zxxxx-4 - Tumblr blog

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Sometimes I wonder whether other people feel the same way I do. It would make sense since we’re all so similar but yet so different. So therefore, what if I’m the only one experiencing all of this?

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deep down I’m so sad. Sometimes I let it out but it feels like it’s too all consuming so I try to just suck it in. Which most of the time actually works.

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haven’t posted in a while but I guess I’m back

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might not seem like a lot but it’s a profound realization

A realization that has just hit me is that I simply put too much focus on other people’s approval. As I looked through my Pinterest, I only saw posts of affirmations like “Everybody loves me. I am the most loved. …”. However, I do not need to be loved by everybody. It doesn’t even matter if one single person loves me or not. It’s only my approval that I should seek and it’s only my approval that matters. But why then do I constantly try to manifest and receive more love from others? It might not seem like a profound realization, but it is. I’ve mostly tried to manifest being the most loved, having a lot of followers, being beautiful. And while the last one might seem like something more personal, I deep down mostly only want to be beautiful or skinny or drop-dead gorgeous so that I receive love and attention from others.

And yes, we need connection and approval from others. But the real, honest connection that we seek has absolutely nothing to do with all the above. Even then…. One connection would be enough – I don’t need everybody to love me.

And while I will still seek love and attention from others. And yes, I will still find myself longing for more followers because then I’ll be more loved or worthy – I will still try to actually think about everything I have just stated.

I do not need the approval from others. I do not need all the love and attention in the world. While it would still feel great, the real approval I need…. Is my own.

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Nothing has taught me more about the beauty of life than dead poets society and dark academia in general.

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Sometimes I just want to lay down on a highway whilst it’s raining.

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my toxic trait is honestly thinking that I have an elite taste in music but still being too self-conscious to give out recommendations and share my favourite songs.

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“Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty. I’m so sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for.” — Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

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botany dark academia

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there’s a whole lot of life left to live. a lot more art to make. a lot more love to give. a lot more oceans to see.

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Sometimes I’m happy and then I think about kurt cobain and his life and his message and then I’m fucking sad but then I’m happy again because he was alive and fucking awesome and this goes on until I cry and then I just feel nothing because I don’t know whether I’m happy or terribly sad.

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oh how much I hate it when people don’t understand my exaggeration, sarcasm or the general greater meaning of my words.

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Who wants to join my Charlie Dalton fanclub?

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Why am I both? Makes me question myself even more.

oh we're best friends?

who's the catholic gay one that throws their friends out of windows and who's the feminist justice warrior bi witch?