

His eyes narrow slightly. “Different how?”

You swallow. You’re not sure why you even asked. You know better than to dream, to hope for something beyond this fragile existence you share. But tonight, something in you aches. A deep, gnawing loneliness that even his presence can’t quite soothe.

“If you weren’t…” You hesitate, but he already knows what you mean.

Makarov scoffs, shaking his head as he pulls his shirt over his head, the fabric dropping to the floor. Scars litter his skin, each one a story he will never tell you. “If I weren’t me?” he finishes for you.

You nod, your throat tightening.

He steps closer, tilting your chin up with two fingers. “There is no different life for men like me.” His voice is quiet but firm, laced with something that almost sounds like regret. “This is who I am.”

You search his face, but he offers no comfort, no false promises. And yet, when he presses his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin, you know—he has thought about it, too.

But Makarov does not live in possibilities. He lives in absolutes.

And the absolute truth is that you will always be his secret. The only thing in his life untouched by war. The only thing he refuses to lose.

Even if that means keeping you locked away. Even if that means the outside world will never know what you mean to him.

Because if they did—if they found out—there would be nothing he wouldn’t do to keep you.

Nothing he wouldn’t destroy.

The silence between you stretches, heavy and suffocating. You don’t pull away from him, but you don’t lean into him either. You just sit there, staring at the floor, your hands curled into your lap as if you’re trying to hold yourself together.

Makarov isn’t good at this—comfort. He’s spent his life breaking things, not mending them. And yet, seeing you like this does something to him. A slow, twisting ache he doesn’t quite understand.

You let out a quiet breath, and when you speak, your voice is small. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

His jaw tightens. A rare flicker of something uncertain crosses his face. “Do what?”

You shake your head, blinking rapidly, as if trying to push back the tears that threaten to spill. “Pretend that this is enough.”

He exhales sharply through his nose. He hates this feeling—the slow, creeping panic that comes when he realizes he might lose something. Lose you.

He crouches in front of you, his hands settling on your knees, firm but not forceful. His touch is warm, grounding. “It is enough,” he murmurs, though even he doesn’t quite believe it. “You are safe here. With me.”

You let out a bitter, humorless laugh. “Safe?” You finally look at him, eyes shining. “Vladimir, I don’t want to be just safe. I want to be yours. Completely. Out there, not just in the shadows.”

He stiffens. The words hit harder than he expects. Because you are his. More than anything. More than anyone. But he can’t give you what you want—not without making you a target.

And yet… he sees the way your shoulders shake, the way your lip trembles as you try to hold back everything you’re feeling. And something inside him breaks.

He lifts a hand, brushing his thumb beneath your eye, catching a tear before it can fall. His fingers trail along your cheek, slow, reverent. “I cannot give you a normal life,” he admits, his voice lower now, almost gentle. “But do not mistake secrecy for shame.”

You sniffle, your lips parting slightly as you stare at him.

“If the world knew about you,” he continues, his fingers tightening just slightly, “they would take you from me. And I—” He stops, his breath catching, his grip tightening just enough for you to feel the tremor beneath his control. “I would burn it all to the ground.”

Your eyes widen. He has never said it so plainly before. Never let you see how deep his possessiveness truly runs.

Slowly, you reach up, your fingers curling around his wrist, holding him there. “I don’t want to be your weakness, Vlad.”

His gaze darkens. “You are not my weakness.” He leans in, pressing a feathery kiss to your knuckles, his voice nothing but a whisper. “You are the only thing keeping me human.”

And that is why he cannot lose you. Not to his enemies. Not to his own selfishness.

But looking at you now, seeing the sadness in your eyes, he realizes—keeping you hidden is hurting you just as much as losing you would hurt him.

For the first time in a long time, the Vladimir Makarov hesitates.

And that terrifies him.

122 notes · View notes

xrk900 · 4 months ago

Note

hello again!! i just wanted to askk, could i possibly request how the cod men would be with a self-conscious reader? :3 thank you for the curly-haired!reader hcs btw those were so cutesy!!

I hope u have a nice day/night <3 - 🦇

lol im back and yea ofc! (omg i finally wrote and posted something, EVERYONE CLAP)

𓆩♡𓆪 Headcanon: Being Self-Conscious Around Them

౨ৎ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

Price

He notices that anytime you're out, you glance at your reflection in every mirror or window you appear in, you always regret doing it, and he notices it when you fix your hair to cover your face a little more, or bringing your hoodie over your head

He switches the shopping bags he was using both hands to carry to only one hand, with his now free hand he brings an arm over you and pulls you into him, tucking you into his side

And when you look up at him, a soft breath condensing in the cold air as it escapes your lips, he just smiles warmly and reassuringly at you

His voice, low but thickly as he says your name, wanting your utmost attention, and your eyes find his, in the quietude of the street on that evening you did not turn to glance at your reflection again

