#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD

[peachyutdr]

i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D

[blank3tsin]

BEST FRIEND? | PT. 1

jude bellingham

SUMMARY |  you and jude were close, but his girlfriend celeste grew jealous, distancing him from you. after a game, jude reveals he broke up with her, but doesn't admit it's because of his feelings for you, leaving things awkward between you both.

YOU AND JUDE have known each other since childhood, your bond rooted in a shared connection to your cousin, Trent. Growing up, you idolized Trent and naturally wanted to follow in his footsteps, which is how you and Jude became close. While Trent saw you as the annoying tagalong at first, Jude didn't seem to mind.

Over time, your dynamic shifted—Jude became less of a friend-of-a-cousin and more of someone you could count on. Whether it was climbing trees, sharing secrets, or laughing until your sides hurt, Jude was always there, even when Trent wasn't.

That all started to change as the two of you grew older. You blossomed into your womanhood, and Jude got a girlfriend—Celeste. She didn't like the idea of you and Jude spending time together, seeing you as competition rather than just an old friend. The dynamic shifted, and what once felt like an unshakable bond began to unravel under the weight of jealousy and growing up.

Celeste made it clear that she didn't approve of your friendship, always inserting herself whenever you and Jude were together. At first, Jude tried to keep things the same, brushing off her insecurities with reassurances that you were just friends. But over time, the pressure got to him. He started pulling away—canceling plans, ignoring your texts, and treating you like a distant memory rather than someone who had been by his side for years.

You couldn't help but feel hurt and confused. Jude was always your safe place, the one person who truly understood you outside of Trent. Now, it seemed like you didn't belong in his life anymore, like you were being pushed out of a story you helped write.

The final blow came when Jude stopped showing up altogether, leaving you to wonder if the bond you thought was unbreakable was just a passing phase after all.

You couldn't understand why Celeste was so insecure. To you, Jude was nothing more than a friend—a childhood companion who felt more like a brother than anything else. At least, that's what you told yourself. What you didn't realize was that Jude didn't see things the same way.

For years, Jude had been captivated by you—your radiant smile, your quick wit, and the way you carried yourself with effortless grace. You were the one person who could make him laugh even on his worst days, and no one else could hold his attention quite like you. But Jude knew he could never admit these feelings to you. He couldn't risk ruining the friendship you shared or facing rejection.

So, he did the only thing he thought might dull the ache of wanting you: he got a girlfriend. Celeste was his way of pretending he didn't care, of convincing himself that he could move on. But no matter how hard he tried to focus on her, his thoughts always wandered back to you. And no matter how much Celeste demanded his attention, Jude couldn't stop his heart from racing every time you walked into the room.

"Why isn't Jude answering his phone?" Trent asked as he walked into the living room, his voice laced with irritation.

You tore your eyes away from the TV, raising an eyebrow at him. "Why are you asking me that?" you replied, your tone defensive.

Trent crossed his arms and gave you a pointed look. "Because you're usually the one who knows where he is. Did you two have a fight or something?"

You scoffed, shaking your head. "No, Trent. Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I don't have a tracking device on Jude."

Trent frowned, clearly not satisfied with your answer. "Well, something's off. He hasn't answered me all day, and that's not like him."

You shrugged, trying to ignore the pang of concern creeping into your chest. "Maybe he's just busy." But deep down, you wondered the same thing—why wasn't Jude answering?

"Probably his dumb girlfriend took his phone," Trent muttered, flopping onto the couch beside you. As he did, his movements jostled your leg, causing you to instinctively kick him lightly in response.

"Ow," he whined, clutching his shin dramatically.

"Don't be such a baby," you teased, rolling your eyes. "Maybe if you weren't so clumsy, you wouldn't get hurt so often."

Trent shot you a mock glare, rubbing his leg for emphasis. "I swear, you're more violent than you look."

"Only when provoked," you retorted with a smirk, turning your attention back to the TV. But even as the banter continued, your mind wandered back to Jude, and a knot of unease began to form in your stomach.

"We're going to Jude's game next week," Trent announced casually, stretching out on the couch.

"I'm not going," you replied flatly, not bothering to look away from the TV.

Trent frowned, sitting up slightly. "What do you mean you're not going? You never miss his games."

"Well, I'm missing this one," you said, your voice firm.

He studied you for a moment, narrowing his eyes. "Did something happen between you two? You've been acting weird lately."

"Nothing happened," you snapped, a little too quickly. "I just don't feel like going, okay?"

Trent didn't look convinced. "Right. Because it has nothing to do with his girlfriend being glued to his side the entire time, huh?"

You rolled your eyes, ignoring the way his words struck a nerve. "Believe it or not, Trent, the world doesn't revolve around Jude and his girlfriend. I've got other things to do."

"Yeah, sure," he muttered, leaning back against the couch. "But for the record, I think skipping is a bad idea. He'll notice."

"Good," you muttered under your breath. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if Trent was right. Would Jude even care if you weren't there?

YOU WERE NOW seated in the crowd, the noise of cheering fans echoing all around you. The stadium buzzed with excitement, but you felt out of place. You sat next to Trent, who was chatting animatedly with Jude's parents, Mark and Denise, seated on his other side. To your right was Jobe, Jude's younger brother, who was busy scrolling through his phone.

You tried to focus on the game, but your thoughts kept drifting. The energy in the stadium felt suffocating, and every time Jude's name was called over the speakers, a knot tightened in your stomach. Being here felt different now—awkward, like you didn't belong.

"Excited for the game?" Jobe asked suddenly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You gave him a small smile, trying to muster some enthusiasm. "Yeah, of course," you lied, your gaze drifting back to the field.

But the truth was, you weren't sure why you even came.

His girlfriend definitely didn't want you here—you could feel it in the way her eyes had lingered on you when you walked into the stadium. It was like she was silently questioning why you had shown up at all.

What confused you even more was the fact that Celeste wasn't sitting with Jude's family. Normally, she was glued to his side, making sure everyone in the room knew she was his girlfriend. But tonight, she was nowhere to be seen in your section.

You glanced at Mark and Denise, who seemed unfazed, their attention entirely on the game. Trent, on the other hand, was oblivious as always, too busy laughing at something Mark had just said.

Still, the question gnawed at you. Why wasn't she here, sitting next to his parents, basking in the spotlight like usual? Something about her absence felt... off.

Suddenly, the crowd erupted, leaping to their feet in a wave of cheers and chants. "Jude! Jude! Jude!" they roared, their excitement electrifying the stadium.

You blinked, startled by the noise, realizing you hadn't been paying attention. Your gaze darted to the field, where Jude was being swarmed by his teammates, his signature grin lighting up his face as he celebrated the goal.

Next to you, Trent was on his feet, hollering like a madman. Mark and Denise clapped proudly, their smiles beaming with pride. Even Jobe had put his phone down to join in on the excitement.

You stayed seated, feeling out of place amidst the chaos. While everyone else was swept up in the moment, you were stuck in your head, wondering why it felt so hard to be here.

YOU AND TRENT, along with his family, were now standing on the pitch, waiting for Jude to finish whatever post-game obligations were keeping him busy. The stadium lights shone brightly overhead, and the smell of freshly cut grass lingered in the air.

You fidgeted nervously, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. It had been a while since you last talked to Jude, and the thought of facing him now made your stomach churn. What would you even say? Would he brush you off, or would it be like old times?

What struck you more, though, was Celeste's glaring absence. She was nowhere to be found, and you couldn't help but find it amusing that no one else seemed to notice. Mark, Denise and Jobe didn't mention her, and Trent certainly didn't care. It was as if her presence—or lack thereof—didn't matter to anyone here.

Still, the question lingered in your mind. Why wasn't she here? Celeste never missed a chance to claim her spot at Jude's side, yet tonight, she was completely absent. The thought made you smirk, just a little. Maybe this night wouldn't be as awkward as you thought.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you saw Jude approaching, his arms outstretched as he pulled his family into a warm hug. Laughter bubbled from the group, his parents beaming with pride as Jude said something that made Trent double over with laughter.

Your breath caught for a moment as you took him in. It had been a while since you'd seen him up close. His hair was damp with sweat, and his jersey clung to him from the effort of the game, but he looked happier than you'd seen in a long time.

You stood off to the side, unsure if you should step forward or stay where you were. Jude hadn't noticed you yet, and a part of you wondered if he even would. Still, you couldn't deny the familiar warmth spreading through your chest at the sight of him laughing so freely.

Jude finally broke away from his family, his eyes scanning the crowd as he made his way toward you. For a moment, it felt like time slowed down. The noise of the stadium faded, and all you could focus on was him. You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of the awkward silence that hung between you.

When his gaze landed on you, his expression shifted—surprise, then something more unreadable. He stopped a few feet away, his smile still in place but with an edge of uncertainty. "Hey," he said, his voice soft but carrying that familiar warmth.

You managed a small smile, feeling a strange mix of relief and tension. "Hey, Jude. Congrats on the goal," you said, your voice coming out steadier than you expected.

"Thanks," he replied, his eyes flicking to his family before returning to you. "I didn't expect to see you here. Thought you weren't coming."

The question hung in the air, but you avoided it, shrugging instead. "Changed my mind."

There was a brief silence, both of you unsure of what to say next. Jude glanced at his parents, then back at you, his expression softening. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah," you said, a slight laugh escaping your lips. "Guess a lot has changed."

Jude nodded, his gaze flicking to the side, clearly trying to find something else to focus on. "You've been good? Everything okay?"

You hesitated for a moment, considering how much to share. Finally, you nodded. "Yeah, just... life, you know?"

Jude chuckled awkwardly getting ready to say his next words, "I broke up with Celeste."

What Jude wasn't going to tell you was the real reason he'd broken up with Celeste. The truth was, as much as he tried to convince himself that he could move on, the more he was around her, the more his feelings for you only deepened.

At first, he thought it was just a passing thing. He tried to suppress it, bury it beneath the surface, thinking that being with someone else would help him forget. But it didn't. If anything, having Celeste in his life only made those feelings for you stronger—more undeniable.

Every time she'd cling to his side, he couldn't help but compare the way she looked at him to how you used to. The way you'd laugh, the way your eyes would light up when you spoke about something you loved—it all stayed with him, even when he didn't want it to. Celeste never made him feel the way you did.

He tried to fight it for months, but it was futile. Eventually, he knew the only way to stop lying to himself was to end things with her, even if it meant dealing with the aftermath. The hardest part was knowing that you still saw him as just a friend—maybe that's all you ever would. But he couldn't keep pretending like his heart didn't belong somewhere else.

"You did?" you asked, surprised, your voice betraying the mix of emotions swirling inside you. "But you seemed happy with her."

Jude looked at you, the weight of his words hanging between you both, but he didn't confess what was truly on his mind. He didn't say how he'd realized the depth of his feelings for you, how every moment he spent with Celeste only made the truth harder to ignore. Instead, he simply shrugged, trying to mask the vulnerability in his eyes.

"I... I guess I just had to figure things out," he said, the words coming out more uncertain than he'd intended. "It wasn't about her, really. It's just... I needed to be sure of what I wanted."

You couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. He was holding back—either not ready or unwilling to tell you what was really going on in his heart. You tried to push the thought away, not wanting to press him for answers he clearly wasn't ready to give.

"Well, I'm sure you did the right thing," you said, forcing a smile, though your mind was racing. "It's your life, Jude. You've got to make decisions for you."

His gaze lingered on you, searching for something, but he didn't say anything more. Instead, he simply nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

You both stood in silence for a moment, the unspoken words between you thick and heavy. And for all the things you wanted to say, you both just... didn't.

[sillylittlespam]

maybe i lost my mind! (no one noticed)

i need to make them a playlist

percy jackson x daughter of hecate!fem!reader ( childhood friends/crushes to enemies to lovers , SLOW BURN , ANGST , multi-chapter series )

summary : percy and (y/n) hang out at the river! little does percy know just how much is going on with her

taglist (comment to be added!)

@imafuckinstar @homan-oid  @lortheswiftie @off-to-the-r4ces

bambi & witch masterist!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

(y/n) wasn’t sure why she didn’t bring it up sooner.

The past few weeks, she’d been experiencing… not visions, but some other form of hallucination. Nothing serious, just campers casually bursting into flames, or a golden snake with black eyes that would creep up and wrap itself around her until she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

No, she knew exactly why she didn’t bring it up. She knew why it was happening as well.

While Kronos remained a bunch of chopped up body parts in a sarcophagus, he was still in the process of convincing Luke to become his human vessel. A bit tired of waiting for the son of Hermes to get fully on board, the Titan of time had turned to the daughter of Hecate, claiming that a “temporary arrangement” was required for this momentary setback. So while she wasn’t his vessel, he still took up a notable residence in her conscience.

It was through his presence that she had found herself able to use her powers in ways she’d never imagined. It seemed like the perfect trade off, except for the fact that her best friend was screaming in agony as the flames devoured his face.

“(y/n), are you even listening to me?” she blinked and the flames were gone, instead replaced with the familiar green of Percy’s concerned eyes. Glancing down, she found her hands clenched in fists around the wrinkled picnic blanket. 

“Yeah, sorry, Bambi. What’d you say?” (y/n) released the blanket, bringing her hands up to rub her eyes.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come stay with me after the summer is over,” Percy repeated, his eyes on the girl sitting next to him.

“What?” (y/n) asked, surprised. Her wide eyes left the river in front of them to meet Percy’s, finding them dead serious.

“You, stay with me. During the year,” he said, making it clear he was not repeating it again, “What do you say?”

“Why?” 

Percy broke their eye contact, turning instead to watch a bird fly across the river and land near a blackberry bush, “I dunno. I always feel bad about leaving you here, and my mom really wants to meet you.”

(y/n) blinked, her face softening from her previously guarded expression, “You talk to your mom about me?”

Percy’s eyes widened ever so slightly, as if he’d been caught. If (y/n) hadn’t been watching, she would’ve missed it. He quickly feigned nonchalance as he shrugged, “Of course. You’re my best friend.”

(y/n) knew the excuse was true, but it still warmed her heart to hear proof of their friendship. The corners of her lips began to turn up, before a familiar jolt behind her eyebrow reminded her why it couldn’t happen.

Kronos was here. She could go as far as to say that he was sitting on the picnic blanket with her, and she could feel the disgust creeping into her chest. It was foreign, it didn't belong to her, but she couldn’t get rid of it. All she could do was push it in the corner and act like it didn’t exist.

“I- I don’t know,” her voice was quiet. As much as she wanted to, accepting his offer would only put him in danger. She was in this fight to make a change for people like her, not to hurt Percy. Going home with him, staying in his house? That would present her with far too many opportunities to do something she would regret.

“You don’t have to answer right away,” his tone was casual, too casual to be genuine, as he leaned back on his arms and his eyes remained on the bird, probably a jay of some kind, that hopped between the bush branches to get the best blackberries, “I just thought I’d offer now in order to give you enough time to think it over before summer ends. Don’t feel pressured or anything.”

She swallowed again, the sunbeam quickly shifting from warm comfort into something that was fueling her nausea. Sitting in the silence, she matched his position, leaning back on her arms as her eyes lazily watched the jay. Another bird had joined it, and they both hopped about, half-covered by the branches of the blackberry bush.

The only warning she got was silence. The chirping, the sound of the moving water in the river, the rustling of the leaves, it all stopped. Then, the bush was replaced with a scorching mess of flames that sent burning branches flying towards the two demigods sitting on a very flammable blanket.

“Shit,” (y/n) had enough control not to scream and jump, but she did flinch. In her mind, she knew it wasn’t real, but there was still some deep part in the depths of her conscience that provoked a sense of agony and fear like her world was falling apart.

When she finally opened her eyes, the bush was back to normal, but the birds were gone, likely scared off from her sudden movement. She could feel Percy’s eyes on her before she even turned her head.

“What the hell just happened to you, Witch?” he was sitting up straight, keeping his distance but she could still feel the warmth of his arm next to hers, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” (y/n) said, quickly. It was a routine at this point. Just say whatever she needed to in order to get whoever witnessed her freak out off of her case. Usually it didn’t take much, but that’s because it had never happened around Percy, “I thought I saw a bug.”

I thought I saw a bug. If (y/n) hadn’t been trying to tell a convincing lie she would’ve rolled her eyes at what a lameass excuse that was.

“Okay,” Percy blinked, his mouth twisting into a small frown, “Now what really happened?”

She swallowed, breaking their eye contact to watch the water in the river. It was so clear that she could see almost every rock sitting at the bottom. 

“Uh,” she began, pausing for a moment to lick her lips, which had gone uncomfortably dry, “Lately I’ve been.. I’ve been having-“

A jolt of pain appeared behind her eyebrow, and she wanted to groan. This stupid titan needed to mind his own damn business. Did he really have nothing better to do than to eavesdrop on a thirteen year old girl and the guy she kind of liked?

Kind of liked? Where the hell did that come from? Why did it-

“(y/n),” the concern in Percy’s voice brought her back to the moment, “Lately you’ve been having what?”

“Sorry,” she muttered, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead, “Um, lately I’ve been having these…headaches. I think they’re migraines. But they don’t last very long.”

Percy’s eyes narrowed, and she couldn’t tell if it was from concern or if he just didn’t believe her.

“And sometimes I-“ she ignored the jolt again, keeping her eyes open and on her friend, “Sometimes I see things that aren’t there.  Mainly things catching on fire.”

Percy’s eyes narrowed even further, and his mouth opened like he was going to say something.

“But it’s no big deal,” (y/n) quickly added, already wishing she hadn’t said anything, “I think it’s from my powers, or maybe my mom’s playing a sick joke on me or something. They’re super unrealistic so I don’t think they’re like, prophetic or anything, I just-“

“Witch, why didn’t you tell me?” his gaze shifted to something softer, and he looked almost.. hurt?

“I just- I don’t know,” and suddenly (y/n)’s chest ached, “I just- I didn’t want you to think I was crazy. Like everyone else does.”

“(y/n),” Percy said, and she knew he was being serious, “I would never think you’re crazy.”

“I know, I-“ she stopped. What else could she say? “Actually, I’m seeing visions because I’m temporarily being occupied by the very titan that wants you dead, also surprise! I’m secretly working for Kronos and Luke!” No, that would put her in a very awkward position.

“I’m sorry,” was all she said.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. You’re here for me whenever I need anything, I want you to feel like you can count on me if you need anything.”

(y/n)’s heart twinged, and she felt her chest start to tighten. Was she making the wrong choice?

A jolt went through her, this time right below her hairline, and a series of memories washed over her.

Being put into the Hermes cabin for years. Being claimed, but being told that her mom didn’t have a cabin and that she just had to “get comfortable” with sleeping on the floor. The years of mockery and whispers. Annabeth trying to convince Percy that she was the lightning thief.

Was she really willing to let all of that go just for one nice moment with her only friend?

The answer was no.

All she could do was hope that he would understand when time came.

She knew she was being unrealistic, but as she laid her head on his shoulder and let the feeling of the afternoon sun shine on her face, she found she didn’t really care.

[r3starttt]

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

CW: tlou universe. Comphet Abby, slightly suggestive. Angst. Sad ending!!!

Approximately three hours passed by since she left that good night kiss on the man sleeping next to her. Abby had been tossing around in bed endlessly, first being unable to sleep and then fighting with herself to stay asleep, trying to find calm and comfort within the torture her mind was going through. The endless corridor, the blood on the wall, her hands desperately gripping the dead body, her dad’s empty body. It had been a while since she’s got that nightmare, but so far, she had learned to manage it. Maybe because you weren’t there.

She jolted awake, her heart racing and her breaths coming in shallow gasps. It was in that moment of vulnerability that the floodgates of her suppressed emotions burst open. In fact, there had been plenty reasons for her emotions to burst. You being the main reason.

Settling herself in bed, trying to catch her breath as her elbows rested on the mattress, holding her whole weight. Her gaze shifted next to her, the man sleeping on her side still unaware of the situation. unusual considering he’d wake her up most times. At least he cared about her, it was real love coming from his side.

She had gotten used to this in a desperate attempt to find an explanation for everything. Forcing herself into believing it was her father the reason behind it all. Yet, despide the effort, she found herself haunted by memories that refused to leave her mind and heart alone at any time.

But oh she’s stubborn, so, for years she made it work. Abby had spent so long trying to fit into the mold her own mind had built for her, trying to convince herself she was fine, she had been burying her feelings, making anybody else responsible for them, anyone but herself.

Her fingers ran over the man’s hand, resting over her lap. Gently, she tossed it away, placing it over his own body.

The cold air hit her body once she moved the blanket down her knees, standing up. her arms moved as a reflex, hugging her own body. She needed the comfort.

With slow steps she got out the bed, then out of the room, her heart kept beating in such way it had became unbearable. All because of you.

Because she had gotten over the idea of her dad being ripped from her, she knew she wasn’t guilty, she had no control over it, there was nothing she could’ve done to prevent it or make it hurt less. But you, she could’ve done something for you, she had, indeed control about the whole situation and she could’ve done so much to prevent it, but she didn’t.

And not only was she the reason of it all but she could never apologize. And the last memory she had about you was painful, because of how she made you feel, because of what she said and what she did to you, because of what you replied to her. Because you were right, and she was not. And that broke her soul.

You knew her so well you knew how she’d end. With a man she doesn’t love, regretting everything she had ever done and feeling alone even when she’s not. Because that’s her. And you made sure to let her know that the last time you two ever spoke.

And so far, she was able to keep the memory blurry and locked somewhere in her. Until tonight.

You felt so warm, embracing her empty body, telling her everything would be just fine, saying sorry repeatedly for her lost. Maybe it broke her that it wasn’t just a nightmare, but a memory.

Because Owen didn’t even bother to ask her if she was right when he first saw her after her father’s dead. Not because he didn’t care but because he had no clue of what had happened. But you? you where there, you saw it too and never left her side after that, not until she pushed you away.

You met her when fireflies were still a thing, and never left her side since the moment you crossed paths. You swore you were soulmates, and she never said otherwise. She never did, not even now.

You were her childhood best friend, and she was yours, and god you two made sure everyone knew.

Her friends were your friends, her family was your family, you shared everything, knew everything about the other. And even after years both can agree there could never be a replacement for that, maybe because you met being so young but, the bond between both is a once in a lifetime kind.

After her dad died you were all left for her, well, the closest to family she had, she was never alone. And that was the problem, she had everything and everyone a human could wish for in such times like those, but it wasn’t enough for her.

It wasn’t enough because her mind always messed things for her, because her dad and what had happened to him kept making harm, not only in her but in others.

She got blinded by the pain on her heart, and even like that you never left her side, never.

You took care of her, waking her up if she had a nightmare, holding her until she fell asleep. Abby always felt so ashamed of it.

