yebinette

[yebinette]

Who is she?

Hello there! Please just call me Yebin. This is a made-up name, if ever you're wondering. Probably, the most relevant thing that you should know about me at first is that I am primarily lost at life right now. Why else would I be writing down stuff here in Tumblr, if not for the sheer boredom of being confined to my own thoughts everyday of my life? I say all this, because I am unemployed.

As an Asian living in Southeast Asia, in an Asian household, I have thought that I am only ever equal to the amount of money I bring home. This isn't to say that my family treats me like their personal bank, no absolutely not. In fact, my family has been quite the socialist when it comes to letting me still live under their roof. I just couldn't stand the pressure of not being able to be financially independent at the ripe age of 24 (turning 25), when my peers are ticking off their respective money goals and living their best lives, or at least that's what their social media accounts show (though, I really do hope they are because I truly wish the best for them).

I have tried searching for jobs. Jobs that are aligned with what I am trained to do; jobs in STEM. I did, I really did. I received a considerable number of calls, interviews, and offers but nothing really struck me as something that I would sacrifice my current life for. Having to move to another place is great for me, but moving to THE Metro Manila, while working on a minimum wage despite being a licensed professional? Absolutely not! I could tell you about the realities of the job market of a third world country during a recession but this is not what we're here for today. Yes, I actually do have an agenda for this post and this isn't some random rambling brain fart I decided to share because I have an overactive imagination 20 minutes past 9 in the evening.

What we're here to talk about is how I am supposed to find what I want to do for the rest of my life. Twenty-four turning twenty-five isn't too old, nor is it too young. But I feel it is at the age where you should have at least an idea of what you want to do. Currently, I have none. Or too many. One thing is for sure, some sort of career change is on the way for me; if not, I will make a way for it. You know those manifestation videos you randomly see on your FYP on social media? Yeah, I've manifested on those too. Too many times, actually, it's embarrassing. But if anything, it did serve a purpose though.

The past few weeks of job hunting in tandem with manifesting made me understand that I don't want a repetitive, too-technical, highly objective job, which ironically, is the nature of all the jobs I have been offered. The cycle goes the same every time: I apply, I get interviewed, I wait a few days, I get an offer, I say I don't want the job anymore and have changed my priorities. A large factor to my non-acceptance and "change in priorities" is the fact that all these jobs are offered to me at minimum wage, overtime, contractual, and with no health benefits. So really, why would I overhaul my life for the barest of all the minimums? Currently, I find jobs in technology relatively isolating and even more so in these conditions, depressing. Don't get me wrong, I like math and science, but I also like interacting with and learning from people. As I ponder while in transit to-and-from different places to catch interviews, I come to realize that my background in STEM doesn't really align with who I am anymore nor who I want to be in life. Maybe there was a time I wanted to become a scientist, researcher, or inventor, but I don't have that in me anymore, not because I lost interest, but simply because I changed. Although, I still aim to find the silver lining by striving to marry what I know with something new, but I might as well be tempted to abandon it altogether.

Currently, I have decided to stop job hunting and start focusing on what I want to learn more. Even though I may not have as much right now, I recognize my privilege in having a safety net that provides me the freedom, although limited, to explore what I truly want. Don't expect too much though; I am relatively optimistic but we still have to keep in mind that I am technically considered a fresh-out-of-college-but-unemployed girl in her mid-20s with only 20 bucks to her name living in a developing country so the privilege isn't really ✨giving✨ when compared to the rest of the world. Hence, with the next few weeks to months, this account will be a log of every single hobby I have ever dipped my toes in and my thoughts as I walk through in it. I have a few in mind for a while now and I have actually registered for some classes, all of which I am very excited for. I'll make a list of it surely so I can all share my progress as well.

Anyway, I believe this has been too long? Maybe one of the classes I'll take someday is how to properly write a blog post... and uhm yeah, I'll see you in my next post!