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𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐋 𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐇! 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐊 🎀🍽️

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☆ Reblog if you're an active 3d account in September 2024 ☆

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I'm going home in a week and wanna lose a few extra pounds with OMAD

or just starve idk

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I'm getting my life back together. I know i have said this a lot already and tried it a hundred billion times only to fail, but i have a gut feeling this is it.

i have really matured up as a person and i have a better understanding of how my brain really works.

For the past few years of me trying to lose weight and become confident have failed only because of my lack of self control. And it didn't work only because i was being too hard on myself. This time i am going following a more relaxed method, where i do my usual fasting and dieting and exercising, but instead of forcing myself, im going to allow myself small pleasures from time to time.

i really think its going to work this time and anyone is free to join me into this journey of becoming a better version of myself

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Alright so i had a long vacation and moved back in with my parents for the holiday.

I just came back and def put of some weight.

Gonna follow a strict diet routine and exercise starting from today

Im gonna try to lose at east 10kg before the year ends

good luck for me!

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Im going to romanticise life.

Im gonna stop my mentality of thinking my eating disorder is a punishment, instead it's a a way to cleanse my body and soul from unwanted impurities.

I'm merely preventing my body from wasting its energy on digesting fat, but instead letting it flow to my brain to help me understand the world better.

Im gonna see the world around me and not let my entire life revolve around food.

It's beautiful out here, and i wish nothing would stop me or other people from realising the world is a beautiful place and you deserve to make your presence known.

Even though the people living in the world are shitty, nature is still wonderful.

Live your life people. When you realise the beauty around you, maybe, just maybe, you'll release the beauty that you are too.

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It really hurts when the people you thought were your close friends don't think the same about you.

I know i sound like a fucking clingy ass child but they are the only people I have and when i realise i don't even matter to any of them is just...it just hurts you know.

And the fact that I'm just that easily replaceable is just making my inferiority complex expand even more inside my head.

I don't normally ask to be anyone's first choice, but the fact that I'm not even their second or third choice truly hurts my heart.

Every day passing is just proving to me that...i don't matter at all.

Like I could just die and people will forget me immediately.

I feel so inferior to everyone around me that even if i am a bigger person physically, my presence feels so small and insignificant.

Idk what to do except starve myself and exercise to keep my thoughts at bay. But it's times like this that I'm reminded what a waste of space I truly am.

Kinda scared i might relapse into self harming again. I've been clean for a year but idk if i can keep up with the score anymore. I've been having the worst urges lately and someday i might just give into it.

That was just a rant idk if anyone will ever read this, but if you do, i hope you are comfortable in your own skin and thoughts. And even if you're not, i hope that someday you'll realise your worth and what truly makes you feel happy.

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Clean slate

Starting from square one

Even if i messed up before, this time I'm gonna reach my goal

For real

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I literally have no self control wtf

I'm gonna starve for 100hrs and then do a OMAD for a week and then repeat

Gonna keep a 200cal per day for the OMAD

Guess it should compensate for all the fat i gained

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I want someone to love me. To want me so fiercely that it scares them.

I want someone to think about me all the time, either about how much they love or how much they wanna ruin me in their bed.

I just want to feel wanted

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Ok this is gonna sound a little weird to y'all but like...i think I've been too focused on just like...starving myself and getting that ideal body people would die for, that i genuinely forgot to live my life.

Like i wanna be thin yes, i wanna have that body guys would drool over, the kind of body i would feel confident in wearing anything i like. But i wanna live right now.

I just got hit with this sudden....urge(?) To travel. Not your typical Times Square or Eiffel Tower and stuff like that. Places hidden from the mainstream. Places that make you feel like....there is hope left. Places that make you feel magical and different. That make you appreciate nature and the ways of mankind.

I dont know if I'm making any sense right now. I'm of course going to be fasting and doing my usual diets and exercises but i dont want an eating disorder to define my life. I don't wanna be known as the one that won't eat.

I dont think I'm ready for recovery. I dont think i even want to recover honestly. I'm losing weight and I'm happy about it. I've had a significant physical change in college and i would like for it to stay that way.

But I'm gonna live more. Finish my degree and travel the world. Just...I wanna see the world more. Not the same four walls of my dorm room. I wanna see what's out there.

Idk if this is stupid or if anyone will even read it but if you got this far...i love you and i hope you're happy in life and if you think youre not, just look around a little bit more. There is something waiting for you out there that's gonna make you feel more human than ever. Humanity and mankind is complex and i wanna learn it.

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K my classmate is the biggest fucking meanspo you can find. But he motivates me anyway so

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Can someone send me meanspo?

Like ruthless meanspo just go for it plz plz plz

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40hrs into my 5 days fast yaay

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Just tried my first cig...