That until she felt the need of staying by your side, not only because you were all she had but because she felt something for you that just brought her comfort and love after so much pain. Because you were the only person that could make that pain go away and she eventually accepted the reason of it, or so she said.

Abby was the first to speak about it, the one to make all the first moves, impressively after all these years considering she was always quite conservative when she had to show she cared about you.

She kissed you for the first time ever, and you cupped her face with your hands to make it last longer, she looked so pretty, with her sheepish smile and a very small red tainting her cheeks, her eyes and nose very slightly scrunched. She made you cuddle with her for the first time and you covered both of you with the blanket, you moved your legs to place then between hers and you pressed yourself on her body, almost to remember her forever. You regret it now, because it worked.

You, on the other hand, tried to make the first move when people were around, at first believing she might be shy to tell people about you because she hated those clingy couples. Then, realizing she wasn’t ready to let people know. Now you know you should've left.

You always gave her time, giving her kisses whenever people wasn’t looking, taking advantage of your friendship with her being well known by everyone to hug her and stay close to her.

She would get mad- well, not really but asking you playfully to stop because she wasn’t ready. And you always understood.

Until drunk - which later she used as an excuse - she said she could never date you, not only because you were a woman and she wasn’t “into that” but also because your personalities only fit with each other because you two met so young. Your friends laughed at it, and you wanted to kill her right there.

As if the universe wasn't on your side, abby got closer to getting hat revenge she desired so much, and you knew it wouldn’t help to make of that a bigger situation in such important moment, so you let it go. You couldn't really blame her for anything after all.

She didn't mean to feel like this about you, or anyone else, and nor you or abby could call that a behavior you could blame someone for. You were her one excepcion in life, you thought instead of complaining about it you should've enjoyed it all.

Abby apologized later that week, you didn't know it was because she went to see Owen. You wish you never knew, you wish you never asked. Back then you thought the old abby was coming back. You were more than wrong, because she never left, she just changed, like everyone else did.

It wasn't later after that when you had to broken up with her. It happened before both of your lives changed forever.

You never wanted to, but it's impossible to not regret it all knowing your life- her life could've turned different.

"You're overreacting" her arms were crossed. She straightened herself, mocking you. You couldn't scream because there were people near you, Abby's friends, all sleeping.

She had brought everyone to a random place to get her revenge, and as much as you loved her, the whole scenario was ridiculous. You didn't understand why she needed everyone on her side, until you saw it.

And maybe you were overreacting, but it wasn't the first time Abby rathered to speak with Owen instead of you. And it made your blood boil because why would she even think about him as someone she can speak to when he wasn't on her side as much as you? When he's dating someone else and she's dating you?.

"You haven't spoke to me since we came here. I just wanna know, why him?" Abby chuckled, rolling her eyes. Just that and you felt like bursting into tears. Fucking ridiculous.

"Abby, answer-" she cut you off, running a hand over her hair, down her braid. The way she took a deep breath, how she didn't take you serious, It had become a normal thing for you and only that made you realize how stupid it was. How stupid you were for letting her treat you like that.

"You can't respect that I want to keep us private. You think I'm fucking cheating on you. I don't understand what the fuck you want from me" you impulsively stepped back. Thinking about an answer that didn't make you sound like the mean one, even though you knew she was the one making all the mistakes.

"You don't want us private Abigail, and you fucking know it" you still remember the knot on your throat when you spoke, there has never been such painful feeling. "We've been dating for more than a fucking year and you haven't said you love me, not even once. I'm the one overreacting, the one being clingy, the one being desperate for love. But you know why? Because my girlfriend is terrified of loving me"

She didn't say anything. But god how she remembers it all.

"You know how insane you're making me? I saw you kissing Owen many times while dating, and you want to keep me 'private' even after a whole fucking year?" Her lips shut together, forming a pout. You knew she wanted to cry, which only made you feel worst because you were the one supposed to cry. Not her.

"You can kiss every single man on earth, but know, it will always stay the same. Good luck with all your shit, Abigail"

The scenery your eyes saw some hours later were just the confirmation you needed to leave. She was angry, and in pain. Probably you were guilty of the morbid way that men got killed. Or, maybe not, but you couldn't change the sensation of guilt building in your stomach every time abby hit his skin.

Back at the base it all got awkward between everyone. The relationship between Owen and Mel got awkward, and that was related to you and Abby.

It was a sort of love affair situation that no one ever spoke about but everyone knew it had happened. Everyone felt pity for you and Mel, which made the hate towards her grow stupidly heavily.

You despised her and that man.

So, for you and your needs, you decided to take something from her one last time.

Having her underneath you, pleading for your touch, crying your name, confessing how she regretted it all and how Owen was driving her insane. One last time, you can't make you forget it.

Neither does Abby, regretting letting you go, more than anything she’s ever regretted.

Not only has she wasted her time with Owen but she had made him waste his time with her. She could’ve had you, she could’ve been awake on your side tonight. Knowing she took all those chances away from herself, it drives her insane every day.

But oh you told her so, and you gave her thousands of chances to not fuck it all.

Those words you said to her, they’ve been stuck forever on her brain.

[leshipper69]

I loathe my childhood

I loathe that I was the older sister

Will always be the older sister

But I understand I had to be

I am the only one of us three

Who can handle our mother

Who knows from the sound of her footsteps

On the wooden floor

If the outcome will be better

By answering her or remaining silent

I am the only one who can comprehend

Our father's lack of affection

Lack of words too

Because he doesn't say anything

And I know he only reaches for one of us

To hug after too many drinks

I know our stepfather

Never wanted us in his life

Whenever we were in his house

I had to pretend I wasn't alive at all

So he and our mother didn't start fights

I am the only one who gets

Why our stepmother meddles

To the point we slammed our bedroom doors

To keep from hearing her

Her sons kept her out

And they ended up in jail

(she blames herself)

I have taken stands against our father

For you

You were in your room, barely a teen

And only wanting to play games

(he never tried to push you into studying

So I had to)

I have screamed at our mother

For all the things she was meant to do

But never did

I still yell at her

When she tries to pull away

With our baby brother

(he is a child, you were a child

And she has never been a mom)

I remember the ruination of their marriage

And was forced to be the glue of our family

Before I knew what that really meant

My childhood didn't slip through my fingers

Like that of so many others

I willingly unclenched my fist

To let if fall

So yours would never leave your hands

I am three years older than you

I had to parent you

I had to parent our brother

And handle our mother

While ignoring my breaking heart

At the glimpses of a childhood

That I tried to give you both but never had

I had my last birthday party

When I was ten

But yours went into your adulthood

I can't make myself go

To our brother's birthday parties now

Because all it reminds me of

Is the years I should have had one

But didn't

Because I was an adult in a little girl's body

You grew up with a whole heart

And our brother is doing the same

Mine is hollow

I was my mother's therapist

And I was the third parent

And even a glance from either of them

Made me feel a pressure

At the back of my skull

To be the best at everything

I hate our parents

And I hated myself

And I had to suffer alone,

Face buried in a pillow

Night after night

So you wouldn't hear me cry

Our dad yelled at me too often

And now he never yells at you

(I don't let him)

I don't know our brother's favorite color

But he got really sick when he was two

And I didn't sleep for three days

So I could hold him

Because the warmth helped

I don't know the names of your friends

But if something happens to our parents

You won't need to worry

Because the responsabilites will fall on me

The last time dad said he was proud of me

I had won a tournament when I was eleven

Our mother has never said it

I was so little when the girl I was

Innocent, happy and full of wonder

Died

The one that came after

Was born out of spite

And she resents our parents

I would take a bullet for you

I would take a bullet for our brother

I would pull the trigger

If the gun was at my head

To save either of our parents

But I know deep down

That they wouldn't do the same for me

I plan my life alone

ecause our parents have disappointed me

So often

I can no longer trust anyone to stay

I know I can't depend on anyone

Because I never could before

I've lost count of the times

I apologized to our mother

All she did in return was neglect me

No sacrifice I ever make

Will ever be enough

To compensate for the high price

Our mother convinced herself she paid

Because of my existence

I can't tell if she hates me

For something I did when I was four

Or just having been born

(I know she hates me still)

I resigned as daughter

At the same time you started to learn

To be a little boy

People tell me often

I'm good with children

I had to be for you and for our brother

(there was no choice)

I don't believe in God

I never did

(I don't believe in our father anymore either)

I still live out of spite

I think I'll die from it too

[mysticarts]

What are the trio's favorite food? (Hui, Tai, Shuimu)

How did Tai meet Shuimu? What does Shuimu thinks of Tai?

What's Yujin and her late husband relationship is like?

How does Yujin handle ruling over her empire after her husband died?

Any of your ocs reacts to Yuhe's thalassophobia? In her childhood she almost drowned to the water from a group of bullies who pushed her after they threw her notebook under the ocean. So whenever there's a pool or a river, Yuhe tends to avoid going nearby cause it pretty much triggers her a lot, in giving several panic attacks.

How would Hui Ying react if she finds out that Yuhe loves cute things like penguin and owl plushies? Or comfy large sweaters lol.

that's all have a good day/Night!

question 1: what's the Trio's favorite foods?

As stated in a past post, Hui and Tai's favorite food is Fried chicken. As for Shuimu....

Shuimu: "noodles! Even if I do throw them up"

(Context: Whenever Shuimu eats noodles, her body makes her throw them up before she could even fully eat them. This is because of Shuimu's past, which even Shuimu doesn't remember. However, Shuimu still loves the taste of noodles)

Question 2: how did Tai meet Shuimu? What does Shuimu think of Tai

Hui Ying answered this question for Tai due to both of them met Shuimu at the exact same time.(don't mind the missing tattoo)

Hui ying : "Me and Tai met Shuimu when we accidentally freed Shuimu from her prison. It's a rather long story.

As for what Shuimu thinks of Tai

Shuimu: "if I said my thoughts about him, we'd probably be here all day.... to put it in short, I think Tai is cool"

Question 3: what's Yujin's and her Late husband relationship is like?

I, the creator will be answering this because Yujin started to cry when her late husband was mentioned. To put in short: they where enemies to lovers.

Theyd bicker all the time when they where younger, but respected each others strengths. This on each side then turned into a crush, they became friends, then lovers.

Even though they where together, they'd still bicker and fight with each other. It was how they showed their love best considering they both loved fighting, just rather more on the strategic side when it comes to Yujin's late husband.

Even when they weren't teasing each other, they'd just be happy to be in each other's presence. So when Yujin died, let's just say she wasn't happy for a long time.

Question 4: how does Yujin handle ruling the kingdom after her husband died

Sad part is that Yujin's husband died in battle with her during a war against another kingdom. It ended one day after his death out of the pure rage Yujin felt due to the other kingdom killing him.

Again, the royalty side was on Yujin's husband's part. And the kingdom was in shambles. Yujin however didn't leave. She convinced everyone to work together and rebuild their empire, and to possibly even expand it. To make sure another Kingdom didn't attack, Yujin made sure to get on all other Kingdoms good sides, or have stronger military than others. Because if soldiers are going into war, Yujin will be the general.

Now Yujin made sure to have a set calendar of things to do to make sure the kingdom her husband and herself so loves is safe, no matter how badly it impacts her mental health.

But even when Yujin has a hard time, the townsfolk, maids, butlers and guards all make sure she has a break once in a while.

NOW ONTO SENARIOS!!

Hui Ying and Tai would definitely understand Yuhe's dislike to it, as they don't like it too. As their grandmother, Jingwei, did become a Celestial goddess by dying due to drowning. So they'd understand Yuhe's distate, and try to keep her away from water as much as possible. As for Shuimu, her home is literally the ocean. But knowing how much Yuhe dislikes water, Yuhe would make a small little house warm place of the mountain she used to be trapped in as a hangout spot. Even Yujin dosent like water much (considering her powers are literally lava)

Also, if Yuhe ever gets panic attacks, ALL OF THEM COME PREPARED. They have weighted blankets, comfort foods, comfort shows, comfort plushies, tutorials on how to help someone with a panic attack, THEY COME PREPARED.

2. Oh you BET Hui is gonna learn how to crochet and make little mini owl and penguin plushies aswell as sweaters. for Yuehn. Even though Hui's language for appreciation (and affection) is physical touch, gift giving and words of affirmation are second to first. Hui would probably do it so much that Yuhen would probably have a little drawer of them

Feel free to ask questions!

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Teen and Up Rated Fics Masterlist

Created: August 24th, 2023

Last Checked:

A Different Kind of Reaping-norbertsmom (Tumblr)

Summary: Arranged Marriage fic with a jealous Gale set In Panem-AU

A New Recipe-Mollywog (AO3)

Summary: He had painted the storefront sign himself: ‘Mellarks’ in honor of his late family. He supposes the muted orange ‘S’ at the end implies more than one, but he's the only living Mellark in the district at present.

A S.W.A.N Story-MegaAuLover (AO3)

Summary: Katniss Everdeen is a smart girl. Brilliant, actually. She has more degrees than she has fingers on one hand. But she has never felt beautiful or interesting. When she is asked to be Madge's maid of honor Katniss has serious doubts she'll fit in with her childhood glamorous friend. Will she survive the wedding and find love? Or will she be a total embarrassment.

all the version of me dead (and buried in the yard outside)-rosaeles (AO3)

Summary: “I’m here,” Peeta murmurs. “Brought you something to eat.” Katniss wants to reply. Would like to thank him for everything he’s doing. I missed you. She wants to yell it from the rooftops. Scream herself hoarse with it, but she doesn’t. Because her throat is rusted after weeks of barely using it, so all she says is; “Please don’t touch me.”

Almost Believing-HalfHope (thesweetnessofspring) (AO3)

Summary: This is Peeta's POV from three chapters of my fanfic "I Do." Best to read at least through chapter 17 of that before coming here. Peeta and Katniss are married, but are taking things slow. Peeta's willing to be patient, to take his time, wanting Katniss to want him, too. But after a revelation about a conversation Katniss had with Gale, he believes Katniss's so-called love came only out of pity. She has to convince him otherwise.

Angel Kisses-VanillaCottonCandy (AO3)

Summary: When his teeth graze my soft flesh though, I let out an embarrassing moan and pray no one comes in now, looking for bread or cake. Between Peeta leaning against the doorframe in his tight shirt and the attention my neck is receiving, it’s going to be a while before I’m going to willingly release him back to work. I tighten my legs around his waist as his mouth moves to the opposite side, his lips planting kisses right where he can feel my heart pounding beneath his touch. For a split second, I’m extremely grateful he’s holding me up, because there’s not a shot in the dark that my legs could sustain me right about now. / Post - Canon Married Everlark Request For Everlark Neck Kisses

Arranged-CassandraO (AO3)

Summary: Facing the death of her mother, 14-year old Katniss Everdeen and her 10-year old sister Prim move in with their widowed maternal grandmother, the apothecary's wife. In a world in which unmarried women cannot own property, Katniss' grandmother arranges with the town baker to marry off her eldest granddaughter at sixteen to protect her in case she dies before the girl is ready to marry. Luckily for all, Katniss gets to marry the youngest son, her close friend Peeta. Now, married young, the summer is coming, and with it, the 74th Annual Hunger Games

Be Still-snapcrackle (AO3)

Summary: After the war Katniss and Peeta slowly grow back together, despite being so broken. The story begins during the final chapter of 'Mockingjay', before the epilogue, and chapters get longer and more detailed as Katniss slowly heals.

Boy In The Bubble-Miss_Missy (AO3)

Summary: The last thing Katniss expects to hear about her best friend Peeta is the fact that he not only got into a fist fight with one of the biggest guys in their school but also the fact that he quote “almost killed him”. Now Peeta is refusing to explain to her or his family what happened or why he punched Brutus in the first place. Katniss is trying her best to help but no matter what she does Peeta just keeps pushing her further away. All she wants to do is help, Katniss refuses to loose another important person in her life

Catching Fire from Peeta's POV-thismustbeagoodidea (AO3)

Summary: “You think President Snow has probably given them direct orders to make sure we die in the arena anyway,” Katniss finishes for me. “It’s crossed my mind,” I say grimly. But the fear I felt last year, of dying for nothing, of becoming no more than a Capitol puppet, is quieting.

Chain of Fools-SoThere (AO3)

Summary: We all get a little jealous sometimes. Modern AU.

[dramartist]

Pacifica Vazquez

#322264

╔═══.·:·.☽✧ —•— ✦ —•— ✧☾.·:·.═══╗ Pacifica Vazquez She/Her | 5'3 | 15 | Oct 28 Heart shaped head, short wavy black hair, almond skin, eyes colored yellow/ realistically a warm brown, short average build. ° Pacifica is a very rough, conflicted person. She sometimes comes off very rude, poking fun of the wrong things and thinking only of herself in her own world- ignoring how she treats other people. But those closest to her tend to know what she really feels and why she acts in certain ways, and Pacifica hates it. She closes herself off and prefers to have petty arguments and jokes; not wanting people to know what she's thinking. It gets her into lots of miscommunications and physical fights with strangers. She wants, and finds it easier, if people were against her. But when she ends up hurting those she respects, she retreats into herself, viewing herself as a bad person. It takes a lot to convince her otherwise. ° This attitude of hers developed first and foremost from having a rough relationship with her family. She was never the perfect child and it caused her parents to gain a bad reputation for her and their behavior, when already they were an immigrant family trying to not draw attention. And so, they had to move away against Pacifica's wishes, as her childhood best friend Kaipo was here- the one good thing in her life. As an act of rebellion, she hijacked a car and drove all the way back to their old home. Through sheer luck, Kaipo's family found her wandering the street once she ditched the car, and she stayed with them for a bit while a big argument broke out between the parents. Pacifica's resolve was strong, and she was more than willing to become independent and do what she needed to survive on her own. Eventually her parents let her go. Since then, Pacifica would slack off and goof around, but felt worse whenever she'd get caught and reprimanded, because now she was getting Kaipo's parents into trouble. When Kaipo approached her about the group home, her guilt over burdening their family pushed her to agree to move out, under the promise that she would be better. Her social skills still needed work however, as she grew jealous about how easily everyone took to Kaipo, and she couldn't do the same. She regards everyone coldly, which is why so many are at odds with her.

° Pacifica has a younger sister, Araseli, and her two parents are Marisol and Joaquin. Pacifica's best friend is Kaipo. She thinks the world of them, and would do anything to protect their happiness and innocence. She has tense relationships with everyone in the group, save for Finnick. She views him as a protective older brother, and wants to impress him with how tough she is, despite his warnings to stop getting into fights. ╚═══.·:·.☽✧ —•— ✦ —•— ✧☾.·:·.═══╝

[bookclubforme]

Our girl is going through it!!!! That’s why!!!! That’s the reason! This whole speech is to show us that Basgiath. is. Wearing. Violet. Down. It’s doing exactly what it is designed to do and wearing down Violet’s empathy.

The speech to Rhi makes perfect sense for where it happens in the story.

Calling it a death factory perfectly encapsulates where Violet is in the story.

Violet entered the quadrant against her will because her mother forced her and she had an idealized notion that if she could just survive and bond a dragon, then she would get to spend her life doing something noble by defending her countries civilians against the relentless attacks from the neighboring country who never stopped attacking them.

And then her entire world view got utterly uppended. She got betrayed by her boyfriend and one of her closest friends, found out her best friend from childhood violated her and stole her memories and then used them to get her and people she cared about sent to their deaths, found out everything she was ever taught growing up was lies and propaganda and her country was actually the bad guys, got thrown into battle as a woefully underprepared first year cadet, had to watch her friend die without ever getting a chance to make peace with him, pushed herself to near burnout, and then got stabbed with a poision blade and then got to wake up and find out that her beloved older brother was still alive and just like the secret about their country being the bad guys everyone around her knew about Brennan too.

Sure, there’s a three day break while she’s unconscious and fighting for her life against the poison, but for Violet, that all happens in a matter of hours. And then she gets told to get back in line in formation like none of it ever happened!

She’s still processing all of that, and she has to pretend none of it happened at all. She’s looking around at this place that was supposed to turn her into a badass dragon rider and seeing the place for what it really is: a death factory that doesn’t actually care about training them. It’s expected that cadets will die. It’s not a question of if cadets will die it’s a question of how many. That’s why the iron squad award is for least amount of cadets lost not no cadets lost.

By the time she gets to her speech with Rhi, she’s been paying more attention to what’s happening around her. She’s noticing all the ways that basgiath doesn’t prepare them - like flight training to land faster and not get off the ground quicker. She’s seen all the ways they’re meant to die. She’s finally understanding what Xaden meant about winning not being important, about the quadrant stripping away your humanity. She’s seeing it happen to herself in real time. Violet is no longer idealizing being a dragon rider. She’s starting to lose optimism and hope and you see it in the way she sees basgiath and the way she’s treating the people around her.

Violet is being worn down day in and day out by the weight of the truth, knowing she’s not being prepared to survive the real threat, being worn down by Varrish targeting her because of his vendetta, by assination attempts and Andarna being in the dreamless sleep and Tairn in constant agony being seperated from his mate, constant worry about Xaden, trying to live up to her promise to Liam to protect Sloane who hates her, by every challenge and every threat around every corner.

All the while she’s worrying about her friends - her squadmates not being ready for what’s out there because she can’t bring herself to tell them the truth! That’s what this whole speech is really about. Violet is starting to see being hard as a good thing because she knows how painful the world is when you’re not calloused.

That’s why she tries to convince Rhi it’s better to be calloused to death, and then almost immidiatly breaks and starts to tell Rhi the truth. The whole speech is because she’s trying to rebuild her whole world view while getting worn down all day everyday.

I think you’re missing the last peice of this though. The moment in part 2 when during the death roll Violet outright admits that the way the riders handle death is Inhumane.

Iron Flame is all about the reckoning that Violet goes through after learning the truth at the end of Fourth Wing. It’s all about her struggle to recenter herself after getting knocked so far off balance she doesn’t know what way is up. That’s why she’s bouncing back and forth from different extreme view points, she doesn’t have a center anymore.

Anyone who read Iron Flame recently, can you help me understand something about Violet real quick?

In chapter 21, she goes on this unhinged rant justifying the war college’s ableism and social Darwinism mentality by saying that watching her squadmates die was good because it made her desensitized so she could leave Liam’s body or whatever. After venting about his death to Rhiannon, she says this:

This is meant to parallel Xaden’s gauntlet thing in the previous book and him dehumanizing her in front of everyone by calling her a literal weapon. Okay, whatever.

My issue with this scene is that it directly contradicts what she says about the slaughterhouse college in chapter 4.

What made Violet go from starting to believe that Bàsgiath was a death factory to her defending the authoritarian empire that killed her friends? What changed her perspective?

