young-in-recovery

[young-in-recovery]

The Accuracy

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

do you ever sit on your bed thinking why you are still alive? after all the overdoses, the cigarettes you smoke, the new drugs you tried? you’re still alive after all the alcohol, the accidents, the drawbacks. you live even if you destroy yourself every day, despite you are conscious of you actions. you are still fucking alive and you don’t even know why

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

It’s so annoying that like one day you’re fine, everything is seemingly improving, you feel mentally stable than out of no where comes crippling depression, thoughts of relapse and suicide. like bruhhh

[young-in-recovery]

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past - the memories - and make peace with them.”

— Iyanla Yanzant

[young-in-recovery]

No one around me knows how bad I’m struggling right now.

[young-in-recovery]

It’s scary how immediately disconnected I feel when suicide even crosses my mind.

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

Relapse:

I spent my break in and out of a methadone clinic. After 4 years of being completely clean from drugs (tar, crack, alcohol), I got hooked back on speedball and alcohol while home for thanksgiving. I went through withdrawal the week second semester started, since I only have hooks in D.C., and thinking it was only a slip, I fell back in these past two weeks while home. Why? Exposing myself back to stimuli, for one, other reasons too. I didn’t have the money for long term, effective therapy and so I was trying to utilize AA and weekly group meetings but it didn’t cut it like it did before. These meetings worked for the last 4 years, especially after being forced to go clean cold turkey in high school. Groups work, but you need to treat the reason behind the drug use. AA don’t do that. No one can help you if you don’t say anything. I wanted to use this opportunity to vocalize what I’m going through because relapse is important to talk about

My withdrawal:

•Cravings are intense, but different than the first time I quit

•My muscles are extremely sore

•Hot and cold

•Unshakable depression

•Kicking dope for the past few weeks. Random leg spasms.

•Lucid dreams

•Flu symptoms

Things that I found help if you can’t afford CBT:

•Understand when your high risk times are (after meals, on the phone, stress, after coffee)

•Plan around those times

•Stock up on chewing supplies (toothpicks, gum, hard candy)

•Cigs: cravings last usually last less than 10 minutes, so do something for those few minutes (my lacrosse practice kills cravings for a good 2 hours)

•Cigs: Low dosage nicotine patches (only have to think about it once a day but these make lucid dreams worse)

•Remove all your lighters and ashtrays

•Keep a water bottle in hand

•Reevaluate who you spend your time with, being around users or smokers does not help you in any way

•Let others know, find a sponsor or equivalent for accountability

This addiction will be a lifelong battle for me and this relapse is a bad part of recovery but it happens. It’s a lifelong condition, not lifelong impairment. One day at a time. It really means something, for anyone going through something.

[young-in-recovery]

[young-in-recovery]

- Famous last words

[young-in-recovery]