your-words-hurt - Tumblr blog

[your-words-hurt]

I feel like Im slowly going crazy and I don’t know what to do… like I relapsed today and my first thought was “oh let me draw a clown face on my face with the blood”. I’ve never done anything like that and it scares me how bad I’m getting because I want to be gone but there is this I want to do and things I want to see but as each day goes I feel like I don’t need that and I feel like I’m slowly dying.

There is so much shit in my life and I don’t know if I can handle it..

[your-words-hurt]

im tired of feeling like shit 24/7, im tired of exicting... each day is hard but when im with my partner my day gets harder and harder and i dont know why, i dont want to break up but they hurt me so fucking much and i dont know what to do to make thay change.. when were togheter they tell me how much they love me and thats great but it makes me feel like shit when i have thought about breaking up, because its like one day i want to break up and never see them again but the other day i love them so much and they make me smile and make me happy, but that dosent happen much anymore, most of the days are shit, and theyre only getting worse. I used to look forward to meeting them but now its something im dreading.. i dont know what to do anymore, because even if i wanted to break up (which im not sure what i want) i dont feel like i can because i feel like they will kill themself, like theyve ended up in the ER 2 times in under a week and i think theyll keep ending up there, so im so lost... I want to be with them but i dont and i hate that feeling...

[your-words-hurt]

I keep on having to babysit my partner but is that even worth it, it was the last night we where going to spend togheter and they were going to sleep and sh while being so close to me, I give up, I give up on trying so hard to keep them from killing themself, how am I going to be able to keep them from doing it when I’m constantly thinking about it.

Well now that I know they can do it around me I won’t have to keep bringing myself down and prioritise them. If I knew they would do this I wouldn’t have told them to come, they suck so much of my energy out and keep on pulling me down.

Since they did it with me here I’m fighting the urge to just go and do it myself like why give a fuck anymore. I’m so fucking tired of always having to change and prioritise other people than myself, I can never be myself and that’s fucking exhausting. I just want to fucking end everything right here right now…

[your-words-hurt]

Each time someone asks if I’m okay I always say yes, because what’s the point of saying no, noting can help, they can’t fix it, talking do not help and if it dose it just helps while you’re doing it but not after, so what’s the point in telling people, they can’t do shit. Why put my problems onto anyone else.. it’s not like they would care anyway..

[your-words-hurt]

One day, I’ll finally be gone from this hell hole, the day just seems to get worse and worse and the anger just keeps on building up. I hope the day where I’ll leave this hell hole comes soon!

[your-words-hurt]

Im not sure what to do anymore.. I just keep getting worse and worse and I’m starting to think about suicide again. I just want the pain to be gone. My partner is going through shit and I’m trying to be supportive but the truth is that he triggers me so much and is one of the reasons I’m getting worse and I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to be gone I don’t want to be here anymore. I have wanted to sh so much the whole day but they’ve been here all and I hate it, I get so exhausted form them, they suck out all my energy, I can’t leave them alone for one second because then they’ll sh so bad they’ll have to go to the hospital so I have to be some kind of babysitter. I’m so tired of putting everyone and they’re feelings before mine but even tho i hate it i cant change and i hate it, i just wish i could disappear forever.

[your-words-hurt]

sometimes people dont realize how much words actually hurts, and how deep it actually cuts into someone