[dottores]

LITTLE DARK AGE

haitani ran x fem!reader x haitani rindou

summary: eight years later, you finally return to tokyo and find yourself caught in the middle of a violent gang war between the two most ruthless criminal organizations of tokyo’s underworld, forced to choose between blood and love.

genre: bonten timeskip, angst, forbidden romance, childhood friends -> strangers -> lovers, 18+ MDNI

warnings: fem!reader, gang violence, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, explicit smut, polyamory, profanity, MCD, unedited, MTBA

previous chapter -> masterlist -> next chapter

CHAPTER ⅩⅢ. AND WHEN THE SEASONS CHANGE, WILL YOU STAND BY ME?

TEN YEARS EARLIER. 

There was something wrong with you. 

Both of them knew it. Something had changed in you after that day at the delinquent center. Something had changed in all of them, really, losing Izana was just a blow that none of them were prepared to take. But Rindou had prayed, he had prayed and prayed and prayed that the change was temporary, that everyone would bounce back. 

And most of them did, to some extent. 

Except you.

He should have known better. He really should have. You might not have known Izana as long as the rest of them had but the two of you had clicked in a way that Rindou had never really seen you click with anyone before. Not even them. All those days and nights spent in the music room, the way the two of you would bounce ideas off of each other all the time, planning out your future, their future…

You had never dealt with loss well. He had known that since you were kids, when they had met you a little while after your family had been killed in an accident. You had always tried your best to pretend that you were fine but they knew you weren’t. Just like they knew now, even if you wouldn’t admit it. 

And Rindou was worried. He was so fucking worried and he did not know what to do. This wasn’t like the last time you had distanced yourself from them, when you had gotten aggressive, and angry, and upset. This time was different. Because you weren’t aggressive, or angry, and you didn’t even seem to be upset even though Rindou knew you well enough to know that you were. 

You were cold. Aloof. While last time you would have started yelling at them for bothering you and constantly trying to convince you to do things with them, this time you just brushed them off--you were tired, you were busy with meetings, you needed to eat, you had to talk to your uncle about plans for the future. 

Rindou couldn’t remember the last time you had hung out with them. He missed the late night movies, he missed waking up Ran with you and forcing him to join the two of you, he missed  you. 

He didn’t want to linger on the thought, instead shaking his head and tilting his head up, letting his gaze drift up to the sky above Izanagi Headquarters. 

It was going to start raining, it was dark, and the clouds were moving fast--too fast. Rindou let out a breath as he looked back over at Ran, who was still sitting back on his bike, hands pressed against the seat as he stared up at the building you were in.

They had come to try to talk to you--knowing that once you got back home you’d lock yourself in your room and either work on some more stuff for your uncle or pass right out and they’d lose their chance. 

Rindou opened his mouth, preparing to tell Ran that they should head home unless they wanna get caught in the rain. 

He didn’t get the chance. 

“You should go in there,” Ran’s voice was quiet. There was a tone that Rindou couldn’t quite decipher. Rindou looked over his shoulder, lips turned down and hair falling in his face as he eyed Ran. Ran did not meet his eyes. “She needs you, Rindou. I don’t know why she’s pushing us away like this but I-we can’t just let her do this to herself.”

“She needs both of us, Ran, that’s why we’re here,” Rindou’s voice was dismissive. He didn’t understand what Ran was trying to get at, and he didn’t understand why Ran wouldn’t meet his eyes. Obviously you needed them, that was why they were camped out across the street from Izanagi’s godforsaken headquarters. 

“Ran,” Rindou called for his brother again. Ran ignored him, again, only staring up to the top of Izanagi headquarters, lips tugged down into a slight frown, a strange look in his eyes, “She needs both of us.”

“Not in the same way.”

Rindou fully turned around, head snapping toward Ran, eyes wide, confusion brewing in his stomach as he mulled over what Ran had said.

Not in the same way?

“The fuck does that mean?” Rindou demanded. Ran looked away. “Hey, I asked you a question.”

Ran did not answer.

But he didn’t need to. Because Rindou knew exactly what he meant, and he did not know how to take it. 

Unconsciously, he looked back toward the building that he knew you were in, a tight feeling in his chest. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it before. Rindou let out a shaky breath, eyes sliding shut for just a second. God, he had thought about it so much. Ever since you guys were younger--since that night at the Sugawara estate, really--all the nights that he had spent up with you, watching those dumb horror movies you loved that he hated, he always imagined how you would feel whenever you were curled up at his side, body pressed against his, the number of times he had debated on reaching out, pressing his lips to yours, it was uncountable really; and all the days he would spend wandering around Roppongi with you, unable to draw his eyes from your bright smile and lit up eyes, he imagined what it would be like taking you out on dates instead of just going out as friends, holding your face in his hands and pressing his lips to yours.

“You know what it means,” Ran said, and Rindou forced himself to open his eyes and look back at Ran, lips parting to speak but he hesitated when he caught sight of Ran’s face. There was an expression on it that Rindou had never seen before--one that Ran was clearly trying to hide from his brother but hiding stuff from Rindou was nearly impossible. They knew each other too well for that. 

Lips pressed tight and the corners drawn downwards, eyebrows lowered, eyes dull. 

… He didn’t want this. 

Or maybe he did on the surface, but deep down he did not. Rindou’s chest felt tight, he tried to push away the sick feeling that rose to his stomach, the tight feeling in his chest, so he could figure out why Ran didn’t want it, and why he was claiming he did. 

Oh, his breath shook, he tried to steady it. 

There was only one reason why Ran wouldn’t want him to be with you. 

“I’m not doing that,” Rindou finally said, and he hated how his voice cracked, and he hated how much it hurt him to voice aloud. Ran’s gaze was dark as it shifted back onto him, angry. “I’m not, Ran.”

“Why the fuck not?” Ran demanded, and there was an edge to his voice that Rindou really didn’t like, one that promised violence. This was going to end in an argument, “You love her, don’t you?” 

“So do you,” the words were bitter on Rindou’s tongue, speaking them outloud made him nauseous. Ran physically flinched at his words, drawing back, downturned eyes now wide and surprised. Rindou felt ill, taking his reaction as confirmation. 

“What?” Ran asked, voice breathless. 

“So do you,” Rindou repeated, voice steadier, more assured. “You love her too, don’t you?”

“No,” Ran said immediately, lying, and the rage hit Rindou so suddenly that he had a hard time controlling it. He was off of his bike in an instant, moving closer to Ran, blood running hot, skin burning.

“Why the fuck are you lying to me?” Rindou barely stopped himself from yelling at Ran, reaching out sharply to grab his collar. Anger flashed through Ran’s eyes, a type of anger that Rindou hadn’t seen in his eyes in years.

“‘Cause it’s not fucking true,” Ran knocked Rindou’s hand off of his collar, eyes dark and Rindou’s blood boiled. He reached forward again, this time with two hands, grabbing Ran’s collar again and shaking him. 

“I thought we didn’t lie to each other, Ran, what the fuck?” Rindou’s voice choked, his vision blurred. Frustration hit him so hard it had him dizzy. You were cold and distant, Ran was lying to him, and Rindou didn’t know what to do anymore.

He wanted you, god he had wanted you since you were kids. But there was no way, there was no fucking way he could do that to Ran. He knew how much it took for Ran to open up to people, how hard and how intensely he loved--he couldn’t just…

Ran pushed him away, harder this time. Rindou grunted when his back hit the wall of the building next to them, his gaze snapped up, meeting Ran’s. “Shut the fuck up, Rindou,” Ran spat out, tone vile and venomous. Rindou nearly flinched, Ran had never taken that tone with him before. “Shut the fuck up and go to her.”

“I’m not doing that,” Rindou said, “I’m not fucking doing that, Ran.”

“Why not?” Ran hissed, “She fucking needs you, Rindou. All this time I’ve-”

The anger hit a peak, Rindou shoved Ran right back, forcing him to stumble back into his bike. Rindou’s hands were clenched tight at his sides, shaking. His whole body felt like it was on fire, and he couldn’t tell if he was angry or disappointed or upset--maybe both, really. Angry at Ran for lying, for trying to push him into a relationship with you when he knew that he loved you too; disappointed at himself, for having fallen so easily for you and not having even realized that Ran felt the same way about you, for being so obvious in how he felt; and upset because he knew all of those things he had dreamed of with you would never happen because he could never do that to Ran.

“I’m not going to get with the girl you love,” Rindou shouted, “It doesn’t matter how much I love her too. You’re my fucking brother, Ran.”

And Rindou wondered just how stupid he was over the past few years. He thought back to all of the times he had seen Ran act around you--the stolen glances and small smiles when he thought no one was looking, the way he was always looking out for you and making sure you were okay. Rindou had never realized Ran’s feelings had run as deep as they had, but how hadn’t he?

It had been fucking obvious.

It had been so fucking obvious. 

All those times over the years when Ran had pushed Rindou toward you, putting you in situations that would bring the two of you closer together, pushing aside his own feelings because he knew that Rindou loved you. He felt sick to his stomach.

Rindou shut his eyes, taking a step back from Ran, “Ran, I can’t do that,” he shook his head, “I can’t do that.”

Ran straightened, pushing off from where he had stumbled back against his bike. He shot Rindou a livid glare, brushing off his clothes.

“Yes, you-”

Ran’s voice faltered, his gaze drifting off somewhere behind Rindou, a strange expression crossing his face. Rindou turned, following where he was looking, and his mouth dried when he caught sight of you exiting the Izanagi building, dressed nice in the outfit you had left the penthouse in at the crack of dawn this morning. You were talking to your uncle, walking toward an expensive car waiting at the front of the building. 

Rindou took a step toward you.  

He hesitated when you looked up from your uncle, eyes focusing in on where and Ran were waiting across the street by their bikes. Your name was on the tip of his tongue, he was ready to call out for you, to tell you to come over to him.

But you looked away. 

Rindou’s throat felt tight as you took one look at them, recognized them, only to return to conversation with your uncle, getting into the car with him without hesitation. 

Oh.

It stung. It stung bad. He remembered the days where you would flee school early, running to them giggling and excited, when they showed up at your classroom to pick you up before they got their tattoo, how your gaze had always been bright and thrilled to see them. He could practically picture the way you would raise your arms, waving to them before you would recklessly sprint across the street toward them, nearly giving both of them a heart attack..

But the car door only shut behind you, and even though the streets were loud and bustling with people, everything around him sounded far away and muted. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sleek black car as it pulled down the street, not until it was completely out of view.

His chest squeezed as he looked back at Ran, catching the hurt expression that flashed across his face as his eyes focused down the street where the car had disappeared to, all of the fight drained out of him as he let his gaze drop down to the ground, a sinking feeling rising through him that it wouldn’t quite matter what either of them had wanted.

--

NINE YEARS EARLIER. 

Mucho had been next. 

You felt numb as you walked ahead toward the warehouse that Mister Ayato and Mister Mado found out Ran and Rindou were at. 

The sky was dark, gloomy--there had been no predictions of rain when you last checked the weather station but it really would be just your luck for it to start downpouring now. 

You should be angry. You weren’t sure why you weren’t--you had told them over and over and over again to be back home by five at the latest. Now it was six, and you were going to be late to Mister Botan’s funeral. 

Mucho had been next, and after Mucho, it was nearly Terano Minami—the leader of Rokuhara Tandai, the next gang that Ran and Rindou had decided to join under. And while there was no love lost between you and Terano, your first impressions of one another having been less than ideal, you couldn’t help the guilt that crept in you, festering once you had learned what had happened.

Was this your fault too? 

You tried to atone for it. You did. You got Terano the best doctors Japan had to offer, the nicest hospitals, the most expensive treatments. But it wasn’t enough. They didn’t know when he would wake up, if he would wake up, even. And all you could do was wait. Wait for news, wait to find out if another person died because of you.

Maybe it would be best if you were gone. 

You were tired of waiting. All you did your whole entire life was wait--wait for your uncle, wait for yourself, waiting for this curse to finally devour everyone you had loved. 

Because you were certain of it at this point. The curse was real and it was only a matter of time before it took Rindou and Ran from you too.

You walked into the warehouse, ignoring the leers tossed your way by the unfamiliar men littered around the area. Your lip curled up in disgust as a particularly loud comment met your ears but you forced yourself to not acknowledge it--acknowledging it would only make them throw even more at you. 

You didn’t really know where you were--well you did, this was apparently the base for the Kanto Manji Gang, the gang that Rindou and Ran and the rest of their friends were absorbed into after Terano had been beaten to the brink of death by its leader. But you had never been here before, you only knew this from the little information that Mister Mado and Mister Ayato had found out when you had mentioned the predicament to them. You had no idea what the layout of the base looked like, and you had no idea where Rindou and Ran were. 

And you did not like the looks that kept getting thrown your way, and you liked even less the way that some of the men kept creeping closer. 

Discomfort brewed in your chest but you forced yourself to keep walking, keeping your chin up and your back straight.

Your gaze darted around as you entered a larger room, and relief hit you like a truck when you caught sight of four familiar figures lounged in the corner of the room. You beelined straight toward them, irritation fizzing in your chest when you noticed they weren’t doing anything important to excuse their lateness. But you couldn’t hold it--the irritation fizzled as quickly as it came. 

You paused several feet away from them, none of them noticed your presence and your eyes focused on Rindou and Ran. Your chest felt tight when you noticed the easy smile on Ran’s face as he leaned back against the wall, talking to Mochi and a scarred man you didn’t recognize, when you noticed how Rindou was relaxed on the ground, shooting jabs back and forth with Shion. 

Izana and Mucho were not there. You could almost imagine Izana lounging on a nearby crate, chin propped on his hand as he watched over them. You could see Mucho standing next to Mochi, half-amused and half-annoyed as Rindou and Shion’s jabs grew more intense. 

Maybe it would be best if you were gone. 

Once again, resentment and fear stirred in you but you pushed it back down, smothering it.

“You should be home,” your voice came out duller than you intended for it to. You stared ahead, down at Rindou and Ran, watching as their heads snapped toward you, eyes wide and expressions pale. “We are going to be late for the funeral.”

“It’s time already?” Rindou was pushing himself to his feet immediately, sharing a look with Ran.

“How’d you get here?” Ran asked at the same time.

“It is well past time,” you said in response, ignoring Ran’s question, “and you can’t attend the funeral in… that.”

You eyed the dark uniform adorning their bodies, shaking your head. You turned on your heel and started back the way you had come from, eyes catching a figure standing at the opposite side of the wrong--blonde hair, empty dark eyes trained on you. 

He was familiar, you couldn’t quite place from where though. You didn’t pay mind to it for too long, instead only continuing on.

You were being cold to them, you had been over a year now. You knew it, and you felt guilty. So fucking guilty. You wanted to apologize, and tell them you missed them. It had been so fucking long since you did anything with them--more focused on learning from your uncle and the other Izanagi executives so you could learn the steps to start your own corporation. 

You were doing what was best, you reminded yourself--the mantra you had begun to chant whenever doubt began to cloud your mind. Once you got your own company up and running, once you had the power you needed to keep them safe--from enemies, rivals, even that god forsaken curse--you would go to them, you would apologize and tell them everything, beg them to forgive you. 

But until then, you had to keep your head on straight.

You heard Rindou and Ran call after you but ignored them, keeping your gaze trained ahead as you made your way out of the larger room and down the hall. Mister Ayato and Mister Mado were waiting in the car outside, dressed and ready to go to the funeral, you knew they were unhappy with Rindou and Ran but you had asked them to not start an argument over it--not yet, at least--and you hoped that they would keep to their word.

You were sure Rindou and Ran felt bad about losing track of time--and you knew you should be angry at them too, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to be. Maybe it was just the numbness of another loss, or maybe it was something else but-

A hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You paused, turning to look at the offender over your shoulder--Rindou’s hand dropped from your wrist as soon as your eyes met his, you raised your brows.

“We don’t really have time to spare,” you told him, “What is it?”

You didn’t mean for your voice to come out as sharply as it did, really, but anger flashed across Ran’s face behind Rindou, anger that he only just barely managed to push aside as he forced himself to look away. Rindou didn’t say anything, so you only waited a moment before letting out a sigh and turning back around, continuing back toward the car. 

Your family. Izana. Mucho. Nearly Terano. Now Mister Botan. 

Seven people, six untimely deaths, and one brush with death.

Who would be eighth?

Miss Yua or Mister Ayato? Mister Mado?

Shion or Mochi?

Your uncle?

Ran or Rindou?

You felt sick to your stomach, your body felt chilled over, as if you had just walked out of a freezer, your head felt dizzy. Calm down, you told yourself, now’s not the time. 

You could picture your mom’s excited smile as the four of you drove to your recital, your sister happily telling you about her day at school, your father squeezing your shoulder and telling you he was proud of you. You could see Izana sitting with you on the piano bench, humming along a tune as he strummed the strings of his guitar. You could see Mucho standing with Miss Yua, trying to learn how to cook from her, bringing you and Izana some bento he had tried to put together. You could see Mister Botan’s smiling face as you returned back to the penthouse after school, asking you how your presentation went today, and you could see him ushering you inside, grabbing you both some treats as he sat you down in the lobby and listened as you rambled on about your topic.

Maybe it would be best if you were gone. 

Behind you, Rindou and Ran were talking but you couldn’t even make sense of what they were saying. It sounded like they were underwater, or you were, you couldn’t tell. Your vision swam as you continued walking forward, and you could feel how stiff your body was with each step. 

The words rang through your head over and over again. 

Maybe it would be best if you were gone. 

Your eyes drifted back to Rindou and Ran, where they were talking quietly to each other, sparing brief glances at you before returning to whispering to each other. The guilt hit you again, harder this time, debilitating. 

You loved them.

A part of you had always known it, since you were kids but you had only recently come to terms with it—when faced with an ultimatum from your uncle: head to a prestigious foreign university and jumpstart the process to forming your own company or wait to inherit Izanagi from him. The choice should have been obvious, there shouldn’t have been any debate… but it wasn’t obvious and there was debate. 

Because you would have to leave them, and you didn’t know how long you would be, and they wouldn’t be able to join you, and you didn’t know if you could bring yourself to do it. Every time you thought of the years you would spend apart—all of the memories you would make without them, all of the space that would grow between you—it made you sick to your stomach, to the point where you were keeling over in your room and dry-heaving, trying to mask your sobs and heaves by turning up the television so they didn’t hear you.

You didn’t want to do it if it would cost you the only two people you had ever loved but-

Your family. Izana. Mucho. Nearly Terano. Mister Botan.

What if being here costed you them anyway? Except in a far more permanent way. 

Maybe you were better off gone.

Tragedy follows you and it was only a matter of time before it took everybody else. It was only a matter of time before you were alone.

You slipped into the backseat of the car, resting your forehead against the window letting your eyes slide shut. You would lose everyone, you knew it. You could feel it deep in your bones.

… unless you left first, that is. 

---

PRESENT.

“What the fuck did you do?” 

Rindou’s ears were ringing as he stared off to where you disappeared to, doors shutting loud, damning. He could barely breathe, his hands shook as he held Ran in place. 

“Rindou, what the fuck did you do?” Ran roared, “What the fuck did you do? Why the fuck would you do that? I thought you fucking loved her, I thought you loved her.”

Rindou grimaced as Ran’s elbow drove deep into his side but Rindou was certain that it was his words that had knocked the wind out of him, not the blow. I do love her, Rindou wanted to scream at him but he couldn’t form the words. His body seized at the harsh blow delivered to his gut. His grip faltered around Ran, giving him the chance to push off the ground and stumble toward the door. 

What did he do?

He stared ahead for a moment, not moving, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. 

He let you go. 

He let you go. 

Rindou’s body moved on his own as he threw himself forward, hand wrapping around Ran’s wrist as he yanked his brother back toward him before he could try to push the doors to the locker room open. 

He felt numb, his body felt cold.

He let you go. 

Ran thrashed against him, trying to push Rindou off of him, but he was weak, and was getting weaker with each passing second. He was stressing out his wounds, straining his body, and Rindou opened his mouth to tell him to stop but no words left his mouth. 

He let you go. 

“Let go of me,” Ran demanded and Rindou held him tighter, his heart felt like it was in his throat, tears stung his eyes. He could barely breathe, he couldn’t open his mouth to tell Ran no, he felt sick to his stomach. “Let fucking go of me, Rindou, you let her go, what the fuck is the difference? Let me go too.”

He let you go. 

He did the right thing, didn’t he?

Doubt clouded his mind, he forced himself to repeat the words over and over and over again. He did the right thing--you knew what you were doing, and Ran wasn’t in any kind of fighting state. There was one gun, not enough bullets, if he had done as Ran said, if he had forced you to stay, they would have been gunned down, no question about it.

At least this way they had a chance. This way Ran had a chance.

But he let you throw yourself to the fucking wolves for it.

Was it worth it?

He felt as if the weight of the world had dropped onto his shoulders, he thought back to all those myths that you and Izana had been so interested in, and he wondered if this was how Atlas felt when he had to bear the weight of the sky. 

He let you go. Was it worth it? 

Was it worth it? 

Ran would have died if he didn’t, it shouldn’t even be a question. Of course, he did the right thing, why was he even questioning it like this? Ran had always put him and his safety first, Rindou had to do the same.

But at what cost? Sacrificing you? The woman he loved? … the woman his brother loved?

Bile rose to his throat, he took another elbow to the gut from Ran--this time, he didn’t let go. 

“Stop,” he tried to tell Ran, voice raspy and pain shooting up through his body, “Ran, stop.”

“Fuck you, Rindou,” Ran’s voice was shriller than he had ever heard it before, his eyes were wild. Rindou opened his mouth to tell him to stop but his eyes widened as Ran seemed to gain a sudden boost of energy, pushing Rindou away hard and sending him crashing back into one of the benches.

Rindou let out a string of vile curses, the pain of the metal digging deep into his side making his vision flash white. He forced himself back to his feet, preparing to drag Ran back down to the ground but he paused when he realized Ran hadn’t made any move toward the door.

His face was pale and his shoulders were slumped, he stared at the door with a sort of expression that had Rindou’s throat closing up with guilt. 

“This is all my fucking fault,” Ran breathed out and Rindou shook his head, moving closer to him. He put his hand on Ran’s shoulder but Ran shrugged it off, looking away.

“Ran, it’s not-”

“I left the auction, Rindou,” Ran said, “I left the auction and put myself in the position to get caught. Which made her have to make the decision that led to me getting my ass beat. Which led to her breaking me out, which led to this. If I had just stayed in the fuckin’ auction hall like Kakucho said, we would not be in this position.”

“That’s not-”

“Fuck off, Rindou,” but there was no heat behind Ran’s voice this time and Rindou couldn’t look at his brother’s face anymore, he couldn’t stand the broken expression on his face, and he couldn’t stand the heavy feeling that kept pulling at his stomach. 