It is easy to worry endlessly, to get lost in your thoughts of how people see you, of being aware of every flaw someone could see in you, but you're once again reminded why for one person in the world who's always by your side sees past them

Ghost

Sometimes it is very subtle things you don't like about yourself, not always easy to perceive or notice, but he notices how you feel, the way you carry yourself is different, maybe your shoulders a little more hunched as you try to hide

He doesn't say anything, but he knows something like holding your hand extra tight will have your spinning mind grounded again when you're in public

A chaste but rare peck on your forehead when you get home as he detangles from your fingers and walks off, leaving you surprised but feeling warm inside for it

He knows he's not the best at providing comfort, the man himself uses a balaclava every time he goes out, the real reason for wearing it still unknown but you could say he's just gotten used to not showing his face, so he can't exactly tell you to not hide or turn away if he himself does it

Still, he wanted to give you something to lean on, anything to give you a little bit of reassurance

Soap

He doesn't see why you would be so self-conscious, he loves everything about you, why wouldn't you too?

To be honest, he's never cared that much about his appearance, and he may not exactly be the best when it comes to words, but he's trying

He wants to show you that you shouldn't shy away from him, that he will continue to show you love even if you're hesitant and overly aware of yourself, to not let it get to you or affect how you treat one another

He hates hearing you say negative things about yourself, even if you're just pointing them out, because he truly doesn't see the flaws you think are there, he looks up at you endearingly as he kneels down, his hands on your hips as he tells you about how he first fell for you

And God, you can't get him to shut up once he starts, you'll be laughing and telling him he can stop now, that you get the point he's trying to make, but he refuses to stop talking, you will listen to hear him go on for at least another 30 minutes

Gaz

Those days where your self confidence isn't the best suck :(, especially if you feel like nothing else is really going right and on top of that you just don't feel your best

Kyle would just sense that something is off when you walk through the door, he looks up from where he's sitting and just the sight of him makes you rush into his arms the moment he opens them for you

He'd hold you as he gently strokes your hair, which has a most calming effect on you, making your brain go quiet, feeling how soft his fingertips are against your scalp as they gently caress between strands of hair, it is during this that he asks if there's anything bothering you, since it's been a while since you've had a deep conversation

Feeling like nothing can hold you back, the streams of words just flows, and he's there to only nod and listen as he wishes he could clutch you tighter to his chest and heal everything inside of you, it hurts him to see you like this

But after you've poured everything out to him, he hums quietly and parts from you a little, you raise your head to meet his eyes in confusion

"You really think that?" and he gives the most loving and adoring look you've ever seen him give you it just melts you from the inside

Roach

Honestly, he'd sulk noticing how much it affects you, because he loves the confident you, how charming you are when you hold your head high not letting the thoughts swarming in the murky waters of your mind get to you

He knows he might not be able to change how you perceive yourself, but he can try his best to offer his comfort, maybe you're lying in bed, trying to make peace with the thoughts inside your head, and here comes your boyfriend/husband to climb into bed with you

Slowing making his way towards you like a cat seeking attention, resting his head on your lap as he stares up at you with dreamy eyes admiring you, and you can't ignore him, you take his face in your hands and feel the urge to aggressively love him

His soft smile reminding you of how much he loves you, it momentarily makes you forget about everything, you've been too engrossed in your thoughts you forgot about the person who could erase your doubts even if it was for a moment

The tenderness in his eyes when he murmurs "I love you"

Alejandro

Alejandro is the best at excessive flattery, he does not pass up a moment to tell you how good you look, the problem is that's what he thinks, you're more worried about what your mind has to say and what others might think too

No matter how far down you try to push your thoughts, they just keep finding a way to resurface and make you feel awful, why do you even care so much? It feels like you should, everyone else feels so natural, you want to feel normal for once

Seeing how distressing it can be for you to the point you avoid certain things, Alejandro decides to take matters into his own hands

Telling you, "Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's what you and I think, and no matter what, I still feel the same way", you already know he'd go through extreme measures just to have you feeling like the luckiest person alive, everyone should be envying you for having what you have and you should look and feel it too

Rudy

You're always asking him, "How do I look?" and he will always answer with a smile and "You're beautiful cariño" except you don't believe it, especially when you asked for his jacket, you're not even cold but suddenly you don't like how you feel in your outfit, maybe the people passing by are snickering or laughing or noticing that there is something wrong with you

You just want to turn around and go back home where you can be at peace without the fear of judgement, but Rudy stops for a moment, sensing right away how you feel and asking if you really want to, he could take you back home and instead choose to do something else for the night

You nod yes and he doesn't hesitate in rearranging his plans, he centers his life around you anyways, and he'd rather take a raincheck for any other night than make you feel uncomfortable, he just cares endlessly about you

But he wishes he could find a way to make you see you like he does

Phillip Graves

Waiiitt I've literally entertained the idea of this with him before ;)

You staring into the mirror, unsatisfied with yourself until you're approached by Phillip from behind, him wrapping an arm around your waist, resting his head onto your shoulder and nuzzling his nose into your neck, making you laugh softly

But he notices that sad look behind your eyes, your furrowed brows

No matter how much you try to bring it up to him, he will not let you get more than a sentence in before shaking his head, he doesn't want you to express anymore of those negative feelings, knowing that if you started you'd just go on until you started crying

He'd have you meet his gaze through the mirror, making you stare deep into his beautiful blue eyes asking if you truly trust him, if you nod yes, he'll tell you how he truthfully finds every part of you attractive, how alluring you've been from the first moment he laid eyes on you and how you should discard other people's thoughts

"You truly are the most stunning thing I've ever seen"

Makarov

He did find it strange how you'd gradually become quiet the longer you were around people, and then when you came back home you'd immediately go to the mirror and smile and practice different facial expressions in front of it

When he asks you what you're doing, you simply wave him away, you're only trying to see what you looked like when you were talking to people, did you really look like that? And suddenly you notice other things

Until you're convinced you shouldn't really smile so wide or talk so much, but all it takes is Makarov and his rare tenderness to make you forget about it and feeling good again

He sees no blemishes on you, and you allow yourself to tell you whatever he wants as he drags you away from the mirror and pulling you into bed with him, spooning you, whispering into your ear how you're better than all those insufferable leeches anyways

And for the next time you're getting ready, you receive a questionable amount of compliments from the help Makarov keeps around the house, did he tell them to do that?

Keegan

Keegan wouldn't have known you were being self-conscious around him if it weren't for the fact that you started changing when you were alone, you no longer let him stare at you too long, afraid he'd see something he wouldn't like

You were always trying to turn away or cover yourself if he came into a room when you weren't dressed, yelling at him to get out, except he doesn't care and ignores you anyways as he settles into bed or he holds your hands so you can't cover your face when he leans in closer to get a look at your face

"Hey, don't hide from me" as he turns you to face him, his eyes impossible to part from as he stares deeply into yours, trying to find that fear so deeply rooted in you and pull it out, no one should reach this low, and he'd be a damn fool to let it get to you

He wouldn't want to lose you to this disquietude

König

He very much understands and notices when you're feeling self-conscious, he often feels it too, awkward and unsure of himself when around others, with you though, he forgets about that feeling entirely

Obviously, he's going to do something when you're starting to feel like that, first thing is searching for a place where there is less people, the air gets heavy rather quickly when there are too many people which only makes things worse especially if there's a crowd of people

Doesn't really say much as you both settle into a bench, he's not even sure you noticed that he did it intentionally, he kind of fiddles with his hands nervously but he sits there for a moment, watching the scenery with you, until you lean into him

He's surprised but welcomes it, bringing an arm around your shoulder, "König?" and he responds with a hum, "Do you think... other people think I'm weird?"

Seriously? That's what you were worried about? As if his entire being hasn't always been clumsy and sheepish when around others, yet he still somehow managed to bag you, he snorts, if you're weird he can't imagine what word would be used to describe him

Horangi

He might not fully understand the anxiety that comes with feeling like everyone is constantly watching and judging everything you do or how you look, if anything he quite enjoys the feeling of having eyes on him, especially yours

But he notices how whenever he stares at you a little too long to the point you notice, your reaction gradually shifts from giving a timid and bashful smile to full on embarrassed, he doesn't understand, you're deserving of attention, so why don't you enjoy it?

You do end up explaining how much it bothers you, but there's a long list of things you're always taking notice of, isn't it weird how you walk? Don't you tend to look around too much at people? Is it only you who has an awkward interaction with someone every single time you go out? It's only you, right?

Again, he had never taken notice of these things, seeing as he's learned to take pride in how he carries himself and how he does things, he tells you people don't actually care, no one pays attention long enough to notice

Which is unfortunate really, why doesn't anyone else ever notice that spark in your eye, or that distinctive mark on you? Such a pity no one will ever get to look at you like how he does, maybe he's lucky because he has you all to himself

Nikto

He doesn't even notice what you're constantly worrying about, you've overlooked every scar of his, so why would you ever feel the need to worry about how others perceive you? Especially when it comes to him? It's not unusual of him anyways, you have to point things out for this guy to even take notice of

He sees you staring into the mirror and thinks nothing of it, sees you pull your shirt down every time you sit and again dismisses it, sees you looking uncomfortable when pictures are being taken, fine with him he hates them too

Until you're up at night thinking and he's in bed next to you ready to rest until your voice comes out shaky, frail as if on the verge of tears asking if he really even likes you

Needless to say, he's confused, tired and only grunts in response as he pulls you, snaking an arm around your waist and trapping you in his arms, when you try to move he just shushes you and tells you to sleep

You go to sleep not knowing he's still awake, staring gently at you as he caresses your hair

#new ao3 idea

781 notes · View notes