He looked down at the ground, fists tight at his sides. You were talking to them on the opposite side of the door but he couldn’t make out what exactly you were saying. He should have faith--you always managed to talk your way out of situations. If Rindou had to bet, he would say it’s one of the things you were best at.

You would be fine. They would be fine. 

He made the right choice by letting you go. 

But Rindou couldn’t help the strange feeling that began to pass over him as he lifted his gaze back up.

His hair stood on end, the entire world around him tunneled as he stared at the doors to the locker room--something bad was about to happen, he realized, letting go of Ran’s shoulder and taking a step toward the door just as the deafening bang of a gunshot resounded through the air around them.

--

There were a lot of them. Too many of them. You couldn’t help the anxiety that started to pool in your gut, and you couldn’t help the way your eyes unconsciously started to dart around, searching for any possible escape routes. There weren’t any but you knew it wouldn’t have mattered even if there were one. 

You couldn’t leave them here. 

You kept your shoulders square as you raised your chin, eyes steady on the man at the front of the group. You did not recognize him. Tall, light hair and lighter eyes. He looked foreign. His gaze was cold, his smile was mocking.

You hated him. 

You glanced back once, taking one look at the double doors of the locker room and after a second of hesitation, you moved, leaning down to pick up one of the weighted bars for lifting. Gritting your teeth as you bring it up to slide it between the handles, making sure that the door stayed shut and wasn’t able to be opened from the inside. The last thing you needed was for them to come out here and get themselves killed while you were talking. 

You stared at the door for a moment, shutting your eyes as you pictured them behind it, and briefly, you wondered if that had been the last time you’d ever see them. You felt sick, and your hands shook before you forced them to stop, turning around, lips twisted down, eyes dark. 

“If Sugawara wants Izanami, then they get to walk out of here. Alive,” you cut straight to the chase.

“You’re in no place to make demands,” the man noted, tilting his head to the side to eye you curiously. He holstered his pistol back at his side but none of the men with him lowered theirs. You kept yours steady in front of you. “I’m not going to negotiate with a gun aimed at my face.”

You grit your teeth--having the gun trained on their leader was the only sort of insurance you had right now, but you supposed it didn’t mean anything anyway. If you pulled the trigger, they would either just straight up shoot you, or at the very least subdue you and then kill Rindou and Ran.

Frustration bled through your skin and painted your blood black, you dropped the gun to your side. 

Breathe in, breathe out. Think. 

“What makes you think Kenji wants Izanami?” the man questioned, hands in his pockets as he took a step toward you. He looked at ease, relaxed, and resentment stirred in you. “We already have Izanagi-”

“Izanami is worth double Izanagi,” you interrupted, meeting his eyes, “and two night ago, I spent four hours talking to my lawyers in order to have it passed on to Kokonoi Hajime after I die. Bonten’s in a shitty spot now because you went after all of their current businesses, it won’t be as shitty once they have their hands on a corporation worth five trillion yen.”

The man’s lax position faltered, you kept your gaze steady.

You were lying. The company was still set to go to Takuya at your death but there was no way for them to know that. 

Or they shouldn’t have a way, at least.

“Get Kenji on the phone,” the man’s voice was sharp and cold as he looked over his shoulder at one of the men behind him, who shifted uncomfortably at his words. 

“Rui-”

“Now,” the man said harshly, waiting for the other man to scramble for his phone before turning his attention back on you. Rui’s lips twisted, “You’re a slimy little bitch, aren’t you?”

“I don’t like being backed into corners,” was all you said in response. 

Rui smiled, it had your nerves on fire, “Neither does he,” he said ominously, and you couldn’t help the chill that ran down your spine at his words, the way every single cell of your body screamed at you to run, to flee. 

Rui turned around, “Give me the phone,” he said, taking the phone from the other man and pressing it to his ear. You watched as he took a few steps away, speaking quietly to who you could only assume was Sugawara on the other line. You let out one steady breath, eyes taking one long look back toward where Ran and Rindou were on the opposite side of the door.

Did you do the right thing?

Now that you were out here, confronting them, you weren’t so sure. 

No, you tried to convince yourself, no, you did what was right. There was no other option. Had you waited for them to come in there, they would have died. 

Any option that ended with them dying was not actually an option. 

You forced your gaze back to Rui, watching as he paced around listening to whatever Sugawara was going on about. You stiffened as he stopped midstep, looking at you from the corner of his eye, “Are you sure?” he asked before wincing, “... alright, alright, I get it.”

Rui walked back over toward you, you eyed him hesitantly as he held out the phone, “For you.”

Staring at the device for a second, your lips pulled down as you took it from your hand, holding it to your ear, “What?” you asked. 

“It didn’t have to come to this. I gave you a chance, y’know?” Sugawara’s tone was a sort of faux-sympathy that made your skin crawl, “More than one, actually. But I gave you a real chance that night, asking if you wanted to make a deal for Haitani Ran.”

“You would have killed us both,” you told him, and Sugawara paused for a moment before snorting.

“Maybe,” he agreed, “At least it wouldn’t have been all three of you, though.”

Your blood felt cold, your breath caught. 

All three of-

“It’s going to be a pain in the ass trying to cover this to Ichirou, you’ve caused more trouble than you’re worth,” the fake tone dropped, replaced by a sharp and icy one that made your mouth go dry, “Kokonoi Hajime won’t be able to do anything with Izanami, he and the rest of the Bonten executives will be dead by morning.”

Your head snapped to the side as movement rushed near your head, eyes widening as Rui raised his gun to your temple. Your lips parted, a cry of warning on the tip of your tongue to Rindou and Ran but there was no time.

You never had enough fucking time. 

Your eyes slid shut instinctively as his finger twitched on the trigger. You wanted to apologize, tell them that you were sorry, that you had been wrong. You wanted to warn them and tell them you had failed, you should have known you would, you always fail without someone else’s help. You wanted to tell them that you wished you had listened to them, that you would have stayed in the locker room with them so you could at the very least greet death together.

You didn’t want to die alone.

But you couldn’t, because everything was happening too fast and you barely even had time to think, much less speak. The gunshot was deafening, your ears rung, and you waited for the pain. 

You waited, and you waited, and you waited. 

It didn’t come. 

Blood and mush splattered against your face, in your eye, across your lips. You forced yourself to look down when you felt something fall hard against your foot and you could only stare at Rui’s unmoving body at your feet--half of his face blown off, gun discarded on the floor next to you.

What the-

You didn’t have time to try to figure out what happened, diving down to grab his gun before throwing yourself behind some lifting equipment just as another bullet hit the wall by your head. 

Once you had some sort of cover, you looked around, eyes darting through the mirrors set up across the gym as you tried to understand what was happening. Sugawara’s men were taking cover throughout the room, half of them already dead on the floor. You couldn’t tell where the bullets were coming from--the entrance, maybe?

You tried to keep your breath steady but it was almost impossible under the circumstances. Every inhale caught, every exhale shook, fear was freezing your body, rendering you immobile. 

Don’t let it control you, you told yourself over and over again. Rindou and Ran were still trapped in the locker room—sitting ducks, although you supposed it might be for the best, considering they would have come out at the first gunshot and gotten themselves killed in the fire fight.

Protect the door.

Breathe in, breathe out.

You focused on what was happening around you. Most of Sugawara’s men had their attention trained on the barrage of bullets coming at them.

Most.

Your eyes darted around, training in on a man aiming his gun at the door. It was a thinner metal. 

The bullet would go right through, and you knew Rindou and Ran would be right on the opposite side of it, banging against the metal trying to get to you.

Breathe in. Aim. Breathe out. Pull the trigger.

The man hit the ground hard, blood spurting from his neck and pooling in his mouth, choking and spasming on the ground. You felt sick to your stomach but you couldn’t watch for long. You were forced to take cover again as his death caught the attention of one of his friends, who was aiming in your direction in an instant, bullets flying in the air just over where you had been standing.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

You had to control yourself. 

“I’ll cover you,” you heard an unfamiliar male voice say and your eyes widened as your gaze shot back up to the mirror, catching sight of the figure in the mirror making his way toward you, another covering his approach from a little ways back.

He was going for the locker room. 

Realization hit you like a truck, all of the air was ripped from your lungs as you realized where exactly the man was taking off to. You couldn’t get a good angle from where you were kneeling behind the machine, but if you stood or tried to move, you’d be in line of fire of the man that was covering him.

You didn’t know what to do.

You could feel the anxiety beginning to claw at your chest again. You could feel the panic rise, the way your breath quickened, the way your heart raced. You were hesitating, you could feel yourself hesitating and you couldn’t stop yourself. Your fingers trembled around the gun, the world around you was somehow sped up and moving in slow motion at the same time.

You had to risk it.

You’d have one shot. Make it count. You kept your eyes trained on the mirror, holding the gun steady in front of you before pushing yourself to your feet. You swiveled, aiming it in the direction of the man approaching the locker room and pulling the trigger without sparing a second.

He hit the ground, and then so did you. 

A searing pain shot through your arm, blinding pain, you felt like you were on fire and you gasped as your hand flew to your bicep where a bullet had ripped through and tore out a chunk of your skin on the side of your arm. You bit down hard on your tongue, swallowing the cry of pain. Tears stung your eyes and you tried so fucking hard to push them away because you couldn’t afford to have blurry vision right now. 

Get up, you told yourself, forcing yourself back to your hands and knees, your ears rung, your vision spun, get up. 

You held the gun tight in your hand, breath ragged as you tried to push yourself up but a large hand wrapped around your other bicep, yanking you to your feet. You tried to push away, panic flooding your system but whoever was holding you was strong, much stronger than you. 

“Oi, relax,” a voice grunted, and you paused, breath catching as your eyes snapped to a hulking figure standing at your right. Blonde hair, pointed eyebrows, and familiar red eyes stared down at you. 

“Hey, princess,” a familiar voice heckled from a few feet away, and now that you were slowly calming down, you realized that the gunshots had come to the stop, the chaos in the room having come to an eerie still, Sugawara’s men lying unmoving on the ground. 

Madarame Shion was crouching on the ground next to Rui’s head. Mochizuki Kanji kept you steady on your feet.

“Long time, no see,” Shion finished, pushing himself to his feet, a wild grin on his face. “You look like shit.”

You let out a huff of laughter that sounded more like a sob. You couldn’t bring yourself to care, “Fuck you, Shion,” you said, but there was no heat behind your words as you leaned into Mochi while throwing your good arm around Shion. Your chest felt tight, the tears that had been building in your eyes spilled over as reality, relief, finally hit you.

You felt a hand grab your hurt arm gently, “Fuckers are using RIP rounds,” you heard Mochi mutter.

“Yikes,” Shion said, pulling away from you to lean down and look at your arm, “Ouch, yeah, that gotta hurt. Glad it’s not me.”

You shot Shion a withering look but he only winked at you, nodding to the door to the locker room, “You might wanna let them out of there. Preferably before they find a way to burn this place down. We’ve gotta get out of here, I’m sure they’ll be sending reinforcements up soon.”

You let out a breath, stepping toward the locker room. The pain had you dizzy on your feet for a second but Mochi’s grip on your waist tightened, you thanked him quietly before moving to the door. You stared at it for a moment, throat tight, before you forced yourself to push the weighted bar out from where it was holding the doors shut. 

The bar hit the ground with a loud crash, you flinched at the noise before using your foot to roll it out of the way. You reached forward with your good arm, pulling the door open, and let it swing open with a dull thud. 

Ran stared back at you from where he was standing half in front of Rindou. You weren’t sure how many seconds passed as the two of you stared at each other, trying to process what you were looking at.

“You’re okay,” Ran had never sounded so relieved before, voice little over a breath as he rushed toward you, with a sort of energy you really didn’t think he had left in him. Your throat felt swollen as you felt his arms wrap snug around your waist, pulling you toward him, flush against his body. Your breath was shaky, you buried your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling as best you could. Your fingers trembled against his back, his palm smoothed out against yours, blunt nails digging into your shirt.

“God, I’m so-” Ran cut himself off, pulling back to look at you. His hands slid back up your body, leaving a burning trail in their wake until they came to your face, cupping your cheeks more gently than you had ever seen him be with anyone before. His eyes raked over you, his throat bobbed, “I’m so fucking mad at you. I’m livid, you have no fucking idea, you-”

He cut himself off, taking in a sharp breath, “You could have died. You-you can’t give yourself up like that, not for us. You-”

He couldn’t finish whatever he was trying to say, instead only pressing his lips together and looking away.

“Your arm,” Rindou’s voice was quiet, tight. You looked up from Ran’s neck, eyes focusing in on Rindou’s face, catching the strange expression that was decorating it as he held your arm. His lips parted as if to speak but no words left his lips.

Guilty, you realized, he looked guilty. 

“Hey,” Mochi said, “We don’t have time for the waterworks, come on.”

Rindou bristled, eyes darting up from you to glare at Mochi but his glare fell almost instantly, “Mochi? Shion?” he asked, surprise lacing his tone, evidently just having noticed them.

“No shit,” Shion said, ever the eloquent one.

“The fuck are you guys doing here?” Ran’s voice was rough as he spoke, stepping away from you to pick up a discarded gun from one of Sugawara’s dead men. “I thought Sanzu said-”

“Fuck Sanzu,” Shion interrupted immediately, “He’s a fuckin’ asshole. Kakucho got word of what was happening over here. He told us. We weren’t just going to leave you guys to die.” 

“Shion,” Rindou said quietly, and Shion looked uncomfortable at the change in tone, and the gratitude in Rindou’s voice. 

“Fuck off, don’t get all sappy,” Shion muttered, “Hurry up and get yourself armed. We gotta get out of here still.”

Rindou nodded, kneeling down to grab a gun, dropping the magazine out to make sure it was loaded before rising back to his feet, pressing his free hand against your back as he led you toward the door, Shion and Mochi taking the front. 

You winced at the sound of glass being crushed beneath your shoes, trying to keep your eyes off of the dead bodies littering the ground, trying to keep your mind off of the pain that was numbing the entire left side of your body. You tried to focus on Rindou’s hand warm against your lower back, on Ran walking a little bit in front of you. But it was hard. It was so fucking hard. Your entire arm felt like it was numb and on fire at the same time, you didn’t even dare to look at the wound. 

“I’m sorry,” Rindou said quietly, and you turned to look over your shoulder so you could see him but he only looked away. You tried to say something, tell him that there was nothing for him to be sorry for, but Shion was speaking before you could push the words past your lips. 

“We cleared out a good number of ‘em downstairs,” he said, pushing open the doors to the stairwell, holding them open for you, Rindou and Ran to pass through. “But I’m sure more’ve already showed up.”

Mochi let out a noise of agreement, “Kakucho texted us while we were on the way up here. Said another car pulled in.”

“Wonderful,” Ran muttered.

“At least it’s not-”

Another gunshot, Shion let out a string of curses, letting the door to the stairwell slam shut just as another three were shot at it from down the hall, denting the metal where his head was. The look Shion threw at the closed door was nothing short of lethal, Mochi shared a long look with him as Rindou stepped in front of both you and Ran.

“Go,” Mochi told the three of you, and all three of your heads snapped toward him instantly, questioning. “You’re not deaf, I said go. Go.”

“We’re not leaving you guys,” Rindou snapped immediately, “Fuck that. We’ll take them out and then get out of here together.”

“It’s a waste of time,” Mochi shot right back, “Ran is hurt bad, so is she. You need to get the two of them out of here, get a head start. We can catch up.”

You shook your head, a bad feeling settling in your stomach, “No, we-”

“Go,” Mochi said, voice harsher, “Go. We’ll be okay. If anything, you guys staying is going to put us at more risk. We’ll handle these guys and catch up.”

You shot a desperate look at Shion, waiting for him to speak up and tell Mochi that it would be better for the three of you to stay to help but he only nodded, grimacing as another round of bullets was fired at the door, “Go,” he said, “We’ll be fine. We’ll meet you at the safehouse. Okay?”

You wanted to argue, and scream at them that this wasn’t necessary but even as you opened your mouth another wave of pain hit you, making you sway on your feet. Rindou steadied you, taking one long look down at you before looking at Ran, who was in an even worse condition. He let out a shaky, frustrated breath, forcing his gaze back to Shion and Mochi.

“Don’t die,” his voice was low, it edged on pleading. 

Please don’t die, you echoed silently.

Shion only winked at the three of you, “Back at you,” he said as he motioned for Mochi to join him at the door. 

Rindou looked down at you as he walked over to Ran, wrapping an arm around his waist, “You can walk on your own?” he asked, and you nodded, trying to push away the pain and dizziness. “Okay,” he said, “Let’s get out of here.”

---

Ran had passed out on the way back, his aggravated wounds having become too much for his body to handle. Rindou could barely stand to look at you.

Every time you would go into the other room to talk to him, he would turn away or leave the room after sparing one look at your stitched up wound. You tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that it was your choice to go out there, but he would only scoff, shaking his head.

“I let you go,” he would say, voice low, defeated, and when you tried to grab his shoulder and force him to look at you, he would shrug you off and finally leave the room.

He couldn’t do this forever, you tried to convince yourself as you stared at the closed door to the bedroom he had claimed, debating on making another attempt. But even as the words crossed your mind, you knew that Rindou very well could do this forever--he was just as stubborn as Ran when he got like this, just as stubborn as you.

You sighed as you walked away from his door, making your way to Ran’s room instead. The halls were dark, and the safe house itself was chilly. You let out a shaky breath, arms wrapped around your torso as you kept down the hall. Your eyes flashed up to the clock—it was late, it had taken quite a bit to get to the outskirts of Tokyo to the safe house and you’d been there for a few hours already.

You wondered if Ran was awake yet, but you doubted it. He would have come to find you by now if he was, even if he knew damn well that you would have rathered him to stay laying down. You couldn’t help the way your mind began to wander back to Rindou, guilt churning in your chest.

He had done what you wanted—he had let go of you. And you knew from the look in his eyes, from the way his fingers trembled around your wrist that he didn’t want to, that it had taken everything in him to let go of your wrist and hold Ran back. 

And you couldn’t imagine what must’ve been going through his head when the first gunshot was shot--thinking that he was the one that let you walk to your death, thinking that he did it for the chance to save Ran but now Ran was going to die anyway and you got yourself killed trying to save the both of them. 

You didn’t blame him for not wanting to look at you but it still hurt. You wished you could go back to this morning, before all of this happened, when the two of you had just woken up, basking under the morning sun, still half-asleep and talking quietly to each other as to not wake Ran. You could have stayed there forever with them, Ran curled up behind you, Rindou inches in front of you—it had been good. It had been good for the first time in years, and now it was all shit again. 

But at least you were together. 

It was the only thought driving you forward. All three of you were alive, all three of you were together. You had to be grateful for the small mercies, not take the smaller things for granted. 

You let out a soft breath as you shook your head, continuing down the dim hallway til you reached the cracked open door at the end of it. Ran’s bedroom light was still on, and you rolled your eyes at Rindou, realizing he had probably forgotten to turn it off before leaving the room earlier. 

Slowly and carefully, you opened the door, wincing as it creaked under your push. You slipped into the room, not bothering to shut the door behind you, gaze flitting around the old room before you forced yourself to look at where Ran was still fast asleep in bed, laying still beneath the half-strewn off comforter. 

You looked over his body, your throat felt tight and your eyes stung as you looked down at the dark bruises visible--they had only gotten worse with the jostling around in the frantic escape from the penthouse. The one on his lower abdomen had spread all the way around his side and, from what you could tell, back, it was an ugly black and red color, and you wished Miss Yua was around to take a look at the wound because you had no idea what you were looking at, all you knew was that it was bad and he was in pain. 

His lashes brushed his cheeks as he slept soundly in the bed. Your hand drifted up to his cheek, fingers touching his skin so lightly that you could just barely feel him beneath you. He looked peaceful--more peaceful than you had seen him in a long time. And you knew from Rindou that he hadn’t been sleeping well--not for a while. You didn’t want to wake him, and you knew you should leave, let him get his rest but you couldn’t bring yourself to.

You didn’t want him to wake up alone. 

You swallowed thickly as your fingers drifted down from his cheek, trailing down his body to absently trace the tattoos decorating his chest down to the bruises. Your fingers hesitated above them, a sick feeling churning in your stomach.

Your fault.

The words rang loud, deafening in your head. This was your fault. Your choice. Was there another way? Had Sugawara been telling the truth? You knew he wasn’t. He literally admitted it on the phone; he was a scumbag that would have killed Ran had he known just how close the two of you were, and then he would have taken you out too but a part of you couldn’t help but doubt yourself.

What if this hadn’t had to happen? Look at yourself, you can’t even protect the two people you love most.

You shut your eyes, trying to force the tears away. I’m sorry, you wanted to tell him I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-

Long fingers wrapped around your hand, you opened your eyes and dragged your gaze back up to his face. Violet eyes peered up at you, brows furrowed, “It’s not your fault,” he murmured and you just shook your head and looked away. 

“Hey,” Ran’s voice was low, rough from sleep, you forced yourself to look at him again, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“What if there was another option?” you hated how your voice cracked, and you hated how Ran’s thumb smoothed over the back of your hand, “I didn’t even give it any thought, Ran, there could’ve been something else. If I had just took a minute to think I-”

He reached forward with his other hand, palm, coming up to cup your cheek, fingers dancing along your cheekbone. Your words faltered as you leaned into his touch instinctively, eyes lidded as you looked down at him.

“There was no time,” Ran murmured, “You did what was best in the moment. You always do.”

You wanted to argue, to tell him no, he was wrong, but Ran’s expression left no room for any arguments. And even if it had, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to bring yourself to argue with him.

You didn’t have much fight left in you at all anymore. You wanted to give up, lay in their arms and let the rest of the world fade away. Fuck Izanami, fuck your uncle, fuck Sugawara, and fuck Bonten. All you wanted was them, in any and everything way.

“I’m sorry,” you told him, and you weren’t sure how many times you had apologized over the course of the past two or three days but it didn’t feel like it was enough. You were sure that you could chant it out as a mantra for the rest of your life, the only words you ever speak, and you would still feel like it wasn’t enough. There were no words to accurately describe just how sorry you were--not just for what happened to Ran, but for everything else too--and there was nothing you could do, no action to take that would convince yourself of your atonement, even if they did forgive you. “I’m sorry, I’m so sor-”

“Stop that,” Ran said quietly, squeezing your hand softly as his thumb traced over your cheekbone again, “I-”

Ran’s brows furrowed, confliction crossing over his face for just a moment before he let out a deep sigh, “I’m angry at you,” Ran admitted, “I’m so angry at you but… not for the wounds. That wasn’t your fault.”

You tried to look away but he turned your face back toward him, “Don’t do that again,” he said, “Ever. Don’t give yourself up. We don’t trade lives.”

You didn’t want to make that promise. You hoped that you could just stay silent and he would take the silence as an agreement but you should have known better than that. Ran’s jaw clenched when you didn’t respond, you could see his temper flare behind his eyes and you could see him struggle to rein it in.

“Promise me,” he said more insistently, his fingers pressing into your skin just a bit deeper, “Promise me.”

You let out a heavybreath, you tried to close your eyes but he only tightened his grip, making you keep your gaze steady on him.

“I promise,” you finally said after a few moments, even though you knew damn well you’d never be able to deny either of them again. “I promise.”

Ran inhaled sharply, eyes searching yours to make sure you were telling the truth even though you knew it was unnecessary, you didn’t think you’d be able to bring yourself to lie to him--either of them--ever again. 

Ran leaned up, and you tried to stop him, noticing how his abdomen tensed as the pain hit him, but you were taken off guard as the hand on your cheek slid behind your head, pulling you down halfway to meet him. You inhaled sharply against his lips, hands frozen on either side of you, eyes wide just for a moment before your body reacted on its own, lips moving against his.

You shouldn’t be doing this, the thought made your hands tremble, but instead of pushing yourself away from him, you only shifted closer. The kiss was different from the one the two of you shared that first night--that one had been fueled by desperation, a loss of control, this one…

This one you wanted. And that wasn’t to say you didn’t want the one from the first night but you wanted this one in a different way, a more intense way. 

You brought your hands up to Ran’s face, cupping his cheeks, you let out another shaky breath into his mouth and your eyes slid shut as one of Ran’s hands slipped beneath your shirt, smoothing over your back. His skin was hot against yours, burning, only a few touches and you could barely think straight. 

This one was different. The noise you let out into Ran’s mouth would have been embarrassing under any other circumstances, you could feel your face heat up but Ran seemed to pay no mind, more focused on pulling you closer to him, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. You didn’t quite know how to describe it but it had you dizzy, light-headed, not in the same way the one at the club left you.  

A strange feeling passed over you as your body pressed flush against Ran’s, half on top of him as his hand slid down your body, wrapping around your thigh to hook your leg over his waist. You should be pushing him away. You knew that. This was wrong, and not just for the obvious reasons—Ran was hurt, you shouldn’t be putting more strain on his body but also-

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway. Your breath caught as you pulled off of Ran. His eyes were hazy, unfocused on you. The violet lidded in a way that had your blood running hot, but you forced yourself to ignore it, pushing up to turn around. 

Rindou stared at the two of you, lips parted, an indecipherable expression on his face and a glass of water in his hand, one that he had clearly been bringing for Ran. He looked away sharply, placing the water down on the dresser before he turned on his heel and walked back the way you came. 

Oh, you had seen this play out before, you recalled, guilt making your stomach drop as you forced yourself to your feet, you wouldn’t let it end the same way this time. 

“Rin, wait,” you called, chasing after him. He was already three-quarters of the way down the hall by the time you caught up to him. “Rin,” you said again, voice catching, “Hold on!” 

You grabbed his wrist, but he only shook it right off. Irritated, you went for it again, and this time, he turned it on you, maneuvering his wrist out of your hold and swiveling it to grab yours, holding it at an uncomfortable angle as he pushed you back into the wall, pinning you in place.

“Stop,” his voice was low and rough. You could see the hurt swimming behind his eyes, but it wasn’t just hurt. There was something else there. Regret? Acceptance? You couldn’t tell, “Just stop.”

“What do you mean stop?” you asked, looking up at him, trying to get your wrist free from his hand but you couldn’t, his grip only tightened. “Rin-”

“Stop as in leave me alone,” Rindou said, shaking his head and taking a step away from you, “I made my choice. I let you go. Go back to Ran.”

“You what?” you breathed out, there was a cryptic undertone to his words, one that you weren’t quite sure that you liked, “Rin, what are you talkin-”

“Stop,” he raised his voice, saying your name sharply, and you flinched back. He faltered at your reaction, shoulders dropping, if only slightly, eyes shutting. “Just go back to Ran. Please.”

“No, Rin,” you shook your head, mind running a million miles a minute. I let you go, was he talking about back at the penthouse? He had to be but it didn’t make sense. How did that relate at all to what was happening right now? “Rin, are you talking about back at the penthouse, I don’t-“

“I let you go,” Rindou said again, but there was no anger in his voice this time, only distress. “I let you go. I let go of your wrist and let you walk to your death, I let you go when he was fighting tooth and fucking nail to make you stay, begging me to at least let him go out there with you. I just let you go.”

You faltered, shaking your head and trying to reach back out for his hand but he stepped away, “Rin, I asked you to, that’s not-“

“No,” Rindou said, shutting his eyes, his voice was weak and all you wanted to do was reach out and hold him, “You don’t-you don’t understand. The first gunshot, when it went off. I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead and I had let go of your wrist, I let go so you could sacrifice yourself to try to save us. I let you die for nothing.”

“I’m not dead though, Rin, I’m right here and I’m okay, I-“ he didn’t let you finish. Again.

“That’s not the point, I forfeited any-“ he cut himself off, stammering over his words before he squeezed his eyes shut, rephrasing. “Ran fought for you, and I gave you up. I let go. Go back to him. I’m okay, really.”

“You didn’t give me up, and you didn’t let me go,” you cried out, getting frustrated with his stubbornness. You pushed his chest hard, making him crash back into the opposite wall. “You fucking believed in me, Rindou. Stop throwing a pity parade and-“

“Stop!” Rindou yelled this time, anger flaring in his eyes. And you felt overwhelmed, anxious, because Rindou was getting the wrong idea, understandably, and he was spiraling and you didn’t know what to do and you didn’t want him to feel this way. Because you didn’t want Ran, you wanted them both. “Fucking hell, I know you want him, I saw you two that night at the club. I saw you just now! Why the fuck won’t you let me do the right thing and walk away? Both of you, neither of you fucking give a shit about what I want. He didn’t back then, you don’t now. I’m trying to make this fucking easier on myself. I fucking know you want him and-“

“I want you both!” you shouted at him, interrupting him mid sentence. Rindou froze from where he was standing in front of you, and you froze too, mind spinning as you processed the words that you had just spoken out loud—the same words you had never dared to speak all of those years ago—before you spoke them again, quieter this time, less heat behind them. “I want you both.”

Oh god.

Oh god.

You didn’t move, keeping your gaze trained forward as soon as you fully registered what you had said. What the fuck was wrong with you? Now was not the time for this. You-

“What?” Rindou’s voice was little over a breath. You shook your head and took a step back. He matched your step, keeping the distance, “No, don’t you dare try to back out now. You don’t get to say something like that and then try to pretend you didn’t.”

Your bottom lip trembled. From the corner of your eye, you noticed Ran leaning against the doorframe of his room, watching you, and you had half a mind to snap at him and tell him to get back in bed.

Where had that come from? you tried to ask yourself. But you supposed that wasn’t the question—you had always loved them, from the beginning, the years abroad hadn’t changed that no matter how hard you might’ve tried to convince yourself and Rindou had pushed you into finally admitting it out loud.

You let out a shaky breath, hands fisted tight at your side, “I said what I said. Now isn’t the time though, we should talk about this once we’re out of Tokyo.”

“Technically we’re out of Tokyo,” Ran butted in, eyes sharp and curious as he watched you.

“You know what i mean,” you snapped right back, glaring at him, “Go back to bed.”

“Join me and I will,” he winked and you felt hot as you glared harder before looking away, the embarrassment slowly beginning to hit.

“I-“ you began, closing your eyes when you stuttered over your words, “We shouldn’t talk about something like this until we’re safe.”

“We’ll never be safe,” Rindou murmured and you grimaced, his words weighing heavy on your chest because you knew they were true.

“I don’t really know what else there is to talk about,” you tried a different approach, but from the way Rindou rolled his eyes, you knew it was going to go just as poorly. “I said what I said-“

You were cut off as Ran nodded at Rindou, and Rindou scoffed, grabbing your good arm and dragging you back into Ran’s room. You struggled, kicking the back of his knee and spitting out curses, but he only ignored you.

As soon as the door shut behind the two of you, another heavy silence settled.

“How long?” Ran asked, moving to sit back down on the bed, arm resting on his torso. You raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate, “How long have you known this?”

You did not want to answer, but they were not giving you a chance to change the conversation and you couldn’t think straight.

“Since we were younger,” you finally said, and they both shared a look. You tilted your head up, trying to hide just how humiliated you felt. “Kids, really.”

Ran snorted, taking a sip of the water that Rindou had brought him, “Could’ve saved me and Rindou a lot of arguments,” he murmured, amused and you forced yourself to look back down from the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” you asked but then your lips twisted down as you remembered Rindou’s words: he didn’t back then, you don’t now.

“Nothing,” they chorused at the same time and you glared at them.

“Are you kidding me? You’re making me answer all this shit but you won’t?” you snapped, moving to rise off the bed but Ran’s arm snapped out quicker, tugging you back down. 

You scowled as your back hit the bed, wincing as you jostled your bad arm around, “That hurt,” you muttered, and he gave you a half-assed apology. You tried to sit up but his palm pressed against your chest, pushing you back down, “You’re not funny,” you told Ran.

His lips curled up into a sly smile that nearly had you squirming, “I’m not trying to be,” he said and you let out a half-nervous, half-irritated breath, looking to Rindou for help but he only pointedly looked away.

“Why did you leave then?” Rindou was changing the subject and you wanted to throw a fit because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stop him from doing it. “If you knew back then.”

“Because I couldn’t let my feelings get in the way of my goals,” you said right back and Rindou winced, looking away.

“We weren’t your goal?” 

“You guys were always my ultimate goal,” you said quietly, giving up on trying to get Ran to let you sit up, staring at the ceiling. “But there were things I had to do first. I told you last night, the detours… there were just… a lot more than I thought. It took longer than I thought. But being with you guys, that was always my goal in the end. You guys are all I’ve ever wanted.”

Neither of them spoke for a while and Ran finally let go of you, you immediately took the opportunity to sit up, shooting him a glare before you settled back down, cross-legged between them on the bed.

“We shouldn’t be doing this now,” you spoke softly again, staring at your lap, “There’s too much going on, we still need to figure out how to get out of Japan and-“

“We’re not getting out of Japan until shit calms down, there’s no way. Unless you have a secret private airport you can bring us to,” Rindou countered and your shoulders slumped.

The only private airports you knew of were your uncle’s, and Sugawara would have eyes all over them right now.

“That’s what I thought,” Ran’s eyes danced with a sort of delight you hadn’t seen in them for a long time. Next to him, Rindou looked just as interested and an anxious feeling settled in your stomach as the two of them shared a look—they had always been most dangerous when they worked together. “So how ‘bout you sit back and relax and tell us everything this time?”

WC: 12.5k 

REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK GREATLY APPRECIATED !!! 

— feedback on character development and story progression pls do not nitpick little mistakes — i didn’t even run this chapter thru grammarly 🥹

[kikixreverie]

Hi- may I ask for an angst-mix with Bucky x reader: she had her share of abusive/toxic relationships in her past, but it was nothing she spoke of, and not now when she had James. It wasnt like she thought she was gonna be triggered again, not by him, any other guy- buy not her Bucky! Some tiny bickering evolved to a large dispute, and before she knew what was happening, she shied away from him, making herself small, awaiting the blow - that never came... And instead she was overcome by shame...

Pasts and Apologies

Bucky x Fem!reader

Word count - 3k

Warnings - Mentions of domestic abuse from ex, some descriptions of abuse, angst, trauma

A/n - Okay I definitely went hard on the angst for this one. I kinda just went off on one so not so much bickering and more just a full blown argument but I've been feeling kinda angsty lately so I kinda accidentally made this darker than I expected. Please read the warnings and do not read if you think this could trigger you.

------------------------------------------------

Love had not been kind to you before Bucky. Every decent memory of your ex was clouded with uncertainty, you would walk on eggshells around him, terrified that saying the wrong thing would set him off and you'd be calling Sam again, sobbing down the phone, cradling another bruise at the hands of your 'partner'.

You were together for years, devoted to and unconditionally in love with the man that you had met in high school. Childhood sweethearts.

He always was quick to anger and he wasn't shy about that. He never had any issues with shouting at you when you pissed him off, just as he never had issues with shouting at his mother or younger brother, but at the time, you had always stood up for yourself and defended the poor woman, making him apologise, and he let you, he always let you clean up his messes.

The first few years were spent in ignorant bliss, you constantly ignored the fear that would creep up your spine when he got angry, but you could manage a screaming match or two, you could manage it all because you loved him, you depended on him despite that he wasn't at all dependable.

The arguments were tough, but you never expected it to go further than that, but eventually, it did.

The first time he was physically aggressive was on his 22nd birthday. He had insisted that he spend his birthday with his friends, calling it a guys night, and you were fine with that, you knew how handsy he got when he was with his friends anyway, so you spent the day with him instead, making sure to keep him happy and spoilt rotten.

As the night crept on, you had tried to wait up for him to return, just as he had asked, but as it passed 3am you decided that he wouldn't mind you going to bed since you had work the next day, so you crawled into bed and fell asleep, a mistake, at the time, you didn't know you had made.

When he returned half an hour later to see you unconscious, he woke you up with his shouting, angry that you hadn't stayed up for him, convinced that you were ruining his night on purpose. The loud awakening was enough alone to trigger your fight or flight but when he threw the duvet off you and grabbed your ankle so tightly you knew a bruise would form, you were terrified. He dragged you off the bed and pushed you towards the door, telling you to fuck off, and you did, tears streaming down your face as you laid awake on the couch till morning.

It only got worse from there, when he realised that he could hurt you and get away with it, it became his favourite past time, he'd look for reasons to shout at you, make you do things that would piss him off just so he'd have a reason to be cruel.

When Sam started noticing dark bruises on your skin, he was livid, and despite how often you'd try to convince him that it's just clumsiness, Sam knew better.

There were rare days that you would have long conversations with Sam, you'd talk about how you'd lost all your friends and distanced yourself from your family but you didn't blame your abuser, you blamed only yourself, and Sam would beg you to leave him but you'd be sobbing in his arms, telling him that you still loved the man who hurt you, that he didn't really mean to hurt you and you'd feel even more guilt if you ever got him in trouble for it.

It was a long and hard journey, but the moment you told Sam that you wanted out, he was there for you, offering you to stay at his place and helping you call the cops. He gave you all the resources he could possibly find through the VA and set you up with an amazing therapist and eventually you were living in your own place, talking to old friends again, and filing a restraining order against your ex.

It was nearly two years later when you met him. Introduced through Sam, you met the love of your life on a Sunday. He was quiet and focused, with hard eyes scanning the room, looking for escape routes, analysing people's faces.

You smiled gently at him when you met, opting for a small nod in greeting instead of a handshake. You stayed near him for the remainder of the gathering, not pressuring him to speak to you, just sitting in silence. You were drawn to him, his behaviour was so similar to yours.

You knew what it felt like to want to just blend into the corner, to stay unnoticed, you understood the need to know how to escape a room, and you saw the way he hesitantly returned your smile and then struggled to chase his smile away once you had sat down beside him.

You and Bucky soon became each other's rocks, always there for the other on the hard days, days that you would spend just walking or reading together in calm silence. There was no doubt that the two of you loved each other, and after months and months of trying to hide longing glances and blushing cheeks, you finally confessed to each other, and the rest was history. You trusted him like you had never trusted anyone before.

As your relationship progressed, Bucky started to notice some strange things in your behaviour, how you'd always ask his permission for you to go out with friends, how you were always quick to apologise in any situation and distanced yourself from him when he was the slightest bit irritated.

He had tried to ask you about it, but you always changed the subject as soon as it was mentioned, ensuring him that it was nothing to worry about.

To tell the truth, you were embarrassed, you were ashamed that your ex still had this effect on you, and no matter how many times you told yourself that he would never, that your Bucky would never, your brain refused to allow you to believe it and you continued with the odd behaviour that you used as a defence mechanism when in the abusive relationship.

You never spoke out of line, you never asked him where or who he was going out with, and you never let small bickering escalate.

It was only after you had overheard Sam and Bucky in a heated conversation, Sam scolding Buck for being reckless and stupid during a mission, that you had your first argument with him.

You had called Sam while Bucky was at the store, convincing him to tell you what had happened and after a few minutes of guilt-tripping, Sam finally confessed that Bucky had practically ran into open fire, endangering himself in an attempt to shut down a Hydra base, it could've very easily been fatal, and it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

You knew it was wrong, you knew you should've just asked Bucky about it, but you couldn't help yourself, and you knew that Bucky would've downplayed the whole situation.

When he returned home you were pacing up and down in the living room, chewing the inside of your cheeks and your nails to pieces because you could've lost him, Bucky could've died and he was acting as if it were nothing.

"Doll?" You could hear the worry in his voice as he placed the shopping bags on the kitchen counter and walked over to you, standing in front of you to stop your movement, pulling your hand from your mouth and kissing your knuckles.

It was supposed to calm you, and it almost did, but as his soft lips grazed your hand, and his eyes met yours, your mind kept wandering to the fact that he could've died.

This moment could've never happened, instead, you'd have Sam or Steve at your door, trying to deliver the news of their best friend's death, your lover.

"Honey speak to me" He looked utterly confused, but the look only made you feel angry.

How could he be so reckless?

"I just got off the phone with Sam."

He froze, eyebrows furrowing and taking a step away from you, waiting for you to explain.

Your gaze didn't move from the floor, trying to even out the anger and worry rushing through you, settling like a heavy rock in your stomach.

"He told me about the missions, about how you've been acting."

"What do you mean, how I've been acting?" He scoffed, sounding offended, and you sighed.

"How reckless you've been acting. Sam said that Tony's considering pulling you out of missions! How many times have you endangered yourself like this? How many times is it gonna take for you to realise that you could fucking die out there, James."

Your voice was stern, and the tone felt foreign against your tongue. Bucky's kept his face hard, refusing to show any emotion, but you could see the way his jaw clenched harshly, eyes glued to the corner of the room, ignoring your fiery glare.

"Were you ever going to tell me? I thought that all the injuries you got were fairly normal for the jobs you do, but when I hear that you run into open fire, that you make decisions on your own before talking to your team, that you've gotten fucking stabbed in the past, and you never told me, how do you expect me to react?"

He sighed heavily through his nose, jaw ticking in annoyance towards his friend, angry that he had told you even though it wasn't his place.

"I told him not to tell you." His voice was gruff, the words spoken harshly under his breath and you felt your anger flair again.

"What and you think that's okay?!"

His gaze shot to yours, looking at you incredulously.

"Bucky we're partners! You're supposed to tell me this shit, you're supposed to tell me when you've nearly died on a mission, you're supposed to trust me."

"You think I don't trust you?!" His voice was slightly raised and you felt your annoyance spike, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry."

"Of course I'm gonna worry, James. This is a big deal, I can't believe you've been getting seriously injured and not telling me."

"Well, I don't think it's that big of a deal, Sam shouldn't have fucking told you. This wouldn't be happening if he had just kept his mouth shut, but no! Of course not!" Bucky's eyebrows were drawn in tight with annoyance, wishing you'd just drop the subject, "I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing."

"What the hell do you mean 'You know what you're doing?' You know that you're not supposed to endanger yourself to complete a mission, yet you do it anyway. I'm glad Sam told me because otherwise, I doubt I'd ever find out!."

"I don't see how what I do on missions is anything to do with you. Sam is exaggerating. I'm fine!"

As Bucky's voice raised, you started to lose focus, flashbacks of your past echoing in your mind and in his annoyance, Bucky didn't notice the way your eyes had gone distant, losing sight of the man in front of you, the man you loved, and forming the image of the man you still see in nightmares, the man you're so terrified of seeing in the street that you haven't stepped foot in Queens since leaving him.

You could almost feel the sting of his palm against your cheek, the burn of his hand, tight around your wrist, and you tried to remind yourself that it wasn't real. It had been months since you'd had an episode, and your steps to control them were hard to find with the false image of your abuser so clear in front of you.

"Are you even listening to me?" The statement dragged you back to reality and you felt yourself calm when your eyes focused in on Bucky, reminding yourself that your ex wasn't here, that Bucky wasn't like that, he would never, but as he raised his arm to push his hair out of his face, everything flew out the window and in the moment, you were 21 again and you were sure he was going to hit you, your exes face flashing behind your eyes again.

You flinched, a gasp falling from your lips as your eyes squeezed shut and your head ducked down, breathing heavily through your nose as you awaited the hit.

Time slowed.

Bucky froze completely, his eyes wide and frantic as he quickly stumbled away from you, shaking his head as self-hatred ran through his veins, disgusted at himself for making you think even in the slightest, that he would ever hurt you.

"Doll?" He sounded absolutely broken.

Your head shot up, panic flooding through you when you realised what you had done and pain replacing the feeling when you saw the agony on Bucky's face.

"Y/n, I- I would never-" He kept his voice at a pained whisper, not wanting to scare you further as he stayed at a distance.

You collapsed to the floor, sitting on your knees as the weight of the situation pulled you down. Your hands raised to cover your mouth as a sob threatened to tear through you, so fucking ashamed of what had just happened, so fucking ashamed that your ex had done this to you, and you had let him for so long, ashamed that he still haunted you.

"Babydoll I-" He struggled to find the words, terrified that he had just lost you, wanting to reach out and hold you but scared shitless of hurting you more than he already had, "I don't know what- I'm so fucking sorry y/n, I can't- I can't even fathom the thought of-"

His voice trailed off, unable to even say the words and you felt your guilt tenfold.

"N-No Bucky, I'm sorry I thought-" You struggled to speak through your crying, hot tears flowing down your cheeks as you rocked yourself gently in an attempt to self-soothe.

"Why are you apologising honey? This is on me, this is-"

"No, it isn't, I promise Buck this isn't you, it's.." You couldn't get the words out, you couldn't tell him, "Just come here, please."

You wanted him to wrap his arms around you, you needed him to know that it wasn't him, you know the way his mind works and you knew that by now he would already be drowning in guilt and self-hatred.

"I don't think that I should. I don't want to hurt you, I can't- I can't hurt you" You smiled at him gently through your tears and your chin wobbled as you saw the tears running down his cheeks too.

"It's okay. I'm okay Bucky, I just- I-I need you over here, I need you - I need you to touch me. I need you."

He was over in an instant, falling to the floor beside you and letting out a huge sigh of relief when you instantly wrapped yourself around him, tucking your head into the crook of his neck and crawling into his lap, needing to be as close to him as possible, to rid the memories of the pain, to remind yourself that his touch is good, his touch is safe.

Arms enveloped you and he held you as tight as possible, the both of you crying.

After the two of you had calmed down and a comfortable silence enveloped you, Bucky knew he would have to break it.

"Why did you think that I would hit you?" He asked, his voice tentative and gentle and you sighed, knowing that it was time for you to tell him.

"I didn't, I don't, I promise."

You lifted your head from his shoulder but still stayed on his lap, instead, resting your forehead against his.

"Then why-?"

"I thought I was better, I-I thought it was all over but I just- I lost myself again. Everything got all foggy and I lost where I was and I just, I thought I was there but-" The floodgates opened again and you knew that Bucky had no clue what you were talking about but the words just kept coming.

Bucky's eyebrows were furrowed tightly and when your vague, confusing explanation only made his worry grow, he felt himself pulling you even tighter against him.

"Doll, Did someone hurt you? Is that why you're always walking on eggshells around me? Is that what the nightmares are about?" He struggled against the words, not wanting to say them because he didn't want to believe them and he watched in agony as you swallowed hard and nodded slowly, your hands coming to rest on the back of his neck as you continued to hold your forehead against his.

He refused to let his anger show, he wouldn't do that to you, especially with you so fragile, but he couldn't hide the pained shaky breath he let out at your confession, "Fuck, I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Was it your ex? Did he hurt you?"

You nodded again, doing your breathing exercises, and calming yourself so that you could explain your situation fully to your partner.

"I should've told you, I know, I just, I'm so angry that I'm still like this, I just wish it would all go away and I could forget about what he did. I thought I was better. I can't stand that I'm still so haunted by that asshole" Bucky nodded along as you spoke, brushing his fingers up and down your back to help calm you.

"It's okay, Doll. Things like that don't just go away. Believe me, I wish they did too, but things will get better, I promise you that. Thank you for telling me."

You scoffed in self-deprecation, "I should've told you ages ago."

"That doesn't matter, you've told me now, and I'm sure it wasn't easy, so thank you for sharing" His voice was so gentle, his hands caressing your back almost making you feel sleepy.

"And Buck?" He hummed in response, letting you know that he was listening, "About the mission thing, I'm just worried about you. I can't lose you, I need you, and I need you alive."

A gentle smile lifted his frown and he nodded in understanding, feeling bad for getting mad in the first place, and you leaned back, looking down at him, your hands playing with his hair.

"I know. I'm sorry for being an idiot, It's just so hard to look at them and remember what they did to me and know what they've done to so many innocent people and I just lose it, all rationality out the window" You nodded at him, understanding how painful some of the missions must be.

"I'm sorry I got so upset with you, and I'm sorry I went to Sam instead of talking to you. Don't be mad at him, I kinda forced him to tell me" You gave him a sheepish look and he breathed out a small laugh, his nose crinkling like you always loved.

"It's okay doll, I'm sorry for being so careless and hiding the stuff about the missions, I promise I'll be more careful, I gotta make sure I always come home to my sweet girl. And don't worry about Sam, you deserved to know and I know what you're like."

You tutted at him and he smiled in response, the adorable, loving look on his face making you pull him into the sweetest, softest kiss which he instantly returned.

After sitting together in each others embrace for a while, the yawns eventually started. You were both positively exhausted from all the emotions you had both just experienced so Bucky wrapped your legs around his waist and lifted you both from the floor, discarding the groceries still left in bags in the kitchen and carrying you to bed, holding you as close as physically possible as you both drifted off to sleep.

[kzjwe]

FRIENDSHIP

Nobara Kugisaki × F!reader

FLUF ♡ / ANGST▽

Warning: childhood friends, loud Gojo, friend to lovers, violence on Yuji.

Athletic, sarcastic, intelligent, beautiful, determined, protects her friends and stands up for herself and her ideals.

These were just some of Kugisaki's qualities, just some of the infinite ones that made (Y/n) fall so madly in love.

(Y/n) met Kugisaki when they were just little girls. Nobara was considered the village weirdo, yet (Y/n) somehow managed to become friends with her.

The more time passed, the closer they got together, thus ending up spending most of their days together, running in the streets, reading together or talking about this and that.

It was perfect.

But everyone knows that perfect never lasts long. This was also the case for (Y/n). When Saori and Fumi arrived in the village Y / n knew that it would not be good for his friendship with Kugisaki. (Y/n knew of her friend's interest in the City, he knew how much Kugisaki hated the country and wanted to move to a big city.

but she never thought that Kugisaki would actually leave, at least not until she came of age. The day Fumi and Saori introduced themselves to Kugisaki telling her they were from the city (Y/n) she felt something crack inside her.

The way her best friend's eyes lit up at that information, the smile that came to her face, and Kugisaki's excited tone gave her a completely different effect than usual. That smile, that hope, and those quotes from her weren't aimed at her. Indeed Kugisaki had never addressed such joy to (Y/n) , but yet she was addressing it to strangers.

From that day on Kugisaki was all about the city, rambling about how Fumi and Saori's tales intrigued it, and soon the days (Y/n) spent with her best friend became days listening to Kugisaki conversing with the two. strangers, running after the three, reading alone in a corner, watching them play outside and then, when the two finally left them alone, listening to Kugisaki imagining living in the city with Saori and Fumi.

(Y/n) hated him, hated the way Kugisaki no longer cared about her, hated the ease with which she was pushed aside, the ease with which her dearest friend's precious attentions were taken away from her.

The four grew up together and the more they grew the more (Y/n) felt crushed by the friendship between Kugisaki and Saori. As they grew older all four began to develop physically as well, and (Y/n) slowly began to lose interest in boys, over time she found herself looking more and more at the girls of her village and less and less at the boys. For her part, however, Kugisaki often found himself telling (Y / n) about his experiences and the boys who attracted her attention or some gossip going around among the girls at school or the new fashion magazine she'd bought .

Y/n's life went on with monotony: school, park with the three friends, home, homework, walk with the three, home, sleep. This was the daily routine. Over time, however, Y n had learned to accept the presence of the youngest among them, and while before sitting under the tree in the park there was only her, watching the two sisters and Kugisaki on the swings, now there was also Fumi leafing through a manga and occasionally asking questions to (Y/n).

This was until Saori and Fumi left. That day Kugisaki knocked on (Y / l / n)'s door with tears in her eyes and as soon as Ms (Y / l / n) opened her door the little girl ran into (Y / n)'s room. That day Kugisaki cried in her arms.

Every now and then Kugisaki claimed to see "presences", and she always tried to convince (Y/n) of the truthfulness of this, but the girl was convinced that her friend was only saying it to scare her, after all it was Nobara Kugisaki. It was like this until Nobara communicated to (Y / n) that she was going to study in Tokyo in a renowned school for sorcerers who were "fighting" curses.The first time (Y/n) burst out laughing, but when she saw that her friend was more than serious another big crack formed inside her. She couldn't believe it, the day she most feared had really come. She (Y/n) she hoped that Kugisaki would never leave her, that she would always be by her side or at least not so soon. At that moment the young girl's eyes filled with tears, tears that began to flow as soon as Kugisaki embraced her.

That day (Y / n) cried in the arms of her friend and Kugisaki promised that they would see her again, promised to text her every day and call her from time to time.

Among Nobara's qualities there is also loyalty and credibility, she always keeps her promises. So after a year of calls and texts (Y / n) finds herself observing an extremely bizarre man at Tokyo station with a pink suitcase in his hand -hers pink suitcase-

«Oh you really are like Maki described you!» the man's voice is decidedly high and (Y/n) wonders if maybe he's a little deaf.

When Maki went to him to tell him about the girl who tormented Nobara's thoughts so much, he immediately understood what was the perfect solution to make Nobara "normal" again.

So two weeks ago Y/n received a letter with a crest of some school, the sender identified himself as Gojo-sensei, teacher of Tokyo Jujutsu High School of Sorcery, as well as the school Kugisaki attends. Gojo asked (Y / n) to spend a week or two in their school since Kugisaki seemed to be extremely down in the dumps - as he had defined her - and that in case of a positive answer he would think the school at all costs of the trip . Obviously (Y / n) accepted somehow managing to convince the parents of her. and that's how she got into this weird situation.

So many questions were going through Y/n's head, like who was Maki? Why does Gojo wear sunglasses in the car? Why is his hair white but he looks young? but the one that tormented her the most was "How is Kugisaki?" .

The car ride passes relatively quickly, Gojo babbled something about wanting sweets and (Y/n) gazed at the Tokyo streets in awe. Now she understood why the city fascinated her friend so much. The car stops and the two get out. The structure in complete Japanese style is surrounded by majestic trees and Y / n almost seems to be no longer in Tokyo, but in her village. Sensei's large hand awakens her from her trance. «Come on, I'll show you around» the young woman looks horrified at the man as he stuffs a whole mochi in his mouth, but decides to follow him anyway. Sensei shows her the rooms, the kitchen, the training ground, a talking panda eating sushi,the garden and essentially everything she may need, up to a large corridor full of vending machines. There where (Y / n)'s eyes fill with tears and her vision blurs, where her heart starts pounding so hard that she can hear its beats, where Kugisaki Nobara is.

She watches Nobara kick the leg of a pink-haired boy sitting next to her. the boy withdraws stretching his leg and moaning in pain while Nobara yells at him. the scene makes (Yn) smile, but makes the man behind her burst out laughing. The man's awful and exaggerated laughter attracts the attention of the two young men. Thus the eyes (c/o) of Y/n meet the amber ones of Kugisaki. Without even knowing how Y / n finds herself wrapped in the arms of her closest friend letting her peach scent fill her nostrils and her warmth radiating from her body bringing her comfort .Meanwhile, Nobara hoped that her friend could not hear her heartbeat, that no one would notice that the reddish color on her cheeks is not makeup and that her eyes are shiny. As if burned Nobara away from Y/n suddenly remembering the presence of Yuji and Gojo. «I- what are you doing here (Y/n)?» Kugisaki doesn't miss the spark of pain that crosses her friend's eyes and she immediately curses herself for always being so abrupt. “I brought her! is a surprise ! Come on Yuji let's leave Nobara with her friend »saying this Gojo starts dragging the pink-haired boy out of the corridor before completely disappearing from your visit.

"How does a man like that teach a school?" (Y / n) asks returning his gaze to her friend. Nobara just shrugs unable to do anything but notice how much her friend has changed in one year. (Y/n)'s hair is slightly longer than the last time he saw her, her eyelashes seem thicker making her gaze even more intense, her way of dressing is more fashionable, she doesn't wear any type of makeup from the long journey, she has slight dark circles under her eyes, her lips look pinker and smoother...more inviting, the same pink that adorn her cheeks and she's also taller than last time, now they're the exact same height.

(Y/n) does not miss the way Nobara looks at her and her heart beats even faster if possible. (Y / n) is at Jujutsu High because her friend, according to Sensei, was different than usual, down in the dumps; what she doesn't know, however, is that Nobara has realized in recent weeks that her friendship with Y / n is no longer enough for her.

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing | m

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 3, 451

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

“You’re so pretty like this,” Jungkook whispers against your cheek but it’s nothing like sweet nothings that would comfort you.

No. It’s dirty, it’s relentless when he hooks his fingers upwards against your spongey walls while his other hand clamps on your mouth to keep your gasps at bay. There’s nothing that you can do when he has your pleasure quite literally in the palm of his hands.

“Mmph.” You groan, hips bucking upwards despite your mind telling you that this was wrong, that you weren’t like this.

But Jungkook had a way of clouding your conscience and leading you to unmapped territories when he looks at you with his doe-eyes that looked nothing like innocence but more like trouble.

Jungkook’s absolutely brutal when he finger fucks your pussy until it's squelching within the bathroom walls, nearly overpowering the music from outside. You’re pathetically whining and moaning under him, back stained with sweat while he presses you against the sink. When he looks at you, it’s almost worth it.

Almost.

“This fucking pussy gets wet only for me, yeah?” He growls, eyes barring anomalistically when he releases his other hand from your mouth to grip your chin to look at him.

You can’t control the moan that you let out when he drags his fingertips across the spongey surface of your cunt, your hole fluttering around his long digits that hypnotised you every single time.

“J-Jungkook—” You gasp when he presses his thumb against your clit, your wetness lubricating the movement until your legs shudder around his hips while his eyes zero onto your pussy.

The way he revs up his spit at the back of his throat should’ve been disgusting and you should’ve run for the hills, but Jungkook had a way of making everything you were taught to avoid look appetising because a dollop of his slaver drops directly onto your clit and you feel your stomach clench.

“Fuck. You’re such a slut, aren’t you?” He hisses, “Acting so prim and proper on the outside but you just wanna get fucked like a dirty little secret, huh?”

You shake your head when he pounds harder into you that your body is hiking up the sink with the force he’s exerting into shoving his fingers into your pussy. Tears of ecstasy or shame—you don’t know—but they’re accumulating at the edge of your eyes and threatening release, just like your orgasm that’s impending.

“You’re a liar.” He spits at you and it’s not as malicious as it should be because he’s smirking, a grin so menacing but addictive that you can’t help your dazed eyes that fall onto his face.

Your hand is gripping his shoulder while the other holds onto the sink because your pussy is spasming around his fingers and your wetness is everywhere. It’s on his jeans, fingers, and the remnants of your juice taint his lips—and you feel your stomach clench harder while your mind grows fuzzier.

“N-Not lying.” You whimper.

Jungkook scoffs like he doesn’t believe you, “You’re a liar. You’re a bad girl, aren’t you? What’s everyone going to think if they see you fucked out with just my fingers?”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he leans down in one sudden motion that you can’t even catch up with and envelopes your throbbing bud into his mouth and sucks. Sucks so hard that you scream and you’re sure the partygoers know exactly what’s going on in the bathroom.

“Jungkook!” You scream, clutching his hair.

He chuckles darkly against your pussy but doesn’t relent his actions. The dark locks between your thighs make everything much harder to focus on, but all you can feel and see in Jungkook.

“N-No—I c-can’t—fuck!—” You’re not pushing him away but your hips are unconsciously grinding against his mouth when he finger fucks your pussy all while giving you the beautiful stimulation from his hot mouth.

“You’re going to cum for me and drench my face, yeah?” He mumbles into your pussy but it’s nothing short of demanding, “Gonna eat your fucking pussy clean.”

You’re so close, so so close and Jungkook feels it. He’s generous today, hooking his fingers deeper, and harder until—

“Fuck!” You scream.

Jungkook smirks against your pussy, knowing he’s found it. And Jungkook is someone who doesn’t stop when he knows he’s doing well, he just goes harder. That’s exactly what he does that pushes you over the edge.

He hooks his fingers until you’re nearly lifted off the sink, but his hand presses against your stomach to keep you still, prolonging the intense feeling of pleasure mixed with pain.

“J-Jungkook—f-fuck, I—can’t—p-please—I’m c-cumming—” You’re a blubbering mess and you’re outwardly crying, and Jungkook loves the tears that stream down your face as a result of his hard work on your pussy.

“Cum for me pretty.” He rubs your clit vigorously as he pulls away just to see you unravel.

And you do, so intensely and captivatingly that Jungkook nearly cums himself on the spot. But you were a sight to behold when your face contorts in pleasure, pussy clenching uncontrollably while you spurt the evidence of your orgasm all over the sink and onto Jungkook’s clothes.

Your orgasm is all too long and too short, but it’s good. It sends you away to a spiral of acute gratification that doesn’t disappoint. You barely make out Jungkook’s darkened but pleased expression when your body shudders from the aftershocks of your orgasm.

When you come down, and you blink your eyes to come back to the world—the first thing you see is Jungkook’s stained shirt like he spilled water on it but it was just the proof of your arousal and his effort.

Jungkook tugs you close to make sure you see the way he sticks his three fingers into his mouth, smirking at your wide eyes.

“Good girls taste the best.” He hums.

You blush despite the fact he’s seen the worst and best parts of you, hiding away from his keen gaze when he leans down to chase your lips.

“The p-party.” You mumble.

Jungkook scoffs with a wicked grin on his face, “Bet everyone heard how loud you get for me.”

You grimace at the thought of walking out there, where your friends and peers are after the session Jungkook put you through with the redness on your cheeks that could only allude to one thing.

And what you did with Jungkook comes crashing down onto you all at once, even if your stomach still flutters at the pleasure he’s given you. You weren’t like this. You didn’t follow men into bathrooms and let them stick their fingers into your pussy just so you could chase your high. You didn’t let men like Jungkook touch you the way he did when he squeezed your cheeks to look at him.

You broke all of the rules you made for yourself, compartmentalised in your brain—and you can only blame—

“Jungkook.” You say softly, eyes looking up to him and you’re sure he sees your dried tears, “This has to stop.”

For the second time of the night, Jungkook looks like he doesn’t believe you. And that’s probably because you don’t even believe yourself.

Jungkook smirks, “You say that every time it’s over but you’re the one looking for me when I’m gone.”

“I don’t look for you.” You frown.

He scoffs.

“You don’t? Then why would the esteemed _____ who sets the fucking curve all the damn time turn up at a house party where she doesn’t belong?”

You purse your lips and look away. You both knew that parties were not your thing and definitely not one where a bunch of drunk college students was involved.

“You know the only reason I’m here tonight is because of Jimin and Tae.” You snap.

He rolls his eyes before caging you into the sink, and you realise that your skirt is still lifted up—wetness sticking your thighs together in an uncomfortable way that makes you wince.

“And where are they now?” He sneers, looking at you in a mocking manner.

You clench your fists by your side and try to look brave in front of Jungkook. There was no reason why he had this effect on you when you were older than him when he used to worship the ground you walked on when you were children. Now that the tables were turned you had no clue how to navigate it.

“They’re—they’re …” You appeal helplessly, “Does it matter?”

Jungkook tongues the inside of his cheek in a way that you noted came from a childhood habit turned attractive, and you hate yourself even more for feeling your heart flutter.

“That’s what I thought.” Jungkook snorts.

He pushes himself off the sink and away from you, and you unconsciously find yourself chasing him. Jungkook notices this but chooses to just smirk at you. You try to glare at him and convince both of you that you didn’t want him, that you wouldn’t come back.

But when Jungkook cups your jaw with his right hand and brings his lips to yours before he leaves, you know that choice was never yours, to begin with.

Sana approaches you out of the blue after one of your lectures and you know something is up when her eyebrows are raised.

“Hey, ____!”

You turn around, nearly slamming into her when she steadies herself, eyes inquisitive with a knowing smile that you don’t like.

Sana was one of those people in college that you were friends with purely for convenience. She was in a few of your lectures and somehow always ended up in your group during projects; so it was strategic for you to maintain an amicable relationship with her.

You thought you could see yourself being good friends with her, but she was far too extroverted and involved in campus affairs. Not that was a bad thing—but it was bad for your social ineptness and lack of engagement in social settings. And the fact that wherever she went, gossip seemed to follow.

“Sana.” You greet with a small smile.

She nudges your shoulders before the two of you fall into similar steps as you make your way out of the lecture hall.

“How have you been?” You know it’s small talk and that she’s easing you in, which only settles the anxiety further at the pit of your stomach.

“I’ve been busy.” You shrug, “Mid-terms are around the corner.”

She snorts, “By corner you mean two months down the road and you’re just being an overachiever?”

You blush at being called out and you know she meant no ill-intent. She laughs at your reaction while you offer her a sheepish smile in return.

“It’s always good to be prepared.”

She nods her head as the two of you approach the outdoor student lounge where a few other college kids were either dozing off or typing away on their laptops for last-minute assignments.

“So I heard …” Sana trails off and you sigh knowingly, already somewhat prepared.

“You heard …?” You parrot.

“You and Jeon are close, right?”

You stop in your tracks when you hear his name, as you feel her stop right behind you while you tuck your laptop to your chest.

“J-Jeon?”

Sana nods when you turn around to face her. You hope she isn’t as observant as you think she is because your face is undoubtedly red right now.

“Yeah. Jungkook.” She reaffirms.

“We’re … we grew up together.” You tell her, “With Jimin and Taehyung.”

You made sure to include your other two friends because you didn’t like where the conversation was going, and you needed to ensure there was some form of distance established between you and Jungkook, not wanting to further entangle yourself with him than you already are.

She raises an eyebrow, “So you’re close?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“I guess you could say that. We went to the same high school so it was natural for our paths to cross.”

Sana nods her head slowly as if processing the information.

“Why—”

“But you’re older than him, right?” She asks with a tilt of her head.

You blink at her, then you nod. Redness on your cheeks already appearing.

“Yeah. B-But … I mean by only two years. It’s not like that’s a lot.” You say defensively.

You weren’t sure why you felt the need to clarify that because there was no reason why Sana needed to know that you were just two years older than Jungkook. It was the type of information that was unnecessary and redundant given that she clearly pointed out the fact you were older.

Sana hums before looking at you with knowing eyes, but you try to pretend like you don’t see it.

“And you’ve never fooled around before?”

Her question makes you choke and causes heat to rapidly rush to your cheeks.

“What?” You cry, “Of course not!”

Sana looks at you dryly before schooling herself with a neutral smile.

“None at all?” She pries, “But he’s so hot?”

You roll your eyes, already wanting to leave the conversation, knowing it wasn’t the wisest decision to have allowed it to prolong this far after Jungkook’s name was brought up.

“He’s like a litter brother to me.” You snap.

You hate that you know you’re lying through your teeth because you would have not let a little brother do the things Jungkook has done to you.

Sana nods, sides of her lips twitching upwards at your answer.

You sigh, “What is this about?”

She waves you off.

“Just wanted to know if he was single.”

You raise an eyebrow, heart nearly stopping at the insinuation.

“Okay …?”

Sana smiles up at you like she wasn’t interrogating you on your apparent relationship with Jungkook, a young boy turned bad with the realism of college-hood and social interactions that you can’t even compare him to the boy you knew from high school; all awkward and limbs.

“My friend’s asking. You know Jennie?”

You almost turn pale. Because of course, you know Jennie because she’s beautiful, popular, outgoing and everything that you weren’t; and everything Jungkook should’ve liked—and you were sure he did.

“Y-Yeah.” You stutter.

“She always thought you two were together so she never made her move. At least I can tell her that isn’t the case.” Sana chirps.

“Y-Yeah … you can.” You mumble, eyes looking away and the only thing plaguing your mind is the visual of Jennie and Jungkook together.

“But I always did try to tell her that she was in her head about the two of you.” Sana laughs.

You turn around, and your heart knows you should keep your mouth shut but you were always too curious for your own good.

“Oh?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“Yeah.” Sana shrugs, “I mean. You’re top of the class, Ms. Student President and always put together. And not to say Jungkook isn’t but … he’s not exactly like you, you know?”

You know that. Because every time you look at old pictures of you and Jungkook you already felt the disparity, the clear-cut chase that he was at the top of the food chain while you were always left with the leftovers. You weren’t the type of girl that hung around Jungkook’s circle and he wasn’t the type of person you would hang out with.

The two of you weren’t young anymore and Jimin and Taehyung weren’t able to be that bridge between the both of you either. You and Jungkook were so drastically different and it scared you because you remember a time where you thought he was the endgame.

“I guess you’re right.” You say softly.

“Anyways. Sorry for bothering you!” Sana smiles before tugging her bag over her shoulder and offering you a small wave before she darts off in the other direction.

You’re left standing in the middle of the lounge with a heavier sense of dread on your shoulders, and the image of Jennie in your mind. She’s pretty. And you bet she’s nice too, but fun enough for Jungkook to want. Nothing like you.

But you shake your head off with the thoughts. You didn’t even deserve to think about this because Jungkook was never yours. Even if he tempts you with his words and his scalding touch, you were just someone familiar to him.

He didn’t want you.

You purse your lips and will yourself not to shed a tear in public, so you quickly turn on your heel to head towards the library; where the world is a lot quieter.

“Did you see this?” Jimin leans closer to shove his phone in front of your face.

You frown and ignore him, but he’s like an annoying brother who won’t budge when he waves the device even more.

“What?” You snap, eyes shut in irritation.

“Damn. Who pissed in your cereal?” Jimin mutters.

You roll your eyes and sigh, looking at him with a softer expression.

“Sorry.” You wince, “I just had a bad day and … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded it on you.”

Jimin smiles at you pitifully before turning to face you, placing his phone downwards on the table.

“You wanna talk about it?”

You think about what’s been bothering you and you can only think of Jungkook. How he pretended like he didn’t know you after he fingered you in the bathroom at a party. How Sana didn’t think you and Jungkook were possible. How Jennie was interested and she was gorgeous. How Jungkook would be too.

“Nah.” You wave him off, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes.

Jimin eyes you sceptically but you rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You sure?”

You nod, before cocking your head to his phone.

“What did you want to show me?”

He blinks at his phone and then picks it up, already in a different mood when he opens his device to his Instagram page.

“Did you know Kook and Jennie were a thing?” Is the first thing you hear after Jimin shows you a video that makes your heart drop into your stomach.

It’s Jungkook—and Jennie.

But that’s not it.

They’re kissing, quite passionately and people are egging them on when Jungkook slips a leg between her thighs while he cradles her face against his own. You see people cheering and hollering when Jungkook slips his tongue into her mouth, and Jennie smiling against the kiss.

It was at the party. The party where he fingered you and kissed you on the lips before he proceeded to pretend like he didn’t know you and disappear.

You wonder how you missed all of that.

“______?” Jimin calls out to you.

You blink up at him before he looks at you with a confused yet concerned expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks.

You clear the lump in your throat, and your point is proven. They do look good together.

“I-I …” You mumble, “Yeah. I’m okay.”

Jimin doesn’t believe you and he sets his phone down, but before he can say anything a new figure joins you at the table by slamming their stuff down.

When you look up, you see Jungkook—and it hurts so badly when you recognise his cocksure smirk with his eyes trained on your face.

“What are the two of you whispering about?” He snorts, settling into his seat.

Before Jimin can say anything, you push yourself up abruptly that startles both Jimin and Jungkook.

“I have to go.” You blurt.

Jimin furrows his eyebrows, “Are you really okay—”

“Yes.” You say tightly, packing your belongings as quickly as you can without sparing Jungkook another glance.

“You’re not even going to say hi?” Jungkook asks, and if you were in a better headspace then you’d hear the slight irritation in his tone.

You purse your lips, but still, keep your eyes away from him. You don’t respond to him, and neither do you flatter Jimin’s concerned stare.

But before you can leave, Jimin grabs your wrist and your breath hitches, head-turning slowly to face him while you ignore Jungkook’s heavy gaze on you.

“Text me?” He says softly.

You knew from Jimin’s eyes that he’s worried, and you felt slightly guilty for leaving him behind like this when you promised him to study. But you couldn’t be around Jungkook right now. Not when your mind was everywhere and you were confused about everything.

Not when the video exists.

“I will.” You reply, equally as soft.

You tug your hands away and don’t spare Jungkook another glance before you’re rushing out of the library, the lump in your throat more apparent than ever.

[lokislastlove]

Rural Rivalry (Clark Kent x Reader x Bucky Barnes) p4

Summary: Moving back home is made tolerable when you start dating you old grade school crush, but tensions build between him and your childhood best friend.

Warnings: NONCON/DUBCON, smut, fingering, rough sex, spanking, (some others but ya know… spoilers 🤫)

Note: This was the first thing I ever wrote, and I decided to go back and edit the hell out of it because it was BAD 😬. I feel a bit better about it now so I figured I’d post it. Fuck it. THIS IS A DARK FIC! Mind the warnings y’all. 😘

🍂

Chapter 4:

It’s been three days since you last talked to Bucky. You’ve fill his inbox with voicemails in a full rainbow of emotions and no one has seen him since he stormed out of the Festival. After the first day of radio silence, you try to understand that maybe he just needs time to calm down before he can face you. By the second day, your patience breaks and you visit his apartment, but he isn’t home and his car is gone.

“Maybe he went to stay with his sister in the city? Can you call her?” Wanda offers, stirring her tea as she settles next to you on your bed.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t have her number though,” you bemoan, hugging your own hot mug to your chest.

“He’ll be back, honey. Don’t worry,” she pats your knee.

“But what if he got in an accident somewhere? He could be hurt. H-he was angry and had been drinking,” you fret, trying to hold back the tears.

“Officer Stark said he’s been checking all the highways. If they find anything, they will tell us.”

You nod, though not entirely convinced. You just can’t shake this growing sense of dread. The longer he ignores you, the more menacing the fear becomes.

“Have you talked to Clark since…ya know?” Wanda asked breaking you from your thoughts.

“No, and I don’t really want to,” you sniff. “He was so different, Wanda. He scared me. I’ve never been scared of Clark before.”

Wanda shifts in her seat, avoiding eye contact as she bites her lips in thought, her brows furrowing slightly. You look at her curiously before she finally looks up, guilt written all over her face.

“I’ve seen him like that,” Wanda mutters, voice small. “After the bonfire. I didn’t tell you because I had been drinking and he’s always been so nice... honestly, I don’t think I believed myself for a while.”

You stay silent, waiting for her to explain, as she takes a calming breath and continues.

“He was upset, I could tell. He asked me what you saw in a guy like Bucky. I was drunk and so I said ‘what’s not to like’,” she scoffs at herself. “. . . Then it gets a bit fuzzy but I remember I tried to kiss him and he pushed me away and . . .” Wandas pauses, voice catching in her throat and her eye water.

“What?” You press gently.

“I don’t remember his exact words but he basically called me a whore and he could never like someone like me,” a tear slips down her cheek and she brushes it away quickly as she takes a deep breath. “There was something about his eyes that scared me, he looked… dangerous. And when I saw him looking at you on the dance floor, I felt that same ice run through my veins as I did that night.”

—

It’s Friday, day five, and still nothing. An entire work week of Wanda trying her best to distract you, attempting to keep things light and cheery. Despite her valiant efforts it does little to lift your mood. Sleep resists you, and when you do fall asleep your dreams often turn to nightmares of Bucky never returning or coming home with a new girlfriend. You’re a nervous wreck, heart rate skyrocketing with every new call or text.

Wanda grabs the bucket from your hand before you reach the bathroom. “Hey, let me do that. Why don’t you go home, have a glass of wine, take a bath and try to get some sleep.”

Too exhausted to argue, you nod, “thanks, Wanda.”

“Call me if you need anything, ok?” She rubs your shoulder ushering you toward the front door, grabbing your purse and coat on the way.

“Stop worrying about me, go have fun on your date tonight. I promise, I will be ok,” you assure her with the best smile you can muster.

“Ok, I’m just saying. Family comes first.”.

“Yeah, I’ll go home and hang out with my parents and try to get some sleep. Thank you for letting me stay with you for the past couple nights, but I suppose I can’t avoid home forever,” sigh and give her a hug before waving goodbye as you walk to your car.

The drive home is quick, your mind on autopilot as you pull up to the detached garage. You avoided coming home, the idea of talking about everything with your parents sounds awful. and you aren’t particularly keen on being so close to Clark. You don’t notice that the house is abnormally quiet and dark until you step through the back door and into the kitchen.

“Hello?” Your voice drifts through the still air.

A single bulb over the sink casts a dull yellow glow to the normally bright and comforting space. The kitchen is spotless with the exception of a slip of paper on the counter.

Hey honey,

We would have called but didn’t want to bother you at work. Martha’s new boyfriend got tickets to a show in the city, and you seem to need some space right now. We will be back by Sunday night at the latest. Call if you need anything.

Love you,

Mom and Dad

PS. Clark has the hotel information in case of any emergencies.

With a sigh you drop the note back on the counter and look around the quiet room. So much for family time. You toss your purse on the counter and decided to unwind with a hot bath. Leaving your shoes and coat by the front door, you trudge upstairs, slowly removing your work clothes.

The bathroom door squeaks as you push it open with your bare foot and you blindly flick on the light. The row of exposed lightbulbs above the sink glare harshly in your eyes, giving you an instant headache. So you decide to grab some candles instead, satisfied with their calming glow.

The pipes in the wall groan and the tub fills with hot steaming water, bubbles building as you toss the rest of your clothes in the hamper. You test the water with your toe and sink in, letting the heat envelope your tired body.

You reach over to the window sill to the tiny old radio and scan for some calming music. The smell of the bubbles, the heat of the water, and the soft drone of the radio help to quiet your brain. Maybe some time alone at home is exactly what you need after all.

Your mind drifts back to the note from your parents, if they were invited by Martha then that means… Clark is alone at his house too. Fuck. Maybe you’ll invite Wanda to come over tomorrow, she can keep you entertained by recounting her date with Loki. A part of you gets the urge to text her now, but after all she’s done for you, she deserves some fun. You resign yourself to hiding away in your room for the night and attempt to block out the world.

The bath lasts a solid hour before the water became too cold to tolerate.You grab the thin robe from the back of the door and make your way downstairs to grab a snack and glass of wine. You tie the robe tight and tap your lip while you ponder what to eat. With all the stress, you don’t much of an appetite, but you know the wine won’t sit well on an empty stomach.

A half empty bottle of white wine sits on the counter and you decide to finish it off, the countertops cold against your thighs as you sit there sipping slowly. You grimace at the bitter taste, mom always goes for the cheap stuff.

The microwave hums as you swing your legs and wait for the popcorn to finish. At the sound of the first pop, something startles you. The hair on the back of your neck stands on end and your breath stills as you swear you see a shadow pass by the living room window. Too afraid to move, you watch through the archway into the dark living room, listening for any further disturbance. The house is quiet save for the popping and the tick of the old grandfather clock in the hall.

The microwave beeps and stops, the silence thick and tense. After another minute of waiting with no signs of life you take a shaky deep breath in and slowly lower yourself to the floor. You toss back the wine quickly to help settle your nerves, and leave the glass in the sink.

With a bowl tucked under one arm, you lock the kitchen door and cross the dark living room into the hall. You take a quick peek out the small window on the door before snapping the deadbolt closed. After a second of deliberation you decide to leave the porch light on, and continue up the stairs. The sound of your bare feet on the wood floor echo down the hall as you make it to your bedroom.

You only just close the door when the small light in the corner of the room flickers to life. You scream in shock and drop the bowl with a loud crash, popcorn flying everywhere.

Clark sits there in your oversized reading chair next to the window, dirty flannel sleeves rolled up to his elbows and some light bruising around one eye. He watches you, expression unreadable, legs open wide, one arm hanging loosely over the arm while the other supports his chin.

“Evening, sugar” his deep voice floats across the room.

Despite your distance, you press your back against the wall. Your breathing escalates, feet frozen as if buried under in foot of cement. You watch as his eyes flicker down your body, lingering on your exposed legs and heaving chest.

“Clark! Jesus, you scared the hell out of me,” you squeak and bring your hands to your chest, pinching your robe closed.

His gaze slowly drifts back up to face, the darkness behind his smirk causing you to shiver.

“It’s not the first time I’ve snuck through your window,” he teases, quirking a brow.

“Why didn’t you just use the front door? You know our parents are gone.”

“That’s no fun,” Clark pushes himself out of the chair and steps toward you.

You press yourself further into the wall and hold your hand out instinctively. “Clark,” you warn softly as you watch him near.

“You afraid of me, Sugar?” Clark mocks, placing a hand over his heart, feigning offense.

“You haven’t exactly seemed like yourself, lately,” you argue, your hands shaking as he takes another step closer. Your vision blurs slightly and you shake your head as you blink rapidly.

“How would you know? You’ve been avoiding me for months,” he returns, menacingly calm.

“Clark, please. We talked about this. I told you I was going to try to fix it. But what you did at the auction was not ok,” you chide bitterly.

“What? You’ve always wanted that movie date and it seemed like the perfect way to spend time together and make up for the time you spent ignoring me,” he takes another large step closer.

“Clark, I have a boyfriend. At least, I hope I do,” your eyes drop and your voice trails off as Bucky’s face flashes in your head.

Clark’s jaw clenches, grimacing as tilts his head as though your words burned him. He closes his eyes briefly and his nostrils flare as he takes a deep breath in through his nose, stopping right in front of you.

“A boyfriend who doesn’t return your calls and runs out on you is hardly worth your time.”

“How do you know about that?”

“Oh sweetheart, it’s a small town. You know news travels fast. He didn’t even send you a text?” He raises an eyebrow.

Your heart aches at his words, you can’t even try to defend Bucky’s actions. What Clark did was petty, but for Bucky to just walk off and ghost you like this? That’s not how you treat someone you love. Your eyes burn as you try to fight the tears, hands grow heavy and fall to your sides in defeat. Finally, someone puts words to the fear you’ve been smothering.

“Oh, sugar. I’m sorry,” he pulls you into a hug, his familiar scent and the feel of his arms break your resolve.

It feels good to be held. You don’t put up a fight, that fear you felt only a moment ago fizzles out, replaced by a craving for comfort. You sigh as the heat of him warms and relaxes you, needing the relief after the long week of stress. You don’t have the energy to stay mad at him. At least he is here for you, unlike Bucky.

You weakly wrap your arms around Clark’s waist and he hums his approval into your hair, gently swaying you side to side until you sniff and tilt your head up to look at him.

“What happened to your face?” You ask, tracing the fading half circle bruise around his eye delicately.

Clark shakes his head with a smile, “It’s not important right now,” he assures you.

He catches your hand and pulls it to his lips, kissing it softly. You blink and pull it away, unnerved by how easily he slips across the line from comforting to intimate.

“Ok,” You stiffen, suddenly aware of how little is covering you as embarrassment heats your face.

“Um, maybe I should put on some clothes,” you laugh, waiting for Clark to step away.

But he doesn’t, he stands there looking down at your chest, the blue of his eyes disappearing as his pupils dilate.

“Clark,” you swallow, suddenly feeling vulnerable as the tension builds. You cross your arms and try to push past him to get to your closet.

“Don’t. You look beautiful, besides it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” he flirts with a grin.

“When we were kids doesn’t count, Clark. Besides, I’m getting cold,” you shiver and adjust your arms to cover your hard nipples clearly noticeable through the thin satin.

“I can keep you warm,” his eyes twinkle as he run his large hands down your arms. The sensation makes your skin tingle and you notice a heaviness settle in your limbs.

“Ha-ha. Very funny, Clark,” you roll your eyes and try to brush him off, but your muscles ache as if your strength is slipping from you. He grips your biceps firmly and you gasp.

“What are you doing?” You tremble.

He’s quiet, as he stares at you. A cruel smile growing as he watches you try and fail to fight against him.

“Clark,” you cry, barely able to reach his abdomen in your attempt to push him away.

“How do you do it?” He hisses, through his teeth.

“What?” You ask, confused, the world blurring around you.

“Pretend like we are just friends?”

“We are friends, Clark. You are like a brother –,” he cuts you off as he shakes you harshly, your head spinning.

“No! I don’t want to hear that bullshit. It’s always been more and you know it,” he growls, bordering on yelling.

“Clark, stop. Somethings wrong, I feel weird,” you struggle to stay upright, hissing at his tight grip on your arms.

He lets you go and you fall back into the door behind you. Your hand fumbling blindly for the handle, desperate to get away while you can still move your legs.

“Drink a little too much tonight, sugar?” He smirks as you find the knob.

Using all your strength you spin, pull open the door and try to flee the room. Clark watches in amusement as your foot slips awkwardly on the spilled popcorn bowl and you stumble into the hallway. Your heart thumps loudly against your chest, legs wobbling after only a few steps before giving out all together. Your head collides with the floor hard and you close your eyes, listening to his heavy footsteps near as he stands over you.

“What’s happening?” You mutter, unable to move even though your skin feels like it might combust from all the stimulation.

“Don’t worry, I got you,” he chuckles darkly as the world fades to black.

You awake to the sound of grunting, broken and echoing, as if you were in a long tunnel. A small groan escapes you as you try to move your head, your forehead dragging along a rough dirty surface. The smell of dirt, manure and something sweet fill your nose. Your eyes flutter open but everything is out of focus.

You feel the shards of dry hay between your fingers, which explains the smells, you you spot a blurry blob wiggling several feet away. The grunts become more urgent, a familiarity behind the tone. You hiss as you go to push yourself up and your arm tingles painfully, trapped under your body awkwardly for who knows how long.

“Mmmf,” the voice persists and you squint at the wiggling blob, rubbing your eyes with your non-numb hand.

“Bucky?” You gasp, his long greasy hair dangling messily in front of his face.

Your heart drops as you finally take in the full picture. He sits bound and gagged, tied to a wooden support beam inside a large barn. His eyes are pleading as he shimmies his shoulders and shakes his head desperately. Your mind is fuzzy and your body is weak, but you have enough sense to know where you are, you grew up playing in here, this is Clark’s barn.

Bucky’s pained moans light a fire in you and you drag yourself over to him. Your thin robe slips open with your effort, exposing your nudity but you don’t care. Brushing his dirty hair aside, you notice the blood and bruises marring his face.

“Oh my god, Bucky. What happened to you,” you cry.

Some of his cuts are already healing while others look fresh enough to still bleed, making him hiss when you accidentally brush over them. You tug on his restraints but you’re still weak and your numb hand pricks painfully as the blood rushes down to your fingers.

Bucky let’s his head fall against yours with a soft sob as you hug him against you. Relief washes over you to find him alive, not dead in a ditch somewhere or hiding out with some new girl as you had feared. Tears flow down your face and you manage to slip the gag down below his chin.

“Oh, darlin. I’m so glad you’re ok. Did he hurt you?” He asks, voice raw and strained.

“Me?!” You scoff. If only he could see himself, muddied, bloody, his new navy suit torn, exposing even more cuts and bruises along his torso. “Jesus. Bucky how long have you been here?”

He shakes his head and looks up at you, a mixture of regret, shame, sorrow, relief and adoration all pouring out of him at the sight of you. You return his small smile until his eyes flick over your shoulder, his face suddenly paling with fear.

“Oh don’t mind me. I’d hate to break up this adorable reunion,” a deep voice slithers from behind you.

Your head snaps around and you spot Loki leaning casually against the open barn door. He takes a quick peek out the door and shuts it, slowly strolling over to you with his hands clasped behind his back. You shift your body in front of Bucky’s defensively.

“Leave her alone. Don’t you dare touch her, you fucking creep,” Bucky spits over your shoulder, fighting his bonds.

“Now now, Barnes. That hostility of yours has done you no favors thus far. Let’s try to remember our manners,” Loki smirks.

His heeled footsteps have you shaking with fear, there is a grace and a malice in the way he moves. He comes to a stop, towering over you as he lets his eyes drift down your scantily clad body. You cringe and adjust your robe, unconsciously leaning backward into Bucky.

“Mmm,” Loki hums. “I can see now why you have so many admirers, my dear,” he drawls, eyes twinkling at your discomfort.

“Fuck you,” you snarl.

Loki may be thin, but you know you are no match for him and that fear in Bucky’s eyes when he saw him makes you wonder how dangerous he really is.

“Did you do this to him?” You demand, that flicker of anger sparking inside you as you imagine all the time he probably spent torturing the man you love.

“Don’t. Just run. Please,” Bucky whispers behind you.

“Shut up,” you growl back, still glaring at Loki.

Loki chuckles and reaches down without warning, dragging you to your feet and away from Bucky. You yelp in surprise and reach for your boyfriend, as he yells back for you.

“Let her go!” Bucky shouts angrily.

Loki turns you to face Bucky, one hand tight around your neck and the other wrapped around your middle, pining your arms to your sides. You whimper and struggle against his hold.

“Mmm. Yes, right there,” Loki purrs, pushing his pelvis harder into your wiggling backside.

“Loki!” Roars another voice.

Lokis laughter softens but his grip doesn’t as he turns to face Clark, standing in the doorway looking furious.

“Clark,” You choke out desperately.

Loki loosens his hold, hands tickling across your exposed breast before dropping away completely. You run toward Clark, his arms open wide in welcome for you.

“No! Don’t!” Bucky calls, voice breaking.

You spare a quick glance at Bucky, his face twisted in fear and the memory of Clark waiting for you in your bedroom, standing over you as you try to escape gifs you like a ton of bricks.

“You,” you breath as you look at Clark, eyes widening in understanding. “You did all of this?…How could you?”

Clark stands there stoically, the subtle tick of his jaw and the raise of his chin telling you all you need to make your heart shatter to pieces.

“I told you, darlin’. He’s not your friend,” Bucky asserts, glaring at Clark while a small sob escapes you.

“Sugar,” Clark coos, taking a large step forward, hands outstretched placatingly.

“Don’t. Don’t touch me,” you cry, overwhelmed by all the red flags you had ignored so stubbornly. Everyone had tried to tell you, but you ignored them. How could someone you love do something like this?

“I trusted you,” you accuse Clark sadly, while Loki snickers and circles around closer to Bucky.

“So naïve,” Loki smirks, brandishing a knife from some hidden pocket as he squats down next to a squirming Bucky.

Your breath hitches and you rush toward Bucky protectively, ready to tear that scrawny bastard to pieces. You almost make it to him before you are caught by Clark’s bulging arms, as they lock around your stomach.

“Stop!” You shriek, flailing helplessly.

“Do you know what your little boy toy did?” Clark hisses in your ear. “After the auction?”

Your struggles cease as Clark tightens his hold around you, making it hard to breathe. You go quiet as you watch Bucky’s brow curve in shame, that familiar puppy dog expression he does when he knows he fucked up.

“He stormed off in a fit of jealousy, didn’t even have the decency to talk to you first.” Clark tuts, “then where does he go? He drives here, to my house.”

You shake your head in denial.

“Oh yes. He sat here in the dark and when I got home he pulled that knife on me,” Clark nods towards Loki, who drags the tip of the blade down Bucky’s cheek and chuckles cruelly.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted him to leave you alone,” Bucky laments, barely noticing the new scratch down his face.

“Naturally, I had to defend myself. It probably would have been a more even fight, had he not been such a sloppy drunk,” Clark scoffs smugly. “But really, I did it for you, sugar. I could only imagine how he’d take his anger out on you… again.”

Your blood runs cold and you go stiff in his arms. You never told anyone except Wanda.“What?” You wheeze in dismay.

“It’s ok. I won’t let him hurt you anymore,” he whispers darkly into your neck.

[yurimother]

How 'She-Ra' Delivered on Queer Promises and Helped Revolutionized LGBTQ Representation

DreamWorks's She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has already cemented its place among the short but rapidly growing list of children’s animated shows with impactful LGBTQ representation. Showrunner Noelle Stevenson made it a point to push and fight for more diverse characters in every aspect from race, to personality, to sexual and gender identity. However, the finale of the GLADD Award-nominated program delivered on a revolutionary promise built up throughout all five seasons and completed one of the greatest queer narratives ever seen in children’s media.

As She-Ra progressed, Stevenson became more encouraged and inspired to pressure executives to allow more and more explicit LGBTQ characters and relationships. While ever-present in the series, season one only featured a background couple, Spinnerella (Noelle Stevenson) and Netossa (Krystal Joy Brown), and of course, the famous dance sequence between Catra (AJ Michalka) and Adora (Aimee Carrero). While this amount of representation is comfortably leagues ahead of the vast majority of cartoons, the show only upped the ante and the amount of representation from there. Season 2 introduced viewers to George (Chris Jai Alex) and Lance (Regi Davis), Bow's fathers. The series presents them in a normalized fashion as a happy gay couple in love that built a family together. Jacob Tobia's non-binary Double Trouble featured heavily in season four, making them one of the first non-binary characters in children's animation and one of the first to holding an integral role in the show, a major step in representing such identities.

The many achievements and strides She-Ra in LGBTQ representation featured in She-Ra will doubtlessly affect other projects in the industry and help further programs walk a similar path. However, the greatest queer story inShe-Ra is the spectacular series-long arc exploring the relationship and dynamics between de facto antagonist Catra and protagonist Adora. The former friends, who grew up together in the ranks of the Horde, turn enemies at the start of the series after Adora gains the power of She-Ra and betrays Catra, joining the Rebellion.

Fans quickly began speculating on the nature of Adora and Catra's relationship during season one, mainly because of the Princess Prom dance scene. After the young women shared a charged and sinister dance, fans quickly began supporting and analyzing "Catradora." The next three seasons would gradually and gracefully define both characters' complicated feelings for each other. Initially, Catra attempts to rationalize Adora's leaving as a relief or else forces herself to appear apathetic towards it. She continuously uses the excuse that she is no longer living under Adora's shadow to gradually build up more power, rising through the ranks of the Horde while stepping on those who helped her.

While Catra's motivations are appropriately layered and complex, it becomes clear that she is attempting to win approval, to be less alone than she has felt since Adora abandoned her. She seeks others' approval, including her abusive maternal figure, Shadow Weaver (Lorraine Toussaint), and the cruel Hordak (Keston John). However, Catra does not realize until confronted by Double Trouble's gut-wrenching and emotionally resonating analysis of her psyche. They inform Catra that the reason she is alone and abandoned, she pushes others away. The realization that her problems and loneliness are by her own doing combine with her guilt for betraying her allies Scorpia (Lauren Ash) and Entrapta (Christine Woods), leads Catra to an emotional breakdown.

Thee fifth and final season of She-Ra opens with Catra still plagued by loneliness and self-doubt. She starts to form a bond with Prime's captor Glimmer (Karen Fukuhara), seeing her guilt reflected by Glimmer's regret for trying to use the Heart of Etheria's power. Eventually, Catra learns about Adora's impending rescue attempt and the villainous Prime's plants to capture her once she arrives. Ultimately, all the feelings and circumstances surrounding Catra clash together as she remembers a childhood promise that she and Adora would always be friends. The revelation that she loves Adora finally causes Catra to turn and do "one good thing," protect Adora. She frees Glimmer to prevent Adora from walking into Prime's trap; thus, Catra becomes the Horde's prisoner.

Adora's character arch is much less tragic than Catra. The "frenemies" clash multiple times throughout the early seasons with an ever-shifting dynamic that hints at their intricate relationship and confused romantic feelings. But, at the end of season three, Catra's reckless plan against Adora almost leads to Eternia's destruction. As Catra taunts and blames Adora for her suffering, Adora seemingly ends their conflicted relationship, noting that Catra's misdeeds are all her own, "You made your choice, now live with it."

In the final season, Adora has lost the powers of She-Ra. But, she continues to charge into battle headfirst, exposing herself and her tendencies to put other's wellbeing before her own. This tactic mirrors why Adora left Catra's side in the first place all the way back in the first season. She places more importance on duty and service to others than herself and her friend. Later, while Adora, Bow (Marcus Scribner), and Entrapta are traveling towards Horde Prime, Catra sends a signal to their ship, apologizing for everything she has done while teleporting Glimmer to them. Adora decides that she cannot leave Catra behind, and the Best-Friend Squad hurries to rescue Catra from the Horde. Adora saves Catra not only from Prime's vile clutches but her loneliness too. Adora's exclamation "You matter to me" is a powerful and victorious moment, as the two friends turned enemies unite, and acknowledge their connection.

Unfortunately, even after the Adora and Catra are together again, conflict continues to rise between them and with themselves. Catra feels unlovable because of her past and so convinces herself that Adora will not accept her feelings. She continues to struggle with abandonment, especially when Adora willingly takes the responsibility of a suicide mission to destroy the Heart of Etheria, yelling, "It doesn't always have to be you." Sadly, Adora again abandons her, putting the good of everyone else above herself and Catra. Acknowledging that Adora, "Always sacrifices everything for everyone else," Catra runs away. However, upon realizing that Prime is moments away from taking control of the Heart and killing Adora, Shadow Weaver and her run to rescue the girl she loves.

As Adora journeys to the Heart, she sees and an illusion of Catra, envisioning that her friend meets her to approach the suicide mission together. Soon, Adora faces a vision of Mara (Zehra Fazal), the previous She-Ra, who tells her that she does not always need to sacrifice herself and is deserving of love too. She becomes trapped without her powers by a first-ones' guardian until Catra and Shadow Weaver save her. Telling Adora to go on, Catra stays to fight the beast in vain. Moments before destroying the Heart and herself, Adora finally chooses to return to Catra, to put Catra and her own happiness over her sense of duty.

As Adora and Catra approach the Heart, the former almost succumbs to Prime's power and has one final vision. Adora dreams of living a life in peace in Brightmoon alongside her friends, Glimmer and Bow, and with her loving, playful partner Catra by her side. In the apparent final moments before her death, Catra reaches out to Adora. At last, the two confess their love for each other and embrace in a momentous kiss, restoring She-Ra's power to Adora. Renewed in strength and standing beside her beloved, Adora finally destroys Horde Prime. The series ends as Adora and Catra plan to travel together and restore magic to the universe and fades to black as the couple prepares to take their next journey together.

as Adora and Catra plan to travel together and restore magic to the universe and fades to black as the couple prepares to take their next journey together.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has always been a powerhouse of LGBTQ representation, especially the final season. For example, it heavily features former background characters and married couple Spinnerella and Netossa in leading roles, as Netossa attempts to recover her wife’s mind from Prime. However, the relationship between Catra and Adora is not only the series highlight but a revolutionary in LGBTQ representation in children's television.

LGBTQ history in children's media and cartoons is disappointingly brief and, at times, unpleasant. Early examples mostly featured coded queer characters with harmful and stereotypical traits, such as the Silver Spooner from Dexter's Laboratory. Some works were able to include less harmful depictions. Networks allowed characters like Richie from Static Shock, who is gay, to exist as long as their identity was kept extremely subtextual.

Slowly some more limited progress was made, and a few less offensive or hidden characters were permitted to appear in one-off and minor roles. Nelvana's Canadian animated sitcom, 6teen included many vague but most neutral references to homosexuality and eventually a one-off character Jean, who says that she is "gay" and has a girlfriend. Notably, this 2009-episode marks not only one of the first moments of a character confirming their sexuality but also using the word "gay." This feat is so rarely replicated even in LGBTQ family media that even giants like Steven Universe do not include it. Outside of pedantic educational programs on minor networks, it may be the only time someone said "the-G-word" in such media until 2019's Kippo and the Age of Wonderbeasts  (live-action sitcom Andi Mack on Disney Channel also used the term that year). Sadly, American showings cut 6Teen's references to homosexuality, and the episode featuring Jean never aired at all outside Canada.

When most people look back to the beginning of the recent small boom in cartoon LGBTQ representation, they point to The Legend of Korra. In 2014, the series finally ended with female leads Korra and Asami taking hands and going on a private vacation in the spirit world. The Korra moment set the LGBTQ fandom on fire. Even so, the show faced incredible resistance and backlash. After the final episode aired, creator Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino had to go online to confirm that the somewhat ambiguous finale indeed depicted a same-sex romance. They then began to face backlash from a section of the fandom who believed bringing this badass bisexual moment to television was only for fanservice or to forward an agenda.

The Legend of Korra was a revolution in modern children's television, putting cracks in the oppressive dam that kept such dynamics out of the limelight and slowly pushed back against the status quo, allowing for more LGBTQ representation. Now, over five years after Korra, numerous children's programs feature queer characters in minor and supporting roles, often more explicitly than Korra was able to do. The Loud House includes a main bisexual character, and there are queer characters and couples in multiple works, including but not limited to Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, and Craig of the Creek.

The most notable LGBTQ representation in a children's cartoon comes from Rebeca Sugar's incredible creation, Steven Universe. As with She-Ra, LGBTQ characters make up a large portion of the cast and it features several groundbreaking LGBTQ scenes, including the iconic wedding of Ruby and Sapphire.

Sadly, many of these works had to fight tooth and nail or suffer through horrific backlash because of their dedication to diversity. Alabama banned an episode of Arthur that featured a gay wedding, and the depiction of lesbian mothers in Clifford the Bid Red Dog caused some parents and organizations to speak out against it. Perhaps most famous of all, Rebecca Sugar had to struggle to put LGBTQ representation on the small screen. Ultimately, to make the wedding scene happen, Sugar had to lay everything on the table and was willing to see themselves separated from the show and have it end to bring their vision to life. Unfortunately, many other countries censor the show to remove LGBTQ content. Still, Sugar's tireless work has pushed the boundaries of LGBTQ representation in children's media so incredibly far, allowing shows like She-Ra to exist.

The recent rapid progress of LGBTQ representation becomes apparent when comparing She-Ra to the "originator," Korra. The series share similar themes and mutually place importance on diversity in its main cast. At the climax of both programs, two female main characters became romantic partners for the other. However, the differences are what truly sets them apart and highlights the progress representation has made. Back in 2014, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes was the most action Korra could feature.

However, a myriad of queer characters and identities perforate She-Ra, all of which are more apparent and obvious thanks to actions including kisses, confessions, and other actions. This difference is especially true in season five, where even the title cards feature Netossa and Spinnerella engaged in a passionate kiss. Of course, the main couple was permitted a full on-screen confession and kiss, as Catra and Adora locked lips in the final episode. Finally, many "critics" complained that Korra and Asami's relationship came out of nowhere, despite it progressing the show’s last two seasons. If one were to assert the same claim about She-Ra, they need to completely ignore how Stevenson built Adora and Catra's romantic relationship as a fundamental aspect of the show from the very start.

She-Ra's depiction of queer characters was deliberate, explicit, and incredible. Not only did LGBTQ side characters express their identities in a variety of ways, but the main couple also got to show their love with both words and a kiss. Furthermore, and perhaps even more importantly, the main couple in She-Ra got a happen ending and a future for them and the viewers to imagine and look towards with excitement. Sadly, many LGBTQ characters and couples do not get to experience such conclusions. For decades, queer relationships ended in tragedy, often with the death of one or more queer characters killed off as part of the "bury your gays" trope. Even if the characters live, narratives rarely provided a happy future for those with queer identities. Sadly, this trend is alive and well. Recent examples include Adam from Voltron: Legendary Defender and Annika and Neha from The Dragon Prince.

Stevenson actively set out to avoid this trope in She-Ra, telling the Los Angeles Times, "I can't see another gay character die on TV for the moment." Not only did she not kill Adora and Catra, or any of the show's other queer characters, she gave Adora and Catra, the two lesbian leads in love, a happy ending. The show even offers viewers and Adora a glimpse of one possible future for the couple in the final vision of domestic bliss in Brightmoon. Both Adora and Catra struggle and suffered greatly, but they were allowed a happy ending and the opportunity to look forward to a life together. For the two main characters of a children's cartoon to achieve such a fantastic ending in such an explicit way is a genuinely revolutionary moment of representation, proudly standing alongside defining scenes like and Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding in Steven Universe. Importantly, both shows are made by queer creators, showing young viewers that people like them can achieve and create great things and that there are those out there fighting for them. For these reasons, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is one of the single most significant works of LGBTQ representation in children's media.

Queer representation in children's media matters so much, likely more than it does in any other medium. It normalizes LGBTQ identities for families and sends a powerful message to all LGBTQ children who may be feeling sad or alone or sacred: 'You are not alone, you matter, and you are accepted.' These words, implied with every positive depiction of queer identities, save so many children and young adults from unnecessary suffering and sometimes even saves lives. Noelle Stevenson and She-Ra will likely create giant waves in the medium just as Steven Universe did before it, and generations of queer people, myself included, wait with bated breath to see what results from it.

[komoreangel]

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚

pairing: scaramouche x fem!reader

scenario: you met when you were both very young, and since the day he left you behind he still feels an undying fear for what sight would await him if he dared to return home.

or…

thantophobia - the fear of losing a loved one. but he had made it perfectly clear that you did not fall under that category when he left you and all of your promises behind.

request: okok my first idea was: scaramouche childhood friends to enemies to lovers. take with that what you will <3

a/n: hi anon ty so very much for the request we all know i love scara <33 but i did tweak it a bit basically its childhood friends to enemies to scara loves reader but reader isnt convinced (with a hint of 'ive always loved you' thrown in)

side note: this is a rewrite of an excerpt i wrote for a scara x oc, in which the oc was female (the same is said here but i will avoid using pronouns) and adopted into the kamisato clan as a princess (minor inazuma spoilers). the same situation is stated here. also i am 1000% willing to write more of this (includes my personal headcanons for scaramouche’s backstory, not canon!!)

growing up, you had always had poor health

your mother worried for you a lot when you were younger

she didn’t like to let you go outside much either

you spent most of your time in the palace walls while she worked, frequently being taken to see the royal physician

you would sit outside the door while your parents talked with the doctors about your “condition”

you weren’t even that sick

just weak for your age

that was when you first met him

he was training to be a soldier along his father

you were like a ghost in his eyes

sitting in the hall in the middle of the night

knees pushed to your chest, snoozing in the soft light of the moon

he was naturally a curious boy, so he kneeled in front of you and poked your shoulder

“hello?”

you startled awake

“wah-!” he fell back at your sudden movement

“who are you?” you asked

your voice was soft, and gentle, like a midnight breeze

“i’m [redacted].”

you remember what he told you, but some part of that memory had been erased from your mind…you wonder to this day what he could have said.

“my name is y/n.”

he thought it was a pretty name, although he wasn’t going to say anything

the two of you sat in the moonlight, talking quietly amongst yourselves

“why are you sitting outside the physician’s office?” he asked you

“my mama says i’m sick, and that going outside will make it worse.”

“oh. are you going to get better soon?”

you smile at him, a gesture that makes his chest tighten, although he can’t fathom why.

“yeah! she says that if we can afford to get some medicine from liyue, i’ll be all better! then i can start making friends!”

he slightly smiles

“can i be your friend, [redacted]?”

you had even said the name yourself once. why couldn’t you remember it?

his expression shifts to a slightly surprised look

“you…want to be my friend?”

he was quiet even then, and his silent expression would grow to an angry one over time

“yeah! you’re interesting, and you’re one of the few people who bothers to talk to me.”

he doesn’t speak for a while.

“you can say no if you want to.” you say to him.

“okay. i’ll be your friend.”

it’s a short response, but the bright grin that lights up your face makes it worth the wait

“yay! i can’t wait till i’m better so we can hang out more!”

you two talked in that hallway a lot

meeting after dark, talking about anything in the world

when you were about six, the worst of your illness hit you

the doctors didn’t even know what was wrong, and there were nights when he would sit outside the physician’s office alone at night, hoping, praying that the sun would shine on a world that still had you in it

you would collapse from exhaustion at the slightest overexertion

his father always told him he had to be careful with you, not only were you shorter than him, but you were also very fragile

those hours spent sitting in the hallway alone, he got to do a lot of thinking

he wanted to help you, but he didn’t know how

then, there was a sudden burst of hope

you were going to liyue with your parents

you would get the help you needed

he was happy for you, even if it meant you would have to spend time away from him

and then there was the terrible news

the ship had gone missing

you had too

he couldn’t sleep for days on end

his father was worried too

when he saw you again, you found yourself shuddering on the shores of inazuma

he wrapped his arms around you as tight as he could, as if his strength alone could undo everything that had happened

it was one of the few times he showed affection in public

he rushed you to the healer again

and this time there was no hoping

there was no praying

there was just the pit in his stomach, the fear that coursed through his veins and fueled his blood

every second felt like a decade, it was a moment in which you weren’t perfectly healthy and safe

the townspeople began to spread rumors, as people do

the guard’s son who was lovesick with worry for the sickly orphan girl

what a pity, no?

he wanted to shut them up. he wished he had the power to shut them up.

when even his father had to drag him away from the pharmacy, he didn’t talk to anyone for a very long time.

this was around the time he grew sour and snappy

his simply quiet demeanor developed into a scowl that constantly graced his face

he only smiled the day you were released from the physicians.

you weren’t fully healed. but you felt better than you ever had in your life.

his father took you in without a second thought, and he was just happy to have you with him.

“i’m better, scara.” you said to him, a happy smile on your face

“i was wondering when you’d hurry up and get well.”

you were a bit troubled by his attitude, but no less, you were happy to see your friend again.

it went like that for a long time.

he was rude, but you didn’t care because you knew what he was like underneath.

some nights he would sneak into your room and talk to you.

he told you he was just bored and felt like annoying you.

but his real reason was to make sure you were still breathing.

he always worried about you

so the day you received your vision, he felt a lot of relief

surely this meant that you could protect yourself. you were safe.

then the worst of all things happened.

his fathers death.

the day he felt like his world was ripped from underneath his feet.

almost immediately, the electro archon, baal, herself, intervened, and declared that you were to be adopted into the kamisato clan.

why you? why couldn’t he keep you with him? he was old enough to be able to take care of both of you

baal didn’t like his questioning. she said she knew what was best for you.

it was strange. because in the days he spent with you after, although not many, you didn’t seem sick at all.

for the first time, you seemed perfectly healthy.

he was glad for that…but he wasn’t happy. you could see that easily.

you knew this wasn’t the right thing for him

he stuck around for a year. you suppose you’re lucky he even stayed that long. you were pretty much his only reason.

sure he found friends in ayaka and kazuha…but he was unhappy.

he knew there was no point in staying, so he thought it was time he took his leave.

he approached you one day, as the sun began to set

you were worried for him, as he had been very angry towards baal and the emperor lately.

“scara, is there something you want to talk about?”

you watch as he stands before you

he blurts out, “run away with me.”

you’re taken aback almost immediately.

“what?”

he repeats his statement

“i’m going to flee from inazuma. come with me.”

“scara..”

his expression, as it does often these days, turns stern and serious.

“i’m not going to ask you again. come with me, y/n.”

you’re tired of him ordering you around.

“you know i can’t. i have duties here. i can’t just betray my country for you.”

“you know baal wants me gone. she’s going to kill me if i stay. she might do the same to you.”

you scoff at his words. “she won’t harm me or you. you’re being dramatic.”

he spits out his next words, laced with venom. “baal killed my father. i hate her and so should you.”

“scara.”

“it’s like you’ve completely forgotten about him just because you’re royalty now.”

“scara.”

“don’t call me scara. come with me if you ever cared at all.”

“scaramouche!”

he goes quiet

“don’t go. please.”

he frowns

“you know i can’t do that.”

you want to try and make him stay

but he won’t. you know nothing you say will convince him. he won’t let himself be convinced by you, even if that’s what he truly wants.

you inhale

“get out of here.”

“what?”

“go. leave. and take this with you.”

you throw the necklace you were wearing at him, and he catches it. baal had exiled him, it was true, but he couldn’t expect you to throw everything away for him.

“wait, what are you-“

as the two of you stare each other down, you hear ayaka’s voice coming from the courtyard, calling for you.

she has a guard with her, as the emperor assigns every royal family member. you managed to ditch yours early on.

“the guard is gonna get you if you stay, scara. get out of here, now.”

he scoffs

“whatever. i can’t believe i thought you were worth risking my life.”

he pockets the necklace and steps over the wall, and he’s gone.

nine years of friendship and he threw you away like you were nothing

in truth, the minute he was out of sight, he threw down his bag in anger

he turned around and you weren’t there anymore

you gave up on him

so if he hated you, you deserved it

it might be worth a hefty price anyway.

at least that’s what he told himself

(he never stopped missing you. almost as soon as he joined the fatui, he requested an audience with the tsaritsa to ask her how you were doing.)

“a simple agent, asking that much of me? and for a girl? that’s very bold of you.”

upon hearing it was about you, the cryo archon grew very interested. of course she remembered you.

the sickly orphan she gifted a vision to at a very young age.

she told him you were well

what she didn’t tell him was about baal going berserk and massacring thousands of her people.

upon receiving the news, he felt that chill upon him once again

the fear that fell onto his shoulders, weighing him down, too scared to ask for more information. he didn’t want to be told you were gone.

“the royal family was not harmed.”

he felt his muscles relax as he calmed down.

he quickly reassumed an upright stance.

he was the sixth harbinger. he has no weaknesses. he cares for nothing and no one.

but beneath his mask, the fire of his love for you burned brighter than the flame of any pyro vision.

a/n: ok so i really enjoyed this….scara banner when. i did tweak it a bit but i have other things written for this scenario in which scara returns to inazuma and reader is (deservingly) PISSED with him :) lmk if you want me to